Prince Blueblood: Master Ambassador

by Doug Graves

6 Fleece

Aspide looks up from the two saddlebags she is finishing packing as the door glows gold. It yanks open, Lunaris storming into the room as he strips off his suit and tie. The door to his closet opens just as quickly, a scowling Lunaris stomping over to the entrance. He carefully folds and hangs the suit in his closet, glaring at his reflection in the mirror on his dresser. His tie finds its way into one of the drawers with the others as Lunaris sighs, his body still tense.

"Something bothering you?" Aspide asks, only a hint of derision in her voice. She grins at Lunaris' glare, hopping off the bed and grabbing the two packed bags.

"Ugh, these last two days have quite possibly been the worst! So much standing around and talking! I hate being indoors, and even those supposed Garden Parties are rife with inactivity! They should hardly be considered outside, with how carefully controlled everything is! These royal legs are meant for so much more than that!"

Aspide rolls her eyes, "Yeah, tell me that once we hike all the way up to Griffonstone. Why didn't Princess Celestia send a pair of pegasi? They could zip up there, deliver the ultimatum, or whatever it is we're supposed to be doing, and escape with their hooves intact."

Lunaris levitates over his canvas bag, strapping it to his side. "You'll have to take it up with her, I would think. You went through the same lectures I did, about the Griffon's lack of subtlety, how much they detest any sort of pretension. Perhaps she thought that pegasi would become too combative with the griffons. They are natural... well, enemies is perhaps too strong, but certainly competitors. What the griffons lack in magic they certainly make up for with strength and fierceness."

Aspide groans as she lifts both saddlebags to her back, looking like an overburdened mule. "Yeah, I suppose. Instead, she sends two land bound targets. Much better."

"Well, we aren't exactly defenseless, but I suppose we must hope the griffons don't attack en masse. You aren't bringing a crossbow, are you?"

Aspide grunts as they walk through the halls, "With all the camping gear and supplies I'm carting around? I should think not. I trained as a corpsmare for my specialty, not an archer."

Lunaris looks over the packed bags, almost marveling at how much Aspide is carrying without too much protestation. "I would have told you to leave it, save some weight. Not like a single archer would do much, even against a solitary griffon." He opens the door, holding it open for Aspide.

"Oh, and you're going to be so much better? Your cutie mark isn't combat related, either."

"My cutie mark is cartography related, and yet I hold my own against ponies whose cutie mark is combat focused. Besides, we are going there as diplomats and ambassadors. If Princess Celestia was worried for our safety, I'm sure she would be sending a wing of pegasi with us."

"Yeah, I don't know about you, but her assignment to me wasn't nearly that encouraging. Bring you back in one piece and all."

"Funny, she said the same thing to me."

The two reach the outer gates of the castle, stepping out into the evening light. Many of the streetlights are lit, bathing everything in a warm glow. The two barely step hoof outside the castle when two light green unicorns stride up to them, each wearing a hat and blue outfit. Lunaris and Aspide trade glances, continuing to walk towards the train station.

"Excuse me, good sir?" the first unicorn stallion says, walking next to Lunaris.

"Indeed, it is a fine day, is it not?" says his nearly identical twin brother, one hoof twirling his red mustache.

"Yes?" says Lunaris, glancing again at Aspide. She merely shrugs in return, the four now walking the long distance through the city to the train station.

The first unicorn says, "It has come to our attention,"

The second one picks up, as if they have rehearsed this spiel many a time, "That you are looking to better relationships with the Griffons!"

"Quite the noble cause!"

"A very noble cause, indeed!"

"A more noble cause certainly would be difficult to find, would it not?"

Lunaris groans internally; these two are harder to keep track of than Armor's shields. "What do you want?"

The second stallion nods his head with a smile, "Ah, cutting straight to the chase!"

The first one returns with a smirk of his own, "I like the cut of this stallion's jib!"

"You see, my brother and I,"

"I and my brother, we're known throughout the land of Equestria for our novel inventions!"

"And innovations! Why, you've probably used one of them today!"

Lunaris sighs, "I doubt that."

"Really?" One of the unicorns motions down, "Are you not traveling on these fine cobblestone walkways?"

Lunaris deadpans, "Built hundreds of years ago?"

"Why, a stallion who knows his history!"

"And not bad looking, either!"

One stallion pops up behind Aspide, saying, "You, Madame, are quite the lucky mare!" as she startles back.

The other one joins her on the other side with a wink, "To be traveling with a stallion of such caliber!" prompting a nervous look from the mare.

Aspide stammers, trying to focus on which unicorn is talking to her, "Um, it's not like that, I..."

The mustache-less one breaks in, "As I was saying, my good friends, my brother and I,"

"I and my brother, we are looking to expand our little operation."

"It is all well and good to be known throughout the land of Equestria! But, it doesn't have quite the ring to it, wouldn't you agree?"

"No it does not, dear brother of mine!"

"But, known throughout the world!"

"The world famous!"

"Flim!"

"Flam!"

"Brothers!"

The two unicorns beam at Lunaris and Aspide, posing with their hooves outstretched and holding their hats. Lunaris makes an exaggerated show of looking at his foreleg, "Well, it only took one minute to hear your names."

Flim smiles, "Once again, cutting straight to the chase!"

Flam nods, an even larger smile on his muzzle, "If he's this quick with his mouth, I would hate to see how well he uses those rapiers at his side!"

"Indeed, not the kind of pony I would want to tangle with!"

"But, alas, it won't be ponies you'll be tangling with!"

"Indeed, brother of mine. What can be done about this?"

"It is a conundrum, of the greatest proportions!"

"Fortunately, you have the greatest entrepreneurs to grace the lands of Equestria at your service!"

Lunaris raises an eyebrow, pointedly looking beyond the two unicorns as if searching for somepony.

Flim continues unabated, "You see, it is common knowledge that Griffons are, in fact, part bird."

Flam nods, "A solid fact that they are, in fact, half eagle!"

"And what is one thing that all birds love?"

"Why, my dear brother, would that be shiny things?"

"It is indeed! And what thing is shinier than all others?"

"Why, that would be the lovely image of our dear ruler," he elbows Lunaris in the barrel, "and your aunt, Princess Celestia!"

The two unicorns turn to Canterlot Castle, a brief salute towards the highest balcony.

They turn back; Lunaris and Aspide are walking along the road without them.

Flim rushes up to catch them and continues without missing a beat, "And, where would one find such an image?"

Flam strokes his mustache, "And a shiny one at that?"

"Why, look no further than our own currency!"

"The coveted Equestrian bit!" They both hold up a single golden bit, flipping them to each other.

Flim holds up the bit he just caught, slowly rotating it, "Now, most ponies know that the bit is made of gold."

Flam rolls the bit down his foreleg, it disappearing as it rolls into his mane, "And while gold might be common in Equestria,"

"Thanks, of course, to our industrious earth ponies,"

"Many of the other races have a dearth of such precious metals."

"The notable exception being the Diamond Dogs."

The two unicorns turn to the south, scowling.

They turn back, again hustling to keep up, Flim saying, "But, the Griffons are to the east!"

"And, as is common knowledge, birds are notoriously bad miners!"

"Same with lions!"

"Thus, the griffons have all of the makings of a tremendously exploitable economy!"

"Exploitable?" whispers Flim, pulling his brother aside.

"Gullible?" Flam whispers back.

"Untapped!" they exclaim in unison, nodding their heads.

They turn back to the Lunaris and Aspide, "There are three things, of course, that one needs for such a burgeoning economy!"

"First, but certainly not least!"

They say together, "Change!"

Flam leads with his best carnival barker voice, "And you better believe the griffons are going through a lot of change."

"And not just with the change in leadership!"

"No, but also the winds of change! Being part bird,"

"Half eagle!" Flim helpfully reminds them.

"They will have a keen sense on how the wind is blowing!"

"It's necessary for their every day lives!"

Flam thunders, "And you, my friend, will be a catalyst of that change!"

Flim responds just as loud, "By introducing the Equestrian bit as their new unit of currency!"

"And, of course, we will need to supply enough bits to cover this initial foray!"

Flim grudgingly says off to the side, "Provided by the Canterlot Treasury as part of an outreach program to the Griffons."

Flam pipes up even louder, "And that leads to the second quality!"

They say in unison, "Demand!"

"And you better believe there will be demand!"

"Once you enter the Griffon Kingdom, there will be many demands!"

"Demands of you!"

"From you!"

"And of us!"

"And once they see the bits you have, they will demand them from you, too!"

"And what better way to quench that demand than by exchanging those bits for their goods and services?"

"Why, it's the foundation of civilization!"

"Monetary Policy!"

"And it makes the world go round!"

The two pause for a split second; Lunaris and Aspide seem to be paying attention, if only because the unrelenting assault on their ears leaves little room for recourse.

Flim pokes a hoof at the saddlebags on Aspide's back, "Now, you two seem like the kind of travelers that prefer to travel light!"

"A very useful quality when venturing abroad!"

"And so, we have procured these custom saddlebags for you!"

"Guaranteed to last for the duration of your journey!"

"Provided, of course, your journey lasts no more than five to nine days."

"And as professionals with the highest of standards,"

"Indeed, no shysters here!"

"We wish to be up front about the risks to our operation."

"And we are, of course, including you in our operation."

"But, we should warn you, if you do spend more time than that, be sure to empty those saddlebags."

"Give the bits away for all we care!"

"Because nothing is more important to us than recouping our initial investment."

"But be sure to distribute those brochures as well!"

Lunaris blinks, looking at the saddlebags Flim is holding in his magic. "Brochures?"

"I'm so glad you asked!" Flam says, Lunaris groaning as they near the train station.

Lunaris interrupts Flam, "Look, I was... happy to listen to your... spiel while we were walking. It certainly kept all the other ponies away from us. But, we need to board this train. So-"

"Is it time already?"

Flam gasps, "It is! Well, wonder no more!"

"You see, we want you to take these bits," Flim levitates over two sets of saddlebags, stuffed to the gills, "generously provided to us from the Canterlot Treasury as part of a block grant on Griffon relation improvement. We will in turn subcontract to you; your job is to distribute the bits to griffons in the Griffon Kingdom, in exchange for a trade agreement between the Equestria, specifically Flim Flam Brothers Shipping if at all possible, and the Griffon Kingdom."

"Oh? Is that right?" Lunaris asks, levitating his canvas bag to the train attendant for inspection.

"Well, the terms are negotiable, of course, but any investment involves a certain amount of risk, does it not?"

"And you, sir, have the look of a fine investment!"

The inspector asks, "Sir, is this a class two retrieval bag?"

"Yes, the license is sewn into the top flap." Lunaris says off hoof, still watching the two unicorns.

The inspector nods, hoofing the bag back to Lunaris, it strapping itself against his side once more.

Flim pops back up next to Lunaris, "There would be no risk on your part, I assure you!"

"Indeed! All you need to do is convince the griffons in charge to use Flim Flam Brothers Shipping, and our subcontractors, as the intermediaries of choice!"

"Sure. Whatever." Lunaris' eyes go wide as the saddlebags levitate towards himself. He shakes his head as they get close, the direction changing to the earth pony mare. Aspide groans as the bags drop onto her. She staggers into the train, practically falling over as she drops her cargo onto one of the unoccupied seats.

"It's for Equestria~!" the two sing, their best smiles directed at Lunaris.

He groans, massaging his forehead with a hoof for several moments. He sighs, motioning with a hoof for them to come closer.

"All the legal mumbo jumbo is located in the saddlebags, but we do need you to sign this one form at this time." Flam looks eagerly as a quill levitates to Lunaris.

A gold aura grips it, Lunaris quickly reading through the legalese. "This says that I am on the hook for the total bits you are sending if I fail to convincingly present your case to the griffons. Convincingly?" Lunaris raises his eyebrows, "That doesn't sound like no risk to me. It sounds like if I fail, I have to pay you back everything."

Flim and Flam break away, the quill hurriedly writing on a set of cards. They quickly return, "Okay, good sir, scratch out convincingly. We just require you to make the presentation, of course."

"But, these cards should help you with making the case! And, we should warn you, reading them in their entirety is required. I hope that isn't too much?"

Lunaris reads through the cards, then the contract again. "These are advertisements."

"A keen eye! Just, intersperse them with whatever presentation you are giving for Princess Celestia, and I'm sure things will go fine!"

"Indeed. Does Princess Celestia know about this?"

"Why, she practically signed the paperwork herself!"

"To be perfectly transparent, her assistant Raven did. But Princess Celestia was in the room. Very industrious unicorn, she is! Practically in two places at once!"

"Fine." Lunaris signs the contract, the two unicorns beaming smiles at him. He boards the nearly deserted train, sitting next to Aspide.

Aspide groans, rolling her back and trying to stretch out her muscles, "I'm telling you right now, you're helping me carry some of this when we hike to Griffonstone." She lays down on the bench, uncomfortably shifting around as her muscles ache.

"I'm sorry, but Princes of Canterlot don't carry their own luggage. That's what servants are for."

"Excuse me? Do I look like a servant to you?" Aspide snaps, glaring at Lunaris, her eyes narrowing further at his half smile. "I thought I was a member of the royal guard, not your pack mule." She motions to the saddlebags Flim and Flam gave them, "And that's nearly two hundred pounds of bits in there. I can barely stagger around with it and the rest of the gear, much less hike for two days."

"So, we rent a wagon."

"Have you even looked at the map? How we get to the road, that we have to sail to? And there isn't exactly a port to stop at. We land on the beach, hike to the road that takes us south. Until we get to the mountain itself. And I don't know how good that cutie mark of yours is, but you can read a map, right? What do you see here? No road. We might get lucky and have a trail or something and not sheer cliffs. I hope that cutie mark of yours is good for something once we're there, because I don't see how we're going to get all the way up there. Especially with a wagon."

"Yes, I've seen the map. I probably know it better than you." Lunaris motions at his cutie mark, "It isn't that steep, but maybe we'll have difficulty traversing the forest, or some of the rocky areas. So we hire a porter or two."

Aspide rolls her eyes as the train begins moving, their carriage on the red eye train ride otherwise empty, "Yeah, let me tell you how that will go. 'Wanna go to the Griffon Kingdom? Oh, those murderous bird brains? No thanks!'" She shakes her head, "No, you're just going to have to help carry some of this. Or I can lighten the load a little bit."

"Just don't throw away the water. Celestia knows if we'll be able to find a clean source there."

"Yeah, sure," Aspide says, a suppressed groan as she pushes to her hooves. She utters a soft, "Oww," as she rubs her back, grimacing. She shakes her head, trying to restore her neutral expression and sort through the saddlebags, figuring out what they can unpack and leave behind.

She grunts as a hoof pushes into her back, right on the spot where Flim had dropped the saddlebags on her. Lunaris strokes up and down, trying to help relax the strained muscles. Aspide grits her teeth, "Jeez, who taught you to massage, the griffons?"

Lunaris grunts, "Well, I haven't exactly done this before." He pulls away, his movement halted as Aspide lays a hoof on him.

"I didn't say stop."

Lunaris smirks, his hooves returning to her back.

Aspide continues her sorting through the saddlebags, packets of food coming out. She pulls out the three dress shirts, remarking, "Do you think I need all three?"

"I would just keep the darker blue one, it looks good on you," Lunaris says, his manicured hooves roughly pushing along her spine.

Aspide smirks, "Oh? Didn't see enough of me in it before, did you?"

"That wasn't what I meant," Lunaris says defensively, his hooves slowing down. "Perhaps you just weren't covered up enough by it."

Aspide groans as Lunaris pushes over one of the strained muscles; at least he is helping work out the kinks. How many days of food did they need to pack, really? They could probably forage a little to make up for it. Plus, the griffons had to eat something besides meat, right? She glances over at the bags full of bits, remarking, "Hey, how much are we getting paid to carry all those bits, anyway?"

"Paid?" Lunaris replies, raising an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Comments

[badninja]

For all that is good why hasn't Celestia had these two give life sentences without parole?! These two would not be anywhere near anything diplomatic.

[LordBucket]

9274872

I didn’t like how he acted in it but always hoped he learned from it.

Him learning from it would detract from the point. The Gala episode cast Blueblood as a deliberate gender inversion. Everything he did was a female stereotype. The point was to show girls that their behavior and expectations are unreasonable. If you think Blueblood was supposed to be the bad guy who needs to learn how to treat women, you completely missed the point.

The point of Blueblood was to be a lesson for girls to show that they need to act better and treat guys better, by showing a male in the female role to show how obviously ridiculous some of those behaviors are.