Azure Edge

by Leaf Blade

36. Breathe In

Twilight paced back and forth in the library, hands behind her back and gaze burning a hole right into the floor.

Spike sat nearby on top of the reception desk, helping himself to a tub of ice cream as he watched the familiar sight of his mom working herself into a tizzy.

“Twilight, you’re—”

“I am not working myself into a tizzy!” Twilight interrupted, her cheeks burning up as she glared at Spike, who could only laugh at how silly he thought she was being. He was wrong, of course, this was a very serious matter, but Spike was just a kid and he didn’t know any better.

“I didn’t say anything like that,” Spike gave a mischievous grin.

“You were thinking it,” Twilight huffed.

“How could’ja tell?”

Twilight paused, ceasing her pacing. She tapped her hoof on the ground three times before looking at Spike, who was curiously arching an eyebrow at her now. Twilight grimaced and looked away from him.

She opened her mouth to speak, but bit her tongue.

Another pause.

“Because I am working myself into a tizzy!” Twilight cried cradling her head in her hands helplessly as Spike tried not to laugh.

“C’mon, Twilight,” Spike hopped off his post and walked—or rather waddled, since he was so full of ice cream at this point—over to Twilight, patting her on the leg. “It’s not like we’re strangers to having ponies in the library these days.”

“I know that, Spike,” Twilight sighed and backed into the side of a bookcase, slowly sliding down until she was sitting with her back up against it, arms wrapped around her legs and her face buried between her knees. “But this is different-” Twilight snapped her head up “-this is big! Like, really big!”

“Uh, how’s that again?”

“These aren’t just any ponies,” Twilight explained frantically, “they’re friends with Rainbow and Rarity! What if I mess things up?! What if they talk to Rainbow and Rarity and are all like ‘ugh that librarian is super obnoxious, she’s always yammering about rocks and sticks and weird stuff and won’t shut up, plus she’s and her voice is annoying and she keeps working herself into tizzies’!”

“I really don’t think anyone’s gonna say that,” Spike comforted his spiraling mother with a pat on the shoulder. It helped, a little, to know he was in her corner.

“I wish Rainbow were here,” Twilight moaned, burying her face in her legs again. “I wish I hadn’t invited those two.”

“Twilight, it’s gonna be okay,” Spike gently rubbed Twilight’s forearm, and while she appreciated the gesture and his sympathy, the concerned tone in his voice made alarm bells start ringing in Twilight’s head.

He was comforting her, he was taking care of her. That was her job, to take care of him! Not the other way around, that makes her a bad parent! She can’t have that! Spike can’t ever comfort her, or think that he needs to make things okay with her, especially with her stupid brain problems.

“I need a minute,” Twilight’s tone was as ghostly as her face as she quickly rose to her hooves and walked away from Spike, trying to keep her breathing steady as panic flooded her like a bursting dam.

Twilight opened the door to the spacious attic that acted as her and Spike’s joint bedroom and threw herself onto her bed, burying her face in a pillow and using her magic to cover herself with blankets.

She had so many whirling thoughts racing through her brain that she couldn’t focus on any one of them for more than a fraction of a second. It was like everything around her was spinning out of control, faster and faster and faster until she could hardly breathe, let alone think.

Zecora, what would you do?

That was the thought that finally silenced the raging maelstrom in Twilight’s mind, as she recalled her mentor’s advice to breathe deeply and empty her mind whenever she lost control of it.

She felt her heart beating. She felt magic flowing through her veins. She felt the warmth of her breath as it coursed in and out of her.

She breathed out, slowly, lifting her head and sitting up straight, tossing the blanket covering her aside.

Twilight wondered if her own mother ever felt bad about Twilight becoming her de facto therapist, but quickly swept that thought away.

Doesn’t matter now.

Twilight thought about the kind of parent she wanted to be, ever since she adopted Spike. She thought about the life she wanted him to live; peaceful, serene, and above all, happy.

Loneliness and happiness couldn’t coexist.

Twilight took in another deep breath and put her hooves on the wooden floor. She stood tall and straightened her clothing and hair; it wouldn’t do to greet guests in the sorry state she’d let herself fall into.

Pinkie and Applejack visiting the library was scary to Twilight, but so was meeting Rainbow for the first time, or meeting Rarity, and those were two of the best days in her life.

And more importantly, Spike was so much happier since Rainbow started coming to the library, and Twilight was so endeared by his little list he’d made of things he wanted to talk to Rarity about.

Twilight was scared to meet new people— and potentially screw everything up— but for Spike’s sake, she could put aside her fear for now and let herself be hopeful that these two new ponies would only make her life brighter, as the last two had.

Twilight descended the stairs and was heartbroken by the sight of Spike anxiously chewing his thumbnail, sitting on the reception desk and holding a spoon full of melting ice cream that he must’ve been too nervous to eat.

“Spike,” Twilight said softly, and her son quickly turned in her direction.

“Are you okay?” he asked before she could say anything.

“Yes, Spike,” Twilight sighed and offered what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “I’m fine now. I remembered Zecora’s calming techniques, and they helped a lot.”

“They always do,” Spike chuckled, “when you remember to use them.”

“Harhar,” Twilight rolled her eyes but she couldn’t help smiling. She walked over to Spike and embraced him in a hug. “I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to—”

“Stop, Twilight. You don’t ever have to apologize to me, okay?”

Twilight let a tense sigh leave her body gently through her nose.

“Okay.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Spike said, happily grabbing that spoon and plopping it into his mouth, Twilight giggling at how quickly he went back to his usual chipper self.

“Of course I’m okay,” Twilight said proudly. “After all, how could I greet our honored guests in the middle of a tizzy?”

“So we’re still having them over?” Spike said hopefully, his eyes growing wide and sparkling like cute little gemstones.

“I wouldn’t miss it for anything,” Twilight beamed.

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed.

Comments

[AppleTank]

ayy, Zecora! Good mentor choice.