11. Horrible Houseguests
It was Friday afternoon and I should have been a lot more excited than I was. Tonight was the night I’d set my date with Soarin, but that was later. Right now, I was trotting to have tea with Princess Celestia. For the average pony, they’d call that a pretty amazing day.
I should have, too, but I was exhausted. Trixie was turning out to be a bigger pain in my rump than I had ever been in Dolly’s. She’d taken the offer and, to her credit, did wash glasses. But she whined about it the whole time.
Her shows were going alright and entertaining the few mares that were at the bar, but she kept begging Dolly and I to give her better time slots.
“Do a good job on these and stop whining about glasses and I might!” I shouted at a random blue mare who just happened to be walking the opposite way.
She squeaked, quickly made a right turn, and hurried off down the hall.
“Sorry!” I yelled back without feeling sorry. It felt good to shout a bit. It felt good to not be patient and understanding. What little chill I possessed had long since melted. It had melted so much that I’d taken leave for the last two hours of my shift to avoid throttling First Sergeant Skittles for a minor paperwork mistake. Poor Skittles.
With any luck, Princess Celestia would be free and she could give me some guidance. She taught ponies all of the time; surely she had ponies as annoying as Trixie at her school.
The worst part about our situation was that I couldn’t even shut her up with a kiss anymore. How long had we been at this? Three years? Two? I paused to count on my hoof. “A couple of days,” I muttered. It would take more than that for her to change. I probably wasn’t being fair.
I made the turn into Princess Celestia’s wing and spotted a familiar orange stallion in gold armor coming my way. He bobbed his head in a nod. “Lieutenant Day, coming to visit our princess?”
“Yes, sir,” I replied even though we were the same rank. Astral Dyke was a lieutenant, just like me, but he was the commander of Princess Celestia’s House Guard. That was one of the most desirable commands in all of Equestria. You just couldn’t be a slouch and get that job. You had to know ponies.
He waved a hoof. “Astral is fine. You’re early, aren’t you?”
“Yes, sir. I mean, yes. Rough week. I thought if she was free, I could use the extra time,” I explained, idly looking him over. He didn’t really do it for me. That isn’t to say he wasn’t fit or anything, he just didn’t stand out in any way.
Astral paused and looked up as if going through something in his head. “I believe she is just spending time with Lady Cadence. It isn’t an official meeting, so as long as she doesn’t throw you out, I don’t see a problem with it. If you’ll excuse me, I’m needed upstairs.” Without another word, he headed off.
That suited me fine. He’d given me plenty of information. Princess Celestia was free and she was currently with the fittest rump in the entire palace. I’d always worked hard on my body, but I’d never been what ponies would call a delicate-featured mare.
Lady Cadence was a rare breed in numerous ways. She didn’t look like a common unicorn: her legs were skinnier, she was taller, and her hind end was perky and tight. She was the kind of mare I’d gladly sell Diddle to just to have one night with.
When I reached the door to Princess Celestia’s study, the guards beside it looked up. I groaned inside. I knew the one nearest to me. Well, I didn’t know him. I recognized him. He was the smug silver pegasus that always said—
“Pass, please.”
Yes, that. Wait. Again? What wasn’t he getting? He was one of those guards that was too by the book.
“You know who I am!” I snapped.
He sighed, like he always did, and said, “Lieutenant, I know. We all know who you are, but think of it this way: I have no idea what you did this week. Perhaps you went on an alcohol-fueled bender and burned down an orphanage. The result of which was you losing your pass.
“So please, ma’am, with all due respect, can you just take the two seconds necessary to show me your pass so I can let you in and we can stop doing this?”
My eyes narrowed, and I leaned in so close that my nose bumped his. “What is your name?”
Without missing a beat or any display of fear, he replied, “Storm Rider, ma’am. Sergeant Storm Rider.”
I pulled my helmet off and showed him the pass that I’d stuck to the inside. “I think I kind of like you now,” I said before stepping back. “Now open the door!”
Storm Rider smirked and did exactly that before he waved me through with his wing.
Princess Celestia was sitting on her large pillow, her eyes showing surprise when I trotted through.
“Hi, what’s up?” I asked before I caught sight of Lady Cadence. She had a very large and very obvious engagement ring on her horn. I gasped, “No way!”
The ring quickly flew off and into Lady Cadence’s saddlebag. “Oh, hello there… you.”
Princess Celestia motioned a hoof at me. “Cadence, this is my friend, Sunny Day. She works for Shining Armor. She’s also quite early for tea.”
I took my helmet off and sat it on the table near the entry. “Nice to officially meet you, Lady Cadence! Speaking of Shining Armor, it seems like he bought you a little gift?”
“Oh, that? A gift?” Lady Cadence sputtered. “I mean, you see, it’s complicated.”
The princess sighed and patted Cadence on the shoulder. “You’re no good at lying, I’m afraid. We’ll just have to expand the circle of trust a little bit.”
“I’m game. What are we lying about?” I asked eagerly. This was fun! Lady Cadence looked very cute when she was blushing and stammering.
Her horn lit once again and Cadence brought the ring back out. “About this, and our engagement.”
I grinned. “So you are engaged!”
“Shhh!” Princess Celestia covered her eyes with a hoof. “Sunny, please!”
I looked from one mare to the other and tilted my head. “I don’t get it. Shouldn’t we be excited about this?”
Lady Cadence nodded happily. “Oh yes! I’m thrilled beyond explanation. We’re just not telling many ponies yet.”
My head bobbed in a slow nod. No, wait, that didn’t make sense. “How come?”
The princess stood up and trotted over to her tea set. She started the kettle and peered back at me. “Cadence would like the luxury of not being a celebrity for as long as possible. Surely you realize that once word gets out that there will be a royal wedding, ponies are going to get excited.”
“Yes,” Cadence added, “and I’d like to avoid as much of that as possible. I don’t begrudge ponies celebrating and having fun, but I’d like for this to just be for us for a little while.”
Honestly, I’d forgotten that Lady Cadence was technically a noble. She was the descendant of some famous pony somewhere and then adopted by the princess. Shining Armor was also from a fine unicorn line and the Captain of the Canterlot Guard. “Alright, I see your point. Sorry for shouting, I was just a little excited.”
The princess chuckled and started to set her coffee table for tea. “Yes, and so too will many other ponies when we announce the date.”
“When is that?” I asked, making my way over to sit.
“About a week before Hearts and Hooves day,” Cadence said sheepishly.
“Oh, that’s reasonable. So a year and a quarter or so to plan?”
Cadence bit her lip. “No?”
“Wait, you mean this year!” I squawked.
“Sunny!” the princess hissed.
“Sorry! This is a big deal, though. That’s, like, four moons away. I don’t even have a dress!”
Cadence smiled shyly, her cheeks flushing. “I know, but I don’t want a long engagement. I don’t want a big elaborate wedding. The kingdom can celebrate outside, but inside, I just want my friends and family. Which, please don’t take offense, as a pony I just met, you don’t fall into that category and won’t need a dress.”
It figured a sweet, hot, delicate unicorn like Cadence would feel that way. I didn’t know her more than looking at her rump, but the rumor mill said she was polite and down to earth. “None taken, and I don’t blame you. I certainly wouldn’t want my wedding turned into some big politicized event if I could help it. I’ll still probably get a dress, though. There are bound to be parties.”
Princess Celestia levitated the tea set over and started pouring. “Yes, that is exactly what we want to avoid within reason. We’re going to announce the engagement and the date in a week or so. That will largely limit the mania.
“Cadence can plan in peace, and we’ll come up with a nice compromise. A private ceremony with a public celebration. Everypony wins. Providing we can keep this a secret. You can do that, can’t you, Sunny?”
My nose wiggled. She was suggesting I was a gossip! Which, I was, but it hurt more coming from her. I crossed my forelegs. “Of course I can! I would never upset a classy mare like Lady Cadence. Even though when Dolly finds out after the fact I knew and didn’t tell her, she may disown me. Is there an insurance plan for that?”
Cadence reached out and set a soft pink hoof on my foreleg. “That is so sweet of you. Thank you, Sunny.”
The second she touched me, I felt a tingly rush from my foreleg to my heart. It was a tingle all over my body and not just in the adult pony way. She was genuinely sweet and I felt like I’d been injected with sugar. “My pleasure, and I’m sorry for interrupting your private moment. I was in a foul mood and came early to whine.”
Princess Celestia’s ears shot up. “You, a foul mood? That isn’t like you at all. What’s happened?”
I waved a hoof. “No, no, don’t worry about it. This was about Lady Cadence and I barged in unannounced. Also, just a little tip, if you’re being secretive, maybe tell the door guards not to just admit ponies.”
Lady Cadence softly giggled. As she did, her nose crinkled up in the cutest way. Shining Armor was the luckiest stallion alive, and not just because one day he’d get to have a threesome with me and his wife. Should I start to position for that now? It would be easier if she suggested it since I was his subordinate.
I’d certainly be subordinate to him. Cadence struck me as the type of pony that would be at the bottom of our little pile. That meant a nice Sunny sandwich.
“No, please, Sunny, do share,” Cadence said. “If you’re going to keep my secret, the least we can do is hear about your strife.”
“Agreed,” the princess added before glancing up at her door as if pondering something. Had she really not considered my suggestion prior?
I glanced between them. “Well, if you’re sure?”
“We are,” Cadence replied, proving she was starting to invest in me. Sweet!
“Alright then,” I started before explaining the whole Trixie situation. Princess Celestia was accustomed to my habit of providing more intimate details and after the third ‘oh my’ from Lady Cadence, I had to reign in it. If a threesome was going to happen, she was not going to be the avenue in. I’d managed to turn her coat from pink to red.
I brought the story to a close and huffed, “So you see, we can’t be that kind of friend right now. I’m not infinitely patient like you, Princess. I don’t know what to do! She’s just so spoiled!”
Princess Celestia sipped her tea, seemingly considering the situation. Or how to fix the niece I’d just broken. It was hard to tell; she had a great poker face.
Lady Cadence looked over at me and asked, “Can you not just show her she is being selfish and that you’re trying desperately to help her? Surely she’d see that and not want to put you out more than necessary.”
Sweet crickets, I was going to jump her right then and there. She was like a dove. “I’m trying my best, but I’m not sure she’s seeing what I’m trying to show her.”
The princess, dipped her tea cup just a moment and looked me in the eyes. “Have you tried punching her in the snoot?”
Cadence gasped, “Auntie!”
I couldn’t help but cackle. Whatever remnant of a foul mood I’d had was gone.
Princess Celestia grinned and motioned with a hoof. “The first piece of advice I give you is that example there. Know your audience. I’d never actually advocate you punching a pony but you, Sunny, laughed heartily at the image and it brightened your eyes again.”
Lady Cadence looked relieved and settled back. “And in this instance, I was not your audience.”
“Correct. I treat you and Sunny very differently, just as I must treat her differently from Twilight Sparkle.”
At the mere mention of the name, I felt myself frown.
“You see, Twilight Sparkle lacked the social skills and ability to bond easily with others. Sunny, by contrast, is the opposite. To assist Twilight, I sent her away. I removed her from her element. That is how she has progressed so far,” the princess explained. Hearing that I had something Twilight didn’t made me smile.
“And then when it came to dealing with Sunny, she needed somepony that believed in her and gave her direct attention instead of trying to force her into the mold of somepony else. She made the most progress when we focused less on what everypony else did and more on what she did.”
I blinked. “I thought you were just nice.”
“Oh, I am nice, but that doesn’t mean I’m not calculating as well, Sunny. I’m not just your friend or princess. I’m an educator, and I take that role as seriously as any other. I saw a pony with great potential floundering in our system. You were bordering on quitting.
“You needed a different kind of education, and we provided that. Some might have thought that foolish and that you were just lazy. That proved incorrect. When I gave you the chance to take the easy way out, you refused. That was when I knew I needed to invest even more in you for additional success.”
I suddenly felt all warm and fuzzy again. “And you did.”
“I did. Now, from what you’ve said, this Trixie of yours craves attention. She wants to be the talk of the town. Show her how good works, politeness, and kindness get her there. Just because washing glasses molded you doesn’t mean it will mold her.”
Every word she said made perfect sense. I just shook my head in awe. “You’re really good at this.”
The princess smiled. “I hope so. These are ponies’ lives we’re trying to better. Of course, in the end, you can try punching her in the snoot if all else fails.”
We all laughed then. She didn’t mean it, but I filed that away in the ‘just in case’ folder. I rarely got to see Princess Celestia’s silly side but I liked it. I liked it a lot!
I also liked Lady Cadence the more we talked. She was such a sweetheart, the kind of pony that you take home to mom. Unfortunately, that meant she wasn’t the sort of pony you just took out for a night and left in the morning.
Now she wasn’t just a fine rump, but a real pony. That meant my plan to sleep with Shining Armor was off. It wouldn’t be ethical to mess with their relationship just to upset Twilight. I didn’t want to end up in another situation like I’d been in with Roxy.
I’d just have to find some other way to upset Twilight. Could I sleep with her? Would that be worth it? Every time she opened her mouth, I’d remind her of where it had been? She wasn’t bad looking, even for a nerdy pony.
It wasn’t like I hadn’t noticed she was cute. The problem was that everypony else was trying to push me to be like her, just like the princess had said. At the same time, Twilight had snubbed me more than once, so she kind of deserved whatever punishment I eventually settled on.
“More tea?” Princess Celestia asked, pulling me back to the present.
“Yes, please,” I replied, focusing back at the topic at hoof. It was something about cake toppers when I’d zoned out.
The small talk continued on for an hour before I realized it was time for me to head off for my date with Soarin. When I saw the clock on the mantle, I stood up and set my tea on the table.“Oh! I’m going to be late. I’m sorry, girls, I really need to go. This has been great, though!”
Lady Cadence softly giggled and repeated, “’Girl’s. She really does treat you like a pony, auntie.”
Princess Celestia nodded. “I think that is why I like her. I think, anyway.” She smiled at me. “Have fun on your date, Sunny.”
“And thank you for facilitating it!” I replied to the princess before trotting out the door. As I went by the guards, I motioned at them. “Next time, maybe knock before you let me in. I caught those two snogging.”
“What!” Storm Rider replied in horror, but it was too late. I’d already turned the corner on my quick trot to the exit.
That would teach him and solve a problem! It was a shame I’d been so distracted with my time with Princess Celestia and Lady Cadence. They were a delight but I’d given up any chance I had of sprucing up. Instead of a tight shirt and some coat glitter, I was going to be meeting Soarin in my armor.
It wasn’t a big issue on the whole. Whatever I was wearing, he was just going to pull off before tossing me onto the bed. Still, a mare wanted to look her best for an old friend!
When I arrived at the stadium, he was standing outside in his perfectly pressed naval uniform. I saw a nearby group of mares looking his way but, in general, they seemed to be leaving him alone. Without the Wonderbolts flight suit, maybe they didn’t know who he was.
He also hadn’t seen me yet either. I took a moment to straighten my armor, shine it up, and get my gait just right. As I approached, I made sure to prance and shake my rump. “Hey, sailor. Know where a guard can get a ride around here?”
Soarin’s ears wiggled and he turned my way, smiling brightly. “Hey there! I never expected you to show up in armor.”
I closed the ground and kissed his cheek. “I was held up at the palace, so I didn’t get to change for you and doll up. Sorry about that.”
“No, don’t apologize! You look great in armor. I’ve always thought that. So, where are we going?”
I fluttered my lashes. “Up to you: my place or yours? I’m happy either way!”
Soarin’s smile dropped slightly. “Oh.”
“Oh?” I repeated nervously.
He waved a hoof. “No, no! I just thought this was more like a… you know… we haven’t seen each other in a while!”
What was he getting at? Wait… “You mean, like a date?”
“Yes! Like a date instead of just, you know…”
“Playing ‘mount the mare’?” I snuck in with a grin.
His ears turned bright red and he nodded. “Yes, yes, a date! I know what we used to do and that is fun, too. I just feel like I’d like to get caught up and to know you better. Now that I’m on the Canterlot Squadron, I’ll be around more and we can actually spend time together.”
Oh boy, why were stallions so emotional? This sounded a bit like a relationship and he knew I didn’t really do that. That was just leading ponies along without a payoff. It might be just a temporary thing, though, since we hadn’t seen each other in a while.
“I hear you,” I said cautiously. “Well, I’m always happy to see more of you. Why don’t we go somewhere quiet, get something nice to eat, and chat for a while? After that, we can see a film or a play, if we can find anything that isn’t sold out.”
He nodded. “That all sounds great! Say, do you like hummus? I know this great place on the far side of town that you wouldn’t believe. On the outside, it’s a normal, standard Canterlot-architected building, but on the inside, it is shaped like a chickpea.
“All of the vegetables are from hanging gardens here in Canterlot, and the bread is made down in Ponyville and brought up daily. You’re going to be hard pressed to find something as good as this anywhere else.”
How was the inside shaped like a chickpea? What did that even mean? What did half of those words mean! I usually ate in the palace dining facility. If not there, then a Hungry Mare. What was hummus again? A sauce? “Oh, okay, let’s go there, then.”
“Great! Come on, I’ll show you the way. Why don’t you tell me what you’ve been up to lately? You look great,” he prattled. “Canterlot has clearly been good to you. It’s just so nice to see somepony that isn’t competing with me for a squadron slot or trying to get close to me because I’m a Wonderbolt.”
My nose wiggled. “I’m trying to get close to you because we’re friends,” I teased before pushing on. “Well, I’m a palace guard, which I think you know. I spend most of my days doing paperwork and watching my guards. I like it. It works for me. It’s what I want to do.”
“Passion is important,” he replied cheerfully.
Yes! Yes, it is! That was exactly what I was after. Heavy breathing, sweaty passion. Hopefully later. Until then, it was time to try and remember what a normal date was like.
If you are enjoying this story, please consider taking a look at Crystal and my's website QuillnBlade.com for extra content such as mini stories, Q&B AU wiki, and special rewards for the awesome folks who support our Patreon. We have monthly art give aways, a Q&B Discord RPG, a several other fun gifts for patrons.
Stats
Page generated in 0.02 seconds
Total duration
1,004 users online
120,300 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Never change, Sunny. Don't even think about it.
Did Sunny just yell at who I thought she did? Oh dear.
I wonder if that might actually work
9415675
It's Trixie. She'd shout something like "How dare you boop the Great and Powerful Trixie!" and make spluttery, angry horse noises.
...you know, that would work!
9416273
I don't think Celestia was talking about booping. Boop is a soft, playful thing. Celestia said punch.
9416277
Eh it's Trixie. She likes everything to be over the top.
I'm assuming that was Azu. Poor midget pony...
Hungry Mare!
Because filly food isn’t filling food!
(Hungry? Look for Hungry Mare Instant Dinners at your local Anubis Market, a division of Osiris Foods. Shop at the sign with the jackal-headed mare for food so good, you can eat it!)
Oh I hope that wasn't Azurite. Probably her size would have been commented on if so.
Apparently you can!
More like a pegasus then a unicorn, really.
Ahh, so we're coming up on the wedding. Makes me wonder if that means the changeling infiltration and attack will be a big plot point of the story, we do have two different main characters that are both Canterlot Castle employees.
Seems reasonable.
Hmn. Sunny Sense in action? That could be an issue when Chrysalis shows up if there's a similar touch later on.
Harsh, but possibly necessary.
Probably for the best.
Gasp, a real date.
You know, it's gotten me thinking, what if Sunny found out about Twilight's old friends who she didn't treat right at first too, like Moondancer? Would a scheme pop into her head there?