• Member Since 19th Mar, 2012
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Aragon


Quoth the raven: "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW" (Patreon)

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Life's a witch, and then you die. Just ask Fluttershy.

A Halloween fic.


Edited by R5h.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 46 )

Not inspired by the cover art, believe it or not, but rather by the objective fact that witches are fuckin' tasty.

9265043
I have to admit, witches are my fetish.

I'm not an Equestria "Girls" kinda guy. But when Aragon makes something, you have to have exceptions.

9265043
Well I mean...you're not wrong...and this particular witch is basically Fluttershy's pet now which is somehow even more so, but...

What the HECK did I just read?

Also, I can't decide if she wants seduce and/or eat Fluttershy or is happy to be a friend who likes looking sexy. Or both.

Can agree, I would a cute witch.

“I did!” I say, and I show Sunset cute sexy smile with a little bit of fang. “Also, hi, Fluttershy!” I up the sexy a bit towards her. “Mephistopheline says his tummy hurts, can you come later and help me? I want him to eat Flash Sentry’s corpse.” Then I look at Sunset again. “Also I’m making my cats eat Flash Sentry’s corpse.”

Only you Aragon. I swear even Justice3442 can't come up with this level of absurd crap.

“Uh. Okay.” Dash is looking at my corpse quite wide-eyed, and then she looks at the baseball bat—all bloody—and then at Applejack. “I was not expecting that.”

There's a REASON the mafia used Baseball bats as weapons. Even wooden ones are effective.

“Yeah!” I say, yelling at them from the stake. They have tied me to it rather tightly, but at least they let me keep my hat. “Because I’m a witch! It’s traditional!

I mean, she's right. If you're gonna kill her, do it right.

Being a witch is being used to burning alive.

“You kill people?”

“Kind of!”

How do you 'kind of' kill people?

The way she says it feels like a whisper, so when I reply, I whisper, too. “I am queen of my own kingdom,” I say. “I rule, and males obey. I fly on a broom, and I cast green flames, and I feed after mating. It is what I do. I do not care for good.”

Some form of Evil, not sure if this is Lawful or Neutral though.

9265043

Bayonetta is a prime example.

That cat accent though.

Emmm, what did I just read? It looks more like acid trip than actual story... weird...

I think the first few paragraphs of this story are the closest I've ever seen to perfect in how they unfold. A masterclass of storytelling right there.

Thank you for writing this! I made a point of petting my cat every time Chrysalis did, so he thanks you too.

This was very funny and also adorable. The one thing I wasn't quite sure about was why Chrysalis had that kind of literal character, like a perkier Maud Pie. It was cute, but not how she's normally written, so I just wondered if there was a story reason for that or if it was because why not?

It is what I do. I do not care for good.

Amidst the insanity, you put together eleven words that sum up Chrysalis perfectly.

In any case, fantastic Halloween story, saturated with your particular blend of madness. Thank you for it.

9265658
Rettani, meet Aragon.

Ri2

So...if Chrysalis no longer eats men, what WILL she eat?

And how does she know Twilight and the others?

I cannot be more on board with Chrysalis being a cat-loving witch :pinkiehappy:

Also, could I suggest Timber Spruce and EG Mud Briar as being next in line on Chrysalis' menu? I can't see Fluttershy objecting, those two don't really count as people.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but it was somehow exactly this. But also kind of not? Since I wasn’t expecting it and all?




i need to sit down

I think there’s a certain amount of skill involved in being this weird... I think.

9265743
Nothing! As Rarity points out, she's going to starve to death.

But it's okay. She likes Fluttershy a lot, so she doesn't seem to mind.

As per Twi and the others -- Fluttershy told her about them! That's why she goes "I don't know if she's told you about me" when they meet.

Ri2

9265772
Or even her brother

Sunset arches an eyebrow. “Really? A quirky witch with a poofy skirt and a pointy hat? That’s what a master seductress looks like?”

They all get really quiet, because I am looking at Flash Sentry, and they notice. So they all look at Flash Sentry now.

And Flash Sentry blushes and looks down. “…I thought it was charming,” he mutters.

I did not deserve to be personally attacked like this!

9265659

I just wondered if there was a story reason for that or if it was because why not?

A little bit of both?

To make a long story short: after listening to a certain song, I felt like writing Chrysalis, but I wanted to do it in a Halloween-y way. So, doing her as a monster, rather than as the classical Equestria villain came to mind -- so it had to be in EQG, because it seeme fun to imagine her dressed as a mummy or something.

Then I started toying with what monster I wanted her to be (or at least dress up like), and while vampires seemed kind of obvious, witches seemed cute. Then I wrote the intro to test the waters and see how she would act with two cats, and it all sorta just came together a bit. Then I tried to imagine how a witch would act and why she would act like that -- give the context of the story and everything she does to feed -- and came up with that interpretation.

So like, there was absolutely thought put into her character and why she's so odd, even though not everything is explained in the story explicitely 'cause it'd be boring. But it was also 100% because I went "man it'd be fun to have her wear a pointy hat and have, like. Cats. And stuff" and then writing that.

“And I kinda killed a girl three times? Only not really.” Dash sucks air through her teeth, and looks at her baseball bat. “I got attached to this thing, though! It makes you feel powerful, kinda.”

Really wanted that to become an actual bat (like, the animal?). Y'know, it being halloween and all, and I being a pun-in-the-arse.

Hahah. Yikes. That was bad.

Anyway, comedic repetition in rhythm and the kind of plot progression I can only compare to a room where everything's suddenly been moved five centimeters to the left, and it seems we got another nice Aragon piece. Miauvelous.

I’m never getting the image of Chrysalis as a cat lady witch out of my head am I? It works too well...

9265810
I mean, while I suppose it’s technically better than the alternative we know Fluttershy isn’t the kind to let villains kill themselves out of love for her (see Discord) even if that would in many ways be the sensible thing to do. Comes of how she’s actually friends with them which is why it works.

What I’m saying is there’s significant room for further shenanigans as Fluttershy tries to get her some kind of morally acceptable food and it all goes disastrously wrong.

9265658
This isn't even close to weird. Only one character was charmingly pro-murder, and the rest of the story even acted like she was sort of bad.

I mean, if Cathulhu can bring guys back to life, couldn't she still feed on guys, just, have Cathulhu do his thing afterwards? She'd get to feed, and the guy wouldn't stay dead afterwards. :P

Whenever I see that Aragon has posted a new story, I strap myself in and prepare for the ride.

And as always, I found myself completely unprepared for the delightful insanity. Wonderful work, as always!

9265483

Only you Aragon. I swear even Justice3442 can't come up with this level of absurd crap.

At this point, literally every comedy writer on the site is playing second fiddle to Jakkid's greatness.

“Hi! I suppose you are that other person in here. How are you doing. What is up.”

I don't know why it was this line in particular that set the hook for me, but damn it all to hell if it didn't.

Hahah. Yikes.

Flash Sentry isn't tagged for this story because even the author doesn't care enough about him.

I want to like this, I really do. But I can't. Honestly you should have added the random tag to this as well. The story was all over the place, made little to no sense, and I get this is a comedy, but the only part that made me even Crack a smile was the fact that flash is getting better from a case of death, and that isn't even because of this story but instead a different story where the main character said the same thing about themself. I sadly didn't enjoy this read.

Now I hate being completely negative so I'll shine some of what you did good in my opinion. Your base idea was defiantly an inspired one. Your writing of Flash being the only one making any sort of sense was honestly one of the highlights for a character I usually hate and I can see you do have some talent with hoe you structured it. While some might call it bad, I can tell it was because you were reflecting the mind of who's ever thought you were following at that moment.

Again, I don't like this story, but I do want you to keep writing. Though please add the random tag next time?

“We are all terrible at naming our pets.”

:rainbowhuh: I honestly cannot tell if this is supposed to imply that the whole story was just some sort of roleplay or something.

9267577
Nah it's just Rarity lamenting that she wasn't the one who thought of "Mephistopheline" when naming her cat.

9265658
Is that what that was, I'm lost honestly

9265483

That might not be evil tbh. It might be neutral like an owlbear. There doesnt seem to be intention or malice, just... statement of fact. I am, therefore... shit.

9267843

I guess that's fair.

This is delightful and also kind of strange.

It all made sense the second I stopped trying to make sense.

And I enjoyed it greatly. Thanks!

“We are all terrible at naming our pets.”

No Rares, only you are.

I read this, laughed, and upvoted it. And yet I keep being drawn back by a couple things that are bugging me. Those things are tags. "Random" and "Flash Sentry," specifically. This needs 'em in the worst way.

I mean come on, Flash is at the center of all these shenanigans. And the shenanigans have more than just a little randomness behind them. In the end we get the swerve that the Eastern cat eating Flash is resurrecting him because it's from the East and everything's backwards there? I can... live with that, I guess... but it's random. It's like the very definition of random, even though it's very loosely foreshadowed, kind of.

Still though: I have deep penis envy that you can just sit down and crank out a slab of nonstop shenanigans like this in a couple hours. I mean... friggin' gimme some of whatever you're smoking, except I couldn't smoke it because of the asthma, but I could darn sure stare at it and wonder.

This was hilarious! Weirdness and laughs galore! Another great piece by Aragon.

I am in envy at your ability to write this well at 1500 words per hour.

I really did enjoy this quirky and cute story more than I thought I would, considering it opens up with Chrysalis' cats eating Flash Sentry. I also thought the witch would be Celestia based on the pic, but I actually like this version more!

Also, this is the first time I have seen Fluttershy x Chrysalis, and I really think they make for a cute couple! <3

My kind of humor...God help me.

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