13: Boss of the lings: Two's troubles.
“Hey, Three?” Six stops to take a breath after unloading another batch of emeralds into the mine cart. With the help of the two drones, the emerald shaft dwarves were free to smooth up the floor and set up a small rail for easier transportation, “Well...”
“What is it? Did you chip a hoof?” Three furrows his brows, looks at the runes around his left foreleg, and they change color from purple to yellow, “HAHAAA! I DID IT! Now.. how did I do it? Anyway, I’m still listening, Six.”
The slightly smaller drone scratches his head.
“Ummm… how do I tell a mare that I like her?”
Suddenly, the lack of digging noises isn’t coming from just the drones.
“You say - ‘I like you, miss’,” Three shrugs, “It’s not that hard, I suppose.”
Six frowns.
“Yeah, that won’t work, I’m sure. How do I show her? You know, that I’d like to, umm, be with her… for more than, well, a drone, umm, and… intimately maybe? I talked to mares when I was in disguise, but as myself, and when I mean it… I don’t know what to do.”
“You gotta impress her!” the foreman wraps his foreleg around Six’ shoulders, “Find the biggest, baddest tunnel worm, you grab your pickaxe, and knock one of its teeth out. Then you do it with the rest AFTER it eats you, and make a necklace out of those. Well, the teeth are the size of your leg, so more a house than a necklace, but you get what I mean.”
“Meh,” another dwarf shakes his hoof, “Not all mares like reckless berserkers, although my ma did, but she was one too. I still remember my pa having a necklace out of his own teeth she beat out of him on wedding night. She was proud of the whip scars on her back her whole life too. I’m undermining my point here, I understand, but not everyone is so old school. However, you can’t go wrong with proper gems. Not the silly emerald stuff we’re digging here, but diamonds from the magma streams, cut by the legendary ancient machines from the dark priest enclave. Now that’s bound to make her eyes and other bits wet when you tell her you like her.”
“Oh come on,” a different dwarf objects, “Does this little bugger look like someone rich enough to afford that? Nah, buggy. I heard you can drink like no one else. Every mare can appreciate a suitor who can hold his liquor. If you can drink the biggest badass under the table, then still guess right which of the three mares you’re seeing is the real one and giver her a hug, she’s bound to swoon.”
“Umm,” Six chuckles, “What if she… sorta… hates me?”
“Perseverance, lad!” the foreman still holding him shakes him so hard he lets out a little ‘blrblr’ noise, “If you prove you’re worthwhile, she won’t hate you at least. And that’s the first step.”
“Umm, Three? Got any experience in that regard? I don’t mean to disrespect your advice, guys, but Three here is the closest to my position really.”
Three wisely scratches his chin.
“Nope!”
Six sighs, then Three continues:
“Back home, we didn’t get to even think about that. Drones like us carry stuff, dig, or get eaten if a high rank feels peckish. I’m just happy I’m healthy, all the lings around are nice to me, even the dwarf ponies, other than the bald, shouty ones. I just find something I like to do, and I do it.”
“Well, I’d like to do Five, if you know what I mean.”
”What the WHAT?!” Two reveals that on some level she was aware of this conversation taking place.
”Hellloooooo, nurse!” Scream appears in a blast of golden light.
”Now this is a lot better than a discussion about the shade of military armor decorations based on rank,” I chime in after the commotion in the hive mind snaps me out of my sleepy trance during a council meeting.
“Who’s this lucky Five mare anyway?” asks the foreman, “One of you, I suppose.”
“She tried to kill me,” Six blushes. The dwarves start cheering.
“Now that’s what I call having balls, buggy! But hey, you’ve got a leg up on her in that regard.”
“W-What do you mean?” Six turns his head to all the now eagerly listening dwarves.
“Well, you said she TRIED to kill you, right? You’re still here, which means you showed her you’re no pushover.”
“You’re not bothered by the killing intent part?”
“You heard Blast Furnace here talking about his mom and pops, right? That’s not exactly uncommon for us. I’m pretty sure my great-grandmother set up a tunnel explosion to cause a cave-in while my great-granddad was working there so that she could rush in and save him.”
“But what- what if he died?”
“Then he wouldn’t be worthy of the crazy firecracker my great-grandma was,” the foreman waves his foreleg, “She gave me my first pet when I was nine, I remember. A baby dwarf eating spider.”
“Like a small spider that grows up later and eats dwarves? Why?”
“No, like a big spider that eats baby dwarves.”
“Question remains, only louder. WHY?!”
“She had an awesome sense of humor, the old bat,” the foreman wipes a nostalgic tear from his eye, “Anyway, we said our piece, so good luck and don’t hesitate to ask again if you need some more help. Now, though, WHY AM I NOT HEARING ANY DIGGING?”
As everyone returns to work, the hive mind turmoil returns.
”I’m not the one to dissuade you, Six, but… why?” I ask.
”I, well, she’s impressive, pretty, strong-”
”She can hear you,” says Five flatly, ”and is also mad that she lost her freedom because of you. Mostly because of you.”
Six gulps.
”Well, I, well, I mean...”
”I wouldn’t blame someone if I was sent to kill them, really,” I take the side of Six.
”Thank you, boss,” Six whimpers under the mental equivalent of glaring daggers from Five, ”I mean, Five, her… I mean your dedication to duty is admirable, and remember that time when a tunnel worm swallowed me, you kicked through his teeth, grabbed me, and then hacked your way out through its asshole?” Six suddenly frowns, ”Huh, there goes the necklace plan.”
Hmm, so he can talk about something from the past when it’s unrelated to who sent him here. Good to know.
”Letting her know how you feel is good start, I’d say, even though it wasn’t exactly willingly. I would tell you just to be yourself, and if you like Five, then be around her without becoming obtrusive. Company, help, anything?”
”Kill Two, which might or might not free me, then jump into magma, which will finish my mission and I’ll be free to go back. That’s the dedication to duty you said you liked, right?” Five shoots the idea down.
”Keep talking about my death,” says Two calmly, ”and I’ll make you love him for the rest of your days. Speaking of helping, if you ever need a bodyguard, Six, just ask me to lend her to you. My leg still twitches randomly from her shoving it up my love hole.”
”I’m choosing to believe that was a joke, Two,” I narrow my eyes.
”Joke, barely veiled threat, what’s the difference?” she shrugs.
She learned from the event, which is what I have to keep telling myself not to snap at her. This was a joke, and I must show that I trust her.
”Well, no, miss Two. Thank you anyway,” says Six, ”It just wouldn’t be the same. Just please tell her not to kill me.”
”I already explained to her what is and isn’t allowed, don’t worry. Of course, if you’re playing the long game and eventually do betray us, I now have a good way of making the situation painfully ironic.”
”Eeep!”
***
“Alright, with that out of the way, I want to talk seriously for a moment,” Two says to Five behind the royal tavern.
“I’m listening,” answers the warrior, not letting her eyes her eyes wander from occasional dwarves passing by and trying not to stare at the two chatting changelings.
“You were there when boss chewed me out for… doing to you what I did.”
“Making me your slave.”
“Thank you for reminding me...” Two grinds her teeth.
“No problem,” Five raises an eyebrow meaningfully, “I don’t really need a reminder, because your face still hasn’t been shoved into this wall so hard that you could greet your boss again.”
Two sighs.
“Look, I can’t change what I did, and you were and likely still are our enemy. I’ve got at least equal reasons to be pissed at you as you are at me, mass murder attempt comes to mind,” she hisses, rubbing her temples, “No, enough! The boss didn’t want you to become just a tool, and I’d like to at least give you a chance to stay yourself without you being a threat to anyone. That’s why I’m giving you the freedom to walk around boss’ part of Brauheim and do any non betrayal-related activities, only undisguised. I know it won’t fix much, but it’s a start, I hope.”
“I’m a warrior. I fight for-” her eye twitches from a stab of pain, “I fight. That’s what I do.”
“Then can’t you fight for us? I mean, you’re a changeling. From what little knowledge the boss released into the hive mind, our old life was horrendous, and everyone hated us. Boss wants things to be different.”
Five closes her eyes, and thinks for a moment.
“I am loyal to… to our survival as well. However, I don’t know how much I can believe your motivation. From what I saw and heard, I can somewhat respect your ‘boss’. You, though? No. You are undisciplined, hot-headed, and think you’re smarter than anyone else until it kicks you in the mouth. From the imprints of your selves within your hive mind, you are the least ‘adult’ one, and not only physically. Even Six is more himself, with a set of his own values, than you. You just want to please your boss.”
”A-hem!” Scream’s voice interrupts, ”Stop kicking smart bug when she’s down, slave bug.”
“Scream…?” Two’s eyes go wide, “Whuh? You’re… defending me?”
”You bet I am. Not because I care too much, but I like others to make judgement based on correct information. You, slave bug, are right in absolutely everything you said about Two.”
Two’s jaw drops completely. The corner of Five’s mouth twitches. Scream flicks Two’s ear ineffectually, and continues:
”BUT, one BUT bigger than Celestia’s allows this. Two is a week old, and has no role model or anyone to teach her what’s right or wrong other than the boss. I mostly just like to watch, although I don’t want her to grow up a psycho, at least not the boring, blindly stabby kind of a psycho. The scheming, smart, and sexy kind of psycho is okay. Well, literal divine intervention over,” Scream vanishes.
Five pouts a little.
“Reasons are important, but it doesn’t change what I said.”
“Same goes,” Two turns around, “Be yourself, and don’t be a killer. That’s all. I’m going back to the council meeting.”
As she leaves, Five slowly breathes in and out. Analyzing her situation over and over to find a way out has proven fruitless, so this could really be an opportunity to possibly gain the information Six was sent here for. A way to get it outside might turn up later, and it would be a waste if she didn’t discover what she could.
Or she could go to sleep…
No, no. Her owner’s boss gave her a little love to take care of herself, which in itself was strategically foolish, but a gesture adding to Five’s opinion about him. It changed nothing about her loyalty and goals, but definitely softened her original hostility.
To Five’s surprise, even the dwarves leave her alone, although guards, distinguishable from general population only by standing still and not going after the business of the late morning, don’t let her out of their sight until she’s too far.
“You know, going crazy on a mission was a way I thought I’d go, and I’m the one trying to control unstable, wish-granting energy,” an unrecognizable dwarf in his full armor joins Five. A faint tug on her mind makes her tilt her head.
“Seven?” she hisses, then lowers her head, “You’re here to kill Six and me, aren’t you? To be completely honest, I’m ready to accept my punishment.”
“Let’s not get hasty here, and what’s with the depression? I didn’t know you had emotions in the first place.”
Five feels Two’s link inside her flare up.
”GRAB HIM!” orders Two, which makes Five pounce at the ‘dwarf’.
“You have to run, Seven! She’s controlling me!” pleads Five, standing on the smaller dwarf, holding him down against the floor, “I can’t resist. You have go back-”
”Stop telling him things!”
Five bites her lip mid-sentence, and a different dwarf which is Two in a throwaway disguise, if her complete lack of armor wasn’t a definite clue already, rushes from behind a street corner nearby.
Two hears a loud pop, and then Five’s standing on an empty suit of armor while a thin changeling is standing a short distance away, his horn glowing brightly.
”Go after him!”
Five immediately charges at Seven again.
-FREEZE!-
Two, lacking the experience at using mental commands, realizes her mistake when Five stops in her tracks while the ‘Seven’ changeling twitches for a whole second before teleporting away again.
”NOT YOU, FIVE! YOU GO AFTER HIM!”
Two burns love to enhance her speed, leaving Five behind, but the enemy changeling’s magic is beyond her ability to chase, and she’s slowly losing him while the halls of Brauheim become just a blur.
”Scream! I need help! Or advice.”
”Advice? Aaaanytime, smart bug,” Scream casually floats by, matching Two’s eye-watering speed.
”Enemy changeling. Using magic. Can’t catch up!”
”Oooh, teleportation? Neat. Changelings using magic are pretty rare, mostly because there isn’t a proper library back in the Badlands rather than any innate problems. Well, chain casting like this is taxing, so while you’re gasping for breath, I have no doubt whoever the changeling is isn’t in much better shape.”
”Boss said that I can hold much less love than other changelings because I’m too young and undeveloped. Can’t you track him?”
”Yeah, sure.”
”That’s all I need, please.”
”Left, left, right-”
With Scream’s help, Two finds herself in the empty zone between the king’s and queen’s parts of Brauheim until-
-until she rounds a corner, and gets punted into a wall, wind and blood knocked out of her.
”What did I say about rushing head-first into danger, hmmm?” Scream shakes her head.
Two sees the changeling’s horn flare up again. The good part is that he indeed does look tired from the chase as well
-Stop.-
Seven grits his teeth, fighting the order which interrupted his spell while Two gets up. His exhaustion must mean that while Two’s energy maximum is small, Seven wasn’t full by any measure. On top of that, he’s lanky and doesn’t seem used to physical activity, while Two… has had a lot of practice recently, to put it gently. To sum it up, the enemy must be an infiltrator, and not the best one.
Too bad Five is way too far to be of any help at the moment, her lack of energy not allowing her to follow Two’s breakneck speed.
-Don’t teleport!-
Two’s more specific command mentally chains Seven. However, while it allows for added power, Seven’s horn flares again, and Two’s hit by searing hot ball of flames appearing out of nowhere, barely able to shield her eyes.
Coughing from her burned lungs, she hears his slow hoofsteps approach her.
-Lie down!-
Seven’s psychic order makes Two stop trying to get up, but she grins to herself when her legs listen to her pretty much immediately after.
“You picked the wrong changeling to order around, wannabe,” she mutters, grinning to herself, “I’m better than you.”
Pretending she still isn’t in control, she only looks up. When Seven is standing right above her, she concentrates.
-KNEEL BEFORE ME!-
Seven’s eyes go wide as he bows before the smaller infiltrator getting up from the floor. The fact that she’s barely standing and blinking away exhausted sweat doesn’t take away from his complete shock.
”Scream, anyone… how do I restrain someone who can use magic?” asks Two.
”Magic suppressors, really loud chaotic noises, repeatedly punching them in the face… take your pick,” Scream shrugs.
”Wait, what magic? What’s going on?” I instantly skim through Two’s recent memories, ”Craaaaaap, another one?” checking Two’s location, I realize even with speed boost it would take me about fifteen minutes to get to her, and same goes for Three or Six, if they even could be of any help, ”Goop his horn. One was able to completely block magic by doing that. I don’t know the exact composition, but it can’t hurt.”
Seven suddenly blinks away, making Two grit her teeth and stumble while taking her first step towards him.
-Stop, stop!-
Two’s command is desperate, unfocused, and while it makes Seven flinch, it doesn’t stop him from teleporting once more, and this time Two can’t follow anymore.
She lost again.
“Fuuuuuuuccc-” she punches the floor.
”Language! Five, go escort Two back immediately,” I order, ”Being in the demilitarized zone can’t be healthy.”
”Understood.”
”I’m sorry, boss,” says Two, ”I failed.”
”Not really, to be honest.”
”But… Seven got away.”
”True, definitely. However, you are still alive after meeting an enemy who used something you had zero experience with, and while he did use your weakness against you - endurance, you used your strength against him well. So don’t apologize, Two. Good job. Not perfect, but definitely good.”
I feel the little infiltrator warm up a bit.
”I’ll fix it, boss.”
”In due time, Two. I’m sure you will. Now I need to tell Granite to do something about his patrols. The dark priest devices and alarms obviously don’t work that well, but I’ve got an idea. If you don’t shapeshift, then anyone suspicious can only be the enemy changeling.”
”Unless they transform into your bugs,” Scream shakes her head.
”Yeah, but dwarf patrols have this communicator thingies that allow them to call for help. I’ll just order them to report if they see any of you, I’ll check your location, and we’ll know if it’s really one of us. It means Granite and I will have to find or make some sort of command center, but I’m used to sitting on my ass and watching the world from others’ eyes. We’ve got a more pressing problem, though.”
”Aww, why is it always a problem? Why can’t it be surprise cake?” Three pouts.
”Overall, we’re low on love. These skirmishes are draining, and I can’t keep refilling you anymore. We need to let dwarves do their job. As I said, I’ll talk to Granite, but you need to do yours.”
”Orgy! Orgy! Orgy!” Scream starts chanting.
”Two, Five, you’re to hunt for love. I’ve noticed that dwarves, especially those in the military consider you exotic and interesting. You can use that. Oh, and Topaz would like to see you again, Two. I think he really likes you.”
”Makes things a little easier, definitely,” Two nods.
”I can help too,” Six raises his hoof, ”It was my job to survive on my own while scouting. Plus, being around Three is kinda… refreshing too.”
”Good, we need to top up. Try more love than lust, but if we can’t get a good ratio, I’ll have to try my hoof at energy mixing like One used to do. I just hope I don’t poison anyone.”
”Testing volunteer, right here,” says Five flatly.
”Shush, or I’ll have you hug Six until he’s a little love generator on his own,” Two takes a jab of her own.
”N-No...” Six stutters, ”Or maybe, as an experiment?”
”Hmmm, if I hug him really hard, I COULD cause some interesting internal bleeding...” Five ponders out loud.
”C-Can we just cuddle?”
”Oh no, with you, it’s a literal pelvis-shattering bang or nothing,” Five grins, ”Finally, an idea that satisfies everyone.”
”Hey, just like your first time with miss Eight, boss!” Three chimes in.
Hmm, maybe I should test the love-lust mix on myself first.
Or maybe…
”Scream, I need your help,” I say when everyone’s link weakens, ”As much as I don’t want to, I must do this the old changeling way, but with new changeling result.”
***
Forge Fire comes home late once again, blissfully not completely wasted for once. While his wife Diamond Cut still does appreciate a good drinker when she sees one, not being capable to do anything other than roll over after you come home isn’t an attractive trait, and hasn’t been for decades of their marriage.
“I’m home, Diamond.”
“Food’s on the stove, Forge,” she says, gradually realizing Forge’s voice isn’t slurred like usual. She peeks out of the living room, “Are you okay?”
“No, I’m not,” says her husband. When she walks out to see what got him so down that he came home strangely sober after a usual evening with friends. Her eyes go wide when she sees him with a bouquet of flowers, “Sorry, it’s a bit- well, a lot late for our anniversary. I know I’ve been an ass for… ever, really.”
Diamond Cut narrows her eyes.
“What do you want?” she says slowly, with utmost suspicion, “Or what did you do…?”
“It’s more about what I didn’t do, or haven’t been doing for way too long,” Forge Fire admits, “But I admit I am hungry, honey.”
“Hon-?!” Cut squeaks as her husband grabs her, nuzzling her neck out of nowhere, something he hasn’t done in years.
Forge Fire smacks his lips.
“You outdid yourself on the appetizer today, honey,” he leaves the blushing and confused mare behind, taking his armor off and putting it on a stand by the door. To Diamond Cut’s growing horror, he doesn’t go to the living room and then fall asleep. Instead, his steps lead to the kitchen where he automatically starts washing the dishes.
“Who are you and what did you do with my husband?” asks Cut, but not before the dishes accumulated over the day are all clean. She’s a practical mare after all.
“Honey-” Forge Fire looks taken aback, and then Cut puts her hoof on her husband’s mouth.
“No matter. I know what I want to do with him,” she turns around, flicking her tail to brush Forge Fire’s nose. Obediently, her husband follows her to the bedroom.
”What DID you do with the old drunk anyway after we found him?” asks Scream, ”I was busy telling smart bug how to throatfuck a dwarf with her tongue, and laughing at slave bug-”
”Please, don’t call Five that,” I say, gently kissing Diamond Cut, ”And real Forge Fire is out cold in the cellar, full of venom and some suggestions about being less of a total asshole to his wife.”
”You’re an UNBELIEVABLE goody four horseshoes! Vomit-worthy and impressive at the same time. Now nibble her neck a little.”
”Nothing crazy, Scream.”
”You’re less experienced than mini bug, so shut up and keep doing what I tell you until she’s satisfied,” grumbles the alicorn.
”Alright, alright.”
Diamond Cut will never know what happened. Forge Fire will hopefully never know what happened either, but will wake up as a better dwarf. However, I had no idea that rekindling lost love from its dying embers would taste and feel so good.
No matter if others fail or don’t bring enough energy tomorrow, I will be able to feed them. That’s my job. Job that I wouldn’t be able to do properly without a certain infuriating alicorn.
”Thank you, Scream.”
”About time you said that, boss bug. I’ll add it to my list of favors to call in later.”
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After all this time... bossling is finaly doing changeling things. Although.... i sopose being unable to change might have had something to do with it...
Dont give three explosives!
Or do give three explosives, the results could be wacky and hilarious!
Changing the origonal to make up for differences in the disguised... ingenious. Way to go boss bug
9441846
No, Three's definitely not getting explosives, he'd think that C4 is silly putty, and then be sad that his "clay" ponies exploded.
Magitech support eh? Well has Three tried politely asking his body to do things? What about hitting himself to get it working right? Disconnecting the power source, having the Boss freak out and reconnecting it again? Is there a manual control board anywhere on him? Maybe a magicaly projected control board? Oh! Have you tried making him preform the Konomi Code somehow? That could maybe unlock some things....
….
….Upon further thought those things unlocked could be explosive or laser-y in nature so it is to be best if he tried this method immediately.
9442955
Yes, yes, no, no, no, no.
He also tried up, up, crouch, left hug, right hug, crouch, jump. All that did was make him walk through walls and see green or partly red lines above everyone around.
He had to reboot himself, by which I mean that he borrowed some dwarf's boots, put them on, and then took them off again. Strangely enough, it did fix the problem.
9443540
And all I am hoping for is that 3 never meets pinkie. That will give Discord to much power.
9449041
Didn't they meet already in the last book? I really can't remember and am too lazy to look it up.
So, any tips for Six?
Any tips for Two while we're at it?
Screw it, any tips for Five how to get over her situation?
And does anyone work at magitech support? Three needs some help with his body.
Anyway, next time - boss understands that love sabers, while cool, don't send out the right kind of message. He needs something that leaves a more lasting impression.
Hint: What's the most iconic weapon of Warhammer 40k?
for Six: get in a "fight" with Two over Five's honor. not sure if it would work.
for Two: take three Topazes and talk to Boss in the morning.
for Five: you are in a city full of dwarves. get in a drinking contest or a fight. either works.
never played Warhammer so, i heard of some kind of mechs or something.
9449164
They did, but it was when 3 was in attempting to be in his disguise, but poison joke kept him transforming, it was pretty brief.
As for magitech support? I'm pretty sure an alternate of myself was tinkering with some trans-dimensional magitech and exploded himself causing his knowledge to be split among us. I'm pretty sure it's a Will based interaction. Not will of mind, nor will of body, but will of soul. Its deeper than mind, and he can't exactly have will of body because the body is artificial and the target of the change.
Good story so far. On to the next part of it!
9688990
Glad you're having fun.
Hey, if no one else is going to say it, I will.
Nice reference
Most iconic weapon?...... Bolters really more factions use them than any other weapon. Or failing that. exsterminus.
10017978
Naaaaaaaaah. Bolters have that problem of not looking good enough to be on posters. Exterminatus... well, technically it isn't the name of the weapon.
Taken out of context, this would be really confusing.
I found it hilarious.
Six should get tips from Klingons next.
They keep sending lower and lower numbers. 🤔
It's really convenient slash suspicious that despite coming from different hives there are never conflicts of rank. I mean, Boss never appointed 5, 6, or 7, and look, here they are. Also really weird, now that I think of it, that Eight is the only changeling (I've seen) ever to change rank. I mean, 36658 is still 36658 after threeish years even with its medical malpractice going on? And 10013 has a lot more responsibilities than 9999 ever did when it held that four-digit rank before the Canterlot fiasco--and there definitely are plenty of open numbers. A lot more open ranks than taken ones, even. How do they even justify calling a new drone 99782 at that point?
And Three doesn't count. That's always been more of a name than a rank. His last name is And A Bunch Of Other Digits.
Writing this is making me realize that Three has a gender. I know Six "felt more male than female" or something but now I want to go back and see if you mentioned anything about that when you introduced him.
Edit: Aha! "If it- he, let's say the drone is a he despite the lack of any characteristics..." This seems to be more an aspect of Boss's personality than anything else.
Edit 2 after a couple more chapters: AAAAAAAUGH I WAS SO CLOSE TO GETTING IT
11292284
You might be overthinking it a little.
Damn, I recently did explain the concept of changeling gender to some detail in a comment, I think, in On Holiday or Everywhere. TLDR: The reason it translates so poorly from our point of view is that our concept of gender is a societal role, which for changelings is warrior/infiltrator/drone and so on. Any semblance of male/female is an expression which a changeling might get due to a contact with a species that has a different way of gendering.