[(READ THIS NOTICE) :Undergoing a Rewrite. I have a few blog entries describing why the story has begun a rewriting phase. Events will change but for the most part core characters will not be harmed in the rewriting of the story.]
An Orphaned filly now at an age she can set off on her own, found herself receiving a note from a long lost sibling of hers. Her brother contacted her caretakers and asked if she could come live in his townhouse back in Ponyville while he was off to war fighting an unknown army pouring from the jungles of the Lost World. As she comes to his Townhouse she begins to grow relationships with many ponies, all the while some strange force is drawing her destiny to something greater than being some well renowned artist.
Holy wordcount, Batmare.
It would certainly seem that, at this point, the story has pretty immense potential. However, almost from the beginning of this chapter (the 500-odd word Prologue, of all things), I was almost turned off from the story on the grounds of syntax.
This is not to say that your spelling and grammar is terrible and you should go back to school or anything, but there are certainly varying points of interest that require a good edit or two.
Now, there's nothing wrong with this in terms of spelling - in fact, I don't recall seeing any spelling errors as of yet -, there is an issue of comma placement. It should be:
I'm not going to lecture you on the proper usage of commas and punctuation, as I'm sure you're well aware of at least the obvious basics. However, I would definitely advise you either acquire an editor or proofread your own work, as if you don't then mistakes like that quote appear. These make it much, much harder for your reader to enjoy your work properly, and discourage the flow of the narrative and dialogue.
I can't say that I feel justified in judging your story from the prologue alone, and until I read on I won't even know if the rest of the story has the same issues, so I will make sure to read some of the later chapters. The premise seems quite good, but, again, the incorrect syntax just ruins it for me.
That being said, I hope you take what I've said into account. I know it's asking a lot to go over the massive chapters you've already published, but without it the quality your writing will suffer greatly.
(Again, assuming that this applies to the rest of the story. If it doesn't, make sure to at least fix the prologue. It'll discourage potential readers if you don't.)
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Thanks for the heads up, but punctuation is my Achilles' heel though. Generally I can get most of them, but a bunch like to hide from my sight. I've revised three times really over all ten that I have backed up with a word count of 135,000 + words, though these revisions were done in a course of two weeks so I probably did not try to scan close enough to see them. I'll keep a lookout though, and any help to get me to become a better writer is openly accepted! That and drawing are like my goal careers in life!
Finally
one of the icons for saving changes actually never appeared for me. It was not until i clicked on an invisible bubble when I actually found it. I may halt the publishing chapters to revise or I'll publish to Chapter ten and revise between "Prologue" and "The Root of the Problem." 
so if anypony was expecting me to fix my errors i found that blasted save button... I feel like a 
I like it! Lots of potential in this story and I can't wait to read the rest!
Tracked. (\ ^3^ /)
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