Alex, a normal, everyday college student from Texas, has been put in a situation that will change his life forever. After being hit by a mysterious comet that has never been seen before, he is somehow transported to another world that isn't his own.
But that's just the beginning. He has also found himself in a completely different body. More specifically, a dragon.
Going under a new identity, he tries to fit in to this alien world, and there will no doubt be many adventures to come.
Proofread by The Psychopath
04/02/2020 Holy crap it got featured!!! Thank you all so much! (Short lived but it's more than enough for me!)
Chapters (12)
Displaced Fandom:
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Oof. Oof.
This is...oof.
I can applaud you for having passable grammar. A rarity most of the time. Even I suffered from terrible grammar. There's a reason, but it's not an excuse. You still punctuate excessively, and I understand why you're doing it. You want to convey as much emotion as possible, but that doesn't work in book format.
And that description. It reeks of 'RECORD SCRAAAAAAAAATCH!' from the 80s and early 90s. It's painful to look at. I can't look at it with reeling in pain and horror. You've exaggerated on it WAY too much. To properly judge, I took a swig at the insides and found them wanting.
The exaggerations are far too extreme and horrifying to look at. Tone it down. I know how this is because I did the same thing with a certain series of mine I've yet to resume rewriting (and it really needs it). I get that you wanted to make this comedic, but you're using a cartoon or comic format. Use more actions of your characters rather than making backhanded blurbles like ' Complaining? Seriously?' and no context to behavior.
I won't downvote or upvote this, since you just started out, but please. Tone it down and rewrite the description. You won't attract anything but a minute few who will like it while the rest will likely be unhappy with your work.
Oh, and I'd advise changing the cover. Pretty pictures are the first thing people see when looking for stories, and putting Spyro will trick them to coming to your story page thinking it's a crossover, and then they'll rage (understandably so) when they look at the categories and description.
Don't be discouraged. Many of us sucked with our first few stories. Try more and experiment. That's how you improve.
9319856
I sensed a great rage rumble through the fabric of reality.
It's always nice to meet a fellow Texan on this site
This was a pretty solid first chapter it really got my attention. I'll keep an eye out for this one.
So keep up the good work my good man
P.S. Congrats on that 74-72 game against LSU, hell of a game
Will any other characters be inspired by Spyro characters?
9319908
Or maybe you and Movie are just overreacting. XD
>Alex Flame
9319875
I really do appreciate your honest opinion. I know you mentioned it, but yeah, this is my first fic, so I'm trying my best haha. I know it's not the smartest idea to have a cover of Spyro when it's not exactly a Spyro story, but I can't draw to save my life and I don't think I can just ask someone to give me a decent sketch of my character. I'll plan out my writing next time rather than just wing it, so hopefully it'll be passable next, but we'll have to see
9320004
I don't think I'm planning on that
9319875
Oh and I forgot to say, of course there's cartoonish humor, it takes place in the MLP universe haha. I won't go overboard on the humor obviously, but I'll write my humor in a way that will satisfy the readers.
9320044
What'd I exaggerate on?
9320535
There are plenty of dragon pics you can find on google. What most of us do is take a pic from there and put the source directly on the cover image (source link during story creation). I see you've already done that, though. Good job.
You don't have to completely plan out a story. I'm what people call a 'pantser', for example. It means I write on the fly, but to prevent myself from going on forever, I plan the beginning and end of the story (the end which keeps changing).
Okay I just tried to get a idea of the story but,
1 "oh no it's a Flash Sentry"
2. also not exactly my favourite situation where the princesses are able to summon someone from another world and it looks like that happened here. edit: I just haven't seen that turn out that good half of the time. I prefer it if they are unaware of certain things too.
3. For my own taste I can already say that the beginning was nearly a bit to long in the human world, but then again I'm slightly unpatient with that stuff when I read an mlp story. Okay... I guess it's not exactly my taste, sadly i already was a bit wary because when I read certain things I just believe it will most likely turn out like similar stuff I had read, but I wish you good luck with the story.
This was not so bad. Flash was not too bad. Alex turning into a Dragon was wicked. Can't wait for more.
Could do better with the description of the mountain range. Kinda barebones at the moment, but I'm glad you removed that. Much better by far.
so is alex going to somewhat act like sora (kindom hearts/kingdom hearts 2/kingdom hearts 3/all the other kh games) or what?
Could've been security guards.
9377480
I guess if you really wanna see it that way, but that's not really my intention. Right now he's still confused and trying to cope with the fact that he'll never see his home again. You'll see as the story goes on.
I love it
....this triggers me. “Thee” means you. “Ouch, you have wounded you,”
Right off the bat, good story, at least in comparison to the ones I’ve read so far. The only big thing I see, that everyone seems to have trouble with, is show don’t tell.
Okay, why is it nine times out of ten people are unoriginal and use Flash Sentry as the guard? Like, seriously, he’s not everywhere and he’s certainly not the only guard. I seriously wish people would stop using him and make their own guard characters. I cringe every time I see Flash Sentry used, and while a majority of the cringe is because of his association with EQG which I absolutely abhor, a lot of it is associated with the fact that he’s so overused!
What’s worse about this portrayal of a Flash is that he sounds like a stereotype! The way he speaks and acts in this chapter makes him seed like a dumb high school jock! Constantly saying “dude”, overly laid back attitude, general asshole behaviour forgiven by stupidity, it’s the entire stereotype! And the MC just goes along with it as well. If I personally ever met someone and they called me “dude” constantly, or even at all outside of a joking context, I’d ask them to stop and otherwise stop interacting with them. Hardly anyone says “dude” anymore.
The general attitude I’m seeing from the characters from these chapters has been uncaring. Like, it’s not to the point there’s no emotion, it’s just it feels detached. I mean, you have the MC having panic attacks but it’s not really having any effect? I mean you say his breathing picks up, you say he’s shuddering, you say his heart rate picks up. Yet, he acts no different and we get no hint as to his perspective? I can’t really say anything more about Flash Sentries attitude, but the doctor seemed really laid back as well. Far too “chill” and having far too many “inside joke” moments with the MC. The nurses are even worse, not even acting like nurses, more like your stereotypical fan girl personality / diva / “popular girl”.
The guard in this chapter in the throne room was just... no. That bit felt forced. In no situation in any throne rooms seen in canon do the guards do anything but stand there, if they’re there at all. So seeing a guard suddenly call the MC out on not bowing when no one has ever been prompted to bow in canon iirc? I mean, they bow themselves, nobody ever calls anyone out for not doing so. Feels like the guard was only put in there saying that so that the MC could experience the RCV. A forced situation.
Somehow I knew it would be Bon Bon and Lyra. They’re another two characters that are overused, alongside Octavia and Vinyl Scratch. While it’s not as big a deal with those four because it actually makes sense what with Ponyville being a tight-knit community and all that, it still doesn’t really excuse it, especially considering they’re in Canterlot atm. It’s also not as big a deal because those four don’t have controversy around them. Flash is a guard, a part of a large force. He’s also a part of the EQG universe and is a “waifu-stealer” and badly shipped character. Controversy.
Honestly the idea for this story isn’t a really unique one, so I can’t say that it was. But I will say that it was interesting just from the description. I do feel like it kinda falls flat at the start though, I can’t really say why. I’m kinda just falling out of interest for it.
9399190
While I don't mind constructive criticism every now and then, there's some stuff that I don't exactly agree with you there.
What's wrong with calling someone "dude"? I say dude a helluva lot, and pretty much everyone I know calls me dude all the time and I don't mind it one bit.
I've only had one inside joke with my MC and it's the one when his name wasn't thought out very well. I'm not trying to overuse it, just when I think it's appropriate, but other than that I try not to use the same joke too much. And what was it you said about the nurses? About them having a fan girl personality? At one point I forgot I even added them in the story. And only one nurse had a few lines in the first and second chapter, and I didn't even give them any personality at all.
Yeah of course the guards aren't dicks in the canon world, but it's a fanfic. I have some of my own ideas that I like to put in the story even if it isn't "canon". Then again, no fanfic is canon.
I only chose Lyra and Bon Bon because I'm not good at coming up with OC's yet. As I'm thinking about what the next chapter be and so on and so forth, I'll probably come with some original character ideas.
While I understand you're losing a bit of interest, I'm only four chapters in. I have a few rough ideas of what I want to happen later on in the story, it's just gonna take some time depending on how life treats me haha.
9397296
I knew what it meant haha. I just wanted my character to be sarcastic
9400025
There’s nothing inherently wrong with it, it’s just that it’s a thing that not a long of people say anymore, and those that do, the majority don’t say it very often. It’s more commonly associated with the “bro”, “jock”, “surfer”, “hippy”, etc etc stereotypes.
What I meant is that there are a lot of jokes that don’t really make sense to me as a reader. They either fell flat and weren’t funny, or I completely didn’t get them and it seemed like I was missing some context or foreknowledge.
It’s juet they seemed to gush and/or fawn over him. While nurses do have to take care of their patients it’s not to the point they’re invading personal space and squishing your cheeks. It wasn’t just the nurse either, Lyra did it too.
And that’s fair enough, I was just giving my two bits on the matter.
That’s fair too, and understandable. I was more so just ranting about how everyone uses the characters I talked about specifically, instead of some other canon character, or hell even the Mane 6.
I don’t think all the fault is on your part, nor am I blaming the story or your writing skills. It just didn’t click with me. Hooked me in, but didn’t land me, to use the fishing terms.
9400037
I don’t see how using the wrong word makes it any more sarcastic than it already is, but hey, to each their own.
9400921
Whether or not people say 'dude' a lot doesn't really affect characters designed to use old words. (And that was pretty much the one personality trait he had in EqG. This basically means that all the movie's creativity went into him).
I mentioned this with Flame, but I let some of it slide because it's their first story. Can't be too heavy handed on the first go.
Hmmm. I must've ignored the nurse. Perhaps it's just her personality that's like that.
As for the matter of the guards, I disagree with your first complaint. Many of us have different depictions of guards from the cartoon. In it they're useless, but in fanfics, they can be given actual value.
9400037
I didn't see that. It's not sarcastic, though. You just need to change that word and it's good.
great story I hope to see more sometime in the future.
9404642
You most definitely will! Almost done with the next chapter!
great chapter
9408926
Thanks!!
great chapter
9449000
Thx dude!
9485669
Preciate all the thank yous haha
9485653
It just makes more sense to compare Queen Elizabeth to Princess Celestia
9486868
Please don't. Have at it haha
9486872
I definitely wouldn't call him dangerous lol
9487683
Let's not forget that Alex would be human and not a dragon
great chapter
Wazzuuuup
9519738
You're welcome as always!
9519559
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9519368
Thank you!
More please
9533204
working on the next chapter now
9533747
Ok then
9618502
I also mentioned in the beginning of the story that it takes place after season 8, so she'll have been a princess for a long time haha.
Flame is from an entirely different universe from the one she's used to, and is living in her castle. I would think she'd be pretty excited about that.
9618521
I'll actually explain it all in the next chapter when Twilight asks him questions. The picture might be more clear for you then haha
9485653
Could you see Celestia being like the American president Donald Trump?
Great chapter
9619759
Thx as always!
9619783
no problem as always