Dash STILL Can't Cook
Applejack yawned. And with that yawn came a scowl.
Sleep had not come easily for her last night. The day’s events had left Applejack feeling quite excited and practically giddy, while tomorrow’s potential disasters made her nervous and fretful. As she lay in bed trying to sleep, her mind had refused to stop thinking of all the different ways things could go incredibly wrong, or incredibly well. Potential scenarios her mind had conjured up included Apple Bloom disowning her as a sister, her and Dash making out in a closet, and other various disastrous or awesome possibilities.
Eventually, sheer fatigue had forced her overactive imagination to quiet down, and she’d drifted off into an uneasy and much-too-short slumber. When the crowing of the rooster had awoken her at the crack of dawn, the sleep-deprived pony immediately began plotting vengeance against the fowl. That vengeance would have to wait, of course. She had a busy day ahead of her.
Thankfully, Applejack’s workload for the day was light, courtesy Big Mac. He’d offered to take over most of her work and responsibilities, so that she’d be able to enjoy her afternoon with Dash and work on putting the dinner together. (Though they both knew Granny would probably insist on handling dinner herself, and chase any interlopers out of the kitchen with a ladle.) Having finished all her chores, Applejack had then set about the task of preparing the kitchen for Dash’s lesson. She’d gotten together a bunch of apples, proper utensils, paper towels, skillet, oil, all the ingredients for the batter, and of course, a spare fire extinguisher.
Sadly, though, she was lacking a spare fancy chef hat.
Other than the lack of proper culinary attire, it seemed Applejack had everything taken care of. All that she could do now was wait for Rainbow Dash – which was exactly what she was doing right at this moment. Sitting in the kitchen, staring out the window, the orange mare struggled to stifle another yawn. She was tired, she was worried, she was excited, and worst of all, she was bored. Leaning back in her chair at the table, Applejack let out a small sigh. Dash should have been here by now. What was taking her so long?
The back door suddenly opened, and Applejack twisted in her seat to see who was there. An excited grin appeared on her face… only to disappear just as quickly as it had materialized. “Oh, hi Apple Bloom. Whatcha been up to?”
“Eh, studyin’ bugs. Thought maybe Ah might have more luck on that Etymology mark if Ah tried lookin’ at ants. No luck,” Apple Bloom sighed as she closed the door behind her. “Pokin’ ‘em with a stick was fun, at least. What are you up to, Sis?”
“Just waitin’ for Rainbow Dash,” Applejack replied nonchalantly. She figured that if she acted like it was no big deal, Apple Bloom wouldn’t get curious and ask questions.
“Oh? What are y’all gonna do?” the little yellow filly asked as she trotted over to join her sister at the table.
“Ah’m gonna give her some cooking lessons,” Applejack replied matter-of-factly.
Apple Bloom looked at her sister quizzically. “Rainbow Dash can’t cook?” When Applejack shook her head, the younger sibling burst into a fit of giggles. A pointed glare from the orange mare quickly silenced her, though. “Sorry, it’s just kinda funny. Ah though everypony knew how to cook. So whatcha gonna teach her?”
The orange mare pointed to the counter-top covered in ingredients. “Apple fritters.” Apple Bloom opened her mouth to say something, but Applejack cut her off. “No, ya can’t join us. Sorry, Sis. You can help me cook some other time, but Ah need to be able to focus and keep an eye on Dash’s work.” And Dash herself. But Apple Bloom didn’t need to know that.
Apple Bloom sighed dejectedly, her shoulders slumping with disappointment. “Alright…”
A silence descended upon the kitchen. For a long moment, neither sister said anything. And then, out of nowhere, Apple Bloom innocuously asked: “So, ya really like her, dontcha?”
Applejack’s blood ran cold. “Doowubba?” she yammered, her pupils contracting as she turned her gaze down towards her sister. “Uh, whatcha mean?”
Apple Bloom shot her a quizzical look. “Why, as a friend of course. What else would Ah mean?” she asked, the innocence of her expression and tone in no way reflecting the true mischievous nature of her intentions.
“Oh, right,” Applejack nodded, mentally breathing a sigh of relief, though her heart continued to hammer at a frenzied pace. “Yeah, she’s one of mah best friends. Prob’ly mah best friend, honestly.”
The little yellow filly smiled. “That’s good ta hear. She seems pretty nice. If a bit arrogant.”
Applejack frowned. “Now Apple Bloom, that ain’t nice. Dash aint’…” A pause. “Okay yeah, she is kinda arrogant,” she observed with a grin and a roll of her eyes. Both siblings promptly began to laugh. Once she was done chuckling, the older sister adjusted her hat and continued speaking. “But arrogance aside, she’s a pretty good friend. Nice, loyal, funny, awesome, so on an’ so forth.”
As if cue, there was a knock at the front door. “Speak of the devil,” Applejack quipped, hopping out of her chair and trotting into the living room. Apple Bloom trailed after her, pondering her sister’s words and doing a bit of devious plotting. The orange mare was quick to open the door, and upon seeing who was on the other side, her stress and fatigue were all completely forgotten. Temporarily, at least.
“Goooood afternoon, Applejack,” Rainbow Dash cheerfully greeted her as she stepped through the doorway. Upon seeing Apple Bloom, she smiled and added: “Afternoon to you too, Applebloom.”
“Hey there, Rainbow Dash,” the little filly replied with a cheerful wave.
As she shut the door behind her friend, Applejack’s eyes fell upon the saddlebags strapped to the blue pegasus’ flank. “Whatcha got there?”
Dash grinned, and immediately opened her mouth to make a witty remark about Applejack staring at her flank. The words promptly died on her tongue, though, as she remembered Apple Bloom was standing right there. So instead she just went ahead and answered the question. “Oh, I got you a present on the way here. Sorry for being late, by the way.”
“Nah, ya ain’t late,” the blonde pony replied with a dismissive wave of her hoof. “An’ what sort of present?”
A large grin formed on the pegasus face. Reaching into the saddlebag, she proceeded to pull out a pair of matching chef hats and hold them up for her friend to see. “Ta-da!”
Applejack blinked. “Ya got me a pair of hats?”
Dash chuckled. “No, I got us both a hat. One for you since I totally burninated your last one, and one for me since I’m going to be a totally awesome chef when this is over!”
Apple Bloom immediately started giggling. The fact that Dash burnt her sister’s fancy cooking hat, combined with her thinking she’d somehow become a fancy culinary master after just one lesson, was very amusing to her. Of course, an annoyed glare from her big sister quickly silenced her giggling. “Uh… maybe Ah should leave y’all to yer lesson, an’ go, uh, look at bugs s’more. Maybe try butterflies this time. Yeah, Ah’m feelin’ confident ‘bout this Etymology cutie mark,” the yellow filly explained with a sheepish grin. She then began to inch towards the front door.
“Yeah, that’s prob’ly a good idea,” Applejack exasperatedly agreed. “You go have fun, an’ stay out of trouble.” Apple Bloom nodded, then darted out the door. With her sister gone, she turned to Dash and smiled. “Thank you, Rainbow Dash. Ah really appreciate the thought.”
“No problem,” the pegasus cheerfully replied. She then smirked, and struck a determined, ready-to-go pose. “Now, are we gonna get some cooking done, or what?”
Applejack chuckled and turned towards the kitchen. “Glad ta see yer so gung-ho about it. Right this-a-way.”
“Sweetness!” Dash grinned. She quickly followed her friend into the kitchen, and quickly looked around the room. While the table was bare, the counter was covered in various items and ingredients, ranging from flour to frying pans. The stovetop had also been cleaned up. “Oh hey, you guys were able to clean up the stove. Awesome.”
“Actually, Big Macintosh did most of the work on that.”
The rainbow-maned pony winced. “Oh, jeez. First I mentally scarred him, then he had to clean up that mess? I think I owe the poor guy a soda or something.”
“Eh, don’t worry ‘bout it,” Applejack shrugged. “Ah’ll find some way to make it up to him.”
Dash contemplated for a moment. “Hm. Where is Big Mac, anyway? And Granny Smith?”
“Big Mac’s workin’ in the orchard,” the blonde mare replied. “Granny’s sellin’ apples in town.”
“So… we’re all alone?” Dash asked, looking around suspiciously.
“Yeah,” Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
The pegasus didn’t answer. At least, not with words. Before Applejack could react, she took several steps forward, sidled up alongside the farm mare, and extended her left wing. “Here,” she said as she draped the azure appendage over her friend’s shoulders. “I figured you’d like a hug.”
With a faint blush rising to her cheeks, Applejack leaned into the “embrace,” and smiled contently. “Thank. But what makes ya say that?”
“I figured you’d be a bit nervous about tonight,” Dash shrugged. She then smirked, and added: “Plus, why wouldn’t you like a hug?”
“Point,” Applejack conceded. She then turned her face towards Dash’s, and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I really appreciate the hugs. An’ the hat.”
Dash chuckled. “Heh, no problem, for either one. We should probably get to cooking soon, though, before anypony comes back.”
“Yeah, ya got a point,” Applejack nodded. There was a slight hint of disappointment in her voice. She liked the odd little wing-hugs Dash gave her, and wasn’t keen on ending them so soon. And just as before, when Dash retracted her wing, she ran the wingtip down her back and across her cutie mark. An involuntary shudder ran through the orange mare, and the faint blush on her cheeks grew slightly darker. “Durn, that always feels kinda weird…” Applejack muttered.
Dash smirked slyly. “Oh, you know you like it,” the pegasus mischievously purred.
Applejack’s blush turned an even darker shade of crimson. “Ahem, so yeah, uh, cooking,” she coughed, turning back towards the myriad of ingredients laid out on the counter. “We should probably get it on.” A split-second later, Applejack’s eyes went wide in horror. “Get on with it!” she gasped. “Ah meant to say ‘get on with it!’”
She was too late. Rainbow Dash was already laughing hysterically, sprawled out on her back and clutching her sides as she rolled around on the floor. “Hah! Oh my gosh, that’s amazing!” she exclaimed through giggle fits. “Oh I can’t believe you just said that! That’s priceless! Hah hah!”
Applejack’s face was practically as red as her cutie mark. “Har har, very funny,” she grunted. “It was just a slip of the tongue. Don’t read too far into it or nothin’ like that.”
“Aw, you’re no fun,” Dash grinned playfully. “Relax, I know it was just a… oh, whatever that fancy name is for getting words mixed up, and saying what you were thinking. Grr. Twilight would know. Oh well, whatever.”
(If Twilight were there, she would have informed her it was a “Freudian Slip.”)
“Anyhoo,” Applejack murmured, trotting over to the counter. “Let’s get on with the cooking lesson.”
“Yeah, yeah,” the pegasus replied, rising back onto her hooves. After flexing her wings to properly adjust them and balance herself, she cantered up alongside her friend. “Fun’s over, let’s get down to business.”
“The fun is indeed over. We should probably avoid any more huggin’ and stuff, in case Apple Bloom drops back in without warnin’ or somethin’,” Applejack suggested warily.
Dash nodded. “No PDA. Got it.”
The farm mare tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. “PDA?”
“Public Displays of Affection,” Dash replied factually. She then gave her friend a confused look. “You’ve never heard of that before?”
“Oh. Yeah, uh,” Applejack smiled sheepishly, and her embarrassed blush showed no signs of fading any time soon. “Ah ain’t too experienced or knowledgeable ‘bout dating or, uh, the lingo.”
“Ooooh,” the pegasus nodded thoughtfully. “Well, don’t feel too bad. The lingo’s about all I know about.”
“What, you ain’t ever had a special somepony before me?” Applejack asked, her lips curling into a faint smirk. She couldn’t help but feel an odd satisfaction at knowing she was the first mare Dash had asked out.
Dash gave a nervous chuckle, and began to rub the back of her neck with her right wing. “Well I mean, it’s not for lack of trying. I’ve asked out a couple of ponies, and I’ve been asked out a few times… But one of us always said no, or there was never really, like, that spark or whatever you want to call it,” she explained, her blue cheeks taking on a light tinge of red. She then hastily added: “But this time is like, y’know, different.”
“Of course,” Applejack replied with a knowing smirk. Okay, so maybe she wasn’t actually the first pony Dash had asked out. But she was the first pony Dash had actually started courting, and that was something to take pride in.
“So, uh…” Dash smiled sheepishly, wishing the blush on her cheeks would hurry up and go away, “How about those apple fritters?”
The country mare grinned, and nodded her head at the assorted ingredients on the counter. “Yer right, let’s get started. Ah’ll show ya what’s what, and guide ya through it all.”
And so began Dash’s second lesson in cooking.
The plucky blue pegasus was capable of a lot of things. She could pull off amazing aerial maneuvers, including the awe-inspiring Sonic Rainboom. She could expertly recognize and calculate weather patterns and other meteorological information, and was able to keep Ponyville’s weather patrol in tip-top operating order. She knew tons about the Wonderbolts – not just their techniques and flight patterns, but also personal information, including birthdays, service records, and Soarin’s favorite flavor of pie. She was also walking encyclopedia regarding Daring Do, and could even recite certain passages from the books straight from memory.
But she did not understand a dang thing Applejack was saying right now.
“Okay, wait a second,” Dash interrupted with a shake of her head. “So we’re going to mix all that flour, egg, milk, sugar, and other stuff to make fritter batter, which is almost no different from pancake batter. Then we’re going to dip apple slices in the batter. Then we’re going to fry it in the skillet in hot oil.”
“Eeyup,” Applejack confirmed with an air of confidence.
“Sooooo… why not just make pancake batter?” the pegasus asked.
Applejack’s confident expression disappeared. “Wait, wut?”
“Pancake batter. Since it’s so similar, why not just make that?”
“Because we’re making fritters,” the blonde mare replied with a dubious look.
“Yeah, but why can’t we use the pancake batter?” Dash inquired. “I mean, you already showed it to me once, so if we use it again, it’ll stick in my memory better.”
“Because then we won’t have fritters, we’ll have pancake-wrapped apple slices. Pan-fritters. Fritter-cakes. Whatever ya wanna call ‘em,” Applejack deadpanned.
The pegasus gave a shrug of her shoulders and wings in unison. “Still sounds tasty. Does it really make that big a difference?”
Applejack sighed. “Do ya even remember the pancake recipe?”
“No.”
“Then let’s just do fritter batter and leave it at that,” Applejack flatly stated.
Dash leaned back against the counter, crossed her forehooves, and sighed. “Fiiiiiiine.”
The orange earth pony shook her head in bemusement. “Alright. Let’s put our fancy little hats on, and get this thing started.”
And get started they did. After putting on their chef hats, the two ponies began the process of making the batter. Applejack would give Dash an instruction, and guide her through how to do it. And almost every time, Dash would somehow find a way to screw it up.
First there was the flour. Dash actually got that part right, perfectly measuring out the required amount with expert precision, so spirits were high when the next step came. She did not do nearly as good on the eggs. Applejack did the first one, masterfully cracking it clean open with no fuss or mess. Dash was not a quick learner, and she quickly found herself with egg yolk smeared all over her hooves, and shattered egg – shell and all – splattered in the mixing bowl.
“It’s okay, plenty more flour to work with…” Applejack had told her with a soft, comforting smile.
Starting over, Dash let Applejack handle the eggs this time. Then came the large amount of sugar, and the small amount of salt. Dash got them confused.
“Uh… Dash…” the orange mare had winced, “Ah think ya just dumped in ‘bout half a cup of salt…”
“Aw crap…” the pegasus had sighed. “We have to start over again, don’t we?”
The third time was not the charm. The flour, eggs, sugar, salt, all went right. Next went the baking soda and baking powder. Thankfully, Dash did not get them confused. However, Applejack failed to clarify the difference in a teaspoon and a tablespoon. So when she told her how many teaspoons of each amount to use, the pegasus had quickly shoveled several tablespoons into the nearly-complete batter mix. Only after they were dumped in did Applejack recognize the type of spoon her friend was holding in her hoof, and her expression quickly went from a delighted smile to a disheartened grimace.
Upon seeing her culinary tutor’s reaction, Dash promptly laid down on the floor, put her hooves over her eyes, and loudly groaned. “Daaaaamn iiiiiit…”
“It’s alright, Sugarcube. Ah should have told ya the difference in a teaspoon and a tablespoon…” Applejack softly consoled her.
The rainbow-maned mare looked up from her moping, and with a rather distraught expression wailed: “Why can’t a spoon just be a spoon?!”
Applejack chuckled. “Cuz life can’t ever be too simple. Now get up. We got enough flour for another try or two. Ah can make the batter if you want, and you can just observe and take mental notes or somethin’.”
Dash rose back to her hooves, and let out an annoyed sigh. “Yeah, let’s just do that. I’m probably getting too ahead of myself.”
The next batch of batter was whipped up in a jiffy. Dash couldn’t help but feel a slight pang of jealousy as she watched her friend precisely measure out each set of ingredients, add them to the mix, and stir it up without any problems. Applejack had been cooking all her life, and her years of experience made themselves clearly obvious. As the farmpony added the last ingredient – cinnamon – and stirred it into the mix, Dash watched with rapt attention.
However, Dash’s gaze eventually began to drift from the mixing bowl to the hooves doing the stirring. Her eyes slowly began to trace a path up Applejack’s forelegs, to her chest, and finally up to her face. Her gaze lingered there, and she soon found herself idling admiring the beauty of the pony in front of her. She was practically enthralled by the orange earth pony’s attractive features, her cute freckles, her mesmerizing green eyes… which suddenly turned in her direction.
“Starin’ is rude, ya know,” Applejack playfully chided her with a crooked grin. “Enjoyin’ the show?”
The normally cool and collected Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but feel a slight spike of nervous panic as she was caught in the act. “I w-was-wasn’t staring!” the blue pegasus stammered, taking a small step back. “I was, uh, I was…” her voice trailed off as her cheeks began to redden, and finally she just grinned sheepishly at her friend. “Uhh… yeah. I kinda was. Eheh,” she admitted with a nervous laugh.
“How flattering,” Applejack observed aloofly. She then nodded to the bowl of batter. “But save yer starin’ for later. Let’s focus on this fer the time bein’, and then later on you can admire mah beauty and compliment me all ya want.”
Dash blinked a few times. Sarcasm or not, Applajck sounded almost as egotistical as her. Awesome. With a crooked grin, the pegasus nodded back in response. “Fair enough. So, what’s next?”
Dash knew the answer the moment she saw the massive grin form on Applejack’s face. And the answer, of course, was apples. Juicy and robust, the vibrant red fruits apparently had to be carved up into slices. After placing several apples on the counter, Applejack had pulled two rather large and rather sharp knives from a nearby drawer. She had set one down on the counter in front of Dash, while keeping the other one in hoof.
“Y’all know how ta use one of these, right?” the farmpony asked warily.
“Eh,” Dash shrugged. “Pointy end goes away from vital organs and limbs. C’mon, it’s not like I’m gonna slice my own head off or something. I know what I’m doing.”
Applejack looked slightly concerned for various reasons, but decided to give her a shot anyway. “Alright, just be careful. And do exactly what Ah do. Now, lookie here.” The orange mare had then shown her how to properly cut and carve the apple into the proper slices they needed. “Ya got that?”
“Awwww yeah,” the pegasus grinned confidently. “I’ve totally got this!”
And after just once slice, it became very apparent that she did not, in fact, “got this.”
“It’s stuck,” Dash deadpanned, glaring down at the apple on the counter in front of it, and the knife jutting out of it.
Applejack snickered. “Sorry, that’s kinda funny. Must have gotten stuck in the core or somethin’.”
With a sigh, Dash placed one hoof firmly on the apple, and used the other to give the knife a small yank. It didn’t budge an inch. Another stronger yank yielded no results. With a low growl, she pulled a few more times on the knife, and still couldn’t pry it loose. As she let out another growl of annoyance, Dash’s wings flared open in frustration, and she gave another mighty pull. Still no luck.
By now, Applejack had taken several steps back, and was standing right behind her friend. “Uh, Dash? Maybe you should-“
“Stupid apple!” the pegasus snarled. Out of desperation, she finally just held up the knife-and-apple combo and gave it a strong swing, in the vain hope that the apple would maybe fly free.
It did.
And it promptly bounced off the wall in front of her, and rocketed right back at Dash’s face. With a loud yelp, the cyan pony crouched low, barely avoiding a brutal impact.
Applejack was not so lucky.
“What the-“ was all the farmpony managed to say before the apple struck her with enough force to knock her down and send her fancy little chef hat airborne.
“Applejack!” Dash yelped, leaping over towards her potentially-wounded friend. “Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! Are you okay?!”
“Ouch…” Applejack grunted from her position on the floor. She was sprawled out face down, with the offending apple idly rolling across the floor past her tail. “Ah’m fine, Ah think.”
“I’m sorry!” Dash yelped, sitting down next to Applejack on the floor. “Here, let me help you up. Oh, that was so stupid of me. Stupid stupid stupid!” she verbally berated herself.
“Dash, it ain’t the first time Ah been hit with an apple. Relax, alright?” Applejack said consolingly as she gingerly sat up. “Ow. Besides, not like ya threw the knife at me or something.”
However, when Applejack sat up and turned to face Dash, the pegasus’ expression became one of stunned horror. One would have thought she had thrown the knife, judging from the look on her face. “Oh jeez…” she whimpered, recoiling slightly. “I’m so totally sorry…”
Applejack stared at Dash for a moment, pondering her reaction to seeing her face. Finally, she sighed, realizing what was wrong. “Ah got a black eye, don’t Ah?” she flatly asked.
Dash gave a small nod. “My bad…” she squeaked.
Rising to her hooves, the farm pony gave another sigh. “Alright, lemme find a mirror and see how bad the damage is…”
Thankfully, the damage turned out to be rather minor. While the area around her left eye was indeed bruised, there was relatively little swelling, and only minor tenderness. “Welp, coulda been a lot worse,” Applejack mused, studying her reflecting in a shiny clean plate Dash was holding up for her. “Should be fine in a couple of days, though.”
“Yeeeeeah, did I mention I was sorry?” Dash asked, averting her gaze. Judging from her expression and the drooping of her wings, she was feeling rather guilt-ridden. As the bearer of the Element of Loyalty, hurting your friends was hypocritical at best. “I mean, I just smoked my best friend in the face with an apple and gave her a black eye. Not exactly something to be proud of…” she grumbled.
The orange farmpony gave a small chuckle and took a step towards Dash. “Aw hush up,” she said with a soft smile. “Ya ain’t gotta feel bad ‘bout nothin’, ya hear? It was an accident. An’ like Ah said, it ain’t like ya threw the knife at me or anythin’ like that. Ah promise, Ah ain’t mad or nothin’, alright?”
Dash let out a small sigh. “You sure?”
“Ah’m positive,” Applejack replied. And to punctuate her statement, she leaned in and lightly nuzzled her face against Dash’s. And then promptly recoiled with a loud proclamation of “Yeowch!”
“Sorry?” the pegasus apologized, slightly recoiling back in confusion.
“Meh, it’s mah own fault for tryin’ to nuzzle ya with a bruised up face,” Applejack winced. However, she somehow managed to smirk through the pain. “Guess Ah didn’t really think that one through, did Ah?”
Dash chuckled, and shoot her head. “No, no you didn’t. Smooth move.”
“Not as smooth as hittin’ mah friend in the face with an apple,” the farmpony retorted with a wink of her good eye.
Dash groaned. “You’re going to hang this over my head forever, aren’t you?”
A smirk and a nod accompanied Applejack’s reply of “Eeeeeyup.”
The pegasus raised a hoof to cradle her face, and shook her head in exasperation. “Great. Now I have that to look forward to for all of eternity. Well, I don’t suppose there’s any way I can make this up to you, is there?” the Dash asked with a sheepish smile.
Applejack shrugged. “Yeah. Don’t do it again. ‘Side from that, though, Ah can’t think of too much. Well except fer hugs, of course.” Dash automatically took a step forward, but the earth pony raised a hoof to halt her. “Not right now, silly. Didja forget about Apple Bloom?”
Dash rolled her eyes, and blew a rainbow lock of her mane out of her eyes in a gesture of annoyance. “Yeah, yeah, I know. What if I’m all stealthy and stuff? Y’know, like a ninja hug or something?”
The blonde mare chuckled heartily at the prospect of ninja hugs. “As amusin’ as the idea sounds, Ah think we should play it safe fer now. No ‘PDA’ as ya called it, at least not until we’re a hun’erd percent sure we ain’t gonna get busted.”
“If you say so,” Dash huffed. A few seconds later, a small look of horror flashed across her face. “Hey, uh, what are you gonna tell the rest of your family? Because if Big Mac finds out I gave you a black eye, accident or not, he’s totally gonna kill me.”
Applejack snorted. “Oh come on. Big Mac ain’t gonna- Okay, yeah, he would totally kill you,” the farmpony stated with deadly seriousness. She knew her brother, and she knew how overprotective he could be. “Uh, we’ll just have to make something up, or, uh, something.”
The pegasus stared in bewilderment for a moment. “Make something up? Applejack, you can’t lie to save your life!”
“Ah can too lie to save mah life!” Applejack replied indignantly. She then smiled sheepishly and added: “Though that’s about the only situation where Ah’m any good at it.”
Dash sat down and let out a frustrated sigh. “Great. Your big brother is gonna buck my teeth in for hurting his darling little sister. And we can’t come up with a convincing cover story to prevent it. Fantastic. Fan-freaking-tastic.”
Applejack frowned. “Well, hang on. Ah think we might have an option or two.”
“Like what?” Dash raised an eyebrow. “I mean, I could run to the store and buy a mouth-guard, but you can’t really wear one of those to a family dinner. Not being able to chew defeats the purpose of being there!”
Applejack couldn’t help but giggle at the silliness of that idea. “No, darlin’, Ah was thinkin’ much simpler. Ah can just wear mah hat crooked, so it hangs down over mah eye. An’ if anybody actually finds out ‘bout mah eye… we just omit.”
“Omit?”
“Omit. We say Ah got hit in the face by an apple in a freak accident, an’ leave it at that. Technically ain’t a lie.”
“Huh,” Dash nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, that might work. It’s not like they have any reason to be suspicious or anything.”
“Exactly,” the blonde earth pony grinned. She then trotted across the room, picked up her chef hat, and placed it back atop her head. “Now, how ‘bout we finish up these fritters? Ah’ll handle the cutting, an’ then you can do the frying. That won’t take too long, an’ it ain’t hard. After that, we’re done.”
“Awesome!” Dash exclaimed with a grin. “Well, I’m ready whenever you are.”
“Alright. Lemme just cut up these apples…”
In a perfect world, the rest of the cooking lesson would have gone well. And for awhile, it did. The cutting of the apples went well, with no further hitches. Applejack then showed Dash how to properly batter the apple slices, and place them in the skillet of hot oil to fry them. She showed her how long to cook them, how to properly flip them with the spatula, and how to take them out and put them on paper towels to dry.
But today was just not Dash’s day. It was almost as if Discord himself had smiled upon this day, and blessed it with his own zany brand of chaotic misfortune. Dash seemed to know what she was doing, and while the first few fritters came out as little charred and crispy culinary abominations, she quickly caught on and soon got into the swing of things. Her next few fritters looked much better, and before long, there were about a dozen fully done fritters sitting on the counter.
The fritters looked pretty, and they certainly smelled pretty. But unfortunately, when the two mares decided to sample Dash’s work, they discovered that they did not, in fact, taste pretty.
“Er… I did something wrong, didn’t I?” Dash asked, studying the half-eaten fritter held in her hoof. “Is the apple supposed to be chewy? And the batter still mushy on the inside? And is supposed to be so oily?”
Applejack studied her own half-eaten fritter, chewing thoughtfully. After swallowing and grimacing slightly, the orange pony looked over at her friend and gave her a soft, kind smile. “Dash… darlin’…” she said, raising a hoof to rest on her friend’s shoulder. “Ah’m gonna be totally, a hun’erd percent honest with ya right now. Ah have… absolutely no idea whatcha did wrong this time,” she sighed.
The cyan pegasus tossed her inedible creation over her shoulders, then fell over on her right side, sprawling herself out on the floor. “I give up…” she grunted with a half-hearted flail of her left arm and left wing. “I just give up. Maybe I’m cursed or something, like in Daring Do and the Crystal Cauldron. Only it’s Rainbow Dash and the Fiendish Fritter. That’s my legacy. Cursed baked goods. Yaaaay.”
“Ah’m sorry, Dash…” Applejack sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Ah probably should have suggested an easier dish.”
Dash rolled over on her back and stared at the ceiling. “Meh. Fritters were my idea, remember? I just can’t believe how badly I keep screwing this up. I never screw anything up!” she exclaimed. Applejack opened her mouth to say something, but Dash cut her off. “Okay yeah, I know I screw up some things occasionally. But still, how am I so bad at this? Why can’t I cook?!”
“Ah’m sure it’s just a spot of bad luck, nothin’ too bad,” the earth pony shrugged. “We can come back to fritters some other time, though. Ah’ll give you a few lessons on simpler meals first. Maybe muffins next time.”
“You still want to give me lessons?” Dash grumbled. “Seriously, how many of your ingredients have we wasted so far?”
“Eh, no biggie,” Applejack replied with a roll of her eyes. “We’ll need to go get some more at the store before the next lesson, but that ain’t a problem. Heck, we could even call it a date if we wanted to.”
“Heh. A date to the supermarket. How romantic,” Dash playfully replied. She then added: “That’s not a ‘no’ to the supermarket date, by the way. Just making a joke.”
“Yeah, yeah, Ah hear ya,” the earth pony grinned. “Anyhoo, somepony needs to finish the rest of these fritters. Want me to do the rest of ‘em?”
“Well, that depends. Do you want to have edible apple fritters at this fancy dinner of yours?” Dash snarked jokingly.
“Point,” Applejack nodded. “Alrighty, Ah’ll do the rest. You just sit back, relax, an’ watch how it’s done,” she said confidently. A smirk then formed on her face. “An’ feel free to admire me again if ya get bored. It’s kinda flatterin’,” she playfully informed the pegasus, who promptly started blushing again.
Just as with the mixing of the batter, Applejack promptly proved that she was an expert of her craft. With deft ease, she perfectly fried each fritter and set it aside to dry and cool off. Once again, Dash felt a pang of jealous envy. Why had she failed so miserably, especially when Applejack made it look so easy? Without breaking a sweat, the earth pony made fritter after fritter, each one cooked to an alluring shade of golden brown, smelling of baked deliciousness. Dash didn’t know whether to be frustrated or impressed.
And once again, the pegasus’ eyes began to wander after watching for a while. Her gaze traced a familiar path up the chef’s arms, before finally focusing on the orange mare’s face. Adorable freckles, gorgeous eyes, beautiful blonde hair… Dash found herself once again staring in admiration, and at one point Applejack cast a sideways glance in her direction. The knowing smirk she’d flashed at Dash before returning her attention to her cooking had caused the pegasus’ cheeks to burn and her heart to flutter.
And then her gaze began to drift again, tracing a path down Applejack’s ponytailed mane to the gentle curve of her shoulders. There her eyes chose to linger, and she couldn’t help but notice and admire the well-toned muscles of her friend’s shoulders and forelegs, especially when each deft movement caused said muscles to faintly flex and ripple beneath her orange fur. It was an impressive sight, to say the least.
Dash’s eyes once again began to wander, slowly drifting further along Applejack’s body as she finished up the last batch of fritters. She couldn’t help be notice and appreciate the farmpony’s build and figure. She was slightly more robust and muscular than Dash, and less lean and lithe than her. However, she wasn’t exactly stout or stocky, and her frame still possessed some curvature to it. Which all suited Dash just fine. She much preferred athletic builds over dainty, petite figures.
Finally, her gaze fell upon Applejack’s cutie mark, and the flank it was emblazoned upon. Dash felt a bit of heat rise to her face. She had to admit… Applejack had a nice flank.
And it was at exactly that moment that the back door flew open and Apple Bloom came striding merrily into the room.
“Howdy Applejack! Hey there Rainbow Dash!” she cheerfully greeted them. “Y’all still cookin’? Smells delicious!” she exclaimed. However, a small look of confusion quickly appeared on her face. “Hey Sis, why’s Rainbow Dash starin’ at yer cutie mark with a goofy look on her face?” she asked with genuine confusion and the innocent naivety that only an ignorant young foal could be capable of.
Applejack immediately looked in the opposite direction, so that Apple Bloom wouldn’t see her black eye. “Uh, she, uh,” she stammered nervously, cheeks brightly burning red with embarrassment. “She was just-“
“I was just admiring her cutie mark!” Dash suddenly proclaimed. “It’s totally awesome, the way it’s all, uh… what’s that word… uh… symmetrical! It’s symmetrical! All evenly arranged and stuff! Yeah. That.” She then gave the little yellow filly an indignant glare. “And I did not have a goofy look on my face!”
“Yeah ya did,” Apple Bloom deadpanned. She then tilted her head to the side curiously. “So, when Ah get mah cutie mark, will folks want to stare at it an’ admire its cemetery and stuff too? Is that like a compliment or somethin’?”
Rainbow Dash and Applejack both exchanged horrified glances. “Uhhhh, I, uh… “ Dash faltered, a surge of panic rising within her. This was just getting worse and worse. “It’s kinda, uh, like-“
“Or does it just depend on the design of mah cutie mark an’ stuff?” the young pony asked.
“Yes!” both mares proclaimed in unison.
“And we’ll explain it to you when you get your cutie mark!” Applejack told her in a more-frantic-than-intended tone.
“Yeah, no sense in wasting your time with an explanation you might not need, right?” Dash asked with a nervous smile, shrugging her shoulders and wings in unison. “Let’s just worry about it later.”
Apple Bloom stared for a moment, before smiling obliviously. “Alrighty! Ah’ll let y’all get back to cookin’ then, Ah guess.”
“Actually, Ah think we’re about done…” Applejack observed, tossing the last fritter in the skillet without even looking, on the off chance that Apple Bloom would glimpse her injury. She then lowered her voice and frantically whispered to Dash: “Gimme mah hat real quick!”
Applejack’s signature hat was sitting on the table in the middle of the kitchen. In one fluid movement, Dash extended her right wing, slid it under the hat, and lifted it off the table. She then brought her wing around with the hat resting right on the wing-tip, and offered it to Applejack. “Here ya go.”
“Ya know, Ah’m almost jealous of them dern wings of yers,” Applejack observed as she hastily switched hats. “Almost.”
“Is that a hint of jealousy I hear?” the pegasus purred playfully.
“Shut up,” Applejack glowered as she yanked the brim of her hat down over her bruised eye, before finally turning to look down at the frying fritter. And just in time, too, as it would have burned if left unflipped any longer.
“Hey Sis, why ya wearin’ yer hat all funny like that?” Apple Bloom asked almost instantly.
Before Applejack could react, Dash leapt between her and Apple Bloom. “Rarity suggested it! She said it would make her look all dashing and roguish.” The pegasus paused for a moment. Where had she heard that description before? Oh yeah, Daring Do books. “Yeah, and, uh, she decided to go ahead and give it a try, and let me decide how it looks. Y’know, since I know so much about things that look cool and awesome. And I think it looks cool and awesome, so she’s going to be wearing it like that for a few days, maybe longer. Isn’t that right, Applejack? Say yes, Applejack,” she hissed.
“Uh,” Applejack took a step back, completely dumbfounded by Dash’s off-the-wall excuse. “Yes?”
“See!” Dash grinned. “She said yes. Awesome fashion statement, and nothing more. That’s our story and we’re sticking with it!”
Apple Bloom stared. After a moment, she raised an eyebrow. “Dashing and roguish?”
“Fashion terms, look ‘em up,” the pegasus retorted factually. “Anyway, let’s ask Applejack how those fritters are coming along? Applejack, how are those fritters coming along?”
As if on cue, Applejack flipped the last fritter through the air and on top of the pile of finished pastries. “Fritters are done!” she cheerfully replied. “An’ Granny should be home soon to prepare the rest of the dinner.”
“Awesome,” Dash grinned. She then began to trot towards the counter, and the massive stack of cooling fritters. “Let’s grab a few and-“
Applejack suddenly stepped in front of her, her face stern and serious, and leveled the spatula with Dash’s nose. “Not so fast, Sugarcube. These are for the dinner, remember?”
“Awwww, come onnnnnnn,” the cyan mare lamented, raising her hooves plaintively. “After all that trouble?”
“Sorry, darlin’, ya gotta wait like everypony else,” Applejack explained sternly. “Granny would tan mah hide if we filled up on fritters before dinner.”
“Urgh,” Dash grunted in annoyance. “Alriiiiiiiight. When’s dinner?”
“No idea,” the orange earth pony replied. “Whenever Granny finishes putting it together. An’ like Ah said, she should be home soon to get everythin’ started.”
Dash raised an eyebrow. “Wait, are we going to help her?”
Apple Bloom and Applejack both giggled in unison, apparently laughing at something only they knew. “No way,” the older sister said with a shake of her head. “When Granny is makin’ a big fancy dinner for somepony, she refuses to let them participate. She wants it to be somethin’ they can completely enjoy, without havin’ to worry ‘bout helpin’ with it. And since it’s a family dinner, she wants to pour all her love and focus into it on her own, so the rest of us can sit back an’ enjoy it.”
“That makes sense, I guess,” Dash mused. “But, won’t it take her a long time to do everything herself?”
Again, both siblings giggled. “You don’t know Granny all that well, do ya?” Apple Bloom snickered.
“Yeah, she’s full of surprises,” Applejack smirked. “It don’t make no sense, the way she’s able to get so much cookin’ done so quickly.”
“Ah think she knows some secret cookin’ magic or something,” Apple Bloom whispered suspiciously. “Like some sorta dark baking sorcery and stuff.”
Applejack and Rainbow Dash both looked down at the filly and stared. “No, uh, Ah think she’s just a reeeeeeally good cook,” Applejack murmured. She then looked back over to Dash and smiled. “So, ya wanna go for a trot ‘round the orchard or somethin’ while we wait? Apple Bloom, why don’t you go see if Big Mac needs some help with his chores, or if he needs ya to bring him some lemonade.”
“Sure thing,” Apple Bloom replied with a smile, before scurrying out the back door.
“Yeah, sure, sounds cool. Lead the way,” Dash grinned.
With a smile and a nod, Applejack began to trot towards the back door. However, as she neared the doorway, she narrowed her eyes in suspicion. She quickly whirled around, and pointed an accusatory hoof. “Stop right there!”
Dash froze, her face inches from the pile of steaming apple fritters, her jaw practically unhinged. “Uuuuuuh… I can explain?” the pegasus said with an innocent grin. Applejack’s glare was unwavering. “Alriiiiight, alriiiiiiight…” she sighed, before trotting over to the back door to join her friend. “But when dinner comes around, I call first dibs.”
“Excuse me? Have ya seen mah face, an’ whatcha did to it?” the country mare asked with a coy smirk.
“Okaaaaay, you get first dibs,” Dash huffed. “But I call second dibs!”
“Fair enough. Now, let’s get a move on before Apple Bloom comes back an’ we get into another awkward discussion of some sort.”
“Yeah, good idea. Let’s go!”
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Okay, so, a few things about this chapter...
First of all, I actually tried to cook fritters in order to write this chapter accurately. And, uh... yeah. Some of Dash's problems really happened to me. Specifically, the knife stuck in the apple, and the fritters coming out delicious looking but nasty tasting,
Secondly, when I first started writing it, I did not anticipate that this chapter would come out at over 7k words. But my muse would not shut up. And you know what? I REGRET NOTHING!!
Third... I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and had fun reading it!
Thanks for reading!
I could tell you had some real experience in messing up fried foods, and I loved the flirting in this chapter; a nice competitive and prideful edge to it that works perfectly for the two of them.
(p.s. both you and dash had the heat up too high under the oil)
1172415 *nervous laugh* Yeah, thanks.
I thought that might have been the problem, but I wasn't entirely sure. I figured it was either a problem with the batter, the temperature, the type of oil I used, or something I was too inexperienced about to understand.
I think I'll stick with muffins and pancakes...
Apple Bloom should have been named Apple Troll. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png Cause she was giving Celestia a run for her money there...
Hrm... Now I want to try making apple fritters myself. (Note to self, be careful with heat of oil...) Anyway, great chapter!
Longer chapters are better chapters. yup yup. Love it all, especially Applebloom torturing them both. Lol.
1172641 AB's just screwing with them, I'm pretty sure she already knows.
1172699 Indeed. She stated as much at the end of the last chapter. Therefor, Apple Troll because she is purposefully messing with them.
1172767 Sorry, but I'm reading so many fanfics, I sometime mix them up, and I wasn't sure whether or not she already knew. Thanks for clearing that up.
i.imgur.com/SwJu9.gif
i.imgur.com/WfLHB.gif
i.imgur.com/KPFXd.jpg
1172822
Right there with you... My favorites list has 53 pages. So I've got about 530 if it goes 10 per page. Considering I've been reading fanfics for about 8 years though, I've gotten used to keeping things straight. Still, mixups do happen.
Aaaand I can relate to the cooking problems XD
Stupid fabr- I mean, fritters.
1172853 This is my first half-year in the fandom, so naturally, I'd get confused. I've read over 100 stories, and over 6 million words. I try to get them straight, but I did mix up Allegrezza and Two's Company (but then again, they're AR of each other)
1172253
Well as a former pastry pro. You probably made these mistakes
a. incorrect batter mixing/measurements/ingredients. (I put them all under bad batter) Get a kitchen scale for dry ingredients.
b. Incorrect or bad oil.
c. Incorrect oil temperature. Use a fry thermometer.
Try frying donuts, its not hard.
1172933 It gets both easier and harder as time goes on. Easier because you get better at keeping track, and harder because you get more and more addicted to reading fanfics.
1172946
Probably the second. Since I (now) have unlimited internets, I can read fanfics online, but when I get back from China, back to downloading .htmls!
Nice and a long chapter too!
AppleDash ftw! Also something to note typing "AppleDash" on my (Apple
) iPhone causes spell check to auto correct with correct capitalization CRAZY! It also seems your story was featured too congrats!
AppleDash approves!
derpyhoovesnews.com/albums/albums/userpics/10001/normal_applejack_john_joseco_rainbow_dash.jpg
Need moar. Favorited.
1173119 Ummmmm... I'm sorry? Care to explain what you didn't like about it, at least?
Oh god, this was just what I needed. This chapter is awesome, it's nice and long too.
Why do I feel like Apple Bloom had been spying on them all the while?
I can't wait for the next installment.
1173155 That's because she was! The end of the last chapter the CMC were tailing them around so that's how she knows.
1173155>>1173178 I believe he means that she was spying on them during this cooking lesson, through the window or something. And I will neither confirm or deny whether or not that's the case.
Really like this chapter. Cooking! Yay! Reminds me of my first experiences and teaching my inept sister. Though, I wouldn't have allowed my sister to play with a knife like that. I would lecture her about it to no end. My culinary teacher flunked students for that kind of stuff.
There were few errors and minor stuff but this was a bit jarring for me to let slide. “Shut up,” Dash glowered as she yanked the brim of her hat down over her bruised eye, Wrong character
See, told you this was excellent! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
I can't wait to see the rest of the stuff we brainstormed... kekekeke dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applejack_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png
1173308 Oh gosh, how did I miss that?
Thanks a lot, dude. Error is now fixed.
1173679 All good things in time, my friend. All good things in time...
“Why can’t a spoon just be a spoon?!”
I feel your pain Dash, why does everything in life have to be so freaking complicated?
Loving this story so far mate, its rapidly becoming my favorite fic. Cant wait to see where you take it.
What is love?
Dashie, don't hurt me.
Don't hurt me,
No more.
Delicious.
Finally, an AppleDash that is based on comedy! I love your work!
My AppleDash was based on inner thoughts. I think your version is definitely more enjoyable :D
Thank you for writing this! Keep doin' what you're doin'!
Whenever I try cooking, I experience Dash's problems exactly.
This was great and I NEED MORE CHAPTERS!
I'm enjoying how you're writing Apple Bloom. So cute and innocent.
....yeah. "Innocent."
"Applebloom"
Missed one.
...on to the rest of the chapter!
"One for you since I totally burninated your last one..." Did... did you just quote Strong Bad?
1235183 Actually, Pinkie made the wings on her own, without assistance from Twilight. Y'know, like how she made her crazy pedal-powered helicopter. Any interaction between Pinkie and Twilight in this story is strictly friendshipping.
1238744 Yes, well, I would certainly hope that I know how to write a proper Southern accent, considering I come from the Deep South, specifically Mississippi.
But seriously, though, I'm glad my attempt at proper characterization did not raise your ire or anything. 
1239444 AND THE TROGDOR COMES IN THE NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!
1243763 Ah yes, but I haven't really had a chance yet to show how other ponies feel. Only a few ponies know about it right now, and they're not exactly broadcasting that information to everyone. In fact, Applejack was original scared of other ponies - especially her family - knowing about it, remember? There is some reason for that, I assure you.
Whether those concerns actually ring true for her or not will be made clear eventually.
While there is potentially some adversity and discomfort in Equestria regarding homosexuality, I honestly doubt I'll include any sort out out-and-out hate and discrimination in this story. I've seen way too freaking much of that in real life to really be comfortable adding that to a cutesy MLP romantic comedy, if that makes any sense...
I hope that AB calling the study of insects "etymology" is supposed to be a joke. You keep going out of your way to use the word, so I assume it's going to be a running gag, but I'm kinda still waiting for it to start being funny. Sorry...
I believe you mean "Fresian slip".
You don't need to preface the hilarity by informing us of the outcome beforehand. We're already here reading it, you don't need to convince us to read the next couple of paragraphs by telling us how funny it's going to be.
Look... are you in a hurry to be somewhere? Throughout the first half of the fritter stuff, I feel like I'm watching a video where you keep hitting fast-forward and briefly telling me what happens in the scenes I'm missing. It's not a very involving way to experience a story.
1243921
I know this is going to sound snotty, and I don't mean it to be, but if that's the case, maybe you shouldn't have made it the primary conflict in your story...
SilentCarto does make some good points, though I personally think that the "and every time, dash managed to screw it up" bit was fine. I don't think that you really could've done anything else without making the elaboration feel out of place/unnecessary, and I, for one, quite enjoyed the account of RD's misfortune.
A good chapter indeed. And I really liked AJ's slip of the tongue
Stop right there!
1172253
So I know this was ages ago, but if you feel like trying the fritters again, I have some help.
1) Batters can be very similar but yield different results because baking is more chemistry than cooking. Cooking meat is literally as basic as meat+fire=food. In baking, you have acid/base reactions giving off gas for leavening, protein denaturing in gluten formation and in egg usage, and sugar digestion via yeast for gas in yeasty goods (i.e. bread). The trick to baking is two-fold. First, when dealing with wheat flour and liquid, remember: more stirring = more gluten. Gluten's the protein matrix that makes some stuff like bread and pizza dough so delightfully chewy. However, it's not exactly welcome in muffins, so while you would stir and knead the devil out of french baguette dough, you hardly mix muffin or pancake batter. Second, as long as you keep in mind that once you mix wet and dry, a chemical reaction is starting, you'll do okay. Once that train leaves the station, it's not coming back and isn't slowing down, so be sure you're ready. Which leads us to 2, pan preparation.
2) In the case of the fritters, your oil was too hot. If the oil is too hot, it'll brown the outside before the inside properly cooks. Frying also turns water inside the food into steam which forces its way out. Too hot, and it forces it out even faster. That in itself isn't a problem, but it leads to oil-soaking. See, as long as there's a steady flow of steam coming out, oil can't push into the food. But if you have the heat turned up too high, all the water leaves and then oil rushes in. When in doubt, the magic number for frying is 350 degrees F. Some recipes need a little hotter, some a little cooler, but that should get you close and it has the benefit of being easily identified. A popcorn kernel pops at 350. If you drop a kernel in and it pops, you're at least at 350. DON'T LET KERNELS SIT SUBMERGED IN OIL. It will eventually pop and send up a splash of oil. Not fun. You can leave it sitting there if you're pan frying in a little bit of oil, but if you're deep frying, fish it back out with a slotted spoon or something. Anyway, once your kernel test comes back positive, you can double check with a wooden implement, like a wooden spoon or a chopstick. Stick it in the oil and it should bubble like simmering water (or the average aquarium bubbler). If it goes full rolling boil on you, your oil's too hot, turn it down. Technically, you can just do the wood test, but I find it tends to result in "watched pot syndrome," where you stand around watching a damn skewer and say "screw it, close enough," before it really gets to temp.
I'm far from a professional, but these two caveats have helped me a lot. If you'd like more quirky food knowledge as well as some tasty recipes, check out Alton Brown's series "Good Eats." You can find it on Youtube.
P.S. One little pet peeve. Never just let somebody start chopping food until they've proven they can handle a knife. I've seen way too many people get hurt just because they didn't know how to hold one. If they can't, then start them out on easy to process foods, like potatoes and celery. Onions are okay, but they make you cry if you cut the root and newbies always cut the root. I hate potato salad, but you can tell I've been teaching someone to cut because there'll be a big tub of it in my fridge.
so... why isn't okay to use pancake batter for fritters?
1172253 I'm loving this so far!