Azure Edge

by Leaf Blade

112. Sitting Alone

Rarity sat alone on the bench of the Ponyville steam train, hoof tapping against the thinly-carpeted floor of the vehicle, thumbnail bit between her teeth.

She was right—because of course she was, she was Rarity after all— Fluttershy looked very cute in the outfit that Rarity had bought for her, and it was nice that Fluttershy and Twilight both did not put up much of a fuss about the clothing choices Rarity had made.

How Twilight looked in her outfit, Rarity couldn’t really say, as she was very purposefully trying to avoid looking at the purple dragon in pony’s skin, lest the flame Rarity was trying to suppress rise back to the surface.

Hmm, ‘flame’… perhaps a poor choice of words.

Granted, as she watched Fluttershy get acclimated to a pony train for the first time in the disguise of a gangly, almost sickly-looking pegasus—this being the very first time the dragon had ever set foot into a train in her life—it was difficult not to look at Twilight Sparkle who was right by Fluttershy’s side, laughing and conversing quite jovially with the yellow mar—woman.

Rarity wished that she were in Fluttershy’s place, and then she cursed herself for having that damned thought.

But she couldn’t quite help it; she couldn’t help but long for the way things used to be, when she and Twilight would spend hours upon hours chatting about the most frivolous things, before Rarity knew about the horrifying secret that Twilight had been keeping from her during their entire relationship.

And that was the cursed train of thought Rarity was stuck in, going in a constant loop inside her head over and over; thinking about Twilight made her think about the old times, thinking about the old times made her think about Twilight’s secret, thinking about that secret made Rarity curse Twilight Sparkle, which made her yearn for the old times and—

Rinse. Repeat.

Twilight apparently noticed Rarity staring at her and Fluttershy, and turned her head to look at Rarity. Rarity considered turning away, averting eye contact with the dragon who had pretended to love her, but she chose not to.

She wanted Twilight to see her, to see the anger, the betrayal, the hatred in Rarity’s eyes.

But as tears stung Rarity’s eyes, she wondered if those were truly the emotions her eyes held, and only then did she look away, choosing instead to peer out the window at the station of Ponyville. She remembered how quaint the town had been during her last visit here, and at one time she wondered if perhaps the easy life of an ordinary citizen should have been her calling.

There was a time where she thought about settling down, just being happy and living an ordinary life with the people she cared about, and that memory brought her right back into that ever-looping train once again.

There was no escape from the thoughts of Twilight Sparkle, it seemed.

And perhaps, Rarity pondered, perhaps it would be best to simply confront these thoughts head-on. If going back to those old times was what Rarity truly desired, then maybe giving Twilight the cold shoulder was not in her best interest.

Would it be better— would it even be possible— to look past Twilight’s secret-keeping and her dragonic blood, and instead forgive her—or even apologize, if not for her own sake, then on behalf of the Queen and the Slayers who hunted Twilight’s kind?

As Rarity’s fingers instinctively traced across the surface of her dragon fang necklace, her stomach was seized by a violent wave of anxiety and disgust. It was impossible to overlook the similarities between Twilight’s situation and the case of that dragon so many years ago.

Twilight had been living in Canterlot for many more months that the dragon who burned down Pinkie Pie’s village, and had not once even attempted to make conflict within the city or with any of its inhabitants.

But what if she was just biding her time?

Rarity’s first gut reaction was to almost laugh at such an absurd notion; a clever, manipulative schemer who waited for the perfect moment to strike against her hated enemy didn’t sound like the Twilight Sparkle she knew at all.

But that was just it; she had no way of knowing how much, if any, of the Twilight Sparkle she thought she knew was even real, and how much was merely a part of her disguise.

This whole thing was starting to give Rarity a headache, and she found her mind returning to some words of advice she once heard, but now couldn’t even remember who had said them to her.

What do you want, Rarity?

And what did Rarity want? She had spent so much of her life never considering such a notion that it was difficult for her to parse what should have been a rather simple question.

But if Rarity were being entirely honest with herself, what she truly wanted was—

Twilight laughed and Rarity immediately turned to look at her, Rarity’s ears clamping against her head as she was caught completely unprepared by the wave of affection that crushed her as she saw Twilight laughing with a bright smile on her face, Twilight not even noticing Rarity as she remained enraptured by her pleasant conversation with Fluttershy.

Rarity stood up and headed for the bathroom. Once there, once she had sequestered herself within a stall in which she was certain nopony would bother her, she allowed herself finally to break down in tears.

What she truly wanted was far beyond her grasp now.

Author's Note:

eyyy look who's back! it's meeeee
I hope y'all are excited about ANGST, GAY FEELINGS, and ANGST ABOUT GAY FEELINGS!

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!

Comments

[ShadowLDrago]

Glad to have this back. Also, I believe the term is gaygnst. I think.

[stillinbeta]

Yay, we're back!! Time to have a Feeling

[-newt-]

Ayyyy!

[Failsafe99]

Good to see you again. Keep up thr good work, take breaks when necessary, and upload when able, and we'll be fine.