Irredeemably Rejected
Irredeemably Rejected
Story by PLCTheCd, commissioned by Tan575 and artwork by CSImadmax.
"They need you right now, but when they don't…they'll cast you out like a leper…"
-The Joker, in The Dark Knight
Deception (An Outrage)…
Disgrace (For Shame!)…
She asked for trouble the moment she came…
Somewhere at the edge of the Everfree Forest, Twilight Sparkle coughed and sputtered as she gets up after being thrown into a mud puddle. With mud and filth covering her face and body, Twilight turned to look at the princess, her brother, and her friends. Their eyes filled with anger and hatred towards her.
Gathering up the courage to face their icy glares, she manages to speak, "Everyone please, I know what I did was wrong but isn't this getting way out of hoof? If you would just let me explain that I didn't mean to do it!"
"No more excuses!" Shining Armor yelled at his sister before the ruler of Equestria quiets him down.
"Consider yourself lucky that I am your brother," said Shining Armor.
"But I am sincerely sorry, I really am!" The guilty mare pled to the unmoving crowd. "I didn't mean for all of this to happen."
"Do you truly believe saying that alone will justify your actions?" Her mentor said coldly, "Nothing that you will say or act will undo the damage that you have caused."
"But there must be some other way!" The purple unicorn urged. "What must I do?"
"Just be grateful that I didn't sentence you to be executed," Princess Celestia snapped at her former pupil. "Your crime against Equestria is high treason and that alone is punishable by death. But since you were my former pupil and taking into account of your past contributions to Equestria, I have decided to commute the death penalty to a much lighter sentence. You will instead be banished from Equestria forever and you will be spared from the humiliation of public shaming and execution."
"But, isn't there anypony who would speak for me?" Twilight panicked. "What about Spike, Princess Luna, or your niece, Princess Cadence?"
"How dare you bring Cadence into this?" Her brother snarled with fury, slamming his hooves on the grass. "Everypony is either afraid of you or wants you dead."
Princess Celestia raised her hoof to quiet the Captain of the Royal Guard down. Shining Armor immediately went silent but retained his hatred toward his once beloved baby sister. This was the first time Twilight had seen Shining Armor this angry towards her and the fury in his eyes alone was enough to chill her bones. In the past when she was just a filly, her Big Brother Best Friend Forever was the first person to defend her whenever she gets into trouble. This time, however, her own big brother has become her enemy.
"Seeing that you asked for a fair trial, we will give you one," said Princess Celestia.
The Alicorn was silent for awhile until she finally said, "You can speak to all seven of us, if you can convince any one of us, then I shall pardon you of your horrific crime but I cannot guarantee that any of us will forgive you."
Twilight Sparkle winced when Princess Celestia said "horrific" and not being able to forgive; but she is slightly relieved when she gets a chance to defend herself. Deciding to pick whom to speak to, she goes for the first mare she met in Ponyville. Pinkie Pie.
"Pinkie, you can't be serious about forgetting the fun times we had," Twilight begged the party maker. "Remember when we solved the mystery of the Dessert Competition in Canterlot together! Remember when we arranged a surprise birthday party just for you!"
"You're not going to fool me anymore with your smart talk!" Pinkie Pie snapped at her, "None of us will fall for your tricks ever again, you big dumb meanie!"
Shot down, Twilight was about to cry from the words Pinkie Pie (from all mares no less!) had said. But she fights back her tears. Surely, if she can't convince the party maker for forgiveness, then the hardworking Applejack might be able to see her truth.
"Applejack, you saved me when we reached the Elements of Harmony. I helped you during the applebuck season, I was the one who-"
Twilight was interrupted when a rotten apple was thrown at her face; pieces of the rotten fruit and the sour juices ran down her face and into her mouth.
"That will shut yer lying trap up, yah no good snake…" The cowgirl hissed.
Desperate, Twilight goes to Rainbow Dash. The cyan Pegasus herself might know what it is like to be punished and may believe that this is going too far.
"Please tell me that this is some kind of a sick joke," the unicorn pleaded to the hovering pegasus, "Just ask them to stop and think back when we were at Cloudsdale to support you in the Best Young Flyer competition and when I introduced you to Daring Do!"
"This is no joke you dirty traitor!" Rainbow Dash growled, "At least I didn't do the things that you did!"
Before Twilight can reason with Rainbow Dash, the pegasus placed a rain cloud above Twilight's head and kicks it. Twilight gets drenched in even more rainwater similar to what happened to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, courtesy from the pegasus. More mud began to form on her already filthy coat.
Coughing out the excess rainwater and doing her best not to trip over the slippery mud, she turns to the Element of Kindness. Perhaps, she will know when enough is enough.
"This isn't like you at all Fluttershy," the desperate mare beseeched, "Don't you think this punishment is harsh? Just think back when I helped you gather water for Cloudsdale. Remember when you freed me from the Cockatrice?"
Alas, the animal caretaker's response was anything but what Twilight wanted to hear.
"If I knew about the cruel things that you would do in the future, I would've let you stayed in stone you monster!" Fluttershy spat.
Twilight was stunned that she of all ponies would say such a thing to her. This is the first time Twilight had seen the kind and softspoken Fluttershy showing cruelty towards anypony. Twilight was doing her best to hold back her tears but recalls that there are three chances left. She turns toward Rarity. Maybe the proprietor of Carousel Boutique can be convinced.
"I was the one who rescued you from the Diamond Dogs Rarity," Twilight said, "Have you forgotten that?"
"That is an exaggeration, Twilight Sparkle. I saved myself through my own quick-thinking and well-placed words. Don't think that you'll rip us off this time!" She lashed out with a scoff. "You're not going to steal our trust anymore, you thief!"
Just my brother and the princess left. Twilight thought. If I can't convince my friends, I must try my best to convince them.
"Big brother please, I didn't mean for this to happen," the younger sibling implored. "Recognize your own sister, remember when you taught me to fly a kite, please think of the good things I did and the good times we had as siblings."
"You are no longer my sister…" Shining Armor replied as coldly as his stare. "And before you bring my parents into this issue, let me tell you that both Mom and Dad are disappointed at what you've done. Mom is so upset that she regrets ever giving birth to you and Dad wants me to tell you that he has already disowned you. I will make sure that Mom and Dad will soon forget that you ever existed. I have already burnt every single photograph they have of you."
"This is your last chance to convince us," Princess Celestia warned, "Speak now or leave and never return."
Twilight panicked frantically and tries to think of someway to talk them out of banishing her. Then an idea appeared, a bright beacon of hope in this grim and dark situation.
"Princess, there's still me as the Wielder of Magic for the Elements of Harmony," Twilight declared with all her heart and soul. "Even if all of you cannot forgive me, you cannot remove the Element of Magic within me."
Everyone looked mildly astounded on what the unicorn has said and Twilight hoped that maybe this was the right sentence to get them to think clearly. The Elements of Harmony, the most powerful magic in Equestria, have been used many times in the past to save Equestria from the brink of disaster. The Elements of Harmony stopped Nightmare Moon and Discord and Twilight hoped with all her heart that perhaps the elements will light her darkest moment.
"True, what you have said is correct," Princess Celestia answered with a slight nod but her mood (Along with everyone else) automatically changed back to her previous one. "But we have already picked a new Wielder of Magic beforehand. Her name is Trixie, and she is a quick learner too. I have already taken her as my new protege and soon she will be my best student of all time, surpassing even what you could ever have been. In fact, Spike has willingly pledged himself as her assistant from this day onwards. He will do his best to help her be better than you."
Twilight's hopes were dashed once she had heard those words. Trixie? As in The Great and Powerful Trixie? Overwhelmed with deep despair, she can't believe that she was replaced as well. The Wielder of Magic and the coveted position as Princess Celestia's personal protege were stripped away from her as well.
"Trixie is my new little sister for now on," Shining Armor added, "Mom and Dad are planning to adopt her after you're out of the picture. Her being their new daugther will help them to forget their shame of ever having you."
And now Trixie has taken over her place as daugther to her parents and sister to her brother.
"T-t-those are not any of your w-ways everypony, Tr-tr-trixie must've tricked you like Discord did to all of you." Twilight breaks down into stammers; in a final desperate move, she cries out at the top of her lungs. "PLEASE RECOGNIZE ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD! PLEASE REMEMBER ME!"
Without warning, a speeding rock barely missed her ear by an inch. She turned her back to see the rock lodged into a nearby tree. The said projectile was imbedded deep in the trunk, the impact would have seriously hurt or even killed her. It was obvious that the rock was aimed for her, and her mouth opened wide in disbelief once she saw who the thrower was.
"This is your last chance to leave unharmed Twilight," Shining Armor said with disgust as if her very name was foul. "This time, I won't miss!!"
"Enough of your pathetic excuses," Princess Celestia warned the unicorn. "If you must know, I was the one who decided that she will be the new Wielder of Magic."
"But none of you ever liked Trixie," Twilight protested to her friends. "She is a show-off and a liar. Remember the time when she humiliated Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Rarity in front of everypony on stage? And I had to stop an Ursa Minor when her boasting made Snips and Snails bring it to Ponyville?"
"You forgot the fact that you could have stood up for us at any time when she was showing off on stage," said Rainbow Dash. "Instead, you turn tail and ran when she openly challenged you. I say that's cowardice and disloyalty. Besides, what she had done to us in the past is nothing compared to the crimes you have commited."
"I agree," said Rarity. "We can forgive what she did to us in the past; but we shall never forgive you for your crimes, Twilight Sparkle."
"And Trixie never tricked us like you did with us," Twilight's former brother added. "And now back to the Everfree Forest where you belong. And never come back!"
"She would soon be a better student, friend, and sister than you ever were, Twilight Sparkle," the ruler of the sun said coldheartedly. "You are now forbidden to even step a foot in Equestria. If you dare to return then you will wish that you had been executed."
With her head sunk low, her eyes filled with tears, and her spirit absolutely crushed, Twilight Sparkle quietly walked into the woods. Behind her, Twilight's former friends yelled at her, as Applejack thrown one last rotten apple at her. But Twilight didn't care anymore. She was stripped of everything she had ever been proud of. The Wielder of Magic, protege to Princess Celestia, her friends, her brother were all torn away from her; and even her own parents had disowned her. She no longer had anything.
As she walks away into the woods, Twilight could hear the princess saying, "I, Princess Celestia of Equestria, decree that from this day onward that Twilight Sparkle is no longer a citizen of Equestria. Let the name of Twilight Sparkle be erased from every book and records in Equestria. All her achievements are to be forgotten but her crimes shall always be remembered as a lesson to us all. Let the name of Twilight Sparkle be unheard and unspoken, to be erased from the memory of everypony, for all time."
For hours,Twilight Sparkle wandered in the Everfree Forest which is now both her home and prison. The only other inhabitant that she knows living in the forest is Zecora. Perhaps, she would be kind enough to let her stay in her hut? No. She has caused enough trouble to everypony and she didn't want to trouble Zecora either. Besides, all Twilight wants right now is to be alone so that she can wallow in despair.
"Go on and git yah no-good Liar!"
"Go back where you came from you Cruel Monster!"
"You're never going to make anypony grouchy again, you Angry Meanie!"
"Good riddance, the place is better without ponies like you, you Thief!"
"Don't you ever come back to Equestria ever again, Traitor!"
Those words still echoed Twilight's mind even as she walked deeper and deeper into the dark Everfree Forest. Twilight cries harder than she ever had before, tears blinding her as well as the forest's shadows and she thought to herself:
"They called this mercy?"
Let her run…
Let her live…
But do not forget what we cannot forgive…
...
By the time she opened her eyes, Twilight Sparkle was in her bed…in her home…in Ponyville! It was all but a horrible nightmare, a nightmare that was all too real. She gasped for air and wiped the cold sweat off her head. Twilight slowed and quiet down her breathing as not to wake the sleeping Spike. In her bed, she begins thinking…
"It was all just a bad dream," She quietly reassured herself, "But just what did I do that was so unforgivable?"
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INB4 being so scared trying to avoid whatever she did wrong that she does it anyway.
Interesting but from start i knew it would end like this
Lion King II reference... me gusta
well, if it wasn't a dream, that would mean I get to keep her company.
Nice story in any case.
YEEEEEAAAAAAAAÖÖÖÖÖÖÖRRRR!(german keyboard are cool^^)
I hope this isn't a oneshot like "In a pink flash"(nothing ahainst the story itself)
MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR
I actually teared up a bit. Hope yer happy.
Oh god, you actually used THAT cliche? Son, I am disapoint.
Oh, and according to a cannon map, the Everfree is actually in the centre of Equestria. Here's a link.
WHAT DID SHE DO WHAT DID SHE DO
'dis be good.
But now I got Lion King songs stuck in my head.
huh, half expected that ending. But I agree, what on earth could Twilight do that would cause such a thing.
And it's not as if the Elements of Harmony can be passed down like that. I don't know what separated Celestia and Luna from them but I'm guessing it has something to do with whatever made Luna Nightmare Moon. Since nothing seems to have happened to Twilight, I question Celestia' ability to do ANYTHING to the Element of Magic beside glare at it for not leaving Twilight.
Then again this IS a dream, and Twilight has shown she has a pretty creative imagination when it comes to 'bad things happening', so I can see where you were going with this.
I would Want to guess what was the bad thing she did.
Twilight might have murdered Spike.
It's okay twilight for we are an army.. No! A legion over 10 million strong with your word we will bring down canterlot even equestria for we are loyal to the wielder of magic and for you we would burn with a smile
Mr. Author, would you allow me to have your permission to write a "what if it was real" sequel?
1039520
Sure. Why not. But I need to tell you that another person is also having the same idea. Maybe you would like to ask him first here:
http://plcthecd.deviantart.com/
1039544
So the plot thickens....
Yeah. I've posted a comment on his piece.
What do you mean it's complete?
Grammar errors aside, this is decently written. Plenty of emotion and easily readable.
Two things though:
First: While I think this may make a good prologue, I can't see this as a story. Nothing actually happens. Even as a dream sequence, neither the dreamer nor the audience learned anything from it.
Second: In the dream each and every character is ludicrously out of character. Even if you disregard all their actions due to it being "in a dream" then Twilight is STILL outrageously out of character.
The second point could be forgiven if not for the first. You can have OOC characters to tell a story(to an extent), but there is no story here...
1050127
Hello: I'm the original writer of the story here (I gave Tan575 permission to post it because of the artwork was commissioned from him), and I also like to know what grammar errors that I need to fix. I'm also glad that you like the story despite the errors.
In response of the two things that you've said:
First response: I'm hoping to continue this story I was thinking either Twilight wondering if it's some sort of prophecy, and investigate it. Or make it not a dream and have Twilight seeking some kind of a revenge.
Second response: I'm aware that everyone is out of character, but it IS a dream after all, and I know, sounds like an poor excuse. But like cullexoh said, Twilight has a creative mind about the consequences. Plus, considering that Twilight is in deep trouble and the tense situation she was in, I'm sure her behavior is somewhat justifiable. If not, what do you believe she should've done (I'm not trying to sound snippy, but I like to know what should've happen)
1054177
The correction has already been done to the story following Aburi's recommendation. However, Equestria Daily says that there are still many mistakes and the story is rejected again.
1054177 I will forward you the message that I sent to tan575 so you can see the thinking behind the changes I recommended - I do need to note again that I'm not great at grammar, (apparently EQD agrees there
)
About how I would change things... Under the premise that this is a dream it's safe to have all other characters act OOC except Twilight. If I had to ascribe any single trait to Twilight, it would be humbleness (followed closely by insecurity), and she also seems to embody the traits of all the other Elements of Harmony to a lesser extent as well. The dream Twilight comes across as greedy above all else. The only reason I can see that she is arguing is to keep from getting banished. Now this is a good reason to argue, but the way she goes about it is to try to make herself look good and remind her friends of the things she has done for them.
How I would work it is to have Twilight try to appeal to the best traits of her friends. Ask for Fluttershy's kindness and AJ's honesty. For Dash and Rarity I'd just have her ask for their friendship and forgiveness, as to appeal more directly would start to get into guilt trip territory, something I'd try to avoid.
For the most part, I think Twilight would accept any punishment with a minimum of fuss. Remember that she always fears extreme punishments for any perceived mistake on her part. This is not because she thinks that Celestia is cruel enough to carry out these punishments, but that she deserves it for letting her mentor down. As a specific example of Twilight's behavior in this situation, check out the season 2 finale. When Twilight chased the false Cadence out of the wedding rehearsal all her friends and family lay into her for her "misbehavior". And she just takes it. She doesn't try to defend herself at all, and assumes that she's in the wrong despite all the evidence to the contrary.
This was kind of a rambling and roundabout way of explaining things, I hope that it helped explain my previous comment.
Hey tan, mind if I make my own take on this?
1057157
Hello: I'm the original writer here, Tan just had my permission to post this online since the commission was paid by him.
You can send me a private message on what the sequel will be about,
1055754
Hey Aburi: I got your private message and I saw the errors. Thanks for the bunch, and I'll keep your suggestions to Twilight whenever I continue this story out.
I wish you didn't end the story there.
This is what dreams do, they reflect ourselves. In this case, it reflects Twilight's suppressed fear of losing those she loved after what happened with Chrysalis.
This nightmare was born of that fear Twilight isn't trying to face in reality, so she's facing it in her nightmare instead.
I think Twilight facing this nightmare with the help of her friends in reality is where the story would really pick up.
1070931
Hello Alex Warlorn!
Thanks for reading the story, and don't worry because I'm not planning to end it.
1028184
Hello: I'm the original writer here, Tan just had my permission to post this online since the commission was paid by him. By which cliche do you mean? Is it the dream one?
1102676
Yup, the dream one. No better way to destroy whatever mystery and build up you had.
1102718
No worries dude, I'm planning to write another story where Twilight gets revenge.
1102729
Revenge because she had a bad dream?
1102743
Sorry, I meant in a "What-if it wasn't a dream"
1102792
Will there actually be a description of the crime?
What did she do?
This is...interesting.
If you're going to continue, then I'll follow. I've got to wonder just what Twilight did that was so unforgiveable, even to the Princess.
You say you're going to do a sequel where this wasn't a dream...I'm not sure what to think of that. I guess we'll wait and see.
Thank goodness that it was a dream.
Hello everyone, this is the original author here.
If anyone wants to continue this story, then please click this link! Prediction and Prophecy from a Pony
But what if she only dreamt that it was just a nightmare? INCEPTION!
um,twilight is a princess,they cant just banish her.
2365359 Not in this story.
1142540 To be honest, looking at this image and reading through the story I couldn't help but think of a sort of twist in this. What if, Twilight was exiled for a crime that everyone, even she, believed that she really did commit? But after only a few days of her exile, everyone of her friends, her mentor and brother find out that she wasn't responsible, but they can't bring her back to Equestria?
Taking a scene from this episode of Batman TAS;
Let's say that the Joker represents all of Twi's friends, Celestia and SA. And King Barlo is maybe Queen Chrysalis?
"Greetings my little ponies, and your 'majesty'. If you're reading this scroll I left for you, then it probably means that you've finally figured out that you've all been fooled again. Yes, it IS true that Twilight was the one responsible for causing that disasterous spell to impress the representatives from the Griffon Kingdom, but the only reason it went so wrong was because my Changelings sabotaged the spell while she was performing the most complex part of it. The Griffon's certainly are a troublesome bunch to keep happy and it seemed that exile for Twilight was certainly unavoidable, and knowing all of you, you've long since had her cast out. All the other events that you thought was her doing, the theft, the blackmailing, it was all done by MY subjects disguised as her.
You see, I always despised that little brat for ruining my invasion of Canterlot and I knew that THIS would be the perfect payback. By now, she's probably miles away from any boarder anywhere NEAR Equestria. You're 'Replacement' that worthless two bit travelling mare show off is no where near ready to harness the 'Element of Magic', and best of all, not one of you can admit that I fooled you like this, or not only will you fail the Griffon kingdom for failing to carry out the punishment to what THEY desire, but you'll prove how easily we can invade your land all over again, Twilight and Cadence will never forgive you for having no faith in her, and worst of all for you, you'll be the laughing stocks of Equestria.
The joke's on you, you fools! I got the last laugh after all!
Sorry for my mindless ramblings, it was just a thought. ^^;
May I make use of this story for my prologue of my fanfic. I gave me a crazy of an idea.
3036193
Not a bad idea.
5584177 You said this could be similar to the story Star Wars Republic Commando: Equestria Commando, but this does not answer my question from that story, what was she accused of in that story? I mean, yes, they are highly similar, but this does not answer my original question. WHAT... WAS... SHE... ACCUSED...OF ????
5584660
It could be anything.....that's all I can say..
Dreams are like that, you never know why things happen in them only that they do. Sometimes like real life.
This story is so Dark and Aweosme to learn the penalty experiences. I hope to see the sequel. You made a very good story.
During the whole time I was wondering what her crimes were....until the end when it was just a dream.
And then this happens
Two years later.
The First Order invades Equestria, they take ponies hostage, Celestia and the others are brought before Commander Sparkle the new prime leader of the First Order with her master Kylo Ren.
Now when I was reading I thought
"Ooooh boy she's gonna find something creepy and powerful and then REVENGE AND INSANITY!!"
Actually can you make something like that?