I'm sorry...to myself.
I trudge through the mud and dirt as the chilly rain pours above my head. I shiver as the rain increased, and I speed off to the sidewalk. The rain sitting on the edge of the roof gently hits my hair, as the droplet of water trails downwards off my scalp. I reach towards my pocket, grabbing out my phone, and dialled a number. I stare at the photo of myself and the purple headed friend of mine. My hand extends towards the green dial button, but I quickly pull back. Shutting of my phone, I tuck it back into my pocket. I'll find a ride somehow. I hear a lot screech in front of me.
Looking up, I spot my bus. Shaking myself dry, I walk back to instantly find myself drenched again. Why did I forget my umbrella at home? I sigh, and climb into the bus. I look desperately to find a dry seat among all the wet seats. I spot a comparatively dry seat, and race towards it. Sitting down, I slide my heavy bag off my back and place it next to me. This bag has been my fellow seat companion for years, when I used to be feared. For some reason, that bag just warms me, and makes me feel completed. Snapping back into reality, I see a blue headed guitarist walk towards my seat.
"Is this seat taken?" he asks, smirking. I blush, and slide my trusty bag off the seat. The boy takes a seat next to me. The bus vibrated, and drives onto the wet, slippery road. Flash and I sit in silence for a moment.
"You could have asked me for a ride you know" he says. I shrug.
"I didn't want to be a burden"
Flash snorts, "You're my girlfriend. You're meant to be honest with me Sunset"
Girlfriend. That word still sounds strange to slip off his tongue. I look up and smile at him. Our relationship is...quiet, to say the least. We don't spend a lot of time talking romantic sap, or cuddling, etc. We just get each other. Fit like a jigsaw puzzle. Two peas in the same pod. I love him. And that's all I need with us.
"You're more quiet then usual Sunset. What's wrong?" asks Flash. I take a deep breath in. I can't tell him. Because I don't know myself. But whatever is on my mind, I tell him. But not today.
"Nothing"
Flash looks at me, mainly because I've never replied like that to him. We continue the trip in silence, not saying another word, like two strangers forced to sit together. My stop arrives, and I climb off the bus, leaving my boyfriend looking confused, and perhaps a little hurt. I feel angry at myself. I'm hurting him, I don't deserve him. But...I've apologised to him, haven't I? I still feel empty. Not in touch with myself. I don't know what to do. It's like I'm dying inside. I want to go to my friends, I really do. But what would I say? I don't know.
Trixie, Starlight- what could I share with them? I don't know what to say to myself, let alone them. I know what to do in this situation. I dash back home, speeding through the harsh rain and wind, which blows against my hair, rivalling me to turn back. Arriving at my doorstep, I pull out my key, and enter inside. Home is messy, but it's home. My home. The one place I feel loved and happy. I race to my painting room. The walls are adorned with tons of canvases, each with their unique tale to tell. I glanced at the one with a beautiful sunset wedding at the beach. Oil on canvas. I stroke the heavy blotches of paint left intentionally. I wasn't invited to this wedding, and I wanted to visit the beach for inspiration. I stumbled upon this wedding, and I secretly painted it, from a hilltop.
My eyes flick over to another artwork. It's an painting of a angel reaching up into the clouds. I made that one when Flash asked me out for a date. I was the only one left in our school's art studio, but I just couldn't find the inspiration. Flash walked into the room, and sat down next to me, giving me his crooked smile that I love so much. We talked for a while, as I continued to paint. Flash stared at me for a while before speaking up. He asked me if I still felt it. I nodded. I knew exactly what he was talking about. That lingering fire stood in the way of our friendship. While painting, I'm always at ease. When I'm at ease, I tend to blurt out my emotions. And of course, I only felt one strong emotion looking at Flash. Love.
That's why, after that day, I made an alteration to the painting, and added a handsome, tall prince helping the angel into the skies. I walk over to another one of my works. Well, a photograph of it. A mural I had graffitied onto a wall of an abandoned old house, just a small bird flying over to a nest. But the attention it received had stunned me as well. All these artworks, paintings- they made up who I am. The only way I can escape reality, and feel at peace. And whenever I would feel stressed, I would grab a piece of paper and just, well, create.
I pick up a blank sheet, and sit myself down on my good old work table. I grab a pencil from my pen stand, and get to work. I don't know what I'm drawing. I just scribble onto the paper furiously, strokes and lines varying tremendously, even with just one pencil. I hear a loud snap, as my concentration breaks. I see the lead has broken. Quickly sharpening my pencil, I take a pause to admire what I have drawn. It was a simple sketch in comparison to my others. It had a girl curled up, with her face buried into her legs. Her arms wrapped around her legs. In a lighter sketch, practically emerging from the girl, was her again. Except she was surrounded with friends, happy, and looked like she didn't have a care in the world. I know exactly why this turned out like this, and who the girl was. But why am I so upset? I'm completely happy with my life. Or so I think...
I hear a honk from outside. I go to the window, to see who's outside. A bright coloured van is parked in front of my house. A purple and pink haired girl steps out of the van. Twilight. I clench my jaw uneasily. Now really isn't the time for a day out or something. I'm just not in the mood for this anyway, but I know its rude to avoid my friend after all. The door bell rings, and I lazily trudge down the stairs. Opening the door, I see a beaming Twilight Sparkle who suddenly wraps her arms around me. Letting go of me from the tight hug, she pulls me outside.
"Uh, can we talk inside?" I moan, shielding my face from the very little light there was outside. Twilight rolls her eyes.
"Come on, the...." Twilight quickly counted in her head, "Thirteen of us are waiting for you"
I feel confused, as my friend drags me into a jam packed van. I take seat next to Flash, and rest my head on his shoulder.
"Can you tell me what this is all about?" I ask, glancing up at him.
Flash chuckles, "Sunset, remember how your friends and my friends were going to go for a picnic at Luna Bay?"
Oh, right. My friends and their boyfriend's are all going to Luna Bay for some 'much needed R&R' says Rarity. I feel the van vibrate underneath the seat, and hear a southern voice from the front.
"Are y'all ready to get this show on the road?" asks Applejack, raising her hat. Her remark is met by a rousing cheer. I look out the window, and see the familiar view of home vanish from sight. I pull out the paper with my sketch on it.
"Hey, Flash? What do you think this is about?" I question, handing Flash the drawing. His eyebrows narrow as his blue eyes scan the sheet. His shoulders droop, and he looks down at me, with a sad glance.
"Why don't you ever tell me anything?" He whispers. I know exactly what he's talking about.
"I do. I'm giving you this now aren't I?" I respond, snatching the paper back. A fire fills my boyfriend's normally calm eyes.
"What's the point of me being here if you don't want me to help? I'm just another one of your light sketches" he said, pointing at the page where the happy girl was talking to a bunch of people. Amongst that crowd was a boy resemblant of...Flash. Just one of the crowd.
"Flash, I'm so, so sorry. I ju-" I start. Flash cuts me off loudly.
"Is that all I am to you? Just some random person?" He shouts
"No! You're my everything, but I need myself at times!! Why can't you ever understand that!?" I yell back. Flash's eyes become cold and steely, and he stared down at the floor.
"I won't be a burden to you" he says, getting up and finding another seat. I stare down at the sketch. I am horrible to everyone. Why can't I be the girl people want? The girl people need? I look back up to see everyone staring at me.
"What are you all looking at?" I retaliate angrily. Everyone lowers their gaze, quietly murmuring to each other. I pull my backpack close to my chest, and become the small, weeping girl reflected in my sketch.
We arrive at Luna Bay. It's a nice little spot. Lot of waterfalls, lots of grass, lots of trees, lots of rivers. Lots of outside. Not my cup of tea, but I can mend things with Flash here at least. I try to get his attention, but he coldly walked over towards his friends, ignoring my calls.
"Okay everyone! You're going to be sharing a room with your partner, except for Spike and Aj, who will be sharing together. Have fun!" announces Twilight, standing up on a log. I winced. Staying with Flash...not ideal for now. He doesn't seem to be bothered, and walks over to our tent. I quickly run to Twilight, who was busy scribbling onto her checklist.
"Twilight? I don't really think staying with Flash is a good idea, we had a fight and-" I try to explain, kicking the sand nervously.
Twilight looks up, "Don't worry, it'll help you two patch up"
"But-"
"Trust me" says Twilight, walking away.
I sigh. I guess I don't have much of a choice. I go into the tent. It's cosy, with two beds, lights above, candles everywhere. A little romantic. Okay- to romantic. A little awkward to be honest. Flash has his back turned to me, and is fumbling with his phone or something. I really don't know what goes on in his mind. Ugh.
"Hey..." I trail anxiously, sitting down on his bed, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey" He sounds upset, cold, distant. All the things I don't want him to be.
"Look, I'm so sorry about the bus" I said, trying to break the ice.
Flash turns to face me, "Look I know it's how you feel. You need space. Away from me" His voice cracks with emotion at the last sentence.
I take a deep breath in, "Well...when you're up for it, join me outside near the river. It'll be..." I think for an adequate word, "Fun"
Flash doesn't respond, and I take my hand off his shoulder, leaving the tent. As soon as I step outside, a flash of Rainbow appears in front of me.
"Sunset!! Gonna join us? Soarin and I have a bet to see who can shoot an arrow better, and we need a third opinion" Rainbow says quickly.
"Uh, I'm a little busy now, maybe later" I say, sprinting off. I trudge through the bush, and sit at the bank of the river. It's muddy and wet, making my shorts all soggy, but that was okay. I feel around the floor, and find a stone. Feeling it, I rear back my arm, and forcefully throw it. It sinks straight into the murky water. After several, several failed attempts, I hear footsteps behind me. A blue haired boy takes a seat next to me.
"You have to throw it like this" explains Flash. He grabs a stone, and brings it to waist height and throws it horizontally. I watch in awe as the stone skims gracefully across the water, making three leaps on top of the water.
I pick up another stone, and do the positioning completely wrong. Flash grabs my wrist, and angles my hand. He holds it longer than he should have. I blush from his touch, and Flash realises the tension between us, blushing in return. I throw the stone, and it makes two skips. I excitedly clap my hands, pulling Flash into a hug. I quickly realise what I just did, and let go, blushing profusely. Flash smiles softy.
"I'm sorry too. I overreacted. You can always come to me when you want, but I need to know that sometimes, you need your space" says Flash. We both watch the sunset, as the sun lowers itself under the hills. We talk for a while. About life, and things happening. Just the ordinary. Any excuse to talk to him is fine by me. Simplicity is what makes us so special. We talk and talk until Luna's moon rises up into the starry sky, reflecting beautifully in the river. 'Luna's Bay' for a reason I guess.
We both go back to the tent, hand in hand. Promises kept. Hearts mended. Feelings aplenty.
"SUNSET SHIMMER!!!" I hear a loud yell, and fall off my bed at home. Yes, we're home again after the camping trip. And I'm panicking over the possible murderer who just screamed in my ears, causing a ringing to happen in my eardrums. Huh. A very hyper and high-pitched murderer, I guess. A flash of pink blinds me. Or perhaps it's just Pinkie Pie.
"Pinkie! Can't I ever sleep in peace?" I say, rubbed my eyes in exhaustion.
"Nope" Pinkie giggles as I roll my eyes, trudging over to my wardrobe. I open it up and a stack of clothes falls onto my head, as I feel like I'm swimming in clothes. Typical. Digging through the mass of clothes, I throw on my old pink t-shirt and studded leather jacket, along with my old pink, yellow and orange skirt. I decide to change things up a bit, and tie my messy hair into a high ponytail. Perfect. As Pinkie Pie yanks me into a car, I sigh to myself. Second time I've been dragged into a vehicle against my will.
"Why am I here again? It's the weekend!" I ask Pinkie, buckling my seatbelt. Pinkie snorts.
"You have a speech at town hall about the importance of self love, remember?" Pinkie reminded. Oops. Totally forgot to prepare. I guess I'll just wing it. We arrive at town hall eventually, and I yawn again, getting out. I walk into the crowded hall, nerves tensing my every bone. Oh boy- I'm in trouble. Flash comes over to me, and I feel a little bit of relief return to me.
"Um, I don't know what to do" I whisper to him. Flash laughs.
"Just say what's on your mind. I believe in you" He pushes me onstage, and I feel thousands of eyeballs staring at me. I take a deep breath in.
"Um, hello everyone. My name is Sunset Shimmer, and today I'll be talking about self love and it's importance" I hear a yawn from the crowd and start to panic.
"So, self love is extremely vital to self happiness. In order to live your life and be kind, you have to be kind to yourself" I say, fear glazing my voice. I see all my friends and Flash giving me encouraging looks, and I feel confidence swell into me.
"To be honest, no one would know how important this is then myself. I'm sure a lot of you knew what I used to be like. Cruel, mean, etc. And the reason to this- I didn't love myself. I constantly thought I wasn't good enough. I pushed myself away. And now, I embrace myself, turning my life around"
I search inside my bag for a certain book. A book close to my heart, which I've tried to emit from my memories. I glance down at the old yearbook, and dust it off. Flicking through, I look at every face, trying to recall whether I had apologised to them for my past. Microchips...check. Lyra Heartstrings...check. Bulk Biceps...check. Octavia...check. The next person is...me. I had a huge frown on my face, and was menacingly glaring at the camera. I pull the book closer to my face, and stare into my own eyes. I turn the book around to the audience, and Twilight's zoom in camera followed my finger, pointing at myself.
"Hurt. Hurt glazed my eyes, I know that look. I was in pain, and I didn't want to let anyone see. I was dying inside. I was so alone. I wanted to cave in and not fight. But my stubborn, stupid mind didn't allow me. I've ignored my heart time and time again. I wonder what was worse- forgetting about other people or forgetting about myself? No one would have been as cruel to someone as I was to myself" I say, emotion filling into my voice.
"Numbing my pain continuously, not ever considering, that behind that tough girl was a vulnerable little pony abandoned by herself. I've blamed myself for the ups and downs, saying that it was my fault, even if is wasn't. What hurts more, is that I still haven't changed towards myself. Everyone seems to have left my past behind, the only one bringing it up was me. I wished I listened to myself. I've ignored my voice, smiling when it hurt, and never done what was kind for myself. Sometimes, emotions can leave the biggest scars" I feel my eyes well up with tears. Don't cry in public Sunset. Be strong.
"After those countless apologies, I realise I've been an idiot. No way to sugarcoat it. I've said sorry to everyone. Heck, I've said sorry for things I have absolutely nothing to do with! But what I've never done is said sorry to the one who's been with me through thick and thin. My most loyal, trusted, and closest best friend. Who I've kept close when the days were harsh, but carelessly pushed about when things were harsher"
"I'd like to say sorry to everyone. My friends, my boyfriend, my family, and everyone else I've hurt. But most of all, in front of you all, I'd like to say sorry to a special someone" I glance down at all my loved friends, and the people sitting at listening to my even word.
"I'm sorry to myself"
And the crowd goes wild.
Phew! Writing in first person is something I haven't done in a while, and it's harder than I remember. Anyways, this was something I just threw together because I was bored. I watched a sad movie. And then I felt sad. So just like Sunset uses paintings, I used writing. And then I became happy again. I'm a simple person 
Anyway, please feel free to leave thoughts, help, feedback, anything- down in the comments below! And I want to thank everyone for the increasing likes on both my stories, especially 'Lonely Thoughts'. I never thought it would be so liked. Haha, get it?! No?...I'll just go now.
~Tranquil Stone
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Well, certainly didn't expect this. I thought the ending would go completely different, glad I was wrong about the ending I thought it would be. This was a good story, like most of the other stories I've seen, but this one feels different in a way, but I cant put my finger on it. Just great job with this story, one of the only ones to (almost) make me cry, the other is Rocket to Insanity, I think it was called, but I'm not sure if that counts. Keep up the good work!
9256514
Glad you enjoyed, took me about three weeks, glad that payed off! If you don't mind me asking, what was the ending you expected?
9256674
I just expected one of these three things: Something to mess up the speech, later in the story, or when I started reading it, I thought it would end with a type of painting being painted, or finally, the fight Sunset and Flash going too far, ending with someone getting hurt, and everything going down from there. I'm not sure why I thought the last one would happen, but I think it's because many stories I've read going down this path. Glad it didn't though, because the story would then get boring unless if something different happened along the path.
9256707
Oh okay. Honestly those options sound pretty good too! Thanks for telling me
It's not bad, but it feels a little disjointed overall. I'm not entirely sure how each event is supposed to lead to the next.
9256784
Could you please elaborate?
9256798
I mean, how did Sunset go from feeling unusually unhappy and awful to that speech ay the end? All I understood was that she felt bad at the beginning, then had a fight with Flash, then made up with him, and then ended up feeling better enough to make a speech on self-love. I'm having a hard time understanding how Sunset's emotions changed or are supposed to change from one point to another.
9256825
Oh, thanks for the feedback! I would like to say that Sunset wasn't necessarily happy or unhappy throughout the story. She felt 'not whole' and 'not complete', and by the end of the speech she wasn't really happy or sad. She just had the courage to be able to apologise to herself. But this story was a very open ended one- it's entirely up to you how you want to comprehend it, but that's just what I had on my mind
This was an interesting story to read. I'm glad I finally got to read it through. There have been numerous, to put it mildly, variations on Sunset dealing with unhappiness and all, but I enjoyed this telling well enough. Good work.
9258125
Thank you, glad you enjoyed
That was a really good story, keep up the good work.
This story wasn't different than what I though it go but I still enjoyed it
Hiya there, Tranquil Stone!
It’s Thoughts Time! The story has an interesting premise. However, it’s not executed so well.
For starters, what exactly is Sunset sorry about? From what I’ve just read, it sounds like relationship problems with Flash, but that only happened in the middle of the story, and Sunset was down at the beginning and at the end. Unless she’s going through depression - different from simple unhappiness - but that wasn’t made very clear. Then again, guilt often doesn’t need a reason; it just is.
And the most noticeable problem has to be the grammar and the structure. Take this extract.
1. The pronoun following a dialogue should not be capitalized, unless you’re using an action tag. ‘Shout’ is not an action tag. And there’s a period missing. It should be:
”Is that all I am to you? Just some random person?” he shouts.
2. There should be a paragraph change right here, because of the switch between speakers.
”Why can’t you understand that?!” I yell back.
Flash’s eyes become cold and steely, and he stared down at the floor. “I won’t be a...”
3. I’ve seen this problem pop up quite often. At the end of a dialogue, the moment we switch back to narration, there should be a punctuation mark. For said tags, we use a comma, and for action tags, we use a period. For questions and exclamations, we use “?” and “!” respectively.
”I won’t a burden to you,” he says.
4. Same problem as #2. When the focus changes, the paragraph changes with it.
The story just needs some polishing. An editor or proofreader might help.