• Published 25th Nov 2018
  • 3,410 Views, 175 Comments

Prom Protector - Natedogg2006



Prom is meant to be the best night in a young highschoolers life. For Fluttershy it's a nightmare only Rainbow Dash can save her from.

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Protected

Two girls lazily traced slow circles in the center of the dance floor. They held each other close as they're feet unconsciously traced patterns to music only they seemed to hear. Their eyes were closed lightly as each of they're heads was placed on the other's shoulder. Their words were low, but they were close enough to hear each other perfectly.

"What about that time at that camp we used to go to? You know, when you walked in on me changing before we went swimming." Rainbow Dash asked this with a suggestive smile she knew Fluttershy could feel through her shoulder.

"That was a completely innocent accident. I was way too young to be thinking about stuff like that back then."

"Ok, then what about when the exact same thing happened the next year?"

Fluttershy hesitated for just a second. "That might have been a little less innocent." Rainbow snorted a small laugh, the vibrations of which caused Fluttershy to have to once again reach up to straighten an almost comically oversized cheap plastic crown that awkwardly balanced atop her long since disheveled hair. In the process of doing so it bumped the small tiara tangled into Rainbows hair, which she paid no mind to. "To be fair, we both did do a lot of... maturing that year. You can't really blame me for being curious about what had changed."

Rainbow gave a suggestive chuckle. "Yeah, we can go with that."

Fluttershy gave an indignant pout she didn't care that Rainbow couldn't see. "Well, what about the cheerleader outfit you got me when I said I'd be your personal cheering section for soccer season? Was that really the only style they had available?"

"It was actually.... I just didn't get it from a costume store like I had said." She felt Fluttershy grumble into her shoulder.

They shared a laugh, at this point neither of them sure how long they had spent reminiscing. They got some kind of an answer when Rainbow felt another grumble, this one not coming from Fluttershy's mouth. She laughed more as she felt the other girls' cheeks warm against her neck.

"Yeah, I'm kinda getting hungry too. Hopefully there are some snacks left....." Rainbow Dash trailed off as she raised her head back up for the first time in she didn't know how long. Fluttershy noticed her head seemed to swivel back and forth. "Hey Shyshy." Fluttershy sighed contentedly at the sound of her Dashie's voice. "When did the dance end?"

Fluttershy gave a start as she straightened up as well. Her eyes opened and her vision cleared as she looked around. To both of their surprise they noticed that they had been dancing to no music as the band seemed to be in the final stages of packing up. Most of the rest of the dance seemed to have already been cleaned up around them and only a few students from the prom committee were still lingering around picking up the last bits here and there.

"I.... I honestly don't know," Fluttershy said as her jaw slackened slightly.

"It was about forty five minutes ago." Both girls gave a start as they turned to a voice belonging to someone they knew hadn't been there a moment ago. "They said we could leave you alone until they were ready to lock up in about another fifteen minutes."

Pinkie Pie stood before the two, a smile that seemed too big for her face directed straight at them.

Fluttershy was the first to recover from the shock. "Oh no, we're so sorry. Have you girls been waiting for us this whole time?"

"Don't worry about it. Like we said before, we're just super happy for the two of you. Limo driver is a little upset, but he's making time and a half now, so it's all good." Pinkie said this while reaching behind her and pulling out her backpack that the girls were sure she hadn't brought with her.

Without blinking she turned the bag over. There was a loud, 'thunk' as a pile of papers bound in yellow and blue ribbon hit the floor. The new couples eyes went wide as they recognized Pinkie's 'Dashie and Shyshy are finally the super duper cutest couple ever and that is super duper awesome' party plan. Though it had grown, now standing taller than the girl who had dumped it.

Pinkie's smile now seemed painfully large on her face.

"Pinkie no. That's excessive even for you." Rainbow Dash tried to make her words sound firm.

Pinkie's smile now seemed like it might break the barriers of her face at any moment.

"And didn't Dashie say you lost your party privileges for eavesdropping?"

Pinkie's face now seemed to start vibrating. The couple instinctively found each other's embrace again.

"Ok Pinkie. You can throw us a party." Rainbow blurted the words out despite the fact that she had not been scared at all. Pinkie's smile seemed to go back to human proportions as she squeaked and somehow managed to scoop the tower of paper back up with one swing of her bag.

The pair held each other close as they watched the party planner bound off. They finally managed to look to each other and giggle.

"Do you get the feeling that this suddenly became way more trouble than it's worth?" Rainbow asked, but her smile showed no sign of seriousness.

Fluttershy put a finger to her chin as if actually considering the question. "Hummmm... Nope." She then leaned her head back into her new favorite place against her Dashie's neck.

Rainbow gave a light laugh and content smile as she reached over to adjust her real girlfriend's crown that was now rubbing against her ear. "Yeah, me neither."

The lights of the auditorium started to go off one by one. They each held the other in a strong embrace as they walked towards the exit.

Author's Note:

And with that this will ride had come to an end. It had been a very different experience for me writing a story with so little ideas where I was going with it. I never really plan my writing, but I always have an idea if where I'm going to end up.
Once again if like to thank everyone for helping with this one. But especially a special few, you know who you are, who really helped make this what it is. Take a bow down in the comments, you deserve it.
Now I think I'm going to do what I said I'd do after I finished show business. Need a little break from writing. Although I do still have two stories active right now. They are minor though, it might be a while before I tackle another big story.
Thank you everyone and let me know what you thought, good or bad.

Comments ( 41 )

Figures that then end up as the prom royalty. But how did Fluttershy end up as prom king.

9584799
Thought it would be fun to just let you ponder that forever:raritywink: And thank you for the fav as well.

Nice. I like the idea of them going oblivious to their surroundings to that degree.

Nice job. Hope there's a sequel. Apart from seeing how the two navigate their new relationship, Rainbow really wants to get back at Rarity (and the others to a lesser extent) for that humiliating makeover. I do have to ask though: What did Sweetie Belle get for her part in Rarity's duplicity?

9584841
Well done you wonderful bastard.
That was great I’m so happy with how you made this turn out my friend.

It was completely amazing, I would say though it was cute that you had them swap crowns of course we all know Dashie got made king not shyshy.
Hehe or the school had always planned for two queens anyway ;)

You really are a fantastic writer my friend well done

9585524
I think Rainbow has more pleasant things to worry about for a while, hard to think about revenge when you're in love. :yay:As far as Sweetie Belle, I think that's up to your imagination.:raritywink:
Thanks for the watch btw

9584997

9585000
I feel like it's one of those situations where you really aren't sure of the threat so all you can do is stand your ground.
And I loved the after prom scene too. It's just about the only thing that survived from my initial ideas on how to end this story.
Thanks for the fav btw

This was a cute and amazing story. Thank you for writing it. I had a lot of fun reading :rainbowkiss::twilightsmile:. Have a nice break!

9585592
Still hoping for a sequel though.:pinkiehappy:

9585650
I can always tell when you've been around. I love getting on so many of your shelves. Glad you enjoyed so much.

So, my thoughts.

  1. I like how you built Rainbow's image as a protector. I like it when a character is willing to fight to defend their loved ones, so Rainbow's and Rarity's endeavor to compile a list of suspects was really amusing. The protector trope is nothing unique in/of itself, but I liked the thought process in this story.
  2. I like that you gave us both of their perspectives. I probably should have expected that they'd have feelings for each other, and that they'd struggle to realize it, but I didn't at first, so it came as a legitimate surprise. The only problem is that the text contains some issues with grammar and proofreading - run-on sentences, parts where it looks like you jumbled your words, and messy organization. You gave us both RD's & FS's perspectives, but there was no separation between them in the text - you transitioned between them frequently, and without special punctuation, or lines. It doesn't ruin the story, but it does feel messy, sometimes. I'm not saying I've never done this, but it's something to keep in mind. Although, this might just be a matter of preference.
  3. I think you tend to nail characterization - I always enjoy when I can envision a story as a mental movie, and it's so much easier when I can expect that the characters would act as they've been portrayed.
  4. Overall, I enjoyed it. 6.63/10 => 7/10

9586580
1. Thanks for that. I like using tropes even if they might be a little cleche. The big thing I tried to bring across to make it unique was how those titles we give ourselves can hold us back.
2. Thanks for the constructive criticism. Punctuation is something I know I don't have the writing skills to do correctly, but I try. Run-on sentences is something I struggle with and try to police. I write like I think, that's why I need so many edits but I never get them all.
The perspective shifting was something I agonized over. I almost made their thoughts color coded a few times, but I hoped their different voices came across enough to distinguish. Matinee I'll take another look at it if I decide to do another edit at some point.
Oh, and awesome to hear my reveals were executed well.
3. The characters were the reason I love the show, and now that's why I write. So the biggest thank you for that.
Overall, your comment 10/10. You are awesome.

Such a sweet ending to a fantastic story. I think what I particularly liked about the way this ended was how the girls only gave the slightest of nudges to aid things along, and then mostly got out of the way. It would have taken away from Dash and Shy's big moment if they weren't the ones weaving their own destiny, so to speak. I also liked the little details you dropped throughout the story as to the nature of Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy's relationship in the past. It really fleshed out the characters and gave a reason for their motives. It also gave a direction for the future of their relationship that the reader can speculate about.

I could honestly copy-paste my comment from When Did This Happen because I have a similar feeling now that I did then, although I liked this story even better. You took a winning formula, executed it well, and added in enough particularities to make it individual.

I can appreciate that much more than stories that break the mould for the sake of it in order to not seem cliches. Cliches exist and propagate through time because they're true at heart, and they only become stale when either the writer or reader lose touch with that fact. There are many roles an artist can play, and that's one of them: to take a story structure that's intuitively true and to reconfigure it for modern people to expose and rediscover the many paths to it's soul. Few people see it that way, especially in the post-modern age we live in, but I've yet to come across a better theory of stories.

That's a lot of words to say that I think stories created from the heart are better than those from the mind, and I see plenty of heart in this story.

Thank you for the pleasure to read this story, and the opportunity to engage with you in the imaginative process.

9591396
I wish I was as good of a writer as you think I am to properly tell you how meaningful your comments are. In anything I've ever created I've never really gotten praise that was both this positive and perspective. Thank you for seeing all the things I try to bring across and for enjoying them. Glad I can make friends like you happy.

A nice and sweet story. I did really enjoy this throughout the entire story.

9594105
And I appreciate hearing that especially now that the story has wrapped up. Glad to see people still taking an interest.

Up to over four hundred views while I wasn't looking. Thanks so much everyone.

9683589
Please keep reading, your comments are awesome to read:rainbowlaugh:

Finally found the time in my schedule to finish this story. Now I'm gonna go read it again.

Don't know why I waited!! This is awesome.

9708064
Glad to hear you liked it. Please enjoy your second time around.:twilightsmile:

Brilliant. Marvelous. This was SO great!! I was practically pulling my hair out during the dance!! Fluttershy hesitating was driving me insane because I knew Rainbow wasn't going to! I think that's really accurate though, Flutters being more emotionally inclined than Dash.
Oh! I also really enjoyed the line about Fluttershy being way out of Rainbow's league! That's such an indirectly sweet thing to say. They're perfect. :rainbowkiss:

9825882
I was always wondering where your final comment for this story was. I always enjoy hearing from you, and I'm glad you liked it.

9826068
Ohh Thanks! Yeah I don't populate here as often but when I was looking around I saw this had been updated!! And I literally stopped everything to read it! haha :heart:

600 views. Still love knowing people are enjoying my stories.

800 views!!! Thanks so much everyone!!!!!

900! Still love this story so I'm glad to see it still getting attention

Late on this, but it seemed to have a surge I didn't notice. Thanks everyone for making this my fourth story to get one thousand views

This is the cutest thing I've ever read! Amazing work! Thank you for sharing your story!

10295678
Thanks so much, all your messages were so great to see right after vacation.

This was so sweet it gave me diabetes.

10301804
More then kinda what I was aiming for, so thank you and I hope you're insulin treatments go well:rainbowwild:

10855926
I'm very sure she does. But the ends don't always justify the means. ^^

10855959
But Fluttershy did get her back:raritywink:

10856836
To feel like a child? :derpytongue2:

This last scene is so breathtakingly beautiful :heart: I can vividly picture them swaying slowly to no music, disheveled slightly from a long night of dancing and fun. Just reminiscing about their lives together in their own quiet atmosphere. Ugh. I love it so much. I will always find time to reread this!! :heart:

10900856
Oh has it? That's great! I've currently got about 8000 words so far and the first couple chapters written fully. I'm not sure when I'll be posting it but I've been working on it slowly :twilightblush: I'm excited to finish!!

10901008
I'm excited to read. And thanks so much for your kind words. There were so many scenes I love in this story but that last one has a special place.
And yes it has. Any time someone favs one of my stories I check their favorites just to make sure they didn't do it by accident and immediately withdrew (yes I'm that insecure). Every since your story came out they are usually on the shelf pretty close to each other. So thanks for that too:yay::rainbowkiss:

10901075
I'm sure both our stories feed off of one another. If someone likes one of the stories their bound to like the other lol I like though how we deal with the same trope "fake dating" but deal with it in different ways. It's also my fave trope anyway :twilightsheepish:

10908486
You got that right.

I feel like I've already acknowledged this but somehow can't find it. Thanks everyone, my first story to reach 2k views. :yay:

11236006
You're not wrong, there is something wrong with it:twilightsheepish: I believe the image I pulled for it was at night. I fixed the skin color but I don't think I noticed the eyes. :rainbowderp:

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