After the fatal fusion of Earth's and Equestria's dimensions, after the resulting Veil began its slow and magic spread over the planet, after the Conversion Bureaus were set up along with a whole slew of relief efforts and programs from Equus to help humans out in this crisis....
In the midst of this rising turmoil, Sam Henry travels to Los Angeles to volunteer at the closest bureau. On the surface, it's merely and purely an act of goodwill—airplane tickets are wildly fluctuating as panic starts to settle in. However, he knows that, in less than five years, his hometown would be changed into a magical place. There'd be no humans left back there.
As he helps out in the bureau, Sam's mind wanders into the realm of what to do before the Veil gets to him.
Set in the world of Alex Warlorn's The Conversion Bureau: Not Just Ponies.
Disclaimer: The photo used and modified in the cover, "Los Angeles", was done and is copyrighted by Danielle de Leon under the CC-BY-2.0 license. Access the original photo here.
Normally I avoid TCB fics like the piles of shit they are. But this is one I'll definitely give this one a try. Mostly because I know Alex's version of the series is more in line with how it was meant to be.
Instead of what the fandom has made it.
This makes me wonder if changelings can change into their old human appearance or not.
As a non-christian, the religious implications of the Conversion Bureau verse seem fairly obvious. And it fascinates me, to see a christian writing about it. I'm curious: is it your intention to deliberately invoke the parallels? Are you aware of them?
Because lines like this from the story mimicking your Witnessing on your user page lead me to suspect that you are aware. The Conversion Bureau has it that humans are flawed creations, lacking souls. When they die, they're simply gone. By being born again as a pony, they're granted souls which enable them to participate in pony reincarnation, thus granting them eternal life. And our favorite mare of the sun, or perhaps the son, is cast in the role of Jesus, saving them from eternal damnation.
Not exactly subtle.
A story can be written with deliberate intent. A story can be written in ignorance. An author doesn't always understand what they write, but deeper meaning can nevertheless shine through. And sometimes they do realize.
Which are you?
This is a nice story and it's interesting to see the people working at the bureau. The headlines were nice as well.
9206579
This is set in the Not Just Pony Verse, the 'humans are soulless' thing is just PER propaganda in this universe, as it's a Reconstruction of the setting intended to rework it into something with more show faithful characters and neither human nor pony being the 'bad guy'.
Awesome little recursive. I like the perspective and focus on the actual title place.
Internship, yes?
A moment, he did
just a few corrections, otherwise a lovely start. the descriptions evoke a fascinating setting, one that spurs the imagination.
9206579
To answer your questions upfront: It's not my intention to invoke parallels, I'm not aware of them, and I've written it in ignorance. Of course, some things may have slipped in subconsciously.
As much as the situation seems like a Gospel of salvation parallel, it only looks that way. Turning into another species may parallel the Christian notion that people will be raised from the dead in new bodies at the end times, but it's not meant to specifically reference resurrection. Rather, it's there because it's a thing in the Conversion Bureau.
I'm also writing this with the belief that, yes, humans are flawed, but they have souls. And it's not just humans who are flawed; Flim and Flam come to mind as a mild example. As far as I know, ponies don't live forever so it's merely a life extender when viewed under life expectancy; the quoted line merely refers to premature death by a mishap with the Veil.
As for Celestia and Jesus parallel...maybe I should've seen that one coming. Well, even then, Celestia is merely an emergency program's president at best. She could encourage and she can enact some general laws, but, otherwise, she's pretty hands-off with people's lives. Jesus, on the other hand, wants the full attention and span of the Christian's life in all things.
Maybe I didn't make it clear that it's not set in the usual TCB setting; if that's the case, it's my fault. However, the Conversion Bureau thing might not be able to escape some parallels since it's about saving humanity from something really bad (in this case, dying by the Veil).
Anyway, thank you for saying that. I appreciate your thoughts on the unintentional parallels here. You made me aware of them now.
9206770
9206537
Yes, this is partly written to reconstruct the premise and make it at least a bit more palatable. Might not be easy since I don't know for sure if the stigma's waned down significantly...but, hey, I gave it a go, right?
9206564
...maybe? Maybe not?
Cool fic ... can't wait to see where it's going. I'm kinda assuming Sam will convert at the end, but to what?
And this reminds me how much I need to get back to my own Bureau story.
9206564
Why wouldn't they? The ones in the show were able to turn into inanimate objects and giant insect-like monsters. Humans should be possible for them.
I can't say I'm particularly interested in Conversion Bureau stories, which is why I was initially turned off in Magical Curiosity when it became apparent what was going on, but I generally like your fics quite a bit so I'm willing to give this a try.
Nice to see another chapter. I don't know WHAT it is, but something about the writing feels a little... clunky, like it's hard for me to realize the context of events. I thought Sam was in that room for a seminar since there was nobody to convert at the time. But suddenly things go in a completely different direction and it felt like he was the only one in the room. Or maybe I'm just reading lazily. Please keep writing!
I'm really enjoying this story. It has a nice subdued melancholic feeling to the conversion scenario. The letter from Sam's parents really exemplified this.
Aside from that, the trial for Oregon’s senator
When was that mentioned before?
In a probable bid to boost ratings or because the human mind was fascinated by the non-human, a lot of Equestrians were interviewed,
Nice touch.
The pony blinked, pursing her lips confused at the camera aimed at her. “Uh...he’s not turning to stone, right?”
Nice to remember culture differences.
After about half an hour of news and commercials—one of which was an anti-smoking commercial featuring a dragon burning a pack of cigarettes with his fire breath—
Nice touch.
He flinched at the possibility of seeing Princess Luna there, but he banked on his not being a pony to ward her off.
I do imagine that creating a disturbing sense of 'violation of privacy' for humans that pony just accept as is.
“Actually,” she said, hoofing the envelope to him, “it’s kinda’ normal. At least it’s your parents who got up and about. I’ve heard stories where it’s the child who gets out. There’s this one where the parents went all over the state to look for their son, but it’s too late. He’d become a unicorn.” She stretched her forehooves out, took a glance at her wings to see if they’re moving well. “Still had a stern talking to, but they gotta admit—what’s done is done.”
I don't get it. Where did that come from?
9214142
Thank you! May I ask what exactly gives it that subdued melancholic feeling?
9214517
I like adding the details of culture clash and culture mix. As for the Oregon senator and the rebellious child, it's at least to add more meat to the world. He didn't catch it in the newdpapers earlier because he mostly read Equestrian news then, and the runaway now-unicorn's story is there as an example of sorts that the mailpony knows of.
9206537
It bothers me that you say that, but then again in the past six years, I've seen several stories that were written for the sole purpose of making people hate The Conversion Bureau, so I can understand why you would believe that. This story has been accepted into Group 22 - The Conversion Bureau which is a collection of transformation fiction examining what it means to be human and pony. Should you find that you like this story, look for others like it in this group.
I would like to request a rewrite for clarity.
This line implies that it is dangerous to be out in the world as a conversion bureau worker, however, this wasn't made very clear before and the details for why this is doesn't make a lot of sense considering the high population of seemingly unharassed converts.
This exchange is equally confusing, because it sounds like he's being kicked off the property when just a line before he was being praised for his extra work. It seems that if the location was that dangerous that he and other employees would have a timed escort to leave the building or that there might be staff quarters where he could stay overnight if he passed into a dangerous time of night.
9217392
Thank you for pointing those two things out! I'll get right to it within the day!
Although it wasn't my intention to make the bureau seem like this dangerous place with a looming attack hanging over in the distance, it doesn't excuse me from catching that oversight.
Yeah, the line's a little blurry when it comes to honest TCB efforts and those that are merely author tracts (and then you have the ones that, as you've said, make people hate the genre). It's sad, really, because they can provide riveting tales of identity and change.
Sam got up and brought his food over into the taxi.
What food? You didn't say a thing of him buying anything. In particular when you went to the trouble of describing him seeing the pony at the restaurant smiling and waving but not hearing what she was saying.
Do you have an editor?
Who is Arthur again?
“I see that you’re suffering.”
How is that suffering?
“sorry, but I’m super allergic to meat."
"YOU'RE MADE OF MEAT STUPID!"
Custom light bulbs, the world is full of all kinds.
Interesting Crowhop's little break down.
Remember that the characters move a story forward, action and dialogue.
When they start shrinking the doors and selling the shampoo in bulk—that’s when I’ll start jittering.”
HEH!
Sam's exposition with Lacque feels natural and unobtrusive.
...with a session on what your cutie mark would mean and how to deal with it.”
Assuming one appears right then.
Earth ponies also have super-strength and super endurance, and seems have varying degrees of Chloromancy.
I LIKE Sam's discussion with Lacque, feels like the highlight of the chapter!
"Being a hippogriff entails being a seapony some of the time,"
Not really. I doubt Queen Novo can split the pearl into infinite sub parts. I doubt being a 'two for one sale' species has always been their thing.
"specially since it’s bigger than a pony’s.”"
You forgot they're also diet dedicated predators.
You forgot the merponies. Who DO NOT LIKE being lumped together with the hippogriffs and the "fake sea ponies."
"AHH! Evil changeling!"
"... I LIKE BEING BLACK YOU JERKS!"
Ah yes, the breezie, the fairies of the pony world. Surprised there aren't more little girls asking for that after the unicorns.
And Sam didn't mention the DRAGONS! Sure, old people become teenagers, and collage age people become BABY dragons, but it's still a 'get in while you can' since there's a cap on the allowed number of dragon converts!
There's also the changelings, but I imagine it'll shock and confuse natural changelings when the converts aren't all 'follow the leader' "the leader is bad/good so the swarm is bad/good."
I imagine species/race loyalty NOT being a universal things is confusing to Equus creatures since their nations are 90% along species lines!
“Think about it, Dark Roast,”
Who?
Who is Downburst?
Nice logic with the breezie.
I agree with Alex that Earth Ponies have super endurance - Pinkie Pie's bouncing all day long, super strength - Applejack's hadoukenating the striker through the bell on the bell kicking carnival game, and chloro
mancyurgy - I didn't know this had a word, but it's kind of like the pony extending his or her spirit into flora as if the plant or tree in question were a second body. Doing this an Earth Pony can cause plants to grow, heal them if they are sick, know their needs, and fortify them against the changes of the seasons.I believe that the range of abilities for each type of pony is equal in potential, and even though it might be a common misconception, unless this difference is necessary for the story, I would like to request that it is represented as such.
9221870
Yeah, I should've known that was a necessary thing to add, considering that there should be some more Earth ponies who'll till the earth and provide the food for all ponies to eat. I'm sorry that I've forgotten it. I'll fix that one up shortly, too.
be respectful to others should he eat with a pony or another creature who couldn’t digest meat.
What about those who become say GRIFFINS or Abyssians, or DIAMOND DOG, who are exclusive carnivores?
Imagine some poor vegan who thinks all Equus are vegetarians!
The deer receptionist (who was also quite dear)
heh.
That might explain the bout of aggression right then.
I thought he was joking.
Why does Crowhop turn into a paranoid worry wart over the air conditioning going kaput?
some retractable wingblades for the pegasus.
Working on how to use primary feathers to hold a gun eh?
I'm kinda confused.
What does the air conditioning and the lights doing, SOMETHING have to do with a criminal being cased by the police? And the police came in with weapons drawn into a place they knew the criminal wasn't?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I THOUGHT police only drew their weapons if they'd already chosen to USE THEM.
“Does she prank people a lot?”
WHAT prank?! And they had weapons drawn for a pony they know isn't armed? (Implied if they're just a public nuisance.)
“She’s never gone so far as property damage before.”
What property did she damage?
“That’s what the reports say,”
What report? It happened seconds ago right? How were the police on the scene that fast!?
“D-Does she wake people unannounced?” asked Sam, his second foray into the unknown limits of these officers.
Huh?
It took the officers ten minutes to answer all questions and allay all concerns from the civilians.
So they're just there to keep the civilians calm (since they're not pursuing the prankster), and I assume they have other police dealing with the prankster, so WHY did they come in weapons drawn?!
What—or, rather who—she didn’t notice was a mare sitting on a bench on the sidewalk.
HUH!? I THOUGHT SHE WAS INSIDE!
as that mare sat there on the bench, her eyes glimmered, too.
Uhhhhhhh, she's a wanted criminal at this point, why the hell would she effectively out in the open?
9226860
Before I get into the replies, let me just say that I'm impressed with how long and detailed your comments are, Alex! I like critcism and people pointing out the mistakes I've done, so you've been pretty helpful. Now, on to what I have to say.
Starting with your previous comment:
While I may have goofed here and there, I don't think I have to show (or even tell) many of the things a character does. If Sam somehow has McDonald's food on his table and there's a McDonald's chain across the street, the implication is that he bought his food from there a short while ago.
This also goes for a couple other points here: I don't have to set up characters like Dark Roast and especially off-hand mentions like Downburst that most likely (though not discounting the possibility) won't be a major force in the story. On that thread, I can't just say "the pony barista" and "the breezie therapist" or other variations thereof. Sooner or later, I have to give the name because one doesn't just spend this much time with them without knowing at least a nickname. It's also for worldbuilding reasons.
Welcome to the Club of Editing Retcons! On a more serious note: I have a tendency to go back and polish up my chapters once in a while. The Uber driver introduced in The Keynote Speakers came off as clunky, and not having a name contributed to that. So, I gave him a name after the fact.
Granted, I've forgotten that those who don't have the time to re-read an updated chapter do get the short end of the stick.
Probably because McDonald's is cheap. From my experience, if I go far enough that I have to buy an airplane ticket, it's assumed I have to at least try some of the local stuff, not something you'd find easily back in my place like McDonald's. Of course, cost of living (and eating) in L.A. isn't that tolerable unless you're willing to settle for little more than the basics.
Simply put, Sam's either not so hot on the financial side of things or he's a tightwad.
It's Crowhop's way of saying she can't digest meat. Sorry I didn't really get the point across.
It hasn't always been their thing, sure, but now it is. It used to be everyone a hippogriff, and then everyone a seapony, and now with both options available, they all naturally split up. It'd be rare to find one of them with not a single friend or family member who at least switches over to the other side from time to time, so, in order to maintain relationships with all they know and love, they have to live as "two for one" species.
If we're talking about predatory behavior: They may be "based" on predators, but they don't have to act like predators. Think of it like how cats are nominally predators but don't have to pounce for food because there's a grocery store across the street where the owner buys cat food and fish.
If we're talking about just being able to eat meat: It's supposedly common knowledge at this point in this world that Abyssinians can eat meat.
That's honestly a goof from me, considering Los Angeles is partially known for its beautiful beaches and just hanging out there. An addition may be in order in this chapter.
Well, it was originally planned to be in this chapter, but, in hindsight, I guess it's better to leave that (and other options like merponies) out. Otherwise, I'd be turning a huge chunk of the chapter into Sam being Mr. Exposition.
However, I do like the idea of the dragon potion being a limited time option.
Wouldn't that be fun? If a lot of former humans move to Ponyville, the name would stick out like a sore thumb.
Which is why I qualified "another creature" with "who couldn't digest meat". That automatically excludes the griffons, the diamond dogs, and other carnivore species in the room.
Consider the fact that Crowhop faces some pressure and internal tension out of seeing Earth slowy become something else, how she's working at a place on which the people Los Angeles and the surrounding area will depend their survival on in the years to come. Couple that with her very energetic personality, and the air con going dead might mean a delay or people getting irritated, and with a delay—what if someone gets left out before the Veil comes over?—and with irritation—what if a violent incident happens in the bureau, giving it a bad name and then smearing it in the HLF's favor? In her hyperactive mind, these aren't just possibilities; they're real to her if everything doesn't go perfect.
My idea was to have tiny knives attached to their primary feathers, but that sounds nice, too!
Spaghetti Tree wasn't chased by the police at all until word quickly got around that she was causing trouble on the roof. Considering that pegasus patrols are a thing here, it wouldn't take long for a policepegasus to pursue her. Another thing, too: Since she's on the roof of the bureau, a place where no one just walks onto (for reasons found two paragraphs later), she'd already have gotten the attention of the police or at least the local guards. Granted, I may have been mentally absent on that front with the guards not saying anything at all before the police came, but that's how it is there.
Also, doing damage to the air-conditioning unit was Spaghetti's crime.
While my writing might be too vague on where the police's weapons were (I was thinking of them holstered), they're just sent there to calm everyone down. Considering that the bureau isn't exactly the most popular place to be (what with the HLF present and the protest that just happened the night before), the police see it as a hot spot that must be cooled down as soon as possible to curb any potential attacks or what have you there.
Spaghetti is a prankster. On a similar thread to what I've said before, I don't have to introduce every major player with establishing character moments. There are times when it's more appropriate to have a character be "hyped up", so to speak, by someone else. Even then, she's already been introduced (though stealthily) in Pitch In, First Place.
Also: She may be an unarmed pegasus, but that already makes her a formidable force. She has strength comparable to a regular horse's, she can fly and lunge at targets at high speeds, and can also dodge bullets if she's nimble/skilled enough—not to mention that, if the Equestria's pegasus guards are of any indication, her wings are pretty sharp and are natural blades in and of themselves (which makes Packed Heat's weapons sharper than those).
The police don't have to be on the scene to report. Once they see a crime, even if it's through a pair of binoculars, then something has to be done about it. The bureau is also a two-minute walk away from the LAX (Airplane Landing View Point is just across the street, for reference), so there'd be heightened police presence there, too.
OK, that "unknown limits" part is inexcusable on my part. Too flowery; too purple for the prose.
Ditto my bad vagueness and that they should be stated to be holstered.
that ponies were big on heart.
that ponies were big on hearts.
How big is the bureau?
where paint buckets stood in stacks and pyramids.
So this was done recently?
Past the armored pony guards with their spears,
You think they'd have upgraded or something.
Standing before the door, Sam read her names.
Laura Crowley/Colea; Changeling.
Again, how bloody big is this place if it came have custom rooms for each new convert? How long did it take to construct? How many buildings were converted or knocked over to make room?
“That’s when I go around the residences and check up on everyone, see if they’re doing OK.”
Why would they not be okay? Because someone turned off the air conditioning for a little bit? Why would they be sobbing?
Or, should I, uh, at least really make sure you’re OK?”
Huh?
Sam was a little taken aback. …nice from what I’ve seen so far. Was this an unconscious jab at him? Then again, no one was expected to know everything about another person in two days, and Sam took solace in that.
That's just a reserved statement, don't go reading into everything!
Why is she staying at the bureau? Shouldn't she be staying at her own home? If she signed up to immigrate to Equestria, why is she staying at the bureau waiting for the paperwork to go through?
“It’s changeling cuisine.”
Last I checked, changelings fed off love to live.
It's kinda creepy that changelings are insects and their favored 'foods' are insects themselves.
“I’m probably the first new changeling you’ve met in this city. You should’ve noticed by now, really.”
Don't get how those two sentences connect, how would her being the first have to do with him noticing? WOuldn't make more sense if she WASN'T the first changeling he met?
So where or rather who is she getting her diet of love from? She must have at some point already, or she'd be black.
As for Sam: he flinched, grabbed on to his chair. He readied his legs, preparing to stand up and leave the room.
Why a person you've been having a good chat with suddenly begins crying? That feels heartless. And OOC.
Saw a hesitant Laura reaching out to him with a hoof.
Where did she come from!?
I AM VERY CONFUSED ABOUT THE WHOLE AKASKA THING! Who is walking about what, who is involved, why she is upset, what happened, who it happened to, how the conversation got there...
I got her friend went to become a dragon, then vanished. But don't get the rest.
a multi-purpose desk where he’d transferred his collection of toy airplanes,
Normally I hate the word 'logistics' being used in fiction-land, but given how many people this place is meant to handle, I'm stunned at how big it would have to be and their staff size just to handle people who are using it as a freeing motel.
This makes me realize that the conversion center and the halfway houses would logically be separate locations beyond physical therapy and psychological overview after the change.
because anyone can get their free set of wings,”
Not for those who became creatures without wings. And people have legs, that didn't stop the car from being invented. Tails in Sonic The Hedgehog can fly, doesn't stop him from having a biplane.
“I’m afraid of heights, so that might be a problem.”
His dream was being a pilot, but he's scared of heights, I know people are contrary but how does that work!?
I'm still stunned at how much these people are heavily customizing rooms that are meant to be brief temporary affairs.
Such a big deer before him; ramming him to the door would’ve been easy.
He hasn't interacted with dragons, yak, etc, and ponies, even mundane ponies, are stronger than they look.
“Hey, take a joke!”
?! What's the joke?!
These are sincere words of advice from one story teller to another: I think a weakness in your work is that you can forgot to include details you have in your head, or the bridge between idea "A" and idea "B", and assume the audience will thinking the same unspoken thing as you. Having the reader come to a conclusion themselves is part of the skill of being a writer, but they need to have the right puzzle pieces in order to put it together. I am saying this NOT as a put-down or to discourage you, but for you to improve as a story teller.
“I heard antler trimming is on the rise these days.”
At least deer antlers grow back.
Sitting on an old metal chair and overseeing the stew was a blue dragon.
How old did she APPEAR to be?
Sam looked at his small hand, and then at her big claw. “Wow.”
She acts like they've met before, but Sam's reaction feels like a first encounter.
----
As Paraffin stirred the stew, she gave her food a pensive frown. She clenched her claws on the spoon with rested scaly chin. Then, her stirring slowed, the stew now slushing around like a smoothie.
“Couldn’t move around as much, ma’am?” Sam asked, adding that last word to be respectful in yet another stream of thought.
Paraffin breathed a long sigh; he could see the steam come out of her nostrils. “The doctors said I’d still live another ten years on veggies and supplements. I’ve always liked them, but,” becoming wistful towards the stew… “can’t enjoy life much when you’re an old fogey strapped to a wheelchair.”
---
How does the first paragraph connect to Sam's statement?
How does same's statement connect to her diet?
“You didn’t like being confined in one place?”
What is she now?
This was rectified by blasting a ball of fire at it.
Not sure it quiet works that way. Logs burn out, more fire wouldn't make more fuel.
“Ah! He was a heartless man, a very unthankful man.
“Separated. Divorced.”
So he got the kids?
"and go here, "
Why hasn't she visited? Why hasn't Paraffin moved back into her own home yet?
“I never heard from my son again.
JUST HOW LONG HAS SHE BEEN STAYING HERE?!?!?!
Merponies at Venice!
Ah.
I imagine they went through a lot of clean up of the channels.
The ending of the chapter feels a bit odd, like it's supposed to be this downbeat or reveal, but I don't know what.
Finally gotten around to read this story, it's interesting so far at how you are doing the world building and building mystery so far and gives an interesting perspectives on things. It's been a while sense I have seen an interesting TCB story that was Chatoyance and I am happy to see another good one again.
Also if you are interested in having a cover art for your story I am open for commissions, the link to my DA gallery is in the link bellow; you can PM if you want to discus this further. I hope to hear a reply from you and looking forward to see an update to your story.
https://www.deviantart.com/amalgamzaku
9244659
Ah, thank you! Yes, it's been a while since TCB's last heyday, but I said "Why not?" and rolled with it.
Also, your art is fantastic. I've already seen some of it on stories like Off the Mark, and I wish I could have even just decent cover art, but I'm afraid I don't have the budget to afford a commission of any kind. Still, thank you for offering your services!
9245041
Don't worry it's fine, the door is always open if you want to. Still, I wish there was more attention on this story.
9245060
Well, there really isn't much attention on it at least partly because of me. I'm writing a TCB fic when the hype train over it is all but gone. Nowadays, the one spearheading the TCB (at least with M-rated stories turned off) is Alex Warlorn, and I'm just chipping in to his branch of the Verse.
At least much of the controversy's died down; perhaps people are more willing to give it another go.
9245954
What controversy are you talking about? Sure, I agree that things are a lot darker With Celestia and Luna being really show to have alien minds with their own agendas , that are not good or evil but do what they thing it is good or best for humans in their POV.
9249390
I believe a while back there was a real glut of the things, with, varying, degrees of quality. Similar to the old Five-Score-By-Four craze and the current fascination with Displaced fics. So people were sick of them, and the deep undertones of speciest misanthropy the genre attracted didn't help either.
Folk tend to take pride in their humanity, stories that thumb their noses at said pride often cause a good deal of friction.
One spouted out an HLF motto: Humanity will never die. The other proposed a PER slogan: Ponies. Better than our evil selves.
That's freaky, how'd they end up right next to each other? You think whoever put up the second one would trash the other one.
He wanted to be nice to this pony despite her reputation as a prankster and now a criminal.
Why isn't anyone calling the police? Why the hell isn't he calling the police? Why the hell is she going around in public undisguised?
“Your Uber friend?” Sam asked, raising his eyebrows and his own interest. “Arthur?”
How the hell did he leap to that connection?
She apologizes for giving a random guy a rude awakening while she's wanted for causing a panic?!
Farther down the road, several griffon guards flew around in the sky on their patrols.
I doubt they're literally griffin guards since one, Griffinstone is a mess without much of anything, and two, having police operate in another country with the right to enforce the law is considered giving up your sovereignty.
"2,977**8@^\( ..)
1. Sam visits, maybe catches a glimpse and goes around town.
2. Food truck, sees Arthur and Spaghetti Tree talk after dropping Spaghetti off at Cob after Sam’s dinner. Wants to see him to apologize.
3. Discrepancy? Paid the fine? Where did the money come from?
4. They walk to a food truck and Sam hears of her sympahthies with the HLF because of the PER turning her into a pony."
I think you included this by accident.
"“Someone...th-they...those ponifiers...they splashed potion on me!”"
GEEZE! Didn't think SPLASHING the potion would be enough, and geeze, this really does show the insanity of some groups, she ALREADY wanted to be a pony, (and I don't see why merponies wouldn't have cutie marks IMHO), and they just didn't want to wait.
9250313
Sorry for not thoroughly replying to your comments. I need to find the time to do that, because your constructive feedback is always nice to read and write about.
As for 2,977**8@^\( ..): What I did was inexcusable. Very much so. I should really check for that to make sure my story notes don't slip through the cracks.
9245954
I'm still really enjoying this story, thank you for still updating it with new and interesting chapters.
I always felt the setting of TCB had potential for interesting stories that unfortunately were hi-jacked for cheap drama (usually between the HLF and PER) or deliberately misinterpreted to imagine it towards a sinister end. Or the human setting was made a dystopian to make becoming a pony more than a choice or necessary for survival, but a rebirth into a better world, and how that rubbed others the wrong way.
The personal choice of transforming, of having a time limit to make up one's mind, and understanding what would be lost in the process, is the correct angle to really tackle the subject and this setting is doing it very well. All the different choices really opens up the thing to not seem pony-centric or pony-forced, and for that it is much more relaxed in scope. Even though I wonder if those conversion bureaus shouldn't be getting significantly more traffic if everyone is to be transformed by the time the barrier arrives. It's almost like the barrier isn't a valid worry yet, despite being months, not years, away.
Interesting chapter to see how the communality work with the different species around interacting with each other.
Wonder why she changed her name.
I wonder what laws regarding sewage dumping changed with the adventure of voting water-breather.
his chances at surviving if it ever came to it.”
Ironic since this means he NEEDS the love of another to live!
landlubbers
HA! Love it!
"Happy what-if’s about her and Renard enjoying themselves with udnerwater balloons and confetti—these flew away from her…."
I think this might be part of your notes.
“I heard a car,” voice tenser now. I turned
“I heard a car,” voice tenser now. "I turned
You need an editor dude. No two ways about it.
—“they got their Molotov pony cocktails, t-told us w-we were too slow to decide, a-and they aimed at m-me—”
They did that to people who signed up to already be ponies? Why? I don't get it. It feels like a plot hole.
So she just fell asleep after telling her tale? The heck? I'd assume she was ill or something and get to the hospital!
She's wanted by the police and she has a facebook page? The Hell?
A HLF new foal, surprising. Welcome to reality.
Turned him into any old pony and dragged him.”
HUH?! I fail to understand this sentence.
Where did PER get brainwashing gear? Or did they use the old fashioned methods?
I imagine Pegasi are raking it in with dealing with smog clouds from factories and squashing them back into coal so they get more burn for their buck.
I imagine the escapism market would be exploding right now, for people to get their MIND OFF OF horses and non--human creatures and the end of civilization, while the furry market would dry up, since there isn't much escapism from reality if you can meet a real talking unicorn next door.
Imagine games like say Fallout would go poof since people are facing end of the world ALREADY, it doesn't feel right anymore.
THANK YOU for the description of the Veil, it really works!
"Sam reached his hand out to open the window, to get a breath of somewhat fresh air and clear up his mind with it. However, he flinched. It wasn’t unlikely that a more sinister prankster could pop up and take him away to the sky. Probably to ask for money or to face the consequences of falling five hundred meters above the ground."
GEEZE!
I imagine that the more obscure the species in the show, the more scarce the potion is. The species of Equestria are used to kingdom and domains being divided among species lines, so humans not all belonging to the same domain is rather alien for them, so I imagine the various species might be haggling which potions get priority to be created and shipped and provided and where.
“Next thing I know, she’ll start hugging me and call me ‘best friend’.”
Ponies move fast when it comes to friendships.
Africans were the first humans, and now they'll be the last humans.
I figured the blackness was their pupa stage.
A change in species doesn't mean you have to give up your cultural identity and traditions.
Her eyes dilated only to grow back to normal at recognizing this intruder.
That's disturbing.
Is her magic naturally green?
What happened to that pony rumored to be part of PER?
I imagine that the more obscure the species in the show, the more scarce the potion is. The species of Equestria are used to kingdom and domains being divided among species lines, so humans not all belonging to the same domain is rather alien for them, so I imagine the various species might be haggling which potions get priority to be created and shipped and provided and where.
The cap on the number of converted dragons I imagine WAS to prevent a dragon population explosion, but also I imagine there are some species who fear what would happen if dragons lost their only weakness (their limited numbers and how insanely long it takes to replace them).
I imagine the Ornithian and Kirin are considered 'low priority' in how much of their potion is created. With the popularity of the Abyssinians taking EVERYONE off guard and requiring some retooling.
I imagine some New Fawns tried to join the PER, but were turned away for NOT BEING PONIES!
2,739,726 a day. That's how many humans they'd need to convert a day if human population was 8 billion, and they had eight years to do it.
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INDEED! There's plenty of room for drama WITHOUT the ponies being an alien invasion!!!!!!!
I was wondering how she could still regret not be a merpony sense in the cannon stories they seem to easily accept being any of the type of ponies immediately after the process set on by the euphoria effect until they don't need it any more.
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Well, in this branch of the TCB-verse, there's no euphoria effect. Perhaps a bit of sterilizer or some such to make the transformed more used to their body, but their minds remain intact. If they have second thoughts and regrets about their decision, they stay in their minds.
Nice build up in tension to the story, still nice world building.
Well, I won’t be a local in a few years, ma’am.”
Species change doesn't mean culture change.
"Sam remarked, bringing to mind news of historical organizations backing up libraries and hard drives of data both scientific and cultural. Even the world-famous seed vault over at Svalbard had gotten in on it, still in deep negotiations with Equus nations to ensure that none of their specimens would be negatively affected by the Veil."
The real headache for humanity is gonna be adapting their tech to so many different species, many without fingers.
...plus, there’s underground homes, too, for the ponies who love to mine for gems!”
Of course, gems are much more rare on Earth than on Equus. And often smaller too. I imagine it's only sustained its market due to them keeping their treasure troves safe. (One trading card says that the value of gems fell after the discovering of Equestria.)
"Like when they found out there’re more gems under Hawaiian land now after the Veil passed through."
Given the existence of rock farms, I'm not surprised. I imagine the gem supplies going ballistic when they realize their monopolies are going to vanish and dump fortunes into the 'protect the environment' groups to prevent more mining.
The magical radiation is like a neutron bomb, it doesn't affect buildings and the like.
At least the mundane animals haven't all gained sapience!
"Sam held his laugh in since he did not want to be charged with libel or defamation against a princess of Equestria."
Hey, this is the land of the free.
Of course ponies seem to be able to get drunk on salt water! Except seaponies apparently.
Ember may be strong, but she made it with outside help! Pony sabotage, that’s what’s going on!”
Ironically, Twilight and Rarity did their hardest NOT to meddling in the dragons choosing their new leader! SPIKE, a dragon, chose to help Ember on his own.
Julia's rant was the highlight here. People are going to make choices they regret. And people forced into forms they didn't ask for are going to be bitter about it.
The conversion isn't a great solution, it's making the best of a bad situation!
Also, Julia's rant shows WHY people would believe such things!!!
Oi, now that dream was a bad trip. Poor guy, this is really messing him up.
Interesting the bar tender uses the term 'human.'
ex-volunteer
Huh? He quit? When the driver asked yesterday if he was done with the center, I thought he meant 'for the day'!!!!!!
but only on the few native songs they knew plus the new improvisation mode the karaoke machine had in offer.
Heh, given how ponies can launch into a musical number on the spot ...
“I guess you know too much,”
KNOW WHAT?! WHERE DID THIS COME FROM!? WTF?!
They trotted out a parade of smiles, uncomfortable smiles directed at Sam.
Nice reminder the potion still doesn't give an attitude adjustment.
Why the heck did they chose NOW to mug Sam?
Julia ranted and raved but she didn't give up anything dangerous, and the whole damn bar heard her!!!!!!
The pony entertained an evil laugh, raising his head and throwing his forehooves to the air like a mad scientist.
Why would they give an evil laugh when they think they're the good guys?
about what we know about Julia, OK?”
WHAT DO THEY KNOW!? I feel like I lost the script!
Sam almost came to a crumple, pain searing through his arm and then through his entire body
You think the ponies would figure out a way to avoid agony.
Was lifted into the air,
Word missing.
eyes fluttering
eyes fluttering.
"Yes. They were hands."
I was wondering if that might have been a nightmare... But I was leaning towards 'real.' But geeze...
it’s sponsored by the Ponification for Earth’s Rebirth organization “to stop humanity from destroying itself with their weapons and their evil fossil fuels.”
THEY REALLY NEED A BETTER SPIN DOCTOR! On the other hand it's interesting to see the PER doing something like this.
"as if it was ripped straight from his dream.
Or nightmare."
This line, I get what you're going for, but there's no ambigeousness here, it was clearly a nightmare.
now, perhaps, a double-done victim of whoever that impostor wa—
What imposter? When was that mentioned?
And why was the changeling picking that particular target?
It's not really a barrier, more like a flood or spreading radiation.
I wonder if the rich and powerful have begun trying to build a moon or mars colony yet, or investing in anti-magic bunkers, or buying all that African land (the second rush of Africa.)
Imagine all the changes to airlines to avoid the veil.
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The world is ending, and he's caught in the middle.
So out of all the species available, he ultimately goes with Unicorn. Interesting.
What species did his parents end up going with?
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Pegasi. It's been stated in the third chapter, Before Drift Off.