Azure Edge

by Leaf Blade

114. Old Memories

The winter wind felt colder on Twilight’s skin than it had in a long time, as it brought with it the smell of burnt wood from the ashes of the once great oak tree she stood in front of.

This had been her home, and now it was nothing more than a pitch-black splintered trunk and flecks of ash sailing on the wind.

As Twilight stood in front of the ruins of her old home, her fingers gripped gently by Spike’s hand, she wasn’t really sure what to feel. Sadness? Regret? Despair? Even anger maybe?

Twilight didn’t know, so she didn’t really feel much of anything. It was almost like she was staring at the scene outside of her own body, a passive observer to whom the library that had housed so many wonderful memories meant nothing.

It was all over now. The life Twilight had been trying to build for herself and her son lied in ruins like the library.

It was too much for one woman to bear, so she simply refused to bear it.

Twilight felt a gentle tug on her hand, and she looked down to see Spike, eyes glistening with unshed tears, smiling up at her. She couldn’t help but smile back. At least they still had each other.

Memories, homes, even relationships could be rebuilt, so long as they were together.

“C’mon, Twilight!” Spike pitter-pattered over to the library, tugging Twilight along with him. “No sense standing around moping all day! Let’s look for some buried treasure!”

“That sounds great, Spike,” Twilight laughed, thankful for Spike’s enthusiasm. “Just be careful! We don’t know if the place is gonna collapse any more than it already has!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Spike gave an exaggerated scoff. “You’re too paranoid, honestly!”

“Sure,” Twilight chuckled and rolled her eyes as the pair took their first steps into the library.

Twilight felt nauseous feeling the familiar hardwood of her library under her hooves, and it didn’t help when she looked up and saw the sky through the burnt-out hole in the roof—it was practically more hole now than roof to be quite honest.

Spike didn’t seem deterred, digging through collapsed shelves and toppled bookcases like it was nothing more than a scavenger hunt, and Twilight breathed a sigh of relief at his energy. She was worried this was gonna be harder on him than it would be on her, and she was glad to see the reverse was true.

After maybe fifteen minutes of searching, Twilight and Spike sat at the half-burned remains of their coffee table and looked at the small collection of books they had gathered.

Twilight, ever the perfectionist, wasn’t interested in keeping around books that had lost even a few of their pages, and unfortunately for her the books that had been completely unharmed by the battle in the library numbered in merely the double digits.

“Well, that’s a spirit breaker,” she said drolly, pouting and resting her chin on the table.

“None of your journals are here,” Spike said sadly. “I thought you had like really powerful protection spells on them, so I was hoping at least they’d still be around.”

“They should be,” Twilight muttered. “But they’re all upstairs. Considering how many abjurations I cast on the upstairs bedroom, I bet it still looks better than most entire houses in the rest of this city.”

“Oh! Let’s go up there then!” Spike cheered, not even waiting for Twilight’s reply before hurrying up the stairs.

“Be caref—”

Before Twilight could even finish, Spike stepped on a stair that collapsed upon his touch. Twilight gasped, teleporting over to him and picking him up as he fell, her wings outstretched behind her back as she floated above the floor.

“Woah,” Spike chuckled, looking up at Twilight as she put him on the ground. “You haven’t let your wings out like that since—”

“Bleugh,” Twilight groaned as she put her wings away. She hated them. A cursed reminder of how she would never fit in, no matter where she tried to hide. “Come on, Spike. Let’s go up there together.”

“Roger that!” Spike gave a spirited salute that made Twilight giggle.

If stepping inside the library made Twilight feel nauseous, stepping into the attic bedroom made her want to die right on the spot. It was the same as it ever was, just as Twilight predicted, and it was an even more pressing reminder of the—

No.

No more of that. No more being miserable about the past. I need to move on. We need to move on.

“Hey, Twilight!” Spike said, his eyes wide as he rummaged through one of the nightstands. “Check this out!”

Twilight pushed aside the storm in her stomach to pay attention to Spike, but she couldn’t hide the pained grimace on her face when she saw what he had found.

He had indeed found Twilight’s collection of journals, which she was quite happy to see; it would have been a huge pain to rewrite that much material.

But no, that wasn’t what Twilight focused on.

A small pile of books had been removed from the nightstand, sitting in a pile on the floor beside Spike, who had no idea what he had moved. They had been sitting inside the nightstand on top of Twilight’s journals, because she had wanted them to always be close to her.

It was an assorted collection…

…of fashion books.

“God fucking damn it,” Twilight cursed under her breath, biting down on her thumb almost hard enough to draw blood.

“What’s the ma— oh,” Spike gulped as he followed Twilight’s line of sight to the fashion books. “Oh, I didn’t see those when I moved ‘em. I didn’t really think— I’m sorry, Twilight.”

“Don’t be,” Twilight shrugged, wiping the blood off her finger onto her tunic. “Not your fault. Not anyone’s fault, I guess. Just—”

“Do you think Rarity will ever wanna be friends again?” Spike asked, and his voice cracked with emotion that threatened to shatter Twilight’s fragile heart.

Twilight didn’t want Spike to feel the same kind of pain she was feeling, but she refused to lie to him or give him false hope.

“I don’t know, Spike,” she said coldly.

“Is there anything we can do?” Spike whimpered, his face scrunching up to hold back tears.

“I don’t know,” Twilight choked out, her own tears threatening to break free at any second, so she knelt down and hugged Spike, who clung to her tightly.

“I don’t know either,” Spike sighed, but then quickly pushed himself away from Twilight and smiled at her, “but what I do know is that I’ll always be your friend! And you’ll always be mine!”

“That’s right, Spike!” Twilight chuckled and ruffled the little pegasus’ mane. “I’m really lucky to have you.”

“That’s true,” Spike said smugly. “Honestly I don’t know how you’d survive without me.”

“I’m sure I wouldn’t,” Twilight chuckled but her words were absolutely serious. If not for Spike, she probably wouldn’t have—

Well, best not to think about what would’ve happened.

“Alright,” Twilight groaned as she stood up. She felt like age was already catching up to her, and yet she was barely a young adult. “I’m tired of swimming in these old memories. Let’s pack up the important stuff and head to the station already.”

“Okay,” Spike hummed and collected his little doll of Twilight’s likeness— which made Twilight’s heart melt every time she saw it— and Twilight’s journals. “Oh, hey,” Spike said, giving a limp kick to the fashion books, “what about these?”

Twilight took a deep breath, in through her nose— and it didn’t escape her that she felt like she could actually breathe for the first time since she’d set her eyes on the ruined library.

Twilight sighed slowly, wanting to let the past die so she could move on into a better future.

“Pack them up,” Twilight said with a nervous smile, Spike’s eyes glittering like stars at her words, “you never know when we might need them.”

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!

Comments

[ShadowLDrago]

More angst. On another note, I’m keeping an eye on your pony tumblr now.

[Timuri]

I doubt Twilight could easily leave behind books anyway...books and knowledge seem to be what she hoards.