• Published 19th Nov 2018
  • 17,793 Views, 1,536 Comments

Bedbound (And Beyond) - Cackling Moron



Freshly-arrived human in a state of some disrepair is tended to by local deity.

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Rise above

Author's Note:

The path ahead is clear.

Well this wasn’t great.

In my head, my faux pas was now obvious, glaringly obvious. Whatever budding mania had gripped me at the time had clearly convinced me that telling complete strangers the kissing habits of their monarchs vis a vis bizarre alien visitors would have no ramifications whatsoever.

Now, in the cold light of, well, reality, I could see that this was possibly a little over-optimistic.

“Shit,” I said again. I did so like that word. “I’ve made a mess, haven’t I?”

“It’s not that bad,” said Twilight. She seemed very sure. I wasn’t so much.

“Really? I’ve made her look awful! Right? Can’t be good for someone in her position to be doing stuff like that. And now everyone knows - the whole town, as you say. That can’t be good. You think someone would have mentioned it to me before now, though…”

That would have made sense, right? Or is that not how gossip works? Not an area I had a lot of experience in, either from whatever fragments I could pull together in my head or from my time around Ponyville. Just not something that came naturally.

Maybe you were meant to keep the gossipees out of the loop? You still think I would have noticed something, surely?

Then again, Rarity had been smirking at me a lot more than usual lately on my vists round, as had Rainbow whenever I’d bumped into her. I just thought I’d had something on my face! Or I’d done something dumb without noticing! That’s normally why people smirk at me. But no! Not this time! This time it was because my own words and actions had come round to bite me!

Somehow that just didn’t seem fair.

“Shit shit shit no no no,” I muttered, terrible visions starting to gather in the lowlands of my skull, building up speed to rush in and crush what little buoyancy I had remaining. The cold pit in my stomach writhed. It could tell which way the wind was blowing.

“John. John!” Twilight raised her voice on the second one, grabbing me by the collar. “Calm down.”

Staring into those big, reassuring eyes I could almost feel whatever had been building ebb away again. Twilight often had that effect. Second only to Celestia, in fact. For whatever reason.

“What? Oh. Right. Uh, sorry,” I said, blinking slowly and thoroughly unable to look away.

Ah. Another moment. Or the very start of one, thankfully nipped in the bud by Twilight. My bad. She was getting good at those.

She released my collar and sat back on my lap, settling herself a little more comfortably and giving me a lopsided look.

“I just worry, is all,” I said, shrugging helplessly as I did so.

“About what?”

“You know, me mentioning things I probably should have kept on the down low. I - I wouldn’t like her to hear about that. That I’d spilled the beans, you know?”

“Ponyville isn’t the whole world. Celestia is back in Canterlot. That’s a way away. Local gossip isn’t the sort of thing that would get back to her. It’s fine,” Twilight said, putting a hoof onto my hand. Again, very good at reassuring was Twilight.

Still, it wasn’t perfect. Doubt still gnawed, as did worry. These things can be hard to tamp down.

“B-but she’ll find out, won’t she? Word does travel one way or another, that’s how this sort of thing goes. With a princess! She’ll find out, won’t she? That I said something?”

“She’s probably already heard a dozen rumours twice as bad. You being here hasn’t been officially announced or anything like that but it hasn’t been kept secret. Ponies talk, John. Don’t worry about it,” she said, smiling. A very good smile.

“But what if she finds out I said something…” I repeated, wringing my hands, pulling out from Twilight’s hoof to do so.

That was the part that really got me, the ‘me’ part.

Twilight’s line about rumours made sense to me and I could believe it - people be gossiping, after all - but this particular bit of gossip was true and worse, it had come from me. That was the kicker. That was what twisted my guts up.

It felt like betraying trust. I didn’t want Celestia thinking I was a grass! That I’d gone kissing and telling! It had been an accident! Well, not so much an accident as a complete lack of foresight on my part. Like, an embarrassing lack of foresight. Kind of boneheaded, really. Clunky and clumsy. Like I hadn’t cared. But I did care!

Perhaps a lot.

I just didn’t want her thinking ill of me. That was all. Didn’t want her thinking I was the sort of person who made a habit of blabbing like that. At the very least I was just an idiot, and she had to know that already. I could be comfortable with her thinking that of me.

“She won’t, it won’t get that far. Relax. It’s okay,” Twilight said.

Ah, redoubtable bastion of strength, Twilight. You’re so good at this!

I actually felt better, scratching the back of my head and grinning at Twilight sheepishly.

“I should probably try and get in contact with her though, right? No, no, bad idea. She’ll be busy, that’ll be why she hasn’t said anything to me yet. Right? Or maybe she’s waiting on me? I just think it’d be good to let her know I didn’t mean to say anything. I don’t want her thinking she can’t trust me! Oh, I probably should. Shouldn’t I?”

I was babbling. I knew I was, but a little nub of panic was still sitting pretty in my gut. My gut was teeming with all manner of lumps and twists and knubs, it seemed, and none of them especially pleasant.

Twilight lent away from me, clearly finding the intensity of my out-loud worrying a little disconcerting.

“You really care what she thinks, don’t you?” She asked.

A pivotal question and one that seemed to touch a nerve. I deflated. The panic melted rather like a knob of butter leaving only a liquid residue of, uh, discomfort. Emotions are difficult.

“She, uh, she’s important. To me. You’re all important to me, really, you guys - especially you, Twilight, you’re lovely,” I said, giving her a scratch behind the ears, more for my benefit than for hers. “But Celestia was the first friendly face I saw here. First face at all, actually. First voice I heard. First voice I can remember hearing! And she’s just been so nice to me the whole time. Kept me from dying, for one, kind of hard to let that one go. Sent me here to meet you lot. She - she just looks out for me. I rather like her, and I like to think she kind of likes me too. A little, at least.”

“She kissed you, John,” Twilight said, looking me dead in the eye.

“Yeah, by accident. She said she was aiming for my cheek!” I protested. Perhaps with more force than was required. Like a man clinging to wreckage to keep from drowning in a sea of things he’d prefer not to openly acknowledge.

“That’s still kissing you.”

Point.

The wreckage slipped from my fingers, as it were. I was adrift. Or drowning. One of those.

“...I guess? I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on in her head. That could mean anything, right? Right?”

Twilight’s look could have nailed down loose floorboards.

“Do I really have to spell this out for you?” She asked.

“It’d really help me out if you did, Twilight, thanks,” I said, nodding earnestly, expecting deliverance and clarity.

She stared at me for a moment in what appeared to be disbelief before putting a hoof to her face.

“Just - I think you should talk to her, John,” she said. Unfair how a name could be so weaponised, though comforting - in a peculiar way - how used I was getting to hearing that name. Almost like it belonged to me.

“That sounds hard though…” I mumbled.

Not my proudest moment, but then I was never a role model for anybody.

The time was rapidly approaching when you, John, were going to have to actually confront how and in what way Celestia was actually important to you, you know. Because even you are only capable fooling yourself for so long, and while the magical walls in your head have done a sterling job of keeping you away from the blindingly obvious they are not indestructible.

Not the actual magical walls in your head, obviously. The figurative ones you’ve managed to construct yourself. The ones that’ll probably give you an aneurysm if you keep them up for much longer.

I don’t care how uncomfortable it’s going to make you, you’re actually going to have to think about this.

And talk to Celestia. Preferably after thinking it through properly.

And then if it turns out the whole thing was a one-sided fantasy existing entirely inside your head as a result of what you’ve been through - which, you know, could be the case? - then at least you’ll know. And you can move on. Just keep sewing or something, secure in the knowledge.

And if it turns out the whole thing is actually what it kind of really clearly looks like it is?

Uh, well, one step at a time, eh son?

Better bite the fucking bullet.

“How often do trains run up to Canterlot anyway?” I asked, looking up again.

“Uh, pretty regularly, why?”

“I have to go talk to her, like you said. And she does live there, as I recall.”

“What, now? You’re going now?” Twilight asked, concerned, glancing out towards the window.

It was dark outside. This I remembered, now.

“Uh, maybe in the morning. But first thing! No time to waste. Longer I wait the more time I have to bottle it, and that would be bad. Right?”

“Yes,” she said. Always good to have confirmation. I nodded, emphatically.

“Yes, yes I knew that. So first thing. Time to sort this out. Whatever this is. If it’s anything at all. Which it could be. Maybe.”

I stopped there, feeling another babble starting to rise.

After a moment of consideration I asked:

“It doesn’t bother you, does it? This whole...kissing and aftermath thing?”

Twilight went just the slightest touch pink. So adorable! So bashful about such things. She’d probably immolate were anyone to kiss her, poor thing.

“W-what? Why would it bother me?” She asked.

“Your mentor and all? Must be kind of awkward. Or maybe it isn’t? I’m hardly an expert.”

Is seeing someone you look up to and have learned from your whole life in a moment of personal softness something that most people feel odd about? I have no frame of reference. I literally have no frame of reference whatsoever. Just some lingering impression that it might be.

Story of my life. What little of it I can remember!

“Oh - heh - yeah. Yeah that’s it. Very weird, seeing her like that. Walking in on the two of you very, uh, surprising…” Twilight said, fidgeting, grinning. I gave her another ruffle and she seemed to appreciate it.

“I bet. Still, you managed to keep it quiet so you did better than me. Ah, it’ll all come out in the wash, I’m sure. It’ll all work out one way or another. Thanks for keeping me on an even keel just now, Twilight. If it weren’t you I’d probably be going out of my mind!”

“I just - I just want what’s best for you, John. You’re in a strange place. You deserve to be happy,” she said. Those eyes, so huge, so sincere! Again, second only to Celestia in her ability to drive some kind of stake of pure warmth right through my heart.

“Twilight, you’re far too bloody nice. If I could bottle you I would,” I said, pulling her in for another hug. God she was brilliant. God these guys were all great for putting up with me. I’d sort this out one way or another and do my best to make their good faith seem even a little bit worthwhile.

I might even start to believe I’m actually worth it!

Hah!