A man who always wanted to be a Kamen rider, finally gets his chance to be a hero. Will he be able to protect the ponies from danger? Well let's find out!
Also to avoid spoilers please watch the whole Kamen rider decade show, even the movies because it will all be written here
Page generated in 0.062 seconds
Total duration
1,043 users online
1,604,325 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I like it so far keep up the good work and awesome job
God above, this story's pacing is all over the place, and the grammer... I'm sorry man, but you need an editor. You really do.
for everyone who is simply downvoting a comment for giving someone praise. Grow up, if you have a dislike with the story give the writer advice like The Autumnlayer did, with that at least the writer can know how to improve, or simply don't bother at all.
This is bad. Like, I'm not sure what sort of advice to give you, because this is really bad. Is this Displaced? You should probably label it as Displaced, because it seems like a Displaced...
You keep misspelling words, especially things like "there", "they're", and "their. You wrote Ponyville as two words. You used the word "Power" about 10 times in a short conversation. You keep reusing the same lame words to describe everything. This prose is just bad, and you need to work on it a lot.
As for the story, I'm just not seeing anything of value here. So he's just some generic one-dimensional "power hungry" dude? And he gets the superpowers of some character out of an anime? (I've been told what what "Kamen Rider" is, but I don't get it) And he meets the main characters? I'm just not seeing where you're going with this, it seems like such a generic story, I don't see why I would keep reading...
Anyway, maybe you'll prove me wrong, maybe you have something here that I'm not understanding. Maybe if you sat down with someone who's good at writing, you could figure out what your actual story is and go somewhere with it. Maybe what you need is a good editor. I don't know, all I know is that your cover art has a CyberLink logo in it and I don't know why.
Hey guys I know that this is bad but please understand that I'm new to this sort of stuff so if you don't like it then that's fine
9299188
We have several writer help groups here in the FIMFIC community, please seek them out so that they can help enlighten you. You aren't being flamed, and it seems people are taking this as your first time into account, which is good. Get assistance - everyone needs feedback to improve, even the most vaunted and well-praised authors in the community, and everyone needs a LOT when first starting out.
9298981
I can understand (not really) about getting rectally ruined at people disliking your comment. But getting mad when it happens to someone else's? Dude(?), no.
why
Alright then since you guys hate him being power hungry,how about I change the prologue and chapter 1?
9298981
And getting mad on behalf of other people isn't incredibly immature and stupid?
Please take your own advice and grow up, the voting system exists and telling people to grow up over pressing a button on someone else's story is dumb.
9299188
As long as you understand that, there is always room to improve.
I suggest you join one of the writing groups on this site, because there are people there who can really help you. A method that I usually suggest are to make sure that you're reading through every chapter from beginning to end before you post it, proofreading for yourself. That way, not only do you work on that chapter's problems, but you learn what it is that you are doing wrong. I also suggest that people write a bullet pointed outline of things before they try to actually write them, that way you know what you can figure out if it all makes sense before you write it, and as you fill in details, it basically writes itself for you, and all you have to worry about is prose.
I think the issue with this story is it seems to be way more ambitious than your skill level allows for I suggest you go try writing something simple, like a one shot, maybe even just a 2500 word snapshot of a day im the life of your favorite character. That way, you can focus on your core writing skills, instead of trying to build out these Epic Adventures that you don't seem to be ready for.
Does all that make sense?
9299443
People are complaining that he's power-hungry. People are complaining that you aren't good at writing that, and he's coming across as one-dimensional because of it.
Since this is a displaced story, I will use an example of another one about a power-hungry character. Makuta Teridax in Casting A Shadow is interesting on way more levels than just being power hungry. He's contemplative, speaks in a certain way, and is terrifyingly effective. He also gives a bunch of reasons why he's desperate for power, and even pushes the reader to sympathize with him as the villain.
By contrast, the only way we know your character is power-hungry is that he keeps talking about it. People don't talk about being power hungry like that. You need to figure out what his actual deal is beyond just being "hungry for power", and you need to give him a deeper personality.
Guys I have officially decided to cancel this story.