As the Element Bearers seal their new friendship with a special outing before returning to Ponyville, Twilight has more than one reason to be on top of the world.
Chapters (1)
Qoheleth
Joined 30th Aug, 2018 ·
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As much as I like the story, the disabled ratings does not speak well of the author. I can't say anything myself. But if you can't take the lumps that come with fanfic writing, then you should probably do something else.
I think this is great -- this is the kind of story that _ought_ to get featured here! Well written, but with enough friendly banter and humor that it doesn't come off as a stuffy literary exercise. Please enable the ratings bar so we can vote for it!
Some specific comments:
- That's a good song reference for this story -- and I'm ashamed to admit I didn't recognize it until I looked it up. It might be a good idea to at least mention the group's name, as a hint for others who might not realize it's a lyric quote, and not part of the story itself.
- Furlong is a _little_ archaic here, might be better to use a more familiar unit to avoid bouncing the reader out.
- "Brahmin" connotes self-important aristocracy, which isn't quite the right image for the bookish Twilight. Suggestion: just "Canterlot filly" would be enough to suggest that she's from an urban, cultured background.
- interesting... at first I felt that "bluestocking" was a little too obscure, but having read up on the source of the term, it makes perfect sense -- it's very appropriate for Twilight!
- These are great little snippets of throwaway humor, which help keep the story light.
- You should remove the paragraph break here -- it makes Pinkie's next line seem like Twilight
has said it instead.
- That's a cool way of referencing Twilight's dependence on her magic to manipulate things...
who would have thought that could be a handicap for something as ordinary as flinging a stone?