Captains, Queens, and Princesses

by protopony

Part 2 : Hostile Places

I used to think that mom was the luckiest mare in the world. Not because of me or Shining Armor. Because of dad. Night Light never did anything that wasn’t for our family. I don’t remember a single thing that didn’t encourage one of us to reach our potential or build us up.

Dad met mom in the hospital, of all places. He spent many hours there reading to and talking with any pony that needed him.

Mom had broken her leg skiing. She always had an adventurous streak. Dad stayed with her. Talked to her. Helped her. She was so bored. She hated being stuck in a bed.

But dad had a secret weapon. Dad had books, and wove for my mom an entire universe of wonders. Mom lay listening to those stories and Night Lights calming voice and the rest is history.

I'm not sure when I realized that my parents loved each other. I think I thought that it was just a given. I understood romance and love from a literary view when I was a filly. The stories I read for enjoyment were chalk full of half hearted and half realized relationships.

I suppose since very few of those ‘romances’ were built on nothing more than literary tropes and author appeal I never thought much of them.

Mom and dad were married and had foals. Therefore they must be in love. I mean nopony EVER had foals with somepony they didn’t love, right?

It was a few years after my ascension when I learned something extremely profound. Mom and dad weren’t just lovers. They were friends, they were best friends. Dad spent every waking moment of his life making my mom smile. Mom, in turn shared all the things that made her happy with dad.

Mom could find joy in anything, rock climbing, rafting, lawn darts, even paperwork. My father, while less enthusiastic about such things, simply came alive when he was with mom. They shared silent smiles, and warm embraces. There were fights and arguments to be sure but they always seemed to make things better and strive for each other.

I used to want that. I think every filly does. Not everymare has to have a handsome prince with a fairytale castle. Just somepony to be with me when I’m lonely. Or read to me when I can’t. Somepony to hold me when the world isn’t fair or when things go wrong.

I remember the exact moment I stopped wanting that. I remember it because it was the same moment I stopped wanting a lot of things. The moment when my life came into crystal clear focus.

When I saw HER raise the sun. I knew then and there that I belonged at Celestia's side. Apprentice? Protégé? I didn’t know what those words meant at the time. They were merely the first steps. Head Librarian? Archmage? Princess? There were so many things I could have ended up as. So many careers to choose from. So many Doors. I honestly never thought I’d end up what I am today.

Love was the furthest thing from my mind after that. Further than friendship even, and we all know how I felt about friends before Celestia sent me to Ponyville. Growing together with them for nearly a decade made me rethink so much. They were the best friends anypony could ask for, the very thought of being seperated from any of them for an extended period of time tore me up inside.

Looking at them now how can I not say that I love each of them? All of them. They are each dear to me in so many different ways. Cadence was wrong. There aren't so many ponies out there who would be right for me. There's a set that completes me. How could I choose just one when each and everyone of them makes me whole as a pony and a princess? I’d be nothing without them. I’d be nothing without a lot of ponies.

I know it sounds selfish and It almost certainly is. But if I’vei’ve learned anything about friendship it’s that my life has gotten better with more friends. Love is just the next logical step past friendship. I can certainly see myself with anyone of my closest friends, but all five? Herding hasn’t been common in Equestria for many years but it’s hardly an ancient practice. With a suitable stallion my herd would be perfect. The six of us together, helping and supporting each other, who could say no to that?

That’s the easy part. I’ve little doubt that the six of us could come to some marriage agreement that satisfies us all. What I’m more concerned about, what bothers me the most is what I do about The others.

Celestia has been alone for so long and it’s no great secret that I’ve harbored something of a crush for her for years. I’ve watched her fight hoof and nail for her subjects against ponies who, at best think their youth lets them see something the princess has missed and at worst are actively fighting for their own interests at the expenseexpence of others.

I’ve never grown tired of her smile but it’s so fleeting, how I wish I could fix that. I don’t hold any illusions that I could ever fix it forever. Yet if there were some way, something I could do to bring joy and happiness into her life I would do it. I don’t know what she would think if I invited her to join my herd. I don’t know what she would do. Would it insult her? Would it hurt her? The only thing I know for sure is that if it did either of those she would never tell me. While I know her better than most I don’t think I'd realize if she was truly lying to me, especially if she really didn’t want me to know.

What would Luna think? What would she do? How does she fit in all this. Does she fit? If Celestia is the mare I know best then that certainly makes Luna the most mysterious, I can see the appeal in that. There is just something so otherworldly about her, so alluring. And being time displaced for a thousand years means she’s just as clueless as me when it comes to courtship, in the present anyway. That would take a lot of pressure off.

Fizzlepop? I’ve gone from fearing her, To hating her, To pitying her, to trusting her in such a short time. I’ve seen the way she looks at me. The glances when she thinks I don’t notice. Is that what I look like when watching Celestia? Is that how bad it is? At what point do I just say enough is enough.

Each of them could be right. All of them could. And at the same time things could go horribly wrong with each of them. That’s the risk right?

This is so frustrating. What do I do? Remain alone like Celestia? Break that cycle of solitude? Surely it can’t hurt to just ask each of them? I think I have room enough for each of them in my heart. Am I fooling myself again?

What about the viability of such an endeavor? Everypony knows that herds of four only have a twenty three percent success rate after the first three years. I can only imagine the degradation each additional mare incours on the relationship. How could I even think of setting us up for that kind of disaster?

Most importantly, most shamefully I don’t even have a stallion to offer any of them anymore. Not since Flash and I...not since…

-Twilight Sparkle