- Member Since 12th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen 4 hours ago
Jest
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Jest
Joined 12th Dec, 2011 ·
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Mmm
Hm. This is neat, though it feels...like it needed one more revision? I can't think of the word but even the word I'm thinking of doesn't feel quite right. It's a good premise, but some of the words feel off. Like they needed to be replaced with synonymous words that have subtle but different meanings. Maybe. I'm not fully sure why it felt a bit off, but it was still a good read.
you're*
It wasn't as... edgy as you may have made it sound like, and despite you maybe not being that proud of it, 'twas a good read
Well, this is certainly something. The art is honestly what attracted me to it, because I've been mulling over what story could go with that piece, too. I'm glad to see someone write something with it. The idea of 'Luna/NMM was physically just on the moon' stuff persisting to this day is a little weird, but that doesn't turn me away from interesting takes on the subject, especially when light is shed on how both sisters clearly suffered in this event, and they suffered deeply.
Seeing Luna conflicted over just what all that pain and the Elements of Harmony have done to her is a good addition to see to this, because I don't think I've seen it before. However, with the art and subject matter (also the rating) I was expecting a more... visceral, mature, melancholy piece about the thousand plus year sisterhood of these two gals, and with that rating I figured maybe self-harm or something would be addressed in some way, or something similar. It would have fit right in, if it was. Some kind of talks like that, without the sisters really heaping blame on one another, etc.
Now, this isn't in any way a bad story. I certainly gave you an upvote because some things were really nice in this, but others felt like bizarre additions or were very jarring. What was perhaps the most jarring was how violent this story ended up being when it looked like it was about healing. Luna is unexpectedly and oddly savage and cold for most of the story, which makes such a brutal contrast to the pleading Celestia, which is what I personally felt was the biggest drawback to this. Luna didn't feel like she was just defensive, or that she still bore the scars of being Nightmare Moon alone, but was really trying to degrade and hurt Celestia. She often came across a bit skewed and un-Luna like, but this wrapped up well. The physical detail that appeared to more than just sight was really good, so be proud of that, yo.
heeded her call
Few typos, but a decent story. Reminded me about few other ones, that I cannot remember the name while writing this comment.
9228898
9228855
Thanks, fixed.
9228854
That is a good way of describing it. I will have to give it another look with this in mind.
9228868
Hey thanks! My Luna isnt really the Luna in the show because someone who goes through that level of trauma wouldnt come out like the Luna we see in the show. I wanted to take some more time to really flesh things out but I felt like I would hinder my primary point if I spent any more time on it. Maybe one day I'll throw a flash forward bit where they talk more at length.
9229000
Haha, there's the ones who gave constructing critisism, and then there's nitpickers
9229004
i am very german and i will thank you not to call me that . .
9229000
Well, someone could. There's not really any 'right' (as you chose to say) way to come out of or respond to trauma, and writing characters differently even in non-AU settings is understandable and often quite interesting. However, for a quick one shot it it a bit jarring and you could have presented this more strongly and naturally. Hope to see more stuff like this from you, though!
9229030
Eh.... sorry
I changed it
9229052
Fair enough.
Impressive. It needs editing, but still...
9230169
Yeah I wasnt really a big fan of how it turned out, making it a hard one to edit as I kept wanting to go back and rewrite and add things. I'll try and update it with some better editing soon.
9229052
the friendship brainwash really helped with that lol.
9230688
I think it’s pretty clear in the show that the Elements of Harmony aren’t ‘friendship brainwashing’, instead being a kind of ultimate purification for certain conditions, combined with the capability to blast and banish others. It’s just that stories like these don’t portray those parts of the process, excluding Luna’s ordeal, as painless.
Though, there’s certainly some stories that had them at that.
No one stays the same person from one moment to the next. It's a constant flux and what would be best considered one's self is a range of behaviors and beliefs that shifts slowly from whatever it was to whatever it will be.
Damn...
.
SOOO...Luna was finally shedding tears. But...who for ?