• Member Since 1st Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Kimono-Gryphon


Part Anime, Part Anthro, Part Pony, Part Gryphon and all mixed up in the head... ^^

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Ryuuzan, a gryphon, overhears a looming threat and plans against the Equestrian Crown. He sets off to Canterlot to warn the Royal Sisters, but how can he aptly convey the threats when he cannot speak, and without being viewed as a threat as well.

Luna is witness to when the gryphon arrives, and with her court scribe Quill Feather, they attempt to unravel the mystery of the gravely injured gryphon, and the reasons why he risked everything to get to Canterlot Castle.

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 44 )

9329453

Ahhhh thank you most kindly for the watch... (And yay you're being the first to leave a comment. ^^ )
Mighty brave of ya mate... :)

Cheers,
Gryphon

Has he considering writing?

Have I considered writing?

Well I have before, but only short stories of anthro characters (Not in MLP universe, but thankfully no one has ever seen.

Might publish later, unsure tho... ^~^

Gryphon <><
1 Corinthians 15:1-4

9337485
Sorry, incorrectly phrased question. Has Ryuuzan the silenced gryphon considering writing the conversation down and sending it to any Princess?

Well, I can say he wasn't physically able to as he had to leave as soon as possible from where he lived.
But that will be addressed at a later chapter.

Cheers,
Gryphon <><

You’re doing a good job on this.
Keep up the good work.
I really enjoy this story so far.

9346016
Thank you so Much for enjoying my story so far, as I really put my heart into writing it well.

A small note: I had some health ailments that had rendered me partially deaf, (Tinnitus, vertigo, and hearing loss) and I also had a passing fascination with sign language, so I decided to try to incorporate a character that was either fully deaf, or mute that could hear fine. Altho I know some may question how ponies could aptly sign with hooves without digits, maybe roll the hooves on edge to represent which digit to be understood perhaps?

I did try to do a search for characters that either understood hoof language, or was deaf themselves, but I didn't find any using the search.

Any questions you have, I'll be happy to answer, except spoilers of course.... ^~^.

Cheers,
Gryphon <><

9377587

*Bawwks as I read the question.. *

(signs)

Sorry mate, all I can say is Pinkie is being Pinkie...

Cheers,
Gryphon <><

9377740

There will be cake and a cannon somewhere along the line. How that comes into being however I cannot say

Lets see where this goes

9384627
*Smiles with a pleasant tip of the head, sipping tea and signing in reply. *

All I can say is I hope you are ready for a ride. Tell me, do you like roller-coasters? *winks*

Cheers mate,
Gryphon <><

9384644
I rode Excalibur years ago, does that count?

9384652
*Pawsigns in reply.. *
Oh I'm deathly afraid of them after nearly falling out of "Runaway Train" at Great Adventure in New Jersey when I was little.

9384761
Well, that's not good at all.

Still, I think you have a nice courtroom drama coming up.

9384788
*smiles a big gryphon grin, then paw signs*

You should watch old episodes of Perry Mason, or some Twilight Zone episodes... where i got my ideas from usually...

9385078
TBH my mind went to Phoenix Wright

An interesting concept, haven’t really seen a story featuring such a character before. This was a rather well done chapter. Nice descriptions, bits of comedy and some drama here and there and also lots of questions regarding this gryphon character. However, there were also many typos and grammar errors that luckily didn’t lower the text’s readability, but were still pretty annoying to the trained eye.

9386944
*Headtips, looking up from tablet screen, then pawsigns.*

Well, I do have an editor redoing all the chapters. All I ask is forgive the mistakes, and give each chapter a read... but thank you for replying...

Gryphon <><

9388308
Don’t worry, I’m going to continue reading on :pinkiesmile:

By the way, I can comb through the chapter and send you the mistakes via a PM, so your editor has less work on his plate. If you want, that is.

9388340
*Nodsnods and pawsigns in reply*

Certainly, if you would like.. ^^

Cheers,
Gryphon <><

9392375
Alright, do you want to talk the details via PMs? :twilightsmile: By the way, I really like the sing language comments!

Oh, and thank you for the watch!

The first part of this chapter is says element of loyalty not honestly

9399672
*Yeek squawks in surprise, then correcting the error, then pawsigning.. *

Ahh thank you so much for spotting that, fixed now. ^~^

Cheers,
Gryphon <>>

Already edited some text that somehow got chopped, so did a quick copy paste...

Sorry about that... ^~^

You what mate? Swan Song, you having a giggle...

It sounds like she meant for this to happen...

She had run out of my room and had told the guards I had raped her.

:rainbowhuh:I... I don't think that how rape works... I'm not trolling here, or trying to be edgy, or anything like that! This genuinely confuses me! Someone is doing something wrong somewhere in said scenario, aside from the obvious, if what she thought was even remotely the outcome

All she could do was screech something about marrying me and her plans of being the first pony queen to rule beside myself as king and how I was so stupid in giving up 'everything'.

I also don't think that's how monarchies work. Sure, maybe Equestria, but anywhere else where the bloody rulers aren't immortal nor the ones entrusted with, say, something everyone everywhere needs to live and have options, like, say, putting aforementioned less then liked head of states much beloved head on the business end of R.E Pointystickington the first... Also, how much control would one assume power over what are, one assumes, incredibly stubborn and individualistic people?

9423389
I want to thank you for making these comments...

Yupp, to say Swan Song did mean this to happen, as she 'did' plan everything, all the way back when she met Sahmek as a nurse. That night when she said she was raped, was in fact a ruse and plan on her part to get herself pregnant, without Sahmek realizing it as he was technically out like a light after a reaction to the drink he had. She was a nurse after all, and had gotten intimate with him just to get her plan rolling.

She was in fact this warped and out of her mind, as such a plan was so far out in left field. She felt having a baby with Sahmek would get her accepted into royalty. Remember, she is a mental case and believed her own fantasies, to the point she destroyed everything she touched. Hence the reason she snapped when she seen Sahmek in Baltimare, and the ensuing fight.

And yes, I know thats how Rape doesn't work, but again remember Swan Song is that far out of mind.
Being attacked intimately, in any plan or mindset is wrong, believe me, I had been attacked and assaulted and a victim as well just over 10 years ago, and I'm still trying to recover. Swan Song's plans and actions cost ponies, gryphons and families their lives, and she didn't give a care, all just to support her plan 0f getting back at the gryphons, to the point of even killing her son, and framing Sahmek as her attacker.

Gryphon <><

9423498

And yes, I know thats how Rape doesn't work, but again remember Swan Song is that far out of mind.
Being attacked intimately, in any plan or mindset is wrong, believe me, I had been attacked and assaulted and a victim as well just over 10 years ago, and I'm still trying to recover.

That's what I was afraid of...:facehoof:

I didn't mean it like that... I meant that how she seems to think this sort of thing is supposed to go speaks to her state of mind. I actually went
back to edit my original for this very reason. Sorry if I came of as insensitive or anything of the sort.

As for Swan... I highly suspect she's merely the useful idiot in this scenario. There's far to much planning and insight here for her given how, well, stupid she is. And she is dumb mate. Only a person of such monumental dumb as a testiment to their mothers love of inhaling paint fumes could believe she is as she smart as she does and/or the rest of the world is as stupid/lazy/inept as she thinks it is. There had to have been some form of intervention or her "son" wouldn't have made it this far.

9423516

*smiles and pawsigns*
My friend, that is perfectly ok, you have no need to apologize as you had done nothing wrong. I understood what you meant. ^~^

Great work there. You definitely have a interesting verse there, and if you do move forward with it, it can only improve.

*Smiles as I am in my nest for the evening, pawsigning...*

Thank you Very much for the vote of confidence....
Cheers mate,
Gryphon <><

The Royal Canterlot Snore

That should be cannon!:rainbowlaugh:

9472529
*Bawwks lightly sipping tea and grinning, pawsigning*

Hehehehhe I know, I really wanted something funny and to lighten the mood. Did you read the whole story, or just the first chapter?

Cheers,
Gryphon <><

9472955
I read the first chapter so far, step by step mister griffon:rainbowwild:

Chess is better then monopoly:rainbowwild:

So, catching back up and hopefully will go through the rest in the course of the next two days. Noticed some run-on sentences and such, but it was still readable, except the fight scene. That one felt rather fast-paced and chaotic, and just generally hard to follow :twilightsheepish:
Also, what’s up with the use of the word ‘guardians’? It’s rather unusual in this context.

Well, seems like our heroes have bitten more than they can chew, more and more possible enemies sprouting on the horizon. Though given Pinkie’s determination, I’m sure the tables will turn pretty soon.

I’m a little confused about how incompetent all the guards seem to be though. I understand some of them might be upset, but directly accusing
and threatening Quill is far over the board. Normally soldiers, policemen and such understand and comprehend the risks of their job, and acting in such a way the guards did would get them fired immediately (at the very least). Furthermore, they shouldn’t have just stormed the house without assessing the location first, as per normal procedure.

Second, why are Luna and Quill the ones researching the explosives?
Do they have no pyrotechnist or a forensic expert at hand to deal with such things? Furthermore, what are they waiting for? If they want to investigate, they should have been at the crime scene long ago. By now it’s probably heavily contaminated with possible important evidence gone. Just something for you to consider during the rewrite with your editor.

"Ok... Try.. Prussian.. "Apple Jack spoke up. Grinning.

"Я не могу поверить, что ты продолжаешь называть меня «яйцо»?." Twilight had to pause a moment before answering. "YA ne mogu poverit', chto ty prodolzhayesh' nazyvat' menya «yaytso»?"

Silly Twilight, there is a significant difference between (ponified) Russia and Prussia. AJ got you here, should have spoken German! :trollestia:
Seriously now, it’s always good to consider if such a part is actually beneficial to the current scene or if the jokes don’t hurt the atmosphere by chance.

As I’m progressing further, I have to say that I see changes in the sentence structure and pacing, indicating how much you have grown as a writer. And glancing at the first chapters and comparing them to this one makes it all the more apparent :pinkiesmile:

(Note: The Golden Raspberry Awards (also known in short terms as Razzies and Razzie Awards) is a mock award in recognition of the worst in film. Co-founded by UCLA film graduates and film-industry veterans, John J. B. Wilson and Mo Murphy, the annual Razzie Awards ceremony in Los Angeles precedes the corresponding Academy Awards ceremony by one day. )

Given the format in which FiMFiction displays chapters, I strongly suggest not placing notes into the middle of a chapter, especially in a tense moment. It demolishes the atmosphere completely.

Well, that escalated rather quickly... Though I have to wonder, what is the relation between the puppets and the supporters of Ponies of Purity? Were they the same all along? Or did Swan just send the puppets there in the disguise of some other members? Did the leaders of the group know about that? Also, the protagonists were said to be aware of PoP having over a hundred members, so how come they apparently didn’t do anything about them?

"Without it, the case could have crumbled down to a 'He said this, versus she saying that.' argument, which would have been nearly impossible to win. Believe me, I've tried too many of those cases, and they hardly ever ended well.”

Well, that’s what you get for apparently basing your case only on the testimonies of witnesses. However, don’t forget that they had AJ the living lie detector with them, so I’m pretty sure it could be solved rather easily. Furthermore, the whole process seemed to take some twists and turns that were a little odd. Why was Ryuu never questioned as the possible culprit, despite the defence’s effort to frame him as such? Also, why did Sahmek’s case have any influence on this case? Furthermore, why was an already known fact, such as FHB encouraging the use of the song, suddenly presented as a new piece of evidence?

9677622
Yup, I did a reread and I know I’m rather late to the party, and zi did remove the note in the chapter as you suggested.

I don’t even know why I did that in the first place honestly…

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