• Member Since 26th Oct, 2018
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Tranquil Serenity


I am a proud one-shot writer who loves Slice of Life tales and hearing from readers who enjoy my stories. Click on my blogs for an MLP poem.

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Source

It was a peaceful day at Rarity's Boutique until Fluttershy made an appearance. Angel Bunny is feeling poorly and nopony knows why! Being the good friend that Rarity is, she readily volunteers to help the yellow pegasus get to the bottom of things!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 10 )

This story felt like the good old days.

9270082
Thank you kindly for the compliment. :twilightsmile:

There were a couple of times I spotted some things which may have benefited from some different phrasing, but nothing that another proof-read can't easily fix. I won't point everything out here (comments aren't the best format for it) but I don't mind giving you a more detailed rundown in PM's if you'd like. One thing I'll say is that I'd recommend using the horizontal line function for significant breaks.

However, aside from that, this was a very sweet and good-natured story. I can see what zx29b meant, it was definitely reminiscent of the early, more slice of life style, of the programme, and this is definitely meant as a complement as I think the show was a lot better back then.
Rarity, Fluttershy and Angel are all characterised well, and the story reads nicely too. Your descriptive passages are a particular strength.

All in all, good first story for the site! It was very promising and I'm sure you'll continue to get better and better as you write more and more.
Great job :twilightsmile:

9272892
Thank you for your encouraging and detailed comment. I am especially pleased that you felt the descriptive portions were executed properly, and that all the personalities conveyed were in-character. I used symbols to separate sections of the stories instead of the horizontal line function for the benefit of those who save stories to their devices - the symbols copy, but the site's dividers do not. I'm also very happy you thought the story was sweet. Sometimes the overall tone of a piece doesn't turn out the way one intends, so I am quite grateful for the validation. Pleased you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

"Don't be ridiculous, Fluttershy! You'd be surprised what can be accomplished within the duration of a song! We must seize the moment! Now... on my signal!..... Go!"

Haha, so, so true. And I love that the song lends itself so willingly to whatever melodic bits and bobs your mind wishes to apply automatically. I sang it inside my head, if that's even possible!

The two ponies ducked their heads back into the tall grass and Angel lingered nervously only a few moments too many before a certain white pony shoved him forwards, propelling him out into the open meadow.

The image of those two trying to avoid detection under such circumstances reminds me a lot of seasons one and two. As another commenter said below, the good old days...

Brilliant little story, T.S. And that's me read the lot. I await eagerly your next!

9308085
Haha! :pinkiehappy: I'm so pleased you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile: Thank you! :pinkiesmile:

How adorable. Love the short song put in. Good idea of the colouring so we know who is singing what.

Thank you! :raritystarry: Yeah, I love writing original poems and song lyrics. :twilightsmile: Fan fics with original songs are few and far between too. :derpytongue2:

Adorable story about sweet white rabbit with soul of demon.

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