Celestia is sick and tired of having mediocre cups of coffee in Canterlot. The coffee chains they have in the city are a bust, and none of the ponies seem to know how to make anything other than basic, plain old coffee! Maybe she needs to scout out a better franchise and better hired help in order to get a decent cup of joe for a change. Maybe she even needs to search outside of the pony realm to do it.
WARNING: Contains human to pony transformation, stressful situations, brainwashing, and overly complicated sweet girly coffee abominations.
Written as a commission for Foal Star, who brewed this idea from scratch. :)
Chapters (1)
I'm so happy you included the last part of your trigger warning. By the Sun such things deserve to be shunned!
9282325
I don't drink coffee, and even I cringe at those orders!
A very enjoyable story. Though MC is usually a bad thing, when used for that perfect coffee. Is it really so wrong?
Not sure if this is a spelling mistake or not, but that's something small compared to... perhaps, one of the most random stories ever.
Pretty sweet story, anyways.
9282363
Thanks for the catch, fixed. Glad you liked it!
I think a dark tag might be appropriate here...
Welcome to good burger, home of the good burger, may I take your order?
9282384
i.imgur.com/Kgl48PI.gif
Twilight's eyelid twitched. Without ever looking away from Celestia, she magically guided her coffee to one of the planters and upended it.
Celestia simply sipped her own, visibly keeping a most unroyal sound of pleasure down to a pleasured but dignified hum. "Is something wrong, Twilight?"
"It's certainly not what I was expecting when I'd asked if you'd done anything interesting lately." Officially speaking, there was no snark to be found in Twilight's voice. One princess of the realm did not sass another. Officially.
Celestia certainly didn't acknowledge any hypothetical sass. "You have to agree that it was quite interesting."
"From a purely magical standpoint, yes. From any other?" Twilight felt the twitch start up again, threatening to spread to her other eye and both ears. She shut her eyes, breathed in calm, breathed out stress. Once she found her center, she said, "Princess, you know how I sometimes find it hard to criticize you or accept your fallibility?"
Celestia nodded. "I am, yes."
"Well, you'll be pleased to know this isn't one of those times. Because these horse apples right here? This is why I don't tell you anything about the other side of the mirror."
(A fun read, even with those blasphemies against the bean on display. And that is a fantastically disturbing use of second-person narration.)
Forced human to pony transformation, brainwashing, deal with the
Dev...Alicorn, coffe...dark tag?The darkest part of this story was the coffee orders
9282447
9282461
Dawwww, both of you are sickeningly sweet for spoilering your posts. :)
Coffee is the most important meal of the day.
good story simple, though I figure it be luna who was the coffie addict. unless this all happen before luna return....
No, just no!
are you making more liked this?
awesome job! Im definetly going to commison again this was really funny and cute.
You just turned Celestia into the evil queen from Snow White... which is quite fitting.
But... Celestia didn’t have even a tiny slice of cake? Or a whole cake? Or like, clean out the entire pastry window of all cake-related items? Where. Is. My. Realism?
caffeine
mane
9282748
Thanks, fixed. :)
As short as it is, the story was pretty good. I quite liked it. I give it a 10 on the
itude meter! Perhaps at some point Mocha can look up Caramel Cream (One of my OCs). I'm sure that they'd get along just fine.
Also, this reminds me of....
https://m.you shuld call it "SunBuck" coffee
Interesting read, keep it up.
Love your stuff pencil, oddly enough though this is the first to make me actually uncomfortable. Of all your crazy shit it's this simple one that makes me frown in existential discomfort .
Thank you for that
9283557
I know Pencil writes some fucked up shit, but something about how casual Celestia is about mind-raping him... I mean, she murdered Anon. She mind-raped him and then murdered him.
Celestia wanted good coffee... and she went with STARBUCKS? There are soooo many better choices she could have made. http://grumpyfuckerscoffeeshop.com seems like a nice place.
Author's preference I guess... I'm not in the USA, and we have Starbucks here, and I find the swill they conjure into existence with dark, demonic rites to be downright nasty.
Caramel Mocha's better off this way. Though she could probably use some of that sweet, sweet Royal Endorsement money by way of compensaton.
9283810
I agree that Starbucks is massively overrated, and overpriced to boot. Honestly, I tend to prefer Wawa if anything. It's a frickin' gas station, but damn if they don't make good coffee.
wait what?
9283926
On the
Fixed it, autocorrect is fun sometimes.
9283810
It was the commissioner's choice. And I specifically chose the WORST coffee drink orders for this story. XD
Also, tea drinker here anyway.
Bruh this was fucked up why would you send someone to 40th circle of hell; the thankless job of a coffee baristas drone
Da, Local Soviet harsh critic here. I think from what I read from description that author might agree with me when I say, Starbucks is for flaming goatmen fail lumberjacks trying to cut down tree. Awful snowflake gathering spots and entitled preteen bratty hangout shit drinks makes Starbucks piss. Need real man's drink, HARD ENERGY DRINKS WITH VODKA!!
it's times like this that I remind myself why I order simple things, like just 'latte no sugar.' Cause a basic, easy order breaks up the BS for people like Anon.
nice! celestia just kidnaps and somewhat brainwashed? or hoodwinked a human in signing a contract to live in horseland without the person really knowing whats going on!
i dont see a reason to add a “DARK TAG”
its just a normal everyshit stuff ponyland kind of thing nothing dark about it!
me likey!
9283954
Totally a coffee drinker myself, but I do enjoy tea from time to time. Tim Hortons is my coffee shop of choice. They have good food as well.
You don't drink coffee?! What are you some sort of Commie Mutant Traitor?! O.O
Darker then i anticipated but very good
Ps: I don't drink coffee either
9284959
Hey, I take offense to that. Soviet Power Supreme is best power. ALL HAIL THE SOVIET!!!
9284959
Time for mandatory Soviet spam.
derpicdn.net/avatars/2016/10/31/7241025567b679c7d6461f3.png
wait didnt this say sunbutt awhile ago....
9285065
It never did.
9284959
Believe it or not, I actually can't. I get violently ill unless it's a few select low-acid kinds. And they are... not the most tasty things.
My reaction to reading this fic...
A large part of me wanted to call bullshit on those orders, but then I reminded myself that those people exist. Also:
Why did I hear that soooooo clearly?
monkaS
Ok now I wanna go to sunbucks and get a salted caramel mocha with extra foam Yum
p.s. I rarely get coffee but when I do it is normally a mocha
9285100
That is totally bananas. Have you tried putting like milk and/or chocolate in your coffee?
9286446
It's not the taste, it's an allergy. :(
9286454
That is HORRIBLE!!! What do you drink then if not coffee? T_T
9286813
Tea, my dude! I said so in the author's note :P
...and lots of alcohol.