Walking

Rainbow Dash sighed as she watched the seconds tick by.

It was 11:55 p.m. at the time, a mere 5 minutes away from when she could leave the boring cash register and get back home to Soarin, her coltfriend, for dinner.

There hadn't been any customers for a good 3 hours now, and Rainbow had tried to occupy herself with her thoughts, thinking about what it would be like once her wing had healed and she could return to the Wonderbolts. It only brought a few moments of release, and soon she returned to stare at the clock, every second passing by agonizingly slowly.

"Oh, come on already, you stupid clock!" she groaned, slamming her head against the counter in agony as the clock seemed to run even slower.

The manager of the store had made it quite clear to Rainbow that if she was caught on camera leaving even a second early, he wouldn't pay her the meager salary she was making. Of course, that was mainly because she had been late getting to work every day by at least 2 hours, if not more.

She had attempted to make the excuse that she had been busy organizing the home, but the manager hadn't believed her whatsoever, and decided she would be punished for lying by having to work extra hours without pay, hence why she was sitting here right now.

Sometimes she got the feeling the manager was enjoying punishing her.

A loud buzz startled her out of her thoughts, marking that it was midnight and her shift was over. She was overjoyed.

Then her thoughts shifted to Soarin. She hadn't exactly told him why she had to work extra hours, and he was probably worried. She had to call him and let him know she was safe.

As she dialed his the house number and the phone began to ring, she let her gaze move to the dark street outside. It was empty, filled with multiple streetlights, most of which weren't very effective.

Since 'electricity' was a relatively new concept in Equestria, most of the things that used it were practically useless.

And the power outage that happened next was a perfect example of uselessness.

"Oh, for the love of..." she growled, now completely blind. Thankfully, she was on her own phone, not the shops'.

Rainbow walked outside, not bothering to lock the door, and dialed Soarins' cell number. He picked up after a few rings.

"Sweet Celestia, Rainbow! Where've you been?" said Soarin anxiously.

"What, no hello?" asked Rainbow lightly.

"Okay, hello. Now, where the hay are you? Do you know how worried I was?" replied Soarin.

"Look, I'm sorry for not calling, okay? I had to work extra hours as a punishment for being late to work so much," Rainbow said, groaning inwardly.

There was silence on the other end of the line, and then a sigh.

"You really need to work on that," said a now-calmed Soarin.

"Yeah, I know..." Rainbow replied.

She stared at the building across the street for a moment before speaking again.

"Hey, Soarin? I'm starving right now. Think you could maybe make a daffodil sandwich for me or something?" she asked, stomach rumbling at that exact moment.

"Yeah, sure. Just... Just get home quick. I miss you," Soarin said softly.

Rainbow couldn't help but blush at that.

"I... I miss you too. See you in a bit," Rainbow replied, hanging up.

She stretched out her extremely stiff back and yawned, getting ready to head back home. As she did so, the streetlights turned back on, as well as the shop lights.

Rainbow looked at the shop before waving a hoof at it. If the manager got a few extra bills because of the lights being on, so be it. He deserved it anyway.

With that, she turned and trotted for home.

After Rainbow had been walking for a bit, she noticed a figure out of the corner of her eye. She stopped walking and turned around, squinting her eyes to try to make out the figure.

It seemed to be standing in the middle of a patch of light created by a streetlight. It was a pony, but no matter what Rainbow did, she couldn't make out any of their features. Eventually, she gave up and kept walking.

As Rainbow walked, she heard what sounded like a branch snap. A bit confused at the sound, as there weren't any trees nearby, she turned around to look for the source of it.

Standing in yet another streetlight was the figure. They were completely motionless, just like they had been before. It was eerie, really, since Rainbow couldn't even see their mane moving.

She shook her head, telling herself to calm down. She wasn't in any danger. The pony wasn't even moving, anyway. She was going to be fine. With that thought securely in mind, Rainbow continued to walk.

As she approached an intersection, Rainbow heard a hoof scuff against the stone brick of the road. She flinched a bit, turning around to look behind her.

Her heart began to pound quickly. The figure was there, at the entrance to an alleyway, standing motionless. They were definitely following her, and Rainbow knew it.

A cold bead of sweat ran down Rainbows' neck as her breathing quickened. She had a feeling she didn't want to meet whoever the figure was.

Nonetheless, Rainbow knew she had to keep going. Besides, the pony probably wasn't following her. They might just be another worker, coming home from a long day of work. She was getting worked up over nothing.

She was unconvinced, but she knew that if that somepony were to jump her, she could defend herself. She was Rainbow Dash, fastest flier and coolest pony in all of Equestria.

Thinking about nothing other than that, Rainbow walked to the intersection and waited anxiously for the light to show it was safe to walk across.

Suddenly, she heard hoofsteps.

Startled, she looked away from the light to notice that the figure was walking to the intersection slowly and steadily. As they reached it, they turned towards Rainbow, their posture the same as the other times she had seen them - completely still.

Now, Rainbow was scared. She didn't want to go near that pony. They didn't seem normal. She dry-swallowed, praying to Celestia that she'd be safe.

The light felt like it took forever to say it was safe to cross. Rainbow was sweating buckets, and she felt like she was hyperventilating the entire time.

As the light switched, time seemed to slow down for Rainbow. Every step felt like it took an hour to do. Rainbow felt like she was hyperaware of absolutely everything. She could hear every hoofstep, every rustle of the leaves, every gust of wind. The figure came closer... And closer... And closer...

Soon, they passed by one another, only a hoofstep apart. But just when Rainbow thought she was safe, a pink hoof blocked her from walking any further. Frozen in fear, she turned around.

"Dashie... Why're you in such a hurry?" asked a familiar mare, somewhat of a sinister smile on her face.

Rainbows' eyes widened. This pony looked like Pinkie Pie! But something felt off to Rainbow...

"I just want to throw a party for you," the mare said, her smile widening more and more until it was too wide for even Pinkie.

Rainbow, frozen in terror, watched as the pink mares' face changed into something that belonged in her nightmares. The mares' body followed, twisting and turning into a grotesque and unnatural version of her previous self. The smile grew even wider, revealing a mouth with sharp teeth. A laugh, cold and piercing, came from the thing.

When Rainbow heard that laugh, she ran.

She galloped as fast as her legs could carry her, sprinting down the street. A screech, similar to that of nails scraping down a chalkboard, told her that the creature behind her was now chasing her.

She could see home ahead of her, but she knew she had to lose that demon before she could hide there. And so, she turned left, jumping over a wall as she did so.

As that screech still came from behind her, she leaped over a fence, sprinting across a backyard. She then jumped over another fence before turning right across another backyard. She jumped the fence there as well, before turning left yet again and hiding in the hedge located next to her home.

She listened carefully, adrenaline pumping through her, for any sign of that creature still following her. Although she didn't hear it, she waited for a good 20 minutes before creeping through the hedge and arriving at her backdoor.

She opened the door, before closing it carefully.

"S-Soarin?" she whispered quietly.

Hearing nothing, she entered her living room. She felt confused when she saw nopony was there.

"Soarin?" she asked, a bit louder this time.

She looked around the dark house, wondering if Soarin had fallen asleep again. There was no sign of him.

She entered the kitchen before her eyes widened in terror once more.

The creature stood there, its' grotesque smile leering at her. It held out a severed wing.

"Welcome home, Dashie."

Author's Note:

Hey all,

I hope you enjoyed this extremely late Nightmare Night special. Sorry for not posting it any sooner, but I actually hit a Writers' Block halfway through, so it took a lot longer than I thought it would.

Please remember to rate fairly and leave your opinions on the story down below, and thanks for reading!

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MisterNick

MisterNick #1 · Nov 8th, 2018 · · ·

I've always enjoyed the whole "a girl walks home late at night" story. It can be a lot of fun and build up some solid suspense. After all such a story can pray on an individuals vulnerability and what not in such a situation. So you've got a good concept. What the story really needs though is the dreaded word more in a lot of areas and less in others.

The first thing I would do is ditch the time stamps. It's something that isn't continued throughout the story and doesn't really add anything. Another thing I would lose is the color coordinated dialog. It doesn't really add anything to the story. Then I would focus on describing the store and then Rainbow Dash's reaction to it. Yes, she's bored but the store what kind of store is this? Is it well maintained? Do the lights buzz? Does one of the coolers leak or have an odd smell? Details like that can add a lot to the world of your story.

Another thing you might want to consider if you're starting her off at the store is to give her someone to interact with beforehand. It could be the stalker, it could be a coworker or a police officer. Through that have Rainbow Dash realize she forgot to tell her boyfriend that she was working late. Heck instead of having Rainbow Dash being punished for tardiness have it be that a coworker didn't show up so she had to cover. Maybe she got busy. Maybe the relationship isn't that good but show it and the emotional impact. Not saying she cries just there's maybe frustration there. While she's talking with Soarin maybe she notices something odd off to the side of the store but when she looks again it's gone.

Describe the night, how the darkness looks and feels. Maybe she doesn't get any sense of anything being wrong because she's distracted with something. Go into it. Then she can notice something she can get that creepy feeling. That's when she notices someone and as she walks she starts to pay attention to it because it does give her a bad vibe. The details of how she feels, how her guts twist etc are very important here. Maybe she has mace on her or something but something about this figure just unnerves her.

When the pursuit starts it has to go for awhile... at least long enough for what happens to happen. Now whether or not she loses her pursuer depends on how you want it to end. If you want the guy dead then I'd say either she lost her pursuer and instead the they went to the house or she just escapes only to find that really there were two pursuers and one of them went to the house instead after a bit.

She could also just escape slam the door behind her and beg her boyfriend to call the cops because she's put through the wringer and is just so scared and unnerved by what happened. There are a bunch of ways to go on all of this but these details are important and you should play with them.

I hope that this didn't come off as me knocking you. I think the story has a lot of potential. It just needs more fleshing out.

Silence_EXE