Is It Worth It...?
Loud screams echo through my head as I feel my arms sting in pain. Freshly painted wounds display on my arms like a canvas. I sit on the floor of my room leaning up against my wall as I sobbed in my lap, a bloody knife in my hand shaking. I never wanted to tell anyone about what I want to do to myself because they would talk me out of it and I'll go on with all this pain. If I end it all now, I'd never have to deal with any of this bull ever again. All those names they called me, insults they said, those rumors they made will die, none of it ever again... but if I end it all, I'll never be able to see my sweet niece's face, she'll never know me, I'll never make people laugh at my jokes, hang out with my friends, be with my family, none of that at all... "Maybe I shouldn't-"
You're worth nothing to anybody, at all...
You're no good at anything...
You could do better than that...
I let out a soft sigh. My demon is right, I can't seem to do anything at all accurately. I'm a terrible artist who can't even draw a body right, my singing sucks, I have no idea how to read sheet music, and when I do, it's so confusing, and my writing is nothing but crap... Nobody will think I'm good enough for anything. I mean, it's not like I'm going to get any better at anything in life...
Nobody even noticed what you said to them last night...
I tried crying out silently for help with my friends, but none of them noticed. So here I am in the darkness of my room, ready to end it all forever.
I slowly get up shaking and walk toward my dresser. I open the drawer pulling out a rope and I hold it in my hand as I stare at it feeling my eyes sting with endless tears. I hear the sound of a soft chime bell; my phone's ringtone. I set the rope down on my bed and pick up my phone finding I had a new text message. I ignore it as I stare back at the rope on my bed as I think about this.
Just do it, it's for the best. Nobody will care...
"But... what about-"
It's not like they actually care enough about you. You know this, you tried asking for help, and they all ignored you...
I felt faint cold sharp claws wrapped around my shoulders, shutting me up. I hang my head slightly as more thoughts passed through my mind. "What if I don't want to do this...?"
You do want to, it's the only way you'll be happy again...
I slowly grab the rope, holding it in my hand for a few seconds as I feel my body tremble. I walked toward my closet and began to tie it into a loop around the hanger bar, then began wrapping it around my neck, but I hesitated.
Just do it!
I stood there frozen staring at the rope as I felt my body unable to move. I shook my head as I climbed on top of the chair, preparing to jump. I grabbed the knife holding it for a moment as I stared at the sharp blade. I shut my eyes tight preparing myself for the sharp sting, quickly slashing my wrists as I screamed in pain and tripped off the chair slightly losing my balance.
It felt as if my lungs were suddenly clogged and blocked off. I felt my eyes open wide as I squirmed around trying to break free, realizing I was making a mistake but it was hopeless... I clung onto the ropes grasp, trying to pull it off of me, but I couldn't get a grip on it. I tried screaming as loud as I could, but I couldn't find the strength. I shut my eyes as a tear rolled down my cheek as I finally gave up.
I suddenly find myself on the floor, gasping for air. I open my eyes finding the rope on the ground ripped and the bar from my closet on the floor. I clung onto my wrists as I felt my face gushing with tears from the pain and my fear. I took the knife and cut the rope off of me then dropped it onto the floor.
"This isn't what I wanted..." I whimper softly. "I don't wanna die..."
I laid there curled up into a ball for a short while until my head grew slightly fuzzy. I grabbed one of my jackets and wrapped the wound trying my best to apply pressure. I knew I had to get help, in risk of myself dying...
I slowly crawled out of my closet and grabbed my phone as I see my hands tremble. I text the one person who could truly help me with this problem I have. I feel my face become wet with tears as I type the words; "What is even the point of living anymore...?"
I felt my hands lose grasp on the phone as I heard it hit the floor and I broke down sobbing, curling into a ball. I felt my body tremble more, growing cold and numb as I felt my head grow slightly fuzzier.
After a few minutes, I feel someone hugging me tightly. I wrap my arms around her as I feel her warm touch as a comfort.
"You're not alone, sweetie..." Lotus Moon whispers gently.
I couldn't help but continue to cry as I heard her soft gentle voice. "What am I going to do...?" I whimper, resting my head against her as I sobbed in her embrace. "I... I..."
Lotus hushed me and hugs me tighter. "It's alright, you're gonna be okay, my little dove..."
I just laid there in her lap just wailing at the top of my lungs as I felt all of my pain slowly wash away.
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If you're desperate for attention and validation, telling your friends you're gonna monkey chug bleach might not be the best way to go.
9314474
Well like I said, it's based off true events. I nearly killed myself but I've tried to reach out for help
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9314499
If you don't mind me asking, why the MASH Theme?
I can testify to this. She's telling the truth. She's not doing this for the attention. She's not doing this to make a joke. This actually did happened where she was talked out of it. I would know this because I was one of them.
She is going through much, but she is strong.
9314517
*pulls you into a tight hug*
9314513
Fit the theme of the story. Also is a good song worth the listen.
9314524
Agreed, I like watching mash, but sadly I'm not sure if we still have the channel. My brother had the army red cross box thing from it
9314524
also thanks, for the link to the song, had trouble finding the right theme for it
To anyone who thinks she’s doing this for attention, she isn’t. Script is going through so much but she is a strong young woman.
This story is her truth and even though bad things are thrown her way, she has come through it a little stronger. My little dove is very much loved and cherished by all who support her.
9314540
Thanks, Lotus
9314474
Also, let me rephrase that; I texted my friends saying if they care enough about me, then do something. I couldn't think streight, and I regret looking back on it...
9314595
She almost did. And no, she's not.
9314609
Please do yourself a favor, especially when you attack a friend of mine. If you have an unkind thought, let it go. If you think this is helping in any way, it's not. What you said sir, is cruel. Beyond cruel as I actually had to talk her out of suicide. She's not joking. And if you say otherwise, why should she listen to you that's obviously isn't going to help?
YOU can DO it!
You CAN DO it.
YoU CAn dO IT.
Love the prose. The emotional tension and vivid imagery really paints a picture of what the narrator is going through.
9314676
And the thing is... this did happen.
You can do IT
9314595
Do us a favor, go bother someone else
You can do it?
9314609
I read that in his voice and it... was funnier than it had any right to be. I'll be following you.
9314688
Pony Critic and Script Singer and NOT the same person
9314757
Who the fuck is script lover?
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Look, I don't expect any of you to believe me so I will only say this once and then give it up. The MLPGal I know, the voice actress for one of my stories, has gone through something traumatic this year in which she has fallen into a deep depression. Over Discord, I and Ms. Moon talked her out of suicide in which we were successful but she still struggled over that fact. The MLPGal I know, isn't the kind to manipulate for the sake of attention. She put this out here for giving others who have gone through something similar that there is still hope. When this whole thing started, she was getting emails from the guy, bullying her. She banned the guy, but someone else did it to her as well. Maybe from the point of view that they were the same person, but I know her, she wouldn't do something like this. Her intent is a good one, but one that's obviously backfired.
Whether or not you believe her or me isn't what I'm trying to say. However, if you don't believe her, let it alone or have a grain of salt about the situation that you don't know about.
9314811
Idk, man.
*shrugs* You can do it.
9314808
What does that even mean??
9314753
What?
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9315284
Do you guys actually mean that?
9316724
Yeah you can get though the depression. Thus "you can do it."
9316724
9316846
Exactly what Flare said.
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9316902
Thanks, and sorry if I lashed out...
9317326
No problem.