• Published 13th Nov 2018
  • 2,492 Views, 892 Comments

Halls of the Changeling King - Nameless Narrator



A little changeling drone couldn't make it for the big invasion. With the help of other desperate changelings, he avoided pony retribution as long as he could, but in the end, ponies found him. Now alone, he's just trying to survive.

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2: Miners who kick major ass.

“Hmm,” I poke the pitch blackness with one foreleg, “Okay, seriously, is there something wrong with my eyes?”

It’s never been like this, even in the depths of Canterlot mountain mines. Am I blind? The last thing I need right now is to be blind.

”Alright, where did you bring us?” asks Scream.

“Asking the wrong changeling here, lady, or do you think I was driving that cocoon I woke up in and took a wrong turn somewhere?”

Blinking, I hope my eyes start adjusting, but nothing of that sort happens, and it doesn’t feel like it would even if I gave it more time.

”You’re the one with any sort of continuity here. I usually just have fun in my pocket dimension, or plan some way to annoy Sunbutt. Speaking of which, if you find a good source of magic before I get bored watching you, I might have a proposal.”

“Right now, not bumping into walls is my top priority. Can YOU see anything?”

”Technically, I’m not here. My magic specialization is heavily related to true sight, and my divine power… let’s say it’s not much good for your situation. Right now I’m lying on a soft couch while a tiny bit of my consciousness is being projected through your hive mind into your head and through you into the world. I definitely can’t cast magic without draining your love, and considering you’ve just woken up and we don’t know how or when you got here, I’d say a dimensionally projected light spell would be a waste.”

“I understood most words in that sentence, and I still think I’d be smarter if I did hit my head against the wall. So the translation is that you can’t help.”

”I’m saying the way things are I’d cause more harm than good. I can offer advice, which is also more fun for me.”

“So… you’re not actually invested in my survival, you’re just bored and want to see what happens to me.”

”A… correct enough summary.”

I shrug, tapping my hoof against the floor instead. It doesn’t feel like a cavern, now that I think about it. Too straight, too smooth...

“Considering what was inside my head last time, I’ll take it as an improvement.”

Sighing, I focus on my eyes. One or Eight did say that changeling rulers don’t innately possess the specialized mental powers of infiltrators, toughness of warriors, or scouting instincts of drones, but that they can use vastly improved versions of those abilities by expending love. This entire cocoon thing was supposed to allow me to be reborn into a real king, so here goes nothing.

I just wish this body didn’t feel so alien. The center of balance is completely different than from what I remember, the ground is too far down, legs are too long, wings too weird.

Huh, wings.

The pitch black turns into grainy grey as I furrow my brows. I don’t even feel the love drain, but I know my body is responding to my newborn instinct.

“Good, good,” I mumble to myself, “just a little more- ohfuckmebackwards!”

For a second, I feel my love flare up and burn. I immediately see a well-worked granite wall about five pony lengths away, the tiny specks of dust on it, and two red silhouettes moving -uhh- behind it?

“Stopstopstopstop!” the love expenditure drops again, and now the… room is grey again, but light enough to allow me some decent exploration. I like it this way, it’s similar to when my drone eyes encountered depths with no natural light, and possibly some faint bioluminescent moss back in the hive.

With eyes sorted, I can finally look around.

”Hmmm, this place looks like a vault,” Scream comments.

“Whoah?!” I back off from the alicorn who leans closer, corner of her mouth twitching. Now that I’m less confused than in the dream, I notice that her golden coat is criss-crossed with thin black lines making it look as segmented as changeling chitin. It’s definitely a coat, though.

”See something you like?” her tone of voice drops lower as she stretches, careful to show off her perfect body.

I’m not overstating it. She is the literal physical perfection made to attract anyone, anypony, and possibly even some hornier rocks. On the other hole, One tried this on me before, and while she got nowhere close to Scream’s tantalizing form, I know how this works.

“I need blood inside my head for this, Scream, but if you’re fine with me humping the floor until I pass out then feel free to keep going.”

”Reflex. I am the alicorn of Lust. A fitting patron for the changelings, don’t you think?”

“Yeeeah, so when do you start patroning? Because we’ve been getting screwed over by everyone including ourselves for the past few thousand years, and it’s about time someone noticed,” I poke my hoof through her white mane. I see, that’s what she meant by not really being here.

Unceremoniously walking through her, I approach what seem to be piles of gold in two corners of the rather small room. About halfway between those stands a pedestal with an amethyst necklace lying on it.

”Amusing lack of respect for the only helping hoof around,” Screams walks over to the closest pile of gold, and leans close to examine the coins. She narrows her eyes, pouting.

“Right now I don’t want to bother shapeshifting my ovipositor away, and I’m hallucinating a mare whose looks would make One jealous. I think I’m doing something right, but you sure aren’t helping.”

”So, first piece of advice - I don’t recognize these coins.”

I half ignore her, eyes locked on the absolutely gorgeous craftsmanship of the necklace as well as the pedestal itself. It’s made of pink marble, and just like the floor it’s perfectly smooth.

“I don’t recognize a lot of things. Does that make me an alicorn too?”

”No, you idiot. That means these aren’t currently being widely used anywhere in the world. I have no clue where you could be.”

As tempting as calling out Scream’s lack of knowledge is, she’s right. Let’s say she’s actually very knowledgeable, and that this place is unknown even to her.

“So, the gold and the necklace mean we’re really inside a vault somewhere,” I smear some dust remaining from my cocoon around with my hoof, “Ah hah! Someone must have found my cocoon and thought it was a huge gem of sorts. One DID say she infused it with enough love to survive inside a volcano.”

”This could be a clue too,” adds Scream sarcastically, pointing at a square of greyer wall with hinges on one side.

“What is...” I tap against it, “Steel? Is this a door?”

”Yep. Banks usually use circular ones, but this fits the size,” Scream shakes her head when I push against it with zero result. Possibly even less than zero. Yes, it really might be closed even more now, ”Don’t bother. No matter how much love you think you’ve got now, this won’t budge.”

“I don’t feel like calling for help would be a good idea. As far as I know, this could be the SAFEST place for a changeling in the cold, cruel world. Wait… did Eight drop me off here? If that’s the case, she’s bound to check up on me eventually.”

”Can’t you feel her or something? Chryssie can sense most of her hive from miles away.”

Closing my eyes, I reach out with my mind…

...nothing. If there’s a changeling I should be able to sense, then it’s Eight, but there’s not even the slightest signal coming through my hive mind link.

“Is it possible there’s some magic stopping me from making contact with her?”

”Nope. I’d be able to see lasting magic effects even like this. Every obstacle here is purely physical.”

Welp, not gonna argue with the local alicorn in this case.

“So… is there anything that can help me get out of here?” I mutter. Wait, that’s it - I can mutter, which means I can breathe, and that door looks pretty airtight, “A vent, maybe?”

”Using your eyes allows you to examine the area in greater detail. Neck is a useful tool in that regard, allowing you to zoom in on distant areas such as the ceiling or floor.”

“Oh shut up, tutorial horse.”

”In rare cases where neck isn’t long enough, contact your local giraffe, or use wings.”

Can I ghost punch the ghost alicorn?

Aaanyway, engaging my set of zooming tools, which means looking up and squinting, I spot a square covered with a grate with spaces narrow just enough to barely poke my horn through. A quick telekinetic tug proves that way’s a no-go.

”Huh, not even Fleur de Lis on keto would fit through there.”

Now, the obvious solution is to shapeshift into a fly and get through.

”So, changeling, what now? Wink wink.”

Sighing, I pace back and forth.

“The problem is that I’ve never transformed before, even as a drone. I mean, I made some improvements to my hooves for better digging and such, but I never had the love for a full-body change, and then the thing with hive rulers happened, and One ruined my ability completely. Unless I want to get stuck buzzing for the rest of my life, I’d rather not try it in a body about which I know less than about astrophysics.”

”Astrophysics are simple. Moon and sun move when Luna and Celestia want. Comets happen when either of them sneezes.”

“Wait, really?” I stop, staring at the golden alicorn.

”M-Maybe...” she looks away, whistling innocently, ”How about you start slow then? Change only your legs or something first.”

“I guess I don’t have much choice,” I raise one foreleg just as Scream walks over to the pedestal holding the necklace, “Well, you gotta spend love to make love.”

In a burst of green flames, my forelegs disappear. In response, I immediately kiss the floor with the force of a swung hammer.

“Ow ow ow, I fink I bit mai tong...” I blink out of sync as my legs return to normal, and I push myself up. Maybe turning them into fly ones immediately was a bad idea, but in my defense, I just wanted one.

”Hmmm,” Scream hums, tilting her head, ”Plan B is required, I assume? A possibly dangerous one.”

“Anything that would spare my teeth, please.”

”I’m not suggesting you eat your way out, but if we find some nice mare-”

“Unless I build one from the gold coins, that isn’t happening. Plus, the only mare I’d love to find right now is Eight, and ask what the hole is going on.”

”A faithful changeling, now I’ve seen everything,” she shakes her head, ”Well, this might backfire completely, which would be a lot of fun for me, albeit a little less for you. Grab the necklace.”

I swipe the jewel and examine it. I mean the goldwork is intricate and detailed, and the amethysts are smooth, but I don’t see anything special about it.

“Is it magical or something?”

Wait, why do I hear buzzing?

”Oh no no,” Scream waves her hoof dismissively, ”I just thought it would look good on you,” she beams, showing sharp teeth which shouldn’t belong on any pony, alicorn or not, ”And, of course, picking it up triggered an alarm. In a minute, someone’s bound to come look at which thief is trying to steal from them.”

My eye twitches.

”That should teach you to respect your elders,” she winks at me.

On cue, the enormous slab of steel embedded in the opposite wall starts clicking. The heavy square door opens inside with barely any noise, and a smaller block of steel rushes through. Well, not literally. It’s an equine, but one covered from head to hoof in plate armor. Aside from a bushy beard reaching about halfway down the equine’s neck, I can’t make out absolutely any features. He doesn’t have wings or a horn, which at this point I consider a huge plus. In short, he looks like an earthpony scaled down to half the size.

“Huh, canned love?” I wave at him, and as the second equally armored equine enters the room, I can see him following the motion of my foreleg… with the necklace still hanging from it, “Nice weather we’re having at this time of year, right?”

”Cool, a dwarf pony!” I hear Scream, and the lack of reaction from the dwarves proves I’m the only one, ”I thought those little bastards died out ages ago.”

”Do I knock them out or something?” I switch to speaking through the hive mind. One, to test if Scream can hear it, and two, not to reveal any course of action I’m going to take. Plus, it’s way faster.

”How intimate do you want to get with a combat pickaxe?” Scream answers without skipping a beat, ”Because these guys used to be known for hoof wrestling minotaurs, metaphorically speaking. Oh, and they’re really pissy about certain things, such as someone trying to steal from their vaults.”

”What?” I realize I’m still waving the necklace around, “You can have this back,” I say out loud to the very slowly approaching dwarf ponies who are now armed with a big hammer each, locked into a mechanism around their fetlock.

They don’t listen.

“Alright, screw this,” I lob the necklace straight at the two dwarves, and jump over them as they collide with each other in an attempt to catch it.

Two more immediately greet me outside in the hallway, each as armed, armored, and as featureless as the two inside the vault.

“Good thing I didn’t try to fight.”

“HOFBRAU MAIBOCK!” one of them points at me, shouting in a voice sounding like someone gargling gravel.

“Bless you!”

Real king or not, I guess my job is to FLEEEEE!

”That meant ‘Catch it!’,” Scream, casually gliding next to me as I pump my legs as hard as I can, explains.

”Yeah, he sneezed at me. I don’t want some underground flu.”

Thankfully, the square hallway is lit by torches in regular intervals, so I can stop enhancing my sight, and fully focus on how to get out. I don’t need to improve my hearing, because for all their size and load, the tiny angry assholes are damn quick.

Hallway, another hallway, more surprised dwarves. Sudden burst of light from behind.

”TO THE LEFT!” Scream’s bulging eyes as she snaps her head backwards don’t give any time to argue, and I instantly strafe, narrowly avoiding an explosion of liquid fire.

”Welp, there goes my tail,” I flick what remains from my smoldering blue hairbrush. Thankfully, chitin is pretty resilient to incineration, and the tiny droplets of fire flying off of me as I gallop forward look metal as balls.

”Flamethrowers,” Scream gives the pursuers an appraising nod, ”better than griffon versions, and those guys are supposed to be on the cutting edge of modern weaponry. Not surprising, though, if they’ve been building on Silversmith technology for ages.”

”Can we skip the history lecture for now?” I’m desperately looking for any tunnel that looks like it’s leading somewhere I can hide, ”I want to hear everything later, but for now I’d like to avoid getting cooked. I don’t think I’d taste good.”

”Chineighese ponies swear that baked bugs are delicious and nutritious.”

”I wish you were here so that they’d try alicorn meat instead of me!” gasping for breath, I finally see that one of the many corridors crossing this one opens into what has to be an absolutely colossal cavern. I head that way.

Words cannot describe the sheer size of the new area. I feel absolutely microscopic with my first few steps. I can’t see the walls or the ceiling, all that’s before me is a massive, well-lit bridge which an army could cross without slowing down. Thankfully, there are no more dwarves in the way.

The prevalent stomping behind me draws closer and closer.

”There are larger vents in the ceiling!” calls out Scream, flying above, ”And I don’t see light.”

”Is that a good thing?” I’m turning my head while running across the endless bridge the pillars of which seem to be going both deep down into the invisible underground, and up to the ceiling.

”That means they aren’t just vertical holes reaching all the way up. If you can get up here, you can hide.”

”See? You CAN be useful if you try,” I comment, my wings buzzing. With a jump, I launch myself into the air…

...and crash immediately.

Crap! Completely different weight, wingspan, everything. Another ball of fire explodes a short distance behind me.

Think think think!

What would One do? Charm all of them and eat all their love. No good.

Eight? Run through the flames and kick so much ass while looking like a burning nightmare that the dwarves’ grandfoals would still be scared of lighting bugs on fire.

Three? Be so adorable they all get heart attack. Can you weaponize cuteness?

Four? Make friends. Eeeh, still nope. Friendship might be magic, but napalm is napalm.

Alright, don’t think like a king, think like a drone. Hmm, this is an idea that could work!

While I can’t shapeshift properly, I can still drop the density of my chitin to minimum, and grow tiny hooks all over my legs. One experimental poke of the enormous pillar later, I smile, and start crawling up like a spider. Some more adjustments later, I’m trotting up the smooth vertical surface while the dwarves keep screaming something.

”Neat!” Scream claps her hooves together, following my progress up onto the ceiling, ”Now, can you walk upside down?”

That remains to be seen-

“Bluh...” I take my first tentative steps on the thankfully less smooth ceiling, “This is weeeeird...”

”If it helps, the dwarves gave up.”

“How the hole did they build all this anyway?” I complain while pushing myself into a square vent and walking vertically yet again. These can’t have been built by the dwarves, right? They’re MY size. Soon, though, a horizontal vent crosses this one, and I lie down, gasping for breath. As the adrenaline overdose gradually stops, I realize how exhausted I am, and that I’m shaking all over.

”History lesson later, as you said,” Scream sits down by my head, her firm yet supple butt squishing against the cool stone even in illusionary form. I wish I could grab it, and just mush my head against it like a pillow. If this is how she affects others as a hallucination, then I’m not sure if I would want to meet her for real, ”Now rest. I don’t know what you did, but that climb can’t have been easy. Since I can’t go too far away from you, I can’t just scout ahead. Besides, if I warned you about everything it would be so booooring.”

“I could go for some boredom. No paladins, no angry fire, no coughing dwares. Just me, Four bugging me about something silly, One and Eight trying to one-up each other, Ten hugging his Celestia plushie while he thinks no one is looking...” I realize my eyes are tearing up, “I want it back… I want them back,” I sigh, “Go on, you can laugh now.”

”Trust me, I know better than anyone how it feels to love someone who is out of your reach, to yearn for life which you can’t get back due to the ’glorious Sunslut’ herself,” she ends up growling, but lightens up immediately, ”But I got very lucky with some outside help, and things are… acceptable right now. Consider me your ‘outside help’.”

“You know… I get the feeling that you’re just using me, but without you I’d be either still bashing my head against the vault door, or pretending to be a torch, so… thanks, I guess.”

”HAH! That’s my good deed for the day, and now I can watch you stew again,” Scream stands back up, leaving the vicinity of my head unpleasantly butt-less, ”Are you gonna lie there feeling pity for yourself, or are we moving up and up in the world? These vents must lead to the surface.”

Frowning, I admit she’s right, and push myself back on all fours. Now, how to find the right way? Fresher air? Fresher air!

In the same way as it was with my eyes, I focus on my nose, and feel the now familiar faint drain on my love reserves. I sniff the air, walk a bit further into the vent, then sniff again.

“Waaaaaaaait...” I furrow my brows, “Something’s wrong that way,” I nod deeper into the tunnel, and carefully progress through the web of hallway-sized vents, climbing up when necessary. The faint minty scent grows stronger and stronger, until…

”Oh my,” Scream smiles, ”I like this.”

A female earthpony- no, too small. A naked female dwarf pony is lying on her back on the floor, legs spread and glued to the stones with green goo. Her belly looks ‘saggy’ and loose, as if a changeling used her way too much to repeatedly lay eggs into her and make her give birth. Thankfully, it’s rather warm here, and to my enhanced nose she practically reeks of changeling venom overdose slowing down her body functions.

Near her, in a huge cocoon lying on the floor, rests a… huge… brown… horned… biped? Very male, judging his lower regions.

“Scream, what is this creature?” I poke the cocoon.

”A minotaur.”

Just like the… overused dwarven broodmother, he’s deep in artificial sleep. The problem is that with so much venom, they could have been here like this for months. Even longer possibly. I know that some of the captured ponies back in the hive lasted for years with barely any food or water.

“Can you see any disturbed dust or something, Scream?” I mumble, touching the broodmare’s belly.

”Nope.”

“Yeah, neither do I,” I frown, “A changeling set this up, but hasn’t been here for a very long time. That either means he or she didn’t need this base anymore, or they got caught and haven’t escaped. Plus, considering the mare’s state, there should be way more than one changeling, unless all the earlier eggs failed to hatch, but there are no remains here.”

”Maybe the changeling who brought you here? Your… Eight, was it?”

“That’s my first guess too, but if she hasn’t been here in a really long time, AND I woke up elsewhere, then something must have happened to her.”

”Maybe these two would know.”

“Yeah, but if I wake them up, they won’t last more than few hours. I need to get them some food and water.”

”I know where you can find some. Cough cough CHANGEling.”

“Unfortunately, so do I,” I bite my lip, concentrating, “This is going to suck.”

With a passable dwarf body in front of me, I have a form I can copy. It takes forever by changeling standards, but Scream doesn’t say anything, only watches me as green fire gradually sculpts my body into a completely different shape. Minutes later, I look at the alicorn and ask:

“How do I look?”

”Not bad, actually, for your first time. Just do something about the voice, the bloated belly dragging on the floor, the barely working legs, and you’ll be okay.”

“Good-” I clear my throat, and my voice changes pitch along with other parts of my body gaining firmness, “Good. You understand those… dwarves, do you? Can you translate in case we meet someone?”

”To a degree, yes. You doing the talking will be the difficult part. Dwarvish isn’t easy if you haven’t been breathing coal dust since birth.”

“If worst comes to worst, I know I’m faster than they are, and I won’t get lost. It’s a changeling thing.”

”Useful. Anything else?”

“Can you make me not be here, and turn back time before Star Trail rammed a combat knife into Three’s skull?”

”Nope.”

“Then I guess it’s time to go.”

With a quick temporary change back into myself for the climb down the vents and the bridge pillars, I’m soon retracing my steps through the dwarf halls. The quiet adventure ends when I approach what looks like a guard post - a barricade of stone blocks with narrow empty space inbetween covered in barbed wire. Two steel helmets with slits for eyes look out from behind the stone part when they see me approach.

“STAROBRNO!” rumbles one dwarf.
”Halt!” Scream translates immediately.

”What now?” I ask mentally, ”They seem pissed already.”

”It’s the helmets, I think. Say ‘Einbecker mai-ur-bock’, it means you were looking for gems.”

”You mean WITHOUT any equipment?”

”Got any better idea? Feel free to say it and I’ll translate.”

“Einbecker mai-ur-bock,” I concede, and repeat Scream’s phrase as carefully as I can.

“GULDEN DRAAK HEINEKEN?!” the first dwarf jumps over the heavy block of stone, shaking an axe at me.

”Scream? SCREAM? He looks even more mad than before. What is he saying?”

The alicorn chuckles nervously, scratching her horn with her wing.

”I… may have forgotten about some more… contextual words.”

”Scream… What. Did. He. Say?”

”The accurate translation is… something along the lines of ‘What did you say about my mother?’.”

My eye twitches so much I feel as if I’m having a seizure.

”Can I start hallucinating Three instead of you from now on, PLEASE?” I groan.

”YOU try not speaking a language for two thousand years and see how good you are.”

The second dwarf jumps over the barricade, aiming a flamethrower straight at me.

Author's Note:

Mystery deepens!
Comedy disappears!
Bug's life sucks!
Iconic dwarven language! Totally Tolkien-tier.

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