Captains, Queens, and Princesses

by protopony

Chapter 1 : Dinner conversation

Flash Sentry took mental stock of the situation. It wasn’t looking good. His career in the royal guard might take a slight detour, “The Unforgiving Desert” actually had a nice ring to it. Princess Luna was laid out spread-eagle half under the great oak table. Her pupils were pin pricks in a great field of solid white, unblinking and slowing drying out. Her normally ethereal mane of stars, had frozen in place and while still defying all known laws of gravity was no longer blowing in an unseen wind.

One Princess down, not an unheard of situation. Technically, Flash reasoned to himself, guard captains for the past thousand years had been one princess down. Even Shining Armor, a living legend among guard ponies, had been one princess down for half his stint as Captain.

Twilight Sparkle would soon join the lunar princess if she wasn’t careful. Her wings fluttering uselessly, she sat in her chair hyperventilating with the practiced grace that only she possessed, none. She futilely tried to regulate her breathing but only succeeded in panicking herself further. The aura around her horn intensified as the papers in her grasp begin to twist and wring themselves into uselessness. Flash frowned. One minute more like that and she’d pass out. A quick glance at the table and Flash had a task to complete

Flash moved to Twilights side and pushed a large stack of papers aside. He grabbed a cloth satchel and pulled the flap open. The poor frontier town that had sent this over had probably just saved the smallest of the princesses from a trip to the hospital. He upended the makeshift breathing bag, dumping the contents, and helped Twilight place the open end over her muzzle.

“Here Princess, breathe deep.” Flash held the bag for her then noticed that Fizzlepop had caught his movement toward her charge, she met his eyes briefly and nodded to him slightly in thanks. That’s one crisis averted.

Shining Armor and Cadence were both shocked at the events but seemed to be OK. Shining had stepped forward to stand beside Cadence and she instinctively wrapped a wing around his barrel. Shining glanced to Twilight but Flash had been quick on his hooves and it seemed she would soon recover. They were both glancing between the fallen Princess Luna and Celestia, who hand not moved a single muscle since the moment Luna hit the floor.

Without warning Luna's Eyes burst forth in brilliant white light, her horn became a dark beacon of blue/purple brilliance, her back arched up suddenly as if in the moment of climax. The ponies all winced and their ears folded as a sound too high pitched to be heard, but strong enough to be felt began emanating from the fallen Princess. The glassware in the room shattered spilling nuts, pretzels and wine onto the surfaces and in some cases parchment they were resting on. The glow from Luna's horn spread down her prone body and she began to lift off the floor, levitating upright her wings spread and her hooves reaching upwards towards the sky.

“I HAVE NOT FELT THIS ENERGIZED SINCE I SLEW THE BUGBEAR QUEEN IN GLORIOUS BATTLE!” She extended her hooves and spun a circle as she spoke. “NOT SINCE I FIRST FELT THE WIND BENEATH MY OWN WINGS AND FLEW FASTER THEN SOUND ITSELF HAVE I EXPERIENCED SUCH FREEDOM!” She hovered in place then moved around to face Celestia who still sat in her seat but was watching Luna with rapt attention.

“NOT SINCE I EMBRACED THE DARKNESS WITHIN MY OWN HEART THAT DEMANDED YOUR DESTRUCTION,” Her hoof jabbed forward to point accusingly and the Solar Diarch, “HAVE I FEET THIS EXCITEMENT!!” Celestia smirked, unimpressed.

Luna spun and faced the unicorn captain and lowered herself till her hind legs touched the floor. Her upper body still erect, her eyes ablaze, and her horn alight she was everything the great painters and stone carvers strove to capture in their warrior princess. Terrible and Beautiful. Awe-inspiring and fear inducing.

“NEVER, SINCE IRON HAMSTRING HIMSELF HAS A SINGLE PONY CAPTURED MY ATTENTION!!” Celestia started, and hid a smile behind a hoof.

Luna let down her fore hooves and wings and her body returned to its natural posture. Her eyes lost the blazing inferno of power within and her horn ceased channeling the magic which held her aloft.

“And,” Luna began again, in a much more conversation and somber tone. “Not since Twilight Sparkle upon my return, or Twilight Sparkle again upon Nightmare Night, have I felt such gratitude to a single pony for service rendered.” She placed her hooves on Fizzlepop’s shoulders and pulled her gently for a royal hug. She clearly enjoyed making the captain uncomfortable and Fizzelpop tried to pull away but Luna persisted until then captain had no choice.

A collective sigh resounded around the chambers followed by some nervous chuckling. Celestia’s horn lit and the glass began to sort itself out from the food and papers.

“A bit over dramatic?” Celestia asked her sister. Luna shook her head vigorously.

“I can feel my rump again Celestia. That may not mean much to one who has so much rump, as yourself.” Cadence tried to stifle a laugh into her hooves and failed. Scandalized Twilight began again to hyperventilate and breath into her satchel.

“But my gratitude is true, I’ve had a knot betwixt my wings that is finally gone, and you’ve done for me a thing that only a hoof full of ponies have done for me; you treated me as a comrade treats another, as one who can assist to one who needed assistance. Without hesitation or agenda.” Lunas smile was genuine and broad as she broke the hug and looked closely at the unicorn. Her gaze lingering on the shattered fragments of horn. Fizzle meet her eyes and to her credit didn’t break that contact. Her discomfort clearly came from the genuine look of gratitude and fondness on the princess’s face something the guard captain was not use to receiving. This one will be a fine addition to the nation Luna decided, but wasted on Twilight.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle." Luna bellowed. "Give this one to me! The Midnight Guard has laid in ruin because no captain meets my standard for commanding it. I believe that has been remedied.” Captain Berrytwist's face remained on the uncomfortable side of neutral. But she said nothing.

“…”

“Princess Twilight?”

“…is not with us.” Flash held the unconscious princess in his forelegs.

****

Twilight awoke to the sounds of forks scraping plates and the aromas of dinner served an hour too late. She lay for a while and got her bearings. A long cushioned bench had been placed at the side of the room for her to recover on. Meanwhile the remaining royals had not spared dinner on her account. The large oaken table once straining under the weight of documents and ink now strained under food and refreshment. A large garden salad sat half consumed in the serving bowl. And several trays of cakes and small pastries were arranged around it. It seemed Twilight had missed the main course.

Shining Armor and Cadence sat at the end of the table, she still working on her salad, Cadence had always been a slow deliberate eater, and he had moved on to desert, his plate piled high with glazed doughnuts. Flash had four plates piled atop each other but was still working on salad, weather he had decided to go back to the main course after dessert or he just REALLY like salad Twilight didn’t know. Celestia and Luna shared a side of the table opposite Captain Fizzlepop and were apparently in an animated discussion about what the ratio of main course to desert was appropriate for a princess.

“Princes Twilight, you’ve decided to rejoin us! Come sit before Luna has all the salad and I have all the cake.” Celestia’s laugh was easy as she rested a hoof on Luna shoulder. The night princess rolled her eyes but smiled as well. She nodded her agreement and bade Twilight sit with them. Twilight rose to unsteady hooves and made her way to the chair next to her stalwart captain. Fizzlepop got up from her chair and bowed low using her damaged horn to pull the chair out for her Princess.

“I’ve asked you not to do that.” Twilight frowned. Normally Fizzle would respect Twilight's wishes in cases like this. Twilight was never comfortable when anypony genuflected directly to her.

“Just an apology, Princess.” Fizzle explained “For not being there while captain Flash was.” If there was one thing that Twilight understood it was guilt for not doing something she felt was her duty, she couldn’t be mad at Fizzle for doing the same thing she'd have done if positions had been reversed. She nodded to the captain who smiled and waited as Twilight sat atop her chair then she gently pushed it back into place. Rather then return to her chair the unicorn captain resumed her place to the left and behind the Princess of Friendship.

“Are you OK, Princess?” Celestia aksed, she couldn’t help but lean a bit forward with her inquiry. Worry creased Celestia's face in a fashion that was missed by nopony preset. “I have to say you scare me to death every time you do that, Twilight.” A dinner plate was lifted in Celestia’s golden aura and a generous helping of salad was deposited atop it. The plate floated toward the purple princess and set down before her.

“Sorry Princess, I was worried that Princess Luna was really hurt.” Twilight blushed in embarrassment and cast her eyes down.

“Ha!” Luna barked. “Even a broken back would not have keep me down for long. But my supposed crippling twas not the reason. You were upset because I insulted Celesta’s ass.”

“Asss-tronomical appetite!” Cadence finished. Her glare bore down on the older Alicorn. Luna was shocked Cadence would interrupt and reprimand her so. She began again, but Cadences eyes narrowed and her glare intensified she slowly shook her head from side to side. No.

Luna knew that Celestia didn't mind the teasing but it was always fun to tease Twilight about anything. She mentally congratulated herself whenever she could get the purple princess to lose her composure. Making her pass out was just icing on the cake. Still, no point starting an argument with Cadence about it, she was nearly as protective as Celestia where Twilight was concerned. It wasn’t good, in Luna’s opinion, Twilight was too easy too fluster. The newest princess panicked too easily, cried too readily and deferred to the three of them much too often. It wasn’t good for Equestrias image, which Luna cared deeply about, nor did it bode well for those who would one day become Twilight's subjects. No use fighting about it now though. Cadence and Celestia would present a united front in Twilight's defense.

Very well. Let them coddle her a bit longer, but she resolved to bring the matter to Celestia's attention.

“Captain Berrytwist," Luna declared. "I require a response form thee!”

“I don’t think it’s necessary to insult Celestia's ass." The captain said at once. "It's actually very nice. In the storm king's lands a healthy, hefty backside was a status symbol. ‘My house has so much I can afford to indulge.’ That kind of thing. She would have been an adviser or even rival in the Court of Storms.” Fizzle was once again seated on her haunches her eyes closed and her body almost completely free of movement. She spoke without inflection or nuance, but in such a sure tone that the other two captains found themselves nodding in agreement before her sentences had even finished.

Cadence chuckled into her hoof and Shining Armor gave a mighty guffaw. Flash coughed and sputtered into the beginning of his seventh helping of salad, spraying his side of the table with dressing and croutons. Luna’s smile could have given Pinkie Pie’s best a run for its money.

Twilight was at a loss, although she enjoyed the impromptu factoid, ever curios and always ready to learn something new, the smile on her face fell instantly. Had her captain just insulted Celestia? Or was it a compliment. Were smiles and thanks coming or reprimand and retribution? Having someone admire the royal assets was OK, right? She heard plenty of guards say so growing up in the palace. But to say so openly right to the princess? She finished writing the fact to paper, properly attributed it to “Fizzlepop Berrytwist, Friendship Guard, Captain.” then proceeded to down the nearest bottle of wine, no glass.

Celestia’s reaction, however, took the cake, so to speak. Tears flooded out of the Solar Princesses eyes, and her sides shock with uncontrolled heaves. Her forelegs wrapped around her barrel holding herself tightly. She coughed and sputtered nearly vomiting the entirely to large slice of cake upon her pastry covered plate.

“I ca*gasp*…breathe. Can’t…*gasp*I..help!” The Solar Goddess of all ponies began to turn red as her trusted deserts betrayed her. A solid hoof to her back just between her wings dislodged the disloyal confection.

“Not that, foal. I wish to have you answer to my offer of leading the Midnight Guard.” Luna had trouble keeping a straight face as the sounds Celestia was making became less and less desperate. Cadence floated a glass of water to her Aunt.

“Forgive me, but I didn’t think you were serious.” Fizzle said. She opened her eyes and fixed them on the Dark Princess, looking for signs of deception or at least of the teasing that Luna seemed to always be doing, she was still trying to get used to that. She cautiously returned to her chair beside Twilight.

“Don’t try to swallow it, spit it out!” Flashed begged his Princess. He too offered her a glass of water.

“Neigh, we were quite serious." Luna went on. Ignoring her choking sister. "A warrior of your caliber should be leading warriors.”

“Hold these.” Cadence commanded her husband shoving her golden shoes into his mouth. She left her chair and began moving to the white goddesses side.

“Like the ones protecting the Festival of Friendship?”

“Ouch, harsh.” remarked Shining armor.

“It was Princess Twilight's idea to invite the guards as guests.” Flash said still offering the now gasping princess water but not willing to break protocol and touch her in any way.

“Passing the buck?” Fizzle asked raising an eyebrow at the yellow Pegasus.

“Offering explanation.” Luna corrected. Striking Celsesta once more on the back.

“I wanted every creature to feel welcome.” Twilight’s disembodied voice came from the inside of the wine bottle she was currently downing, her horn alight with magic. “Many nations fear us and Celestia in particular. I thought the absence of armed guards would ease minds and hearts.”

“A bit naïve” Shining said. Turning Cadences golden shoes over in his hooves.

“Extremely so!” Fizzle accused. “I single hoofedly took your entire capital.” She passed another wine bottle to Twilight.

“Yes, you did” Luna conceded. “And incapacitated three of four princesses with ease.” Luna took the proffered glass of water from Flash Sentry and pressed it into Celestia’s hooves with her magic. Still Sputtering Celsetia took a small tentative sip.

“It couldn’t be done again.” Cadence promised as she moved back to her chair. Captain Armor returned her shoes to her

“The obsidian orbs will no longer function as normal in the palace.” Said the second wine bottle. “I isolated their magical signature from the background field. I wasn't able to deactivate them because I didn't get a good look at what exactly they did. But if anypony brings one onto the palace grounds it will probably set off the wards."

“Probably?” asked Luna passing a plate full of cake to Celestia.

The cake hung motionless in the air in front of Celestia. Her eyes grew hard and scornful.

“I just can’t be sure.” The wine bottle defended. “I designed the spell to do just that but without an orb to test it with...” Flash removed the offending cake and returned to his chair.

“I don’t need more obsidian orbs.” Fizzle boasted.

"Indeed." Celestia spoke at last regaining her breath and a little dignity. "Tell me something, captain. Why did the Storm King not send you sooner to our lands? He must have know of our power for sometime."

The Captain of friendship grew annoyed. "He had always wanted to take your power for his own as long as I worked for him. The temptation to control the weather and actually create the storms he wanted was overpowering. It wasn't until the obsidian orbs were gifted to him as tribute that he decided the time was right to strike."

Shining Armor's ears flattened. "That didn't strike you as odd?" he inquired.

"Or at least a bit convenient?" asked Flash.

Princess Luna pursed her lips and rubbed her chin eyeing the dark unicorn. "I rescind my request, Twilight Sparkle. It appears I was mistaken your caption is no more fit to lead the Midnight Guard then any other candidate. A pity, I had thought this one had a mind in that pretty head of hers."

The Captain of the Friendship Guard looked and the Princess of the Night.

"That was mean, Princess Luna. Please apologize to my Friend."

Fizzlepop didn't appear angry or hurt but genuinely confused. "You think we were set up." she didn't ask.

"I think." the solar princess began. "That a weapon that would be ideal to use on targets that relied heavily on magical power, and had grown soft in their physical defense, such as we four ,finds its way into the clutches of one who already wants to attack us, is odd."

"That this weapon happened to fall into the clutches of the Storm King at a time when all four of us would be together, is suspicious." Luna continued.

The third wine bottle joined in, "And it happened to be at a time when our borders would be open without restriction, that's more than coincidence."

"When our best guards were asked to mingle as guests, that's more coincidence." Cadence joined in.

"And," began Shining Armor. "That the attack was carried out by a pony who had conveniently been turned against Equestria and held no loyalty for her, that's years worth of planning."

Fizzlepop’s eyes flashed dangerously at Shining Armor. "You think I'd believe that I'd been personally set up YEARS before? That my accident was part of some kind of recruitment?"

"Honesty?" Offered Celestia, "We don't know, Captain. But the possibility is there, that's a lot of coincidences. A more important question is : Was it a plan that failed in it's execution, or succeeded in distracting us from some other goal? And if so what? And by whom?"

The ponies present looked at one another But no answers were forthcoming.

Author's Note:

Exposition is a funny thing. If done right it's called world building. If done wrong it can kill a story like that *snap*

Originally I had written a much more comedic dinner scene. But since i'm trying to work it more to Adventure i had to rethink it. I spend a good deal of the morning vacuuming an auditorium and was able to go through the rewrite in my head, I hope it delivers a better feel.