Ultra Space Emissary

It is a common fact of life in Equestria that ponies in general are frightened of things they do not know or understand, a fact Celestia is all too aware of in her daily life. So when a portal to another dimension opens above the palace, bringing to Equestria a strange visitor the likes of which nopony has ever seen before, it will be up to her to ensure that peace is established between it and her subjects.
Also Blueblood is there.

A crossover between MLP and Pokémon
This short tale is a genuine attempt at a comedy piece that I came up with to help me ease back into the flow of horse-words and pony tales after my long absence, one which I hope you will enjoy
Criticism, whether it be constructive or not, is always greatly appreciated

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 9
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Shadowkage

Shadowkage #1 · Nov 7th, 2018 · 1 · ·

And the ultra beast saves the day again!

Dragon Silverlight

Dragon Silverlight #2 · Nov 7th, 2018 · 1 · ·

are anyother ubs joining?

Dilos1

Dilos1 #3 · Nov 7th, 2018 · · ·

9277668
Assuming another portal opens up, possibly.

FTR2017

FTR2017 #4 · Nov 7th, 2018 · 1 · ·

Welcome back from your hiatus, mister writer.

I liked the premise for this one-shot and was laughing at the end. So in that regard congratulations, I enjoyed it.

However, there are several faults within the story that detract from it, like missing words and phrases that need more development for clarification purposes.

Examples that I remember are as follow:

“I’m not,” Celestia beneath her breath,

Word missing. Perhaps it was 'said'?

Having long since lost any interest in what her nephew was blathering on about, Celestia’s attention was curiously drawn to a little bright speck in the sky above the palace. “Hmm?”
Blueblood continued. “I, of course, would be more than willing to spearhead the endeavor, as I would take on the difficult task of being the model for such pieces.”

Space between paragraphs is not there. Added comma and I as shown in red.

Not for the first time she reminded of Twilight Sparkle’s recounting of her ordeal involving one Starlight Glimmer and her altercation with time portals and whatnot.

She remembered.

The princess if something similar was going, but she had yet to hear back from her former student regarding the matter, and it had been a whole two minutes since she sent a message via dragon-breath.

Phrase unclear. Added 'student'.

Celestia imagined that much the same was occurring down in the city below,

Phrase unclear.

it was suddenly not that hard to believe why most sculptures would be unable to endure the task of actually making it.

Sculptor, not sculptures. A sculptor is an artist that specializes in sculpting.

By her estimates, it would be less than a minute before it landed right on top of them.

'It' missing, and added where shown.

and promptly teleported both of them as well as her sister and the Royal Guard ponies to respectable distance from where she estimated the crash site would be.

to a respectable distance from

The result was a tremendous as an of explosion of dirt and debris was launched skyward, the earth shaking beneath their hooves.

Phrase unclear. Maybe you meant 'the result was a tremendous explosion that launched dirt and debris skyward'?

Their view obstructed, Celestia was caught off guard as something enormous flew hurtled past them, narrowly missing the barrier before embedding itself in the side of the palace.

the flew is superfluous - the hurled works just fine on its own.

Celestia took a peek at the object in currently stuck in the side of the marble wall.

Superfluous 'in'.

similar to one still currently embedded in the wall that Celestia saw, rise above the cloud of dust,

Phrase unclear, please rework.

before crashing down into the grown, planting itself firmly into the soil,

Don't you mean 'ground'?

erupted from the princes mouth

Princes' mouth?

the need to curb her sisters’ fun with a nudge of her wing, indicated that there were slightly more pressing matters to attend to.
Leaving Blueblood to his grief the two Princess and the detachment of Royal Guard cautiously approached the object. When they were less than a few dozen feet away

Space between paragraphs is not there.

Finally the dust settled completely, allowing them all full view of creature, for that it was what it turned out to be, in front of them.

Added 'was', as shown in red.

The throne, with all of hard surfaces and spacious,

Phrase is unclear, please reword it.

At least Luna was not here, having to keep watch over their new guest in the garden.

'the' added, as shown in red.

Celestia asked, landing next to her sister after finding her in the palace garden.

'the' added, as shown in red.

“Their starting to get restless in there, and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to placate them with being accused of suffering from a neurodegenerative illness. . . again.”

'They're starting', and the second part of it is unclear. Please clarify. Are the nobles accusing her of being brain damaged? Or is her contact with the bureaucrats and nobles threatening her brain meats?

“Wait, you don’t?”

Linked to above, would benefit from clarification.

Seeing the wry grin Luna was giving, Celestia’s countenance turned so sour that it would have curdled Granny Smiths’ hide. “Oh, you did not just go there. You know what, never mind that. Just tell me what you’ve discovered so far.”
Suppressing a chortle, Luna cleared her throat and said, “In all honesty. . . basically nothing.”

Space between paragraphs is not there.

“Well don’t blame me. I’m not that experienced in this kind of field. If you wanted a more satisfactory response to your question, have Twilight do it. She’s the bookish type.

Ah... the perks of royalty.

Alternatively: oh snap.

planting the its pillars into the ground,

'the' in red is superfluous.

around it when one of the guards noticed that the flowers

'the' added, as shown in red.

Celestia said, trying to very hard to keep her anxiety from showing as she stood

Phrase in red is unclear.

“Don’t worry sister,” Luna called from the faux bush she was hiding in. She lifted the pair of binoculars slung around her neck. “I will be keeping a close watch, and everypony has been ordered to open fire in case anything happens.”
Celestia held her sisters gaze for a few seconds, giving her the stink eye. Luna just motioned her to continue forward.

Space between paragraphs is not there.

A hairline crack, starting from atop her head and extending down to the where her head met her neck.

'the' in red is superfluous.

With a flap of her wings Celestia maneuvered herself to where the entity was facing her way again,

Phrase unclear. Does this mean that the 'mon turned aside to ignore Celestia? Why wasn't this shown shortly before?

and a smell similar to dragon fire reached her nose as a low hu filled the air.

'hum', not 'hu'

until finally the giants arm

the giants' arm

Hoping she was correct in assuming she understood the princess’ intentions, Celestia carefully moved closer to the entities face.

Phrase unclear, please clarify. Alternatively, could employ 'the alicorn's', 'her intention' or what you wish.

“That’s right. I can help you.”
The entity kept its head leaned back, but otherwise made no move to stop Celestia as she ignited her horn once again, this time focusing on the crack. Celestia found that healing the wound was less like closing a gash and more like fixing a piece of cracked metal with an epoxy.
It took all of Celestia’s concentration to complete the spell, and when she was done, she felt drained, as though she had just run a marathon or had to endure yet another lengthy session of dealing with the nobility.
However, it seemed that her efforts had paid off, as the crack had disappeared from the entity’s face completely, leaving it looking both surprised and perhaps even a little grateful.

Space between paragraphs is not there. I suggest you add some breaks after Celestia's line to make the segment easier to read.

“And if this is in factthe case,”

missing space between 'fact the', as shown in red

Noticing he was hauling yet another object covered by a tarp behind him, she placed lacing a hoof to her head Celestia reluctantly asked the approaching prince, already having an idea of what he was doing, “Yes Blueblood, what is it?”

Phrase unclear in the red highlight, please clarify.

“When statue I had commissioned was tragically destroyed, I thought all was lost as the future of Canterlot’s, and by extension Equestria’s culture was placed in jeopardy. Thankfully I was able reacquire the services of your crafts-ponies-“

Phrases unclear, seems like words are missing. 'When the statue I had...', and 'thankfully, I was able to reaquire the...'

“-and have since been able to guide their hooves to create a new statue, even greater than the last! Behold!”
Before Celestia could do anything to stop her errant nephew, he removed the tarp.

Space between paragraphs is not there.

All at once mass panic ensued as ponies began screaming, vomiting, and actively trying to claw their eyes out.

I suggest moving the 'all at once' to the end of the phrase, at the end of 'their eyes out, all at once.'

Well, I hope that this criticism finds you in good health, and may your work improve for the future... as this one could have benefited greatly from an editor.

Dragon Silverlight

Dragon Silverlight #5 · Nov 7th, 2018 · · ·

9277671
sweet! and necrozma?

Dilos1

Dilos1 #6 · Nov 7th, 2018 · · ·

9277718
Thanks for the help, and for catching all of those. I don't know what I was thinking, uploading this without giving myself any time to actually go over it. I went through it a bit earlier to weed those errors out, and your comment really helped me out. I appreciate you giving this short story a chance.

Maudika