II - Concrete
Sunset had no idea what time it was as she crossed into the industrial district. The cuts on her legs had scabbed over once again, though they still burned intensely with every uneven step. Her stomach roared and the chilling winds left her shivering, and in the end, she had nothing to show for it.
Rainbow Dash’s taunts played over and over in Sunset’s mind. Why couldn’t she understand? Why wouldn’t anybody hear her out? Why didn’t they trust her?
Sunset knew the answer. Years of tormenting her fellow students had left her with quite the awful reputation. There were so many crimes she had yet to answer for, and what little she had done to atone was clearly not enough in the eyes of her victims. Even following her attempts to reform, the majority of her peers wanted nothing to do with her.
Perhaps this was retribution, she thought. At first, her self-inflicted wounds had been punishment for her formerly hurtful ways. Now Sunset wondered if being framed as Anon-a-miss wasn’t so much a misfortune as an inevitability. She had gotten off too easy for the way she’d treated others, and now the world was punishing her for believing she was above consequences.
As she turned a corner, a rise of concrete caught her eye. It was a parking garage, six stories high with a staircase beside the entrance. From what she could tell, it was entirely empty. Sunset imagined herself falling from such a height. The thought had crossed her mind many times before. If this life of spite and solitude was all that was left to her, she would be doing herself and everyone else a favor by ending it. And yet, in all the countless times she had passed the parking garage before, Sunset had never actually entered it.
Her resolve hardened and she made her way inside. Every step up the stairs was punctuated by a protesting burst of pain from her legs, but she pressed on. Sunset had no idea what she would do once she got to the top. Maybe finding out was part of her reason for being there in the first place.
Upon reaching the top level, Sunset heard voices coming from somewhere below. She went to the end of the parking garage where a railing separated her from the ledge and peered down at the street she’d just come from, only to see the two girls whom had confronted her earlier that night.
“Do we have go through such a dreadful part of the city?” Rarity said, her eyes darting from alley to alley as she followed closely behind Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Well she took off this way. You can turn around if you want.”
“I’m still not sure I understand what your goal is,” Rarity said.
“You saw the blood, right?”
“Yes, but–”
Rainbow Dash waved a hand. “Well there you go.”
“I’m not sure I follow,” Rarity said. “Do you think she’s hurting herself?”
“Maybe? Look, something’s clearly not right with her. I know she’s always been kinda screwed up, and maybe this whole Anon-a-miss thing is her lashing out as part of that. And yeah, I’m pissed about it, but...” Rainbow Dash trailed off.
“But what?”
Rainbow Dash didn’t answer at first. She stopped beneath a street light in front of the parking garage Sunset was up on.
“I just... I dunno, okay?” Rainbow Dash said, lightly kicking the sidewalk. “Seeing her earlier got me so worked up, and I didn’t think about how awful she looked until after she was gone.” She paused again, looking up at the sky. “I just want to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid.”
Rainbow Dash was silent for a long time. Her eyes seemed to open more, and beside her, Rarity looked up as well and took on the same expression. It was then that Sunset realized they could see her. She hadn’t recognized their fearful expressions at first. It was so different from the one she’d seen in the eyes of her peers as she’d terrorized them for years. There was no time to think about such things now.
“Oh dear God, Sunset! Sunset!” Rarity shrieked, clasping her face between her hands. Sunset could see Rainbow Dash shouting and Rarity shaking. The wind whistled in her ears, muffling the voices of the girls below.
“Sunset, look at me!” Rainbow Dash yelled so loud that her voice cracked. “Just talk to me, okay? We can—!”
Rainbow Dash was cut off by Rarity’s piercing scream. The world seemed to slow down for Sunset as the gears began to turn in her mind, instructing her like an automaton to climb over the railing. The frigid wind coaxed her forward until the tips of her shoes hung over the ledge. Sunset said nothing, even as Rainbow Dash kept shouting and Rarity frantically waved her arms. There was nothing left to say.
“Oh, the hell with this,” Rainbow Dash said. “Keep talking to her, Rarity. I’m going up there.” With that, she bolted into the parking garage.
Rarity stammered as she spoke. “Sunset, listen! We’re s-sorry for what we said, okay? I’m sure you... you...”
Sunset stared, unmoving. She heard the words that Rarity was saying, and yet their meaning failed to register in her mind. Either way, Sunset was far too tired to hold a conversation. What were the two girls doing here anyway? Hadn’t they wanted Sunset to leave? Nothing made sense anymore. Soon it wouldn’t have to.
“Sunset, please!” Rarity wailed, trembling. “Come down from there! Let us help you!”
Just then, Sunset heard the sound of running behind her. She turned and saw Rainbow Dash sprinting across the rooftop at remarkable speed. Her hand was outstretched and her mouth was moving, but Sunset couldn’t understand her. She couldn’t understand anything. The world was too loud, too bright. She needed everything to stop.
Sunset didn’t smile. She didn’t cry. She didn’t close her eyes or whisper last words. She took a single step backwards, exhaling softly as gravity took her, and fell.
The twin screams that filled her ears were silenced by a dull crack, and everything was gone.
Sunset’s eyes fluttered open. At least, she thought they did. There was nothing to see but blackness everywhere.
It was warm, far warmer than it had been outside. Sunset could hear herself breathing, and felt the softness of whatever clothing was draped around her. As she slid her hands over what she assumed was some kind of long dress, she realized how smooth her arms were. The ridges and scars that had covered her body were gone.
Was she dead? That had been the expectation. What was this place? Wherever she was, it was strangely calming. In the last moments before her impact, a fleeting fear drifted through her last thoughts as to what came next.
“I had not hoped to see you here.” A voice echoed in the darkness. Sunset looked around, completely disoriented in the void. Then, faint sparks came alive all around her, as if she were surrounded by the night sky itself. From within the flares of light, an equine figure took shape, tall and regal. Its wings unfurled and its horn glinted in the dark.
For the first time in months, Sunset felt as if tears may overcome her. “C-Celestia?”
“No.”
Sunset’s heart sank. Then, she asked, “Who are you?”
The outline of an alicorn princess settled into form. Before Sunset stood Princess Luna.
“Why have you come here, Sunset Shimmer?” the princess asked.
Sunset couldn’t think of what to say. “L-Luna? Princess Luna?”
“Yes,” Luna said. “We have not yet met. I wish it were under better circumstances.”
Sunset stared up at Luna. Sunset had heard all the old stories as a girl, of how Nightmare Moon tormented Equestria and was banished for her violent actions. The Princess of the Night was now before her, looking down with soft blue eyes. Her tone was neither angry nor concerned as she spoke again.
“Why have you come here?” Luna repeated.
“I don’t even know where here is,” Sunset said, looking around. Her swarming thoughts were beginning to settle like sand in a stream. “I was falling,” she said.
“And why were you falling?”
“Why not?” Sunset said. “There was nothing left for me.”
“So apathy is why you wish to die?” Luna said.
“I...” Sunset wasn’t sure what to say. “I didn’t want to die. And it’s not that I didn’t care. I just knew I could never escape what I’d become.” She hunched over, dejected, as she continued. “It’s what I deserved.”
“If you do not wish to die, then why did you fall?”
Sunset said nothing, and for a moment, the both of them were silent. Her eyes flitted up, catching a glimpse of Luna’s face. The princess’ eyes were soft as starlight as she stepped closer, her mane twinkling. “Imagine how joyous you could be, Sunset Shimmer, if your will to live was as strong as your will to die.”
“W-what? I told you already, I didn’t want to die!” Sunset said. “There was no other way out! I couldn’t go back to Equestria and I was probably going to starve sooner or later anyway, so why fight the inevitable?”
Luna only listened as Sunset kept speaking, her voice raising with every word.
“My whole life, I think, I’ve known that it would end like this. I always felt as though everyone around me had this intrinsic connection, but I didn’t have that!” Sunset’s chest heaved and she turned away from the princess. “I watched the world go by through a foggy window, able to see the life and love and friendship, but never able to be a part of it. No matter how much I screamed, nobody heard me. And that led me to do some really awful things.”
“What awful things have you done?” Luna asked.
“I treated people horribly!” Sunset shouted. “I was a bully, a monster, a literal demon! People were terrified of me! They’re all probably grateful that I’m dead. Now they don’t have to put up with me.”
“You are not dead, Sunset Shimmer,” the princess said.
At that, Sunset stopped. “What...?”
“You are not dead.”
“Yeah, I got that part,” Sunset said. “I don’t understand! Where am I? What’s going on? How are you even here?!”
The princess knelt down, and suddenly Sunset was face to face with her. In Luna’s wide eyes, Sunset could see a reflection of herself, covered by a sleeveless white gown. “I am responsible for the dreams of all of Equestria’s children,” Luna said. “Even here, in this strange world so far from home, I have been watching you.”
“T-then... Is this a dream?” Sunset asked.
“In a way,” the princess said. “Through your dreams, I have seen the events of which you spoke. I have seen what you did to others.” Sunset felt the unfamiliar tingle of magic run over her now-unscarred arms as Luna continued. “And I have seen what you did to yourself.”
Immediately, Sunset pulled herself away from Luna, holding her arms close to herself. “If you know all this, why are you asking me anything?” she said.
“It is precisely because I have seen all this that I am asking you,” Luna said. “Why have you come here? Do you truly believe this is the only path for you?”
“I-I...” Sunset had no answer. She looked around at the flickering starscape. Months of torment twisted her face into a sullen look. She turned to the princess, her head down, like a child expecting punishment. “I don’t know.”
Princess Luna gave her a gentle smile. “Then let us find out.”
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It's a good chapter, but... hum... Luna Has seen everything since the begining, and she did nothing before the final tentative ? I don't expect something big, but maybe a message to twilight or something...
9299287
Because I feel it is justified. Overdone and a bad concept at the starting block 4 years ago with the comic.
Immaterial. I can take a small bite of a turd sandwich and know enough. They all taste the same and it all tastes like crap. I had a client once that ate poo. Really. He should have stayed institutionalized but some screaming libs had him back on the streets. Bad breath. I was supposed to find him a job. Unless he is dead I bet he is still stuffing envelopes at home. I pray he washes his hands after eating. Never go into social work, counseling or job placement. It is miserable.
I have nothing I want to share. I write enough crap to enough places trying to find crazies, convicts and junkies jobs. And that was after quitting counseling and social work. No one would want to read about that. Nothing but sickness and misery. I had to counsel a furry who lit his stink suit on fire while he cooked in it. It sounds hilarious but really is not.
Season 4 of Samurai could have been better but I liked it.
great chapter and beginning im dying to know the outcome of this.
If after death I could wear a dress, then I just might give up atheism.
9299320
9299320
I was unaware "nothing" was the same thing as two paragraphs. thank you for clarifying. No seriously, if you don't like something just don't support it in any way shape or form, /that includes commenting/. Youtube is one of the best examples of this but most sites monitor traffic to determine what should be front page material. Any kind of traffic, be it a like, /dislike/, or comment in addition to the actual reading/watching is another point towards putting it on the front page. So while you're being a passive aggressive toxic troll, you're actually guaranteeing that the content you don't want to see remains on the front page longer. Learn your algorithms kiddies.
9299320
Let me just preface by saying I haven't read it yet, either.
That being said, commenting, down voting, insulting, whining about, or arguing over something that you have avoided is pretty much pointless.
I get that you're sick of it, a lot of people are; heck, I don't like the chincey writing in most of them, but if you haven't read the one you're commenting on, you're not doing anything more than exposing yourself to more of the same stuff.
You're right about social work though. I was in for my masters in social work/counseling and ran into the practicum segment. All the text books in the world do not fix some of the folks out there. I try to look at the stories here in much the same way, though. If it's something I don't like, I choose to avoid it, not even reading past the short description to see if it catches my fancy. I even check a few that I don't like the premise of if the desc seems to take an interesting turn, but when I do, I don't deride the story because I subjected myself to it.
I find that most of the time, a systems perspective helps to remind me that if I feel the need to comment/down vote/etc, it's a story I had mixed feelings about going in to, and choose to say that it was something I suspected I wouldn't enjoy — rather than something I wanted to read but found bad.
Good second chapter. Are u gonna post a chapter a day, or what is the upload schedule?
9300068
I tried writing in the past and I wrote about my experiences. I practiced in a place with no fairy tale endings. Who would want to read that?
I was responding to another in line with the comment.
9300438
Be at peace. Have a beer! If not for Coors and nascar life would be worth a lot less.
9300438
But in all seriousness you are right. It is a supreme waste of time. I should keep away from the internet after drinking on football day.
Sorry to hear your practical side of training was rough too. I did mine on a reservation. All the books and warnings and endless bad news we hear I thought I would be ready having seen myself as jaded. But nothing prepared me for some of it. Hearing a little girl say her dad sold her out for a dirty heroine needle and her pretending she was somewhere else had me reeling. The “real world” was just as bad and I didn’t last long.
And suicide is a disgusting plot device to abuse. I heard plenty about it.
I feel bad for the author that his comments have mostly dissolved into a flame war about whether or not Anon-a-Miss stories are worthwhile or not. Especially by someone who hasn't even read the story...
Eitherway, interesting premise. I'm looking forward to seeing how Luna can rebuild Sunset's fractured mind.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Comment threads like this one is why good writers leave. The writers here DONT HAVE TO WRITE. The don't get paid for their efforts (In General) and only do so for the fun of it. These people are hobbyists who write because they enjoy improving their craft and sharing their fun stories with others. Their stories are written in their spare time, when they could be doing other things.
This bitch-fest of a comment thread is about a new Authors first story on this site. It could quite possibly be his first story attempt ever. Personally I would have read these comments, said "Fuck em." and gone to do other things. I sure as hell wouldn't add to my story. I don't need pointless abuse, I get enough of that at work.
Assholes are the reason writers like Queen Sanguine Dreams stop writing. Queenie wrote the fantastic story "Necromancy For Foals". A great story that many people have waited for the sequel to. After shit posters lambasted the story without giving her the chance to even get the story really going, she stopped writing it. And I don't blame her at all. She could be doing other things with her free time.
Writers have to start somewhere. Writing is like playing an instrument or painting on Canvas. You need to practice in order to improve your skills. Don't scare them off before finding out what they are capable of.
The Monk
“To say that Twilight Sparkle went bugfuck would be like saying the Incredible Hulk had some mild anger management issues.” -DustTraveller
9300613
<nods> Aye. It's a pretty dark place, where some folks end up, but that's also why a few, very special, people seek out the skills to help others.
Never forget that and never let it overwhelm you. When you need it, take a step back, remember why you're helping others, and take care of yourself.
On the less grim side, some folks see situations like those as warnings or as guideposts and realize what can be done to change those situations.
But, yheah, drinking and football? Yuck! Nasty habits. <smirks>
I just hope Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle confess their sins, because their jealousy caused an innocent girl to commit suicide - whether or not the commitment was successful, it still counts.
It'd become bloody obvious it wasn't Sunset the moment those three idiots post another secret while Sunset's in the hospital, and I hope they get pilloried for it.
Not to mention all the other students who sent secrets to those idiots; they're just as awful in my book, as they gave the girls ammunition. Fuelled the flames. And not ONE person decided to look at it logically and think 'hang on, this isn't like Sunset; she's been trying hard to be a good girl now, and even when she was nasty, she wasn't this obvious, this easy to pin down as the culprit'? Scum.
Very good so far. Eagerly awaiting more!
9300330
You did not read the comment trail leading there I imagine.
ok. honest question cause i dont know. why have i been seeing a ton of anon-a-miss stories with the cyber bully thing. was it official or was it something that started in the fandom and has blown up in the fandom? dont get me wrong i love them and this one. but i dont know why i have seen a ton of them.
9301051
Anon-a-mis was officially from the comics. The CMC got jealous of Sunset spending time with their sisters/idol, and started up a 'mystable' page to frame Sunset. Things devolved and eventually hit Sunset pretty hard, but ultimately the CMC got caught and things got set right.
The cyber bully bit was officially from the comic, but fit in very well with a string of very public real life cyber bullying events where kids actually committed (or tried to commit) suicide.
The end result was a growing awareness of a pretty dark topic, but since it's MLP, the comic treated with it fairly lightly, just enough to have Sunset in tears, scorned by the school, abandoned by her friends, etc..... actually, that's pretty much a dark point for MLP.
So, yheah. Since it's one of the most obviously charged topics MLP has hit on, with a VERY accessible forum, it's generating a lot of what-ifs and nuclear option stories.
Great question and it's always better to ask than to flag in the wind.
Down vote
9300946
What trail? your original "how dare someone post something on the internet i personally don't enjoy!" followed by someone calling you out on it into your rant that was tangential at best. Not much of a trail there, all of it followed, and point stands. Since I don't mind this content I have no problem leaving it on the front page longer, surprised that someone so vocally opposed is giving it so much support though.
The IDW comic tried to tackle the serious issue of cyber-bullying, which was laudible. However, it was very badly written. Though considering my issues with One Bad Apple, it's not the first MLP story to mess up the issue of bullying.
I suspect part of it was the limited size of the comic. Everything happens too fast, both the Humane Six turning on Sunset, and the reconciliation at the end. It trivialises the message, ultimately rendering it worthless.
If a mean comment on social media appears to have been sent by someone you know, you should instantly turn on them, ignoring any concept of motive, or asking why they'd post the comment so it looks like them, but then deny it. And of course, you do it in public to destroy their reputation further. It doesn't matter, when you find out you're wrong and you've been shunning and bad mouthing them wrongly, all you have to do is say you're sorry and things will instantly be alright.
Yes, you can turn cyber-bully and try to ruin someone's life, but all you have to do is admit you did it and say you're sorry and all will be forgiven.
Are these the messages you wanted to put across, Ted Anderson?
9301414
Yes they rushed the comic too fast, and was poor timing as well.
It did raise certain issues such as, did the Rainbooms every truly forgive Sunset or were they lying to her or themselves.
Did they hold some mistrust, and was the No Offense bit, that occured in the second Equestria girls movie a shadow of it.
A very interesting idea you've presented us. I eagerly await more chapters.
9301137
thanks for the answer. and now i know why the anon-a-miss thing is nearly everywhere..l
You know something? I CAN NEVER GO HOME AGAIN, and yet, here's a story with someone that CAN, IN FACT, go home again, as I'm sure that Princess Celestia will ALWAYS take her adopted daughter back. And you wanna know something?! I'm not suicidal! I'm just heavily depressed!
9301854
Omg your profile pic was perfect of this comment it’s like the kurmet meme where he’s taking a sip of tea while telling someone off
Well fuck, this took about five turns in the course of three sentences. I like this, keep it going lad.
9300704
They also leave because their well-written story with original plot and a lot of time spent writing and editing it goes unnoticed while yet another Anon-a-Miss suicide emo fic gets featured, so there's that.
Also, "Sunset is so poor she can't afford toilet paper and she wipes herself with napkins stolen from the restaurant" is what counts as "feels" now?
Pardon my French, but what the actual fuck, author?
9302479 Well put.
This is very good, and I hope we get Chapter 3 soon.
Keep up the rad work, okay?
I'll be reading this one.
But hey, don't sweat the comment threads!
9302443 Bitterness makes for a poor accomplice to criticism.
9302479
In the context of the story, the implications feel kinda bad, man...
9302730
Half-assed criticism for a cliche story. Seems fitting.
Though frankly, shame that the author decided to start their writing career with an Anon-a-Miss story, the writing is somewhat competent. Something tells me it may not be the first thing they ever wrote...
9302811
Fanfiction doesn't make a career.
9301850
Do you want to talk about it?
I'm a lot more interested after this chapter than I thought I would be.
9299320
Sorry mate, you got hit with a train of downvotes there. Part of what you’re saying (from what I understand) is that the story isn’t realistic. Well, as a pretty-much-stereotypical freshman, I can’t really bring up any personal experiences to back up or refute that, but I do want to point out that while you may very well be right, I don’t care. That sounds like a lame response to anything in any context, but it’s the truth. I don’t care if it’s realistic or not. I just got interested in the what-if questions involving Sunset Shimmer and Anon-a-miss.
I also want to point out that downvotes don’t necessarily mean people hate what you’re saying. I downvoted your comment last chapter simply because I beg to differ.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is; if you don’t like it, okay. I’m gonna go to the next chapter now. By.
The CMC are gonna catch hell for this
9371959
I would say they will do it all for themselves, once they realize their Anon-a-Miss thing led to someone death...
Luna's introduction is great and all, but those reactions for Rainbow Dash and Rarity were written perfectly.
Hands down the best characterisation of the Rainbooms in any Anon-A-Miss fic I've ever seen. And it's only two chapters in. You allowed them to keep their actually compassionate personalities even under the stress of what happened.
Have an upvote. For that alone you deserve it.
9702868
Well gosh, glad you're enjoying it.
Yeah, it always bothered me how in a lot of SadSunny fics, Rainbow Dash's brashness is interpreted as her being some spiteful goon who daydreams about kicking down the door to Sunset's apartment and blasting her to dust with that helicopter gun Jesse Ventura used in Predator (as it must always be). That's just not who she is as a person, and it really detracts from stories when they try to pass a caricature off as the character we all know.
Obviously she should instead have the rocket launcher that Nick Cage used in The Rock to blast Captain Darrow out the window and into orbit.
9702891
Hah! Made me chuckle!
On a serious note, yes, exactly. The worst stories are the ones where she sics someone else (usually Gilda) on Sunset Shimmer, most often in a group. Because even if you think Rainbow Dash was a violent thug, she'd never, ever, EVER have somebody else fight her battles for her.
That's just not who she is.
9702891
just gotta say you win best PF pic
10097758
Thank, I drew her myself
That was a hard-hitting chapter.
So the whole sequence leading up to the parking garage had my stomach in knots. As soon as it was mentioned, I just knew where this was going, but that didn't lessen the impact for me. Especially these lines:
Wow. You really captured the feeling of dissociation, overwhelming pain, and the twisted logic that comes with it. No punches pulled.
Side-note: great work on Rarity and Rainbow Dash. They sounded very much like themselves in my head.
I find it interesting that Sunset is still a human when she meets Luna. Despite everything that's happened, this is truly how she sees herself now. Where (and what) she feels she belongs. Of course, this takes place before Forgotten Friendship and Sunset's reconciliation with Celestia, but I feel like that wouldn't change this ultimate self-perception either way. Nice touch and take on an argument I've seen countless times over.
I wish more people who wrote about suicide understood this. Wait, no. Scratch that. I wish everyone understood this more.
Maybe it's because it's close to Christmas when I'm reading this, but I just got It's A Wonderful Life vibes. In a good way. While I knew based on the description that Sunset would survive this attempt, it still was a relief to learn that she wasn't dead. Six stories is no joke, though. But let's see what Luna has in mind, first...
I think one of the things that makes this one of the most heart breaking (and best) Anon-A-Miss stories is that the other characters feel right.
("right" as in 'true to themselves' not as in 'correct')
It's not uncommon in AAM stories for the girls and students to be almost comically evil to Sunset. "Oh you're posting secrets? You literally deserve death!"
That always comes off as...hard to swallow
Here it's different. They feel betrayed, hurt, and angry. Yet despite that, they still show that they care about Sunset.
When Rainbow sees how shitty Sunset looks (after she's had a minute to calm down) she goes looking for her. Not to attack, as is common in AAM tales, but because she's worried about Sunset and wants to check on her.
She does this DESPITE believing Sunset is the one posting everything.
It's one of the only times in an Anon-A-Miss tale where I actually buy that the girls really WERE Sunset's friend and they just made a stupid mistake cause they were teens who got embarrassed and stopped thinking.
In other stories, the girls can be insanely callous no matter what terrible things they hear or see happening to Sunset. They couldn't care less until it's proven she's not Anon-A-Miss. "What's that? Sunset was put in the hospital? Serves that snake right for posting Piggly-Wiggly."
Here, Rarity and Rainbow see Sunset on top of a building and their reaction is instantly appropriate for the situation: they're terrified.
In that moment, Anon-A-Miss simply does not matter anymore. It doesn't matter that they're angry; it doesn't matter that their feelings got hurt, and it doesn't matter that they lost face to their fellow students. The only thing that does matter, is that Sunset is about to throw herself off a building.
It's soooooo good.
And it's that realism that makes the sadness of this story
hit
SO
HARD!
11165647
I absolutely hate all those tropes you mentioned, in fact they were a big catalyst for me to write this in a vain sort of "I can do this better" kind of way.
This really is a great way of spelling it out. One of my goals with this fic was to show how suicidality really looks and feels IRL, for both the individual and the people who care about them. Again, I was extra focused on that aspect because so many stories treat suicide/self-harm as a cheap plot device for "fast-food feels" without showing any respect to the gravity and wide-ranging, life-shattering impact of such things.
Anyway I'm glad you liked this and you should definitely read some of my other fics cuz they're way better than this one lol