V - Edges of Regret
Sunset had no idea how much time had passed since she’d stopped crying. She wondered if time even passed at all in this strange ethereal dreamscape. Snuggled between Luna’s wing and body, Sunset heaved a sigh.
“Princess Luna, do you think I’m selfish?” Sunset finally spoke.
“Of course not, Sunset Shimmer,” Luna replied. “What compelled you to ask that?”
Sunset lowered her head. “I don’t know, really. I guess I had no idea how the others would be impacted by my, uhm...” She paused, unsure of how to continue.
“Death,” Luna finished for her. “Though it was thanks to their efforts that you continue to live.”
“Yeah, I know,” Sunset muttered dryly. “I should be thankful, but I keep remembering things... The look on Rainbow Dash’s face as she held me, Rarity’s screaming and pleading... I can’t get them out of my head. Every time I close my eyes, I see what I did to them. How I devastated them.”
“Remorse does not make you selfish,” Luna said.
“But that’s just it. I don’t regret falling.” Sunset held her head in her hands. “I hate that I don’t. It makes me feel awful, wanting something so terrible. Doesn’t it make me terrible, too?”
“Bad feelings do not make you a bad person, Sunset Shimmer,” Luna said. “You need to understand that if you wish to move forward.”
“I don’t want to move forward, don’t you get it?!” Sunset shouted. “I don’t want to get better! I don’t want apologies from Rainbow Dash and Rarity and all the others! It’s too late for that. It’s too late to pretend it’ll all just work itself out. I’m sick of trying to improve my life only to have it blow up in my face every time!”
Sunset paused, her breaths ragged. She was surprised by her own outburst, though Luna seemed unfazed, or at least unresponsive.
“There’s nowhere left for me,” Sunset said. “I’m not wanted in this world, at least beyond the initial reactions of guilt. And I don’t have some great love for Equestria. Besides, there’s nothing left for me there but more regrets.” Tears choked Sunset as she spoke softly. “I don’t belong anywhere, Luna. I’m homesick for a place I’ve never been and a family I’ve never had. And I’m so, so tired of trying to find it.”
She looked up at Luna, her vision clouded by tears. “I just... I-I just want to end."
Luna’s sorrowful expression made Sunset curl back up into a ball. Neither of them said a word as they sat within the starry dreamscape of Sunset’s unconsciousness.
Despite being within what Luna called a dream, Sunset was exhausted. She shut her eyes as tight as she could, but couldn’t subdue the vision of her mind’s eye. The horrified, screaming faces of Rainbow Dash and Rarity haunted Sunset almost as much as the empty eyes of her own body. Sunset had never really observed herself from any other perspective. Seeing herself crumpled and broken after her fall, covered by scars, and dressed in bloody, tattered clothing certainly did not help Sunset feel any better.
As the brief flashes of memory forced her eyes open, Sunset began wishing she had her razor. She wasn’t sure how such an act would work in whatever plane of existence she was currently in, but the desire was overwhelming all the same.
She began to pick at her skin. The pain was dull and fleeting—nothing like what her blades did—but she continued all the same. Focusing on the feeling of her skin pinching between her fingernails was just barely enough to keep herself occupied. Soon enough, her situation began to disappear along the peripheries of her mind, and memories of screams and tears blurred out of focus.
“You should not do that,” Luna spoke up. Sunset let out a tiny yelp, being pulled out of her trance.
“Oh, s-sorry,” Sunset stuttered. She had never been caught in the act of hurting herself before, and while this was hardly the worst thing she had done to her own body, she still wasn’t sure what to say.
“Tell me, Sunset Shimmer,” Luna spoke. “What first caused you to do such things to yourself?”
Sunset took a moment to think. “Uhm... It was after the Fall Formal,” she said. “Twilight and her friends had, well, defeated me. As their magic turned me back, I remember there was such an overwhelming, searing pain shooting through my entire body. It was the most agonizing thing I’d ever felt. And yet...” Sunset trailed off.
“And yet what?” Luna asked.
“I knew I deserved it,” Sunset said. “That pain was retribution for what I did at the Formal. And yeah, everyone was forgiving enough afterwards, considering what I’d just done—what I’d tried to do. But I had hurt them so much...”
“And you thought you deserved even more pain?”
“I don’t know what I thought. When I got back to my apartment that night, I took a shower, and instead of shaving, I took my razor and just... started.” Sunset felt her heart beating faster as she continued. “It was small, at first, with just a few nicks on my thighs, then I went to bed. But I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking back on how terrible I’d been, how terrible I would have been if Twilight hadn’t stopped me. So I got my razor and kept going...”
The princess looked at her. “Why?”
“It gave me an outlet, I guess,” Sunset said. “I dunno, maybe that’s not the right word. It took my mind off what I had done, and in a way I couldn’t accidentally ignore. Between the pain, the itching, the blood... It kept me calm.”
“Surely there are other ways for you to remain calm,” Luna said.
Sunset frowned. “Yeah, just as there are other ways to kill myself. But jumping off a building was what I happened to stumble into, so here we are.”
“You are not dead.”
“I know, I know.” Sunset rolled her eyes. “I’m not happy about it either.”
“Do not presume that I desire the same fate for you as you wish for yourself,” Luna said.
“It was a joke, you stooge,” Sunset said.
Luna raised an eyebrow. “Do you think it is appropriate to address me in such a way, Sunset Shimmer?”
Sunset shrugged. “I dunno. You’re the one who told me you aren’t a princess here.”
“Hmm. Fair enough,” Luna smirked. “A stooge I shall be, then.”
“Seriously?” Sunset snickered. “I know you’re royalty and all, but I swear, you couldn’t talk fancier if you tried.”
“I speak as such to maintain an air of dignity,” Luna said.
“I didn’t know dignity required a thesaurus,” Sunset said.
“An expansive vocabulary is hardly enough. It is not the knowledge we have that matters, but rather how we use it to better ourselves,” Luna said.
Sunset looked up at the alicorn. “Y’know, I can’t help but feel like we got a little off topic.”
“No matter,” Luna said. “I have a proposition for you, Sunset Shimmer.”
“And what’s that?” Sunset said.
Luna looked down at her. “I would like you to observe yourself once more, so that you may better understand the results of the path you wish to take.”
“Wait, what?” Sunset did a double take. “You don’t mean—”
“I would send you back once more,” Luna said. “You would again be returned to wherever your unconscious body is now, so that you may witness the events that are transpiring in the aftermath of your fall.”
“I don’t understand,” Sunset said. “Why? What’s the point of that other than to guilt me into feeling even more awful about everything?”
“I do not want you to feel guilt, Sunset Shimmer. I only want you to observe, and to learn. Should you feel unable or unwilling to continue doing so, I will return you to me upon request.” Luna’s horn glowed softly. “Would you consent to such an arrangement?”
Sunset had no idea what to say. The events that had transpired after she had returned to the scene of her fall still burned in her mind, tormenting her. Now Luna was offering to send her back again, and there was no way to know what would be waiting for her.
She wanted to refuse, and yet, something was gnawing at her. Sunset couldn’t figure out why, but something was compelling her to return. Perhaps some vindictive part of her hoped to witness her former friends express their remorse. Maybe she wanted to prove to herself that jumping had been the right decision. Sunset knew she wanted something, and she knew there was only one way to find out what.
Sunset gave Luna a silent nod. The alicorn’s horn lit up, and in a flash, the dreamscape was gone.
Sunset found herself in an unlit, tiny room. As her eyes adjusted, she recognized the sight of medical equipment and the smell of disinfectant. Sunset turned around, and her breath left her.
Her own body, still unconscious, was lying motionless in a tiny bed before her. Wires extended from beneath the sheets, and a thick clear tube led to a mask around her mouth. The quiet beep of a heart monitor sounded as Sunset observed the apparatus to which so many of the wires were linked. The device was composed of countless tubes and canisters, and it seemed to hiss and hum in rhythm with the heart monitor’s beeping. Sunset had never seen someone appear so fragile as she did now.
It was then that Sunset realized she was not alone in the room. In the corner, Rainbow Dash sat in stillness, sunken into a tiny chair. Her entire body seemed on the verge of collapse, yet she was wide awake. She stared at Sunset’s frail form, her eyes puffy and red. She was muttering something under her breath, and as Sunset moved closer, she could barely make out Rainbow Dash’s words.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid...” Rainbow Dash’s voice was even raspier than usual. “Couldn’t have climbed the stairs any faster...”
Sunset felt a pit grow in her stomach. She contemplated calling out for Luna to take her away from this place, but before she could, a light flipped on and a nurse walked in.
“Gah!” Rainbow Dash shot up in her seat, rubbing her eyes. “Warn me next time, geez...”
“Apologies, miss,” the nurse said as she walked into the room. “But your friend has a couple of visitors.”
Two more people stood in the doorway behind the nurse, and Sunset recognized Applejack and Fluttershy as they entered the room. Immediately upon seeing Sunset’s body, Fluttershy cracked and burst into tears. Applejack remained silent, her expression overcome with despair.
“Thank you for showing us the way, ma’am,” Applejack said, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Of course,” the nurse said. “Please let me know if you need anything.”
The two girls stepped aside, and the nurse passed out of the room. With that, nobody spoke, and the hum of machinery continued around them. Sunset watched, anxious, as the other girls huddled together in the tiny space around Rainbow Dash’s chair.
“This is our fault...” Fluttershy finally broke the silence.
“I don’t know what to think anymore,” Rainbow Dash said. “I mean, we didn’t make her post all those things, but the way we treated her...”
Applejack seemed to flinch at that. “There’s something y’all need to see,” she said, pulling out her phone. “You’ve been here with Sunset all night, right?”
“Yeah, I followed after the ambulance,” Rainbow Dash said. “Why?”
“Because Anon-a-miss just posted something half an hour ago,” Applejack said. “She was telling the truth, Rainbow Dash. She had nothing to do with it.”
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9320807
And look new chapter showed you correct annnnnd know the rainbooms are going to feel ten times worse....
...
Yeah no shit sherlok
Well that didn't take long!
I wonder how Dash is gonna react to that bombshell. That and I also wonder how the girls are gonna find out who Anon-a-miss really is.
Welp. Time for the CMC to face severe consequences.
But the school? All the people who tormented Sunset must burn. Cause most likely they would do worse to the CMC and most likely have them end up in the same situation as Sunset is currently in.
FINALLY you start to believe it wasn't her. FFS, it took her attempting to commit suicide plus a post made after the event to make you five realise the truth.
Where's the loyalty in abandoning a friend after a nasty rumour starts spreading, with no evidence as to its veracity? Where's the kindness in letting that friend feel absolutely miserable and hopeless? Where's the generosity in not giving that friend a chance to prove it wasn't them? Where's the laughter in driving that friend to suicide, whether it's successful or not? Where's the honesty in not believing that friend's truthful admission, in not listening to that friend's desperate desire to maintain friendships?
This comic arc is very similar to A Canterlot Wedding; they both make their main characters act completely against their established characterisations that it's freaking ludicrous. So much for 'suspension of disbelief'. The Elements should've abandoned the ponies then, and the humans should've lost their Pony-Up and rainbow-blasting abilities now.
do you think the anon miss site actually get people posting secrets to them? the whole eye for an eye garbage pool cycle like I bet even if sunset suicide attempt is known despite that should be private for her safety in case of revenge I bet some people would consider it fake gossip or just that nasty part of themselves that never forgave sunset and this is just petty revenge to feel better about themselves.
"Wounds from sticks and stones will heal. But words and actions can last a lifetime. When used right, you can change a society. When used wrong, you can end someone's life, either spiritually or physically. You never truly realize the power of words until you see the fragility of life. So treat others with kindness, regardless of what they may have done." -A Friend of Mine
As someone who has had to deal with the suicide of a classmate with circumstances very similar to this (Bullying, self harm, etc.), I am surprised that her friends would treat her this way. They based their own beliefs off of rumors that were sketchy at best. And they let that tear apart their friendship.
Yes, Sunset needs to learn the consequences of her actions. But so do her friends. How were they so blind that they could not see how much they were hurting her; how they were almost driving her to commit suicide.
They have a lot to learn about friendship. There are so many things that they themselves have taught that they have broken. Living up to your own standards is just as important as being an example to others.
I feel like this story should shift to a redemption of the other characters, more so than of Sunset herself.
Edit: corrected the wording on the third paragraph for clarity.
The crusaders are going to have a fun time with this one. Especially when they find out how low she already was when they started this.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!
“Thank you for showing us the way, ma’am,” Applejack said, her voice barely above a whisper.
i.imgflip.com/23nsr7.jpg
9326636
Please leave with your insensitive and, quite frankly, nonsensical and dated meme.
9325803
Firstly, I need to say that I agree 100% with your post; words can be quite powerful, especially when they're sharp and fuelled by emotions. They can change society itself, the best example being Martin Luther King and his "judge a person not by the colour of their skin, but by the content of their character" speech; they can also drive people to suicide. Words can do a lot. I also agree with the fact that Sunset's definitely nowhere near the only person needing to learn from this horrific experience; the 'Humane Five' and the human-CMC (along with the rest of the school, but mainly these eight) also need several lessons taught to them post-haste.
I'm replying just to say that the humans didn't "almost" drive her to suicide; they DID drive her to it. Sunset committed suicide by jumping off that high balcony; it's very fortunate that it wasn't successful. The attempt didn't work, but the fact she attempted it at all should be recognised.
9327322
As long as de bruddahood exists we will search for de wae, and de queen for only she knows de wae
(p.s im sorry for my dark joke, im the type of guy who laughs at hitler memes)
9327380
Sorry. Should have phrased it differently. It should have been: "How were they so blind that they could not see how much they were hurting her; how they were almost driving/forcing her to commit suicide." Fixed.
9326636
That moment when someone deserves both an upvote and a downvote. Well done.
Oops.
Luna is probably going to be giving the cmc nightmares
There are now white dress gowns beyond the End.
WHAM!
I love this.
Bucked right in the gut.
Some comments this chapter show people don't actually know what was in the Anon-A-Miss comic, such as the assertion that there was no evidence. Photos coming from Sunset's phone and ONLY from Sunset's phone, a nickname a grand total of ten people could ever know about...
Yes, Anon-A-Miss is a mess, but we shouldn't pretend it was worse than it was.
Dammit. These lines are going to break me.
I would be surprised if Sunset tried to off herself for the second time and succeed it. Statistically, I am expecting her to come to realization that she wants to stay alive.
These are some really hard-hitting painful truths. Like... I can't argue with Sunny, because I know how that feels. To have things just keep going wrong over and over... Willpower and hope are finite and need to be replenished. And it's hard to find a way to do that solely by ourselves.
Words I've said myself, before. Oh, Sunny. :(
Oh wow. I can hear the shame. Not even that she's doing it necessarily, but that someone else is seeing it.
These lines:
Were nice, funny bits of levity.
Alright, was not expecting Luna to send her back so quickly. But let's see how this goes.
See this, right here? This is how you use Dash right. Her competitiveness and athletic ability turned on themselves towards herself and what she perceives as failure. Damn.
“Because Anon-a-miss just posted something half an hour ago,” Applejack said. “She was telling the truth, Rainbow Dash. She had nothing to do with it.”
Oh, my God. I can't wait to see the fallout of this.
it's away breathtaking to observed rainbooms' reaction to the truth unveil.