23 - Detour
Chapter 23
Detour
“No more Lords!”
“No more Lords!”
“Sir, I don't think they’re going to be receptive to what we have to say…”
“Well then it’s a good thing you’re not paid to think, isn’t it?”
“No more Lords!”
“No more Lords!”
“Here's a better question, sir. Why do we only have have live ammunition?”
3372 E.C. - Griffon riots on several border worlds. NSR dispatches peacekeeping team.
You would be hard pressed to find a more interesting place than Four Corners. One look at the security alone would be enough to give you pause. For a miraculously independent city-state, the place had no shortage of occupation, but I suppose it goes with the territory when you are so strategically located on the corner of the four major sovereignties that the sheer volume of trade that passes through your station is enough to warrant an armed guard. Four Corners was a trade hub dealing less in the sense of where megacorporations lived than it was in the sense of dealing with what the megacorporations shipped. And its trading floors were the stuff of legend.
Picture this. Massive plazas filled ponies of all types, hawking both the exotic and the mundane under one roof. One stall is selling groceries, and his neighbor a complete arsenal of highly illegal weapons and combat mods. They smile at each other, maybe bandy a few insults back and forth, and at the end of the day talk shop over beers with the tech guy down the row. It’s a weird harmony, held together by commerce and a deadlocked armistice that guaranteed the station’s national independence. Four nations, four fleets, all standing by and glaring at each other while ponies made and lost fortunes below. Four Corners was an economic titan, and the only place I can think of with more concentrated firepower is an M-Net hub.
I asked our royal historian what he knew about the place. He said the station was founded by one of the last dragons before the Collapse, based on an old tradition out of a place called Rainbow Falls. I figured that must have been a pretty smart dragon, seeing as the place now stood as a monument to trade, and according to Tick, a holy city for all things tech. In retrospect, I think I would have loved to have stayed longer than I did. Tick would have loved it too, the way she seemed to simply melt the moment I announced where we were headed. She begged and begged to go shopping. I told her there would be time for that later once Fritter’s job was finished. After all, right then I was supposed to be picking up Joe’s Liquor. This was just going to be a quick detour, if an important one.
*****
In the living area of the Scrap Bandit, you could hear a pin drop. I had long since powered it down once we had arrived at Four Corners, and was glad to be rid of the constant background noise the main engines added to life onboard the ship. I had opted to take a nap after I finished docking the Bandit, having been automatically rejected from going on the little recon trip that Jess and Nightshade threw together after the briefing. To be fair, I didn’t blame them. I didn’t know the first thing about stealth, and I figured it would be better to leave the sneaking around to the ponies who were best at it. That left me with Tick and the prince in the Bandit, somewhat rested and silently contemplating the number of laws we were all about to break.
“You do understand why I cannot provide assistance with this, correct?” Estoc reminded me, breaking the somewhat awkward silence. He sat by the comm station, next to the improvised holo projector slash home theater. I think he avoided the couch on principle, given what it smelled like. “Any hint of my involvement would have serious repercussions for my House and the NSR as a whole,” he finished with a frown.
That would be a fun headline: NSR royal caught spying on international communication traffic. War declared. More at seven.
I inclined my head from the position I was in while lying on the couch, “I never said you had to. You’re just here as a passenger, remember?” Still here, in fact, and still befuddling me as to why. I get that he had a vested interest in learning things from Tex, but he made Tex uncomfortable, and I swear I was starting to act like a big brother protecting his little sister when it came to the AI. Maybe it was the way he kept referring to her like an it, rather than a pony. She certainly acted like a pony. Maybe I was just going crazy.
“I’m just making sure you understood,” Estoc clarified, adjusting the collar of the ‘civvies’ he had picked up before leaving L6-C. “And on that note, I do hope you will find time to deliver me to the NSR soon. I’ve just about wrapped up my research and I have some much needed house cleaning to do.” He spoke the last few words with particular venom. From what little I knew of the NSR, I was glad I probably wasn’t going to be involved in that… matter. Probably.
“It’s on the bucket list, believe me,” I said, leaning back into the couch. “These stupid things just keep coming up.”
Isn’t it weird how you can have all the freedom in the world, and yet, oddly enough, have no time to use any of it?
“So it would seem,” Estoc replied dourly.
A clang and bang sounded the arrival of ponies at the airlock, as the outer hatch unlocked and was swung open by whoever was working it. I looked up toward the sound on instinct, ultimately a fruitless endeavor, but one made more out of habit than anything else. It didn’t matter than I didn’t suddenly sprout X-ray vision so I could see what was happening on the top deck, the act of looking was enough to help me figure out the problem.
“Sounds like they’re back.” I said aloud.
“Wow, that was loud.” Tick said absentmindedly as she wandered in from the engine room and looked up toward the ceiling. “I knew I forgot something.”
“Don’t fix that.” I replied quickly. “I think I’d rather know when I’m being boarded than not.”
Tick shrugged. “Okay then,” she replied before wandering to the fridge for a cola.
I listened to the noise from my seat on the couch. The airlock pressurized, something upstairs swung forward, and two sets of hoofbeats made their way across the top deck before descending the ladderwell into the living area. Jess and Nightshade emerged, still clad in the suits they had used to cross the hangar. Their helmets were off, and if their expressions were anything to go by, we were in for a real treat.
“Welcome back,” I said, working up a neutral expression through my sleep addled brain. “What’s it look like?”
“Workable,” Nightshade replied, ahead of Jess who gave him a mild scowl in response.
“We might have some issues.” Jess said, emphasizing the last word. “While the security isn’t tightest I have ever seen, it is enough to cause us trouble.”
Nightshade smirked. “Admit it, you’re looking forward to sticking it to station security.”
Jess’ expression soured. “A law enforcement officer should not be going around looking for ways to break into other ponies’ property.”
“Why not? You ponies do it all the time don’t you?” Nightshade said.
Jess scoffed. “With a warrant. Those are sanctioned actions. This is not.”
Nightshade merely shrugged. “So you say ‘please’ before you kick in the door. So what?”
I cleared my throat. “Please tell me the plan isn’t to kick in the door.”
Nightshade laughed. “Hah, no. I’d rather not be a pile of goo thank you.”
My frown deeped. “Lovely. What did you find?”
“This,” Jess said as she walked over to the holo. She lit her WAND. With a small whirr, the holo fired up, and images flickered into view in the air above the comm station in rapid succession. Immediately, I knew they were right in leaving me behind. I would have just gotten in the way. I glanced between the images, noting corridors, highlighted portions of the station map, maintenance logs, blueprints of the comm section, and most notably a picture of two security guards standing underneath a mean looking energy turret on the ceiling.
“So,” Jess said, turning to face our little crowd, “We have roughly four hours before the system wipes. I have also confirmed that the system we need to access is located inside the room beyond those two armed guards and a turret that won’t be interested in negotiating. Any ideas? And before you ask, no. There is no back door maintenance shaft leading into it, and no, we can’t access it through the ventilation system. At least, not unless you can magically fit yourself into a three inch tube.”
“Only one entrance?” I asked.
Jess merely nodded. “Just the one. The place isn’t usually occupied so the area is exempt from the fire code. The area is also under a personnel restriction since they don’t want ponies messing with the database system, hence the armed guard. They’re not just going to leave a major comm node unprotected.” Jess sighed. “What you see here is all the information that we were able to get. Ideas are welcome.”
Everyone quieted after that.
“What about an inspection?” Estoc offered.
Jess shook her head. “Maintenance logs put the last inspection three weeks ago, and those are scheduled every six months. So no, the guards aren’t going to buy that.”
“What if something breaks?” Tick asked.
Nightshade smiled. “See, that’s the line of thinking I was working on. The same company that does the inspections also does the maintenance. Since they declared the system as mission critical, the company handling it has a group of techs on call for dealing with any problems that crop up.”
“So playing pretend is out, then,” I said.
Nightshade shrugged, “I wouldn’t say out, but the official tech would be walking in on whoever we had uploading the code within minutes of a reported problem, assuming our pony could bluff their way past the guards.”
“Maybe you could delay them?” Estoc said.
“Nope, the maintenance company is only six minutes away by my calculation. By the time an error was reported, to the time they would send for a response team. It would be highly unlikely that you would be able to finish what you need to do,” Tex replied, piping in from the onboard speakers.
“What about indirect access?” Tick asked.
Nightshade shook his head. “Impossible,” he said. “The node is behind six firewalls. The only way we’re getting on that system is if we either have all of the correct security credentials, or if we access the system directly.”
Tick hummed. “Four hours… how big did you say the ventilation was again?”
Jess blinked. “Three inches. What are you getting at?”
Tick smiled. “I think I have an idea.” She looked at me with a manic gleam in her eye. “Horizon, I need to go shopping.”
*****
There’s a reason why engineers are called Wizards. They work magic. Doubly so if that engineer is a sky blue unicorn with a machine fetish. We’d burned our first hour getting everything she needed and the next two helping with the assembly. Tick handled most of the technical details, while the rest of us were relegated to fetching whatever parts she needed from the bazaar. I spent a lot of credits that day, and all on things with names I couldn’t remember to save my life. By the end of three hours, Tick presented us with a two-and-a-half inch creepy crawly, cobbled together from parts out of twelve different robotics kits, a small capacitor, and a custom OS built on the fly by Tex.
“I hate it,” I said, feeling squeamish while I stared at the Frankenstein monstrosity sitting inactive on the floor of the living area. Tick’s smile tightened. “I mean, I get it, but… did you really have to use that design?”
Estoc looked between us in confusion, noticing my distaste reflected in my other two companions. “What’s the wrong with it? Is it not going to work?”
Jess grimaced. “No, you weren’t… just forget about it, your majesty. But still, really? Tick? I mean haven’t we seen enough of these already?”
I should have mentioned that the design looked awfully familiar.
“What? They were cute!” Tick replied. “And I don’t see what your problem is, it meets the requirements just fine, and it even has a data port so it can access the system. All requirements met and in a nice functional package. Go team?” Tick lifted a hoof for a bump. No one returned it.
“As much as I would love to discuss aesthetics right now, we are on a deadline,” Nightshade reminded.
“Nightshade’s right,” I said, “clock is ticking.”
*****
“Corridor’s clear in the north entrance.” Nightshade said, his voice coming in through my WAND’s earbud. I stared at the the gaping hole where a ceiling panel used to be. Just beyond, the dim red lights of the maintenance tunnel flickered ominously.
“Same for south. You’re all clear.” Jess added.
I turned to Tick who looked at the maintenance tunnel with some level of uncertainty. “You ready? Tick?” I asked.
Her amused snort came just a little too quickly, “What do I look like? some kind of idiot? It’s a maintenance access! It’s not like I’ve never been in one before. Just... hurry up and get me up there so we can get this over with.”
The alarm is off, Tex said. On cue, the lights in the tunnel brightened. Still red, but at least visible.
“Tex says we’re clear.” I said, and as I wrapped a hoof around her barrel added, “Don’t freak out.”
“Why would I frea-EEEEEEK!” With a single beat, I lifted off, one squealing unicorn in tow.
In retrospect, I don’t think the maintenance access was meant to be used with anything short of a ladder. While I should have had plenty of space to squeeze through ordinarily—more than a full wingspan, even—doing so while hauling a squirming unicorn proved harder than initially thought.
“Don’t drop me!” Tick screeched.
“Tick, it’s only, like, 4 meters. Relax,” I responded.
“You’re a pegasus!”
“Thanks for noticing.” I said, tightening my grip around her barrel while I tried to position her forelegs on the lip of the maintenance tunnel. “Just hold steady so I can push you up all the way.”
Three more beats had her halfway in the hole. Then I made the mistake of letting go so that I could push the rest of her all the way in.
“AAAH!” Tick shrieked, her legs suddenly scrabbling for purchase. Purchase was found on flat of my muzzle. One of her back hooves solidly kicked off my face.
“I’m in! I… oh, wow that looks high.” Tick said as she turned around in the overhead shaft.
Rubbing a hoof on the sore spot where her boot met my face, I gently beat my way back into the shaft and set down next to her.
“Next time please don’t educate my face on what it feels like to have an argument with an earth pony.”
“Next time don’t let go,” She fired back.
“It’s four meters, Tick You’re not going to break anything from that height. The worst you’ll get is a bruise.”
“I don’t have hollow bones! I’m a unicorn! You know, fragile thing, somewhat good at magic. Besides I don’t have your whole pegasus thingy protecting me against collision damage.”
I simply stared. “Pegasus thingy? Way to break out the technical jargon.”
“Ugh… you’re impossible.” Tick said, replacing the panel and sealing us inside the tunnel.
“Yeah, okay,” I replied.
With the panel replaced, the light in the tunnel dropped significantly, leaving me blinking the red light while my eyes adjusted. I took a glance down the corridor in both direction before keying on my signal on the S-Band. “Alright, we’re inside and closed up.”
“About time.” Nightshade replied. “Could you be any louder?”
“Would you like me to tap dance over to the ventilation access? I could do that you know. Moving Tick was difficult.”
“Hey!” Tick called.
“-ish” I added.
“Right.” Jess cut in. “We’re going to move on, then. We’ll meet you back at the ship when you’ve got everything sorted. Good luck.”
“Thanks I replied, and then cut the line.”
I turned to Tick. “Okay, just us now. Twenty minutes and counting.”
She nodded quietly. “Yeah… let’s, uh, do this. I guess.”
I frowned. “Are you okay? You’re not looking like you’ve got as much pep as you had earlier.”
Tick blinked. “What? Oh, yeah. I’m fine, I’m just… thinking.”
“Having second thoughts already?” I asked
Tick shook her head, “No, it’s… let’s just go.”
“Okay then.” I said “Alright Tex, which way to the ventilation access?” My vision flooded with an arrow from a navigation program. It was different than I remembered, but at least a little more clear. Plus it came with directions.
Follow the corridor to your left, and keeping going until the bend. Tex said.
“Thanks Tex,” I said.
We started walking. The distance wasn’t far, even if we were in a hurry. Running would only make noise, and held the risk of drawing attention that we simply couldn’t afford. Getting caught would be bad. Very, very bad.
We were through a couple corridors and just rounding one of the last few corners when Tick suddenly asked, “How do you put up with it?”
I gave her a quizzical look. “Put up with what?”
“That thing, the AI.” Tick replied.
“What about her?” I replied. For a moment Tick looked at me as if I had grown a second head.
“The talking, thing. I notice you do it whenever you’re alone with it. Kinda makes you look crazy, even if I know better.”
I shrugged. “I dunno, I just got used to it, I guess. Lately I’ve started to just roll with things. It seems to make my life easier in the short run.”
Ugh… I wish you had speakers on this thing or something.
Feeling left out? I replied mentally.
Yes. Tex replied.
“There, you just did it again.” Tick said.
“Did what?” I asked.
“Every time you talk to it you zone out for a few seconds.” Tick said, frowning. “Your face goes all blank and distant looking.”
“So I look a little distracted, so what?” I replied. “It’s not like I’m going to care about what some other pony thinks of me. If they think I’m crazy, let em.”
“But, doesn’t it scare you?”
Do I not get a say in this conversation? Tex complained. By the way, turn left up ahead.
Thanks Tex, hold on a sec.
“We turn left here,” I said, “and to answer your question, not really. Like I said, I just got used to it. Hell, to be honest I think it’s pretty cool. I mean, who else do you know with a thousand year old program in their head?”
Tick frowned. “Yeah, but it’s in your head! Your WAND has access to your brain for crying out loud! Who knows what it’s doing in there!”
“Being the world’s largest bookworm, apparently,” I replied.
Tick blinked. “Huh?”
“Tex reads, believe it or not. Often to the exclusion of everything else,” I explained. “When she’s not being a chatterbox, she buries herself in books that she gets from either her own collection or whatever the public libraries have digital copies of. Whenever she does that, I can hardly get her attention.”
To be fair, they’re good books. Also, you’re here. Third panel on the left. My vision marked the specified panel. Neat.
I looked and found the panel specified. “Tex tells me this is it. You remembered to bring the bot, right?”
Tick sighed. “Yes… I brought the crawler. Though I’m not terribly keen on having that… thing, driving it.”
I gave her a measuring look. “You do realize she can hear you, right?”
“Well color me an asshole then.” Tick shot back. “I don’t care if it can hear me or not. I’m not comfortable setting some random AI loose on a station access port. Especially when it has proven time and time again that it’s more than capable of taking over the entire system.”
Paranoid much? Tex deadpanned.
“Except she can’t.” I said.
“It did it on the Bandit! And the battleship!”
Okay first off, that ship was mine to begin with, second…
“The Bandit has no firewalls.” I said. “Or at least not any good ones. A two year old could hack that stupid thing.”
Not true, technically speaking. Two year olds don’t have the capacity to… hey are you listening?
Tick brought out the spider bot and set it down. And fixed me with a glare. “It designed a program to bypass a government level security system, and built an OS to control the damn thing in under two hours! Tell me that’s not dangerous!”
I’m sorry Tex, could you do the thing? I need to have a little chat with Tick. I thought.
Yeah… sure. I’ll be right back, I guess. Tex replied dourly. On the ground between us, the bot powered up. Taking a few awkward steps forward before seeming to find the groove of things.
Transmission is good. But I can’t fit all of me in here… too small, obviously. I’m going to remote control it. Don’t… um… nevermind. I’ll be back when I’m done.
“With direct access to said system, using a port designed specifically for accessing the system. Look Tick, I know you’re concerned, but can’t you trust her just a little bit?” I said.
“No! How do I know she’s not going to just go shut off the entire station’s life support?!” Tick replied.
“Because she’s a good pony?” I replied.
“It’s not a pony! It’s a machine! Machines don’t have good or bad, just inputs and outputs. Stick in a number and maybe get a number out. Sure they can do a lot of things, but moral reasoning isn’t one of them! Abstract thinking like that is impossible for machines.”
“And how do you know that?” I replied.
“Hellooo, engineer.” Tick replied. “It’s not like it’s in the job title or anything.”
“Hellooo, pilot.” I replied, matching her tone. “Before you lay on the sass, recognize that I’m not just a dumb sack of bricks.”
“Okay then, genius, pop quiz.” Tick said with a smirk, “What’s the difference between a class seven and a class eight Sparkle drive.”
“Forty-two Giga-thaums.” I replied without missing a beat. The smirk fell off her face. “Pegasus pilots aren’t stupid, Tick, despite whatever the popular opinion might be. While you had fun with your hobby, I spent years of my life studying for the galaxy’s most evil exam.”
“My work is my career, not a hobby.” Tick growled.
“No, it’s a hobby,” I spat, “Careers are for ponies who work for a living.”
“Oh is that what you think?! That just because I’m rich means I’m not qualified?!”
“Obviously not, if you ignore evidence when it’s right in your face.” I shot back.
“What evidence?! That thing is a machine.”
“A thinking machine,” I replied, “One that can reason and create and has feelings believe it or not. You say machines can’t perform abstract thinking? Well then she’s your proof. I’ve seen her do it, and it’s something that she has demonstrated to you time and time again and yet all you do is get a giant fucking pole lodged up your cunt and storm out of the room.”
“Excuse me?!”
“No, I don’t think I will.” I said, cutting her off. “Tex has feelings, Miss Clock. I know because I’ve seen them. She’s huge, she’s scary, I get that, but I’ve also seen her when she’s vulnerable and scared. She’s like a little kid, Tick, and you mouthing off like some bitch in a beauty parlor isn’t helping.”
Tick scowled. “Except those feelings are fake, Horizon. It’s a program, not a person. If it appears to have feelings, then it’s because its programmers made it that way for whatever stupid reason that could be.”
“And what makes a person, Tex? What gives you the right to decide what that is?” I replied.
...I’m back. It’s done. Tex said as the bot crawled back out of the ventilation access.
“Oh, speak of the devil, it looks like we’re done here,” I said.
“Bullshit we’re done here,” Tick growled.
“Then let me rephrase that, I am done here. You can do whatever the fuck you want.” With that, I stormed off down the way I came, leaving the scowling bigot behind.
It was a two corridors later that I finally asked Tex, So, how much of the conversation did you hear?
...all of it. Tex replied. Um, where are you going?
I honestly have no idea. I replied. For right now I just want to storm off in some random direction and figure it out later. I’m not heading toward a dead end am I? I’d rather not have to turn around.
So you’re pretending to look cool. Tex said.
Yes. I replied.
Right. Okay then. I’m just gonna read. Have fun exploring. My navigation immediately shut off.
Before you get lost in another book, were you able to get the code uploaded in time? I asked.
Uh… yeah. I got it up and running before the wipe. And before you ask, I didn’t trip any alarms. At least I don’t think so, anyway. Tex replied.
How much time was left? I thought at her.
You don’t want to know. Tex replied.
I cringed. I’ll take your word for it.
By the way, um, Horizon? Tex asked.
Hmm?
Thank you.
*****
There was no real plan after the whole, get in undetected thing—we didn’t really have time to discuss it past figuring out a way to drop the code onto the system. Exfiltration was at best an afterthought, but one we could make in luxury once the job was done. It took me a while to find my way out of the maintenance access corridor, much to the unwelcome surprise of one passerby, who had nearly jumped out of his skin when some random pegasus suddenly emerged from the wall. At worse I’d given the poor buck a heart attack. After a brief apology, and closing off my exit point, I skedaddled down the other way, and made myself as thoroughly sparse as I could be, at least while staying within the public access areas. After that, I spent the better part of an hour searching for a open comms terminal, with no help from Tex, who had just seemed to go quiet for the time being. Maybe she was asleep. Did she even do that? Hell if I knew.
“Come on, you stupid thing. Connect already.” I frowned at the small video monitor, waiting for my call to go through while reading and rereading the small status message that kept blinking on screen. Eventually, it connected and, naturally, with audio only.
“Hello?” Fritter’s voice rang through, somewhat tinny through the comm terminal’s speakers. “This is Cherry Fritter, who is this?”
“Fritter, it’s me, Horizon.” I said. “Did you get my message?”
“Oh! Yes! Yes I did! But I’m still sorting through it and it’s gonna take me time. There was a lot more there than I anticipated,” he replied.
“Yeah, well, hopefully I sent the right one,” I said, scuffing one hoof against the floor.
“Yeah, hopefully. But, I think I’ll have it figured out by the time you get back. Just don’t hurry too much.” Fritter laughed.
“That’s good. Today sucked,” I said.
“Mare trouble?” he asked.
“How’d you guess?” I replied.
“Call it married intuition. Did you want to talk about it?” Fritter said.
“No.”
“Oh, thank Celestia.”
“Not a fan of the subject either, eh?” I said.
“Are you kidding me? I get enough of that at home.” Fritter replied.
I smiled, “I can imagine.”
“See you when you get here.”
“Thanks Fritter,” I replied.
With a beep the call ended. My bitstick chirped as the comms terminal deducted a fee for the service and I tucked it back in my suit storage. Not even five minutes passed before my WAND chirped again with an incoming message. This time from Jess.
>>Yo, Horizon, Tick just got back, and she is pissed! What the hell did you say to her?!!!
<<What she needed to hear. I’m going to be a while getting back. I’ll probably pick up some food or something. Do you want anything?
>>Don’t ignore the problem, Horizon. You should know better than this.
<<Well fuck me for being reasonable.
>>You’re lucky I’m withholding judgement until I hear the full story.
<<The short version is that I chewed her out for her stupid prejudice.
>>She said you called her a hack.
<<I called her a hobbyist.
>>You WHAT?!!
<<Look. Emotions are running high right now and I’m doing my damndest not to blow a gasket myself. I’ll be back at the ship later, I just need time to cool off before I deal with more shit today.
>>Fine. We’ll be waiting. What was your argument about, anyway?
<<Ask miss Clock. I’m sure she’ll give you an earful.
>>That sounds like a blog.
<<A what?
>>Nothing. I’ll see you when you get back.
Jess stopped sending messages after that.
I sat down where I was, grumpy and tired. “Fuck this day.”
Some random pony gave me a dirty look as they passed by. I bit back a response and started looking for the nearest directory instead. I was hungry. I was never pleasant when I was hungry. It took a few minutes to find one, and once I had, I tracked down the nearest dine-in and smiled. This place had my favorite restaurant.
I had a hayburger, fries and a shake for dinner, with a small moonpie chaser for dessert. It was damn delicious.
*****
I got back to the ship later that night. Feeling much better than I had before I’d eaten. I took home a doggy bag for the food I didn’t finish and planned to store it in the fridge for later. I got as far as one step into the living area before my ear got tugged hard by some invisible force.
“Ow! What the?” In my peripheral vision I tracked the silvery glow to Jess’ WAND as she got up from the couch.
“Come on bucko, you’re coming with me.” Jess said, dragging my ear toward the hatch to the cargo bay.
“What? Do you want my leftovers or something?” I replied.
Jess stopped for a moment to think. “What kind of leftovers?” She asked.
“Mega Mike’s.” I said.
“Eh, pass.” Jess said. The hatch to the cargo bay opened. “In you go.” She said, giving me a less than gentle shove through the threshold. The hatch slammed shut behind me and locked. I spun to bang on it.
“What the hell, Jess?” I yelled at the hatch.
“You can come back out when you’re done.” Jess replied, just loud enough to be heard through the steel. “And that goes for both of you.”
“Both of…” I said, turning. “-Oh.”
“Hi.” Tick said, looking just about as grumpy as I felt. She held one of her latest projects in her TK, carefully adding some kind of card to its insides. I recognized it as a part of the drone assembly. “Nice of you to drop in.”
I sat down. “This is really happening right now, isn’t it?”
Tick merely went back to work. “Oh, I dunno, ask your toy. After all, I’m just a hobbyist. What do I know?” She punctuated the statement with a particularly hard thrust of a part into the assembly. I heard a click and a crack, followed by a very frustrated grumble. Slowly, the parts started drifting back out of the assembly in less than optimal condition.
“You and Jess talked, I see.” I said.
Tick turned her head and fixed me with an annoyed glare. I winced. The right side of her face was swollen with an ugly shiner. “What do you think?”
“Ouch. That’s almost as bad as the time Jess let Prism have her way with me during my trial.” I said.
“Do all of your friends support violence as a first solution?” Tick said.
“No, but between the two of them they’re very physical negotiators,” I replied.
“I’m surprised you’ve lasted as long as you have, given your attitude,” Tick said.
“Well, kick a bush a few times and you get used to the thorns,” I replied. “They’re not all that bad though, maybe a little abusive, but I like to think I give as good as I get. Even if I usually get more than I asked for.”
Tick was quiet for a moment. “You know, I think that was the first time anypony has ever actually hit me.” She said, still solemnly working on the assembly. “I didn’t even see it coming.”
“What about the battleship? You got hit there,” I said. “Multiple times, I might add.”
Tick shook her head. “That was different. We were fighting for our lives.”
“So, never? Not even spanked when you were little?” I asked.
Tick laughed. “Spanked? The daughter of a rich mogul? Celestia no. The scandal would make the headlines for years.”
I looked at her with equal parts skepticism and confusion. “Coming from the mare who told her father to fuck off at her own wedding, I find that laughable. Still, wow. Not even spanked? I’m amazed you didn’t turn out to be a spoiled bitch.”
“But I am a spoiled bitch,” Tick replied in mock offense. “I just don’t show it off too much.”
Tick closed the panel she was working on with a sigh. “I’m going to need some more parts to finish this. I just broke the last controller I had.”
“You can’t just magic up a new one?” I asked.
“I’m an engineer, not a wizard. I can’t just make the parts I need out of thin air.”
“You’re a unicorn. By definition you’re a wizard.”
“Fuck off, featherbrain.”
“Back at ya, screwdriver.”
Tick shoved the assembly to the side. “She’s really going to keep us in here until we talk this out, isn’t she.”
I smirked. “Probably.”
Tick groaned. “Fuck this day.”
“Right?” I chuckled.
Tick closed her eyes, leaning her head against the bulkhead she sat next to and sagged. Several minutes passed in silence before she opened her eyes again, staring dully at the ceiling lights.
“So what’s it like?”
“Pardon?” I replied.
“Having the AI in your head.” Tick clarified, “I thought she drove you nuts.”
I laughed. “Maybe a little. She has her moments, but the dork kinda grows on you. Like I said, you just kinda get used to it.”
Tick shook her head. “I can’t begin to imagine.”
“What, you want to take her for a test drive? Is that it?”
“No!” Tick shouted, then composing herself said, “No, I’m okay. I’m just… struggling to get used to the concept.”
“Sorry for calling you a hack.” I said. “You do good work, far better than most professionals. I might add.”
“Well butter me up, sunshine.” Tick drolled. “How is it—she, um, feeling?”
“Don’t know,” I replied. “Tex hasn’t said anything since earlier.”
“I see,” Tick replied quietly.
After a few moments Tick said. “So are we, um… good? Then?”
“Well, no, but I don’t think sitting here is going to solve any problems,” I replied.
“You can say that again,” she said.
I chewed the side of my cheek. “Come to think of it, I think Jess may have made a critical miscalculation.”
Tick looked at me funny.
“We’re in the cargo bay.” I explained. “Obviously neither of us wants to deal with this right now. We could just put a rain check on this conversation and take a walk outside. I mean, the bay door is right there.” I said, pointing at the far end of the hold.
“Horizon, you’d blow us into the hangar, along with all the sharp tools in my toolbox.”
“So we depressurize first, no biggie.” I replied. “You still have your helmet with you right?”
Tick raised an eyebrow before blowing a piece of hair out of her eyes. With a quick flash of her horn, her suit started crawling up the side of her face, until it ballooned into the bubble helmet I remembered. She stared at me, for a moment. “Well? What are you waiting for?” her muffled voice replied.
*****
For the record, we did wave at the cockpit as we hightailed it out of there. Tick even gave Jess a less than flattering gesture to boot. Also for the record, I’m going to remember the look on her face for a long, long time.
*****
“So, now we’re avoiding Jess, and she has the ship. Explain to me again why this was a good idea?” Tick said as she browsed the station directory to fill time.
“Because I want to make Jess regret forcing us to do this.”
“Okay then, renegade, what’s your grand plan?”
“Plan?”
“Forget that I asked.” Tick laughed softly. “How about this. I need parts for that drone assembly as well as a few other projects, and this just so happens to be the biggest tech market in the entire galaxy. Wanna go shopping?”
“I’m thinking apology first.” I said.
“No.” Tick replied.
“Why not?” I asked.
“One, you’re an asshole,” Tick said, “two, I’m not convinced that what you said was correct. Not entirely, anyway. Yes, I acted like a bitch, but my concerns still have merit.”
“You’re really dead set on the idea that Tex is trying to bring about the end of the world.”
“No, I’m dead set on the idea that she could bring about the end of our species. Just because she’s not doing it now doesn’t mean she won’t in the future.”
“Well with the way you’ve been treating her, she’d certainly be more inclined to.”
Tick grimaced. “I… suppose you may be right about that.” Tick sighed. “I suppose in the long run there’s nothing I can do about it either. Alright, Tex, if you’re listening… I’m sorry for being a bitch.”
“I guess I can accept that,” a nearby floating advertisement suddenly said. To our credit, neither of us startled. “To be fair, I find the prospect of myself pretty terrifying as well. What if there were more of me? What if they were evil?”
Tick looked at the advertisement skeptically. “And Toad’s life insurance isn’t?”
The adbot stopped in mid air. Blinked twice, and cleared its screen. “Sorry” Tex replied.
Tick frowned. “You said there’s only one of you?”
“That I know of,” Tex clarified. “I mean, it’s been a long time, but I was kind of advanced even for my time. I’ve been reading up on history. After first M-Net network… er… shattered, most of the tech I was used to went with it. They’re still playing catch up, and with the loss of crystal magic… I don’t know if they could make another one like me.”
Tick’s expression changed to one I recognized very well. The same look she had when working on a piece of machinery. “Do you know how you were made?”
The adbot shook from side to side. “No, sorry. Most of that data is just gone. Stupid virus.”
Tick sighed. “Well, it was worth a shot. Let’s go shopping.”
*****
In hindsight, I should have known better than to lead a tech junkie onto the market floor of the largest tech hub in existence. Even I was overwhelmed. I found my eyes bulging at some of the chrome that the vendors were wearing, In some cases I found myself wondering whether the ponies in front of me were more machine than pony. Of course I’d heard the stories of ponies who got so cybered up that their spirits had nothing left to hold onto. The bodies just went insane after that. To date, no one had successfully managed to bridge that gap. But, it just goes to show you, no pony is truly immortal. Short of goddesses, anyway. But damn if these ponies weren’t going to try. I found myself more distracted by their persons rather than their wares.
Tick on the other hoof…
“Ooh! a type four magic converter!” Tick exclaimed, hefting an oddly shaped, mostly cylindrical object out of a pile of used parts. “How much for this one?”
I had been relegated to pack mule. This was the eighth stall we had stopped at, and at each one I had to stop Tick from making truly extravagant purchases. What was worse, was that word seemed to be getting around that there was money on the floor. Out of the corner of my eye I could see some of the other merchants eyeing us with glee, and adjusting their better merchandise to be clearly visible.
“You know at this rate, Tick, we’re not going to be able to fit all this shit on the ship,” I said as she tucked yet another whatsit into my saddlebags. “Although I think I’m beginning to understand why Jess is so fond of you. Do you have what you need yet? We really should be getting back.”
Tick shushed me. “I’m mostly done, I just a few more things. Honest.”
She had said that twenty minutes ago.
Tick turned to the merchant, “Do you have any control boards for a drone controller?” I lost the rest in the sea of jargon that passed between the two. I let my mind wander.
So what do you think of all this, Tex? I asked her.
I’m… speechless! Really! Tex replied, sounding stunned in my mind’s eye… er, ear. Thing. I can’t believe Spike managed to do all this! This is amazing!
Spike? Who is Spike? I asked.
He’s the dragon who founded this place waaaay back when. I wonder if he’s still around. We were friends a long time ago.
Wait, you knew him? I thought.
Well, duh. I mean he worked real closely with the princesses before… everything. Tex replied.
I wonder what happened to him.
I wonder the same, to be honest. I can’t imagine what he must have felt like when the empire fell. He got really possessive of his friends later in his life. To lose them all like that… I just hope he’s okay. Tex said.
Okay enough to make this, apparently.
My train of thought derailed as Tick tapped me on the shoulder. “Hello! Equestria to Horizon, we’re moving on now.”
I looked at Tick. “You’re done?”
Tick blew a raspberry, “Hell no, I’m just getting started! I’ve got a lot of pent up spending to do.”
The stupid grin on the nearby merchant’s face was both hilarious and terrifying.
“You know you really shouldn’t just announce shit like that,” I said.
“Okay, fine. Look, I just want to go to that one shop over there and I’ll be right back.”
“Sure, but I’m not carrying anything for you.” I replied, and then glanced at my bulging saddlebags—also new, by way. I doubled as the shopping cart as well I guess.— “Well, anything more.”
Tick waved it off, “Sure, whatever. But we’re coming back when we have time.” The last bit was definitely an order.
I grunted. “Just go do your thing. I’ll wait here,” I said.
“Fine, fine. I’ll be right back. I promise.”
“See you in thirty minutes,” I replied, “And remember, this time you’re carrying it.” I called after her.
As tick sped off to her store, I sat down, finally catching some wind. I adjusted my sore back.
“Oh, there you are!” A voice said from behind me. “Darling, I’ve been looking all over for you!”
I turned to face the newcomer and came face to face with Tick’s very green eyes. Her glowing green eyes. Not-Tick gave me a toothy grin, and I felt my heart rate just about triple.
“Sorry, honey. I just got a little lost,” my body said, much to my horror.
It was at that point I knew I’d been had.
Horizon? Wha-What’s going on?
Here’s a new sensation for you. Feeling terrified out of your mind and completely calm at the same time. Not because of no danger, no, but rather because you were quite literally no longer in control of yourself.
“That’s alright dear, I know the way home. Why don’t you come with me and we can get out of here hmm?”
Tex! TEX!
I’m here! What’s happening!
GET HELP! NOW!
I’m trying just h-
My WAND popped off my head in a sickly green field of energy.
“Oh, no no, no no, that won’t do at all.” Not-Tick said, taking my WAND in front of her eyes before casting it to the side. I heard it hit the deck, but couldn’t turn my head to look, instead I just stared blankly at the impostor while screaming inside. “After all, it’s so old! We’ll just have to get you a new one. Come along now.”
“Sure that sounds great, I didn’t like that thing anyway.” My body said. I even sounded like I meant it. To my sheer horror, I started walking with her.
“You know, you’ve been a bad, bad, buck, Mr. Seldat.” Not-Tick said as we cleared the main floor and ducked into a nearby corridor, “A very bad buck. You went and stuffed your muzzle into things that you really shouldn’t have, and worse yet, you survived!”
We entered an alleyway. My body looked into my captor’s eyes with very rapt attention. This… thing became my world. All of it, a near perfect copy of Tick from head to hoof save for the attitude. And then an even more horrible thought occurred to me, to any casual observer, I had left with the same pony I had arrived with.
She leaned in closer to my unblinking face. “Why couldn’t you have just died in that trial of yours? We were supposed to pick off you and your boss, but instead we only managed to get one. It would have been a cut and dry case too, if you hadn’t pulled that miracle out of your ass.” She spat in my eye. It burned, yet I didn’t even have the presence of mind to even blink. I just kept staring ahead.
“But no, you had to go free. You had to start a statewide witch hunt, and now my people are on the run everywhere. Why couldn’t you just curl up die like the rest of you fucking freaks? Not that it’s going to matter now.” The changeling pulled a wet rag out of its vest, and sized me up with a predatory smile.
“Sleep well, Mr Seldat. And know that I am sooo going to enjoy this. Who knows? I might just take my time. Now, Take a deep breath.” The rag pressed into my muzzle and my body took a deep draw. Distantly I felt my head begin to swim.
“Good. Now, let’s see just how much fun you and I can have,” It said.
I don’t remember anything that happened after that.
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What does the percentage at the end mean
8227060
8227085
Ahhh well it's been a while since I read this amazing story so I forgot if it was revealed.
I like that Halo 2 reference.
8232824
Halo 2 reference?
At the end of the first level Cortana deactivated the Covanent bomb and Chief asked "How much time was left." Which Cortana replied "You don't want to know. "
8232851
That's actually a classic trope, although you're right, it was used in Halo 2. It's even used as the quote. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AlwaysClose