Celestia has been consumed with one thought since her sister became Nightmate Moon.
What if I am next?
To help alleviate her worry, she contacts three ponies who can help lay the groundwork for heroes to rise and stop her.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 12th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Akouma
"Oh crap, [Akouma] is right." -Bugsydor
Akouma
Joined 12th Mar, 2012 ·
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Ooh, what an interesting backstory.
Now, I must ask this: what led to it corrupting Trixie?
Perhaps in this case the reaction is roughly the same as combining medicines without allowing for reactions with each other. One by itself is helpful.
One or two additional types of meds can lead to unforeseen reactions and even death. With Trixie she might have been able to handle the Unicorn enhancement but the addition of Pegasus and Earth pony enhancements caused a feedback effect leading to delusions of grandeur ( not much of jump for her) and slowly increasing insanity.
This is a neat origin story for the Alicorn Amulet! Yes, it is a little obvious early on that's what's being assembled here, but the detail of the crafting of it, and the ponies involved, keeps the story interesting nonetheless.
Like Yutah123, I think there should be at least a hint at the end about why its magic tends to corrupt the user. For example, maybe Celestia discovers that one of the craftsponies made a mistake, or unintentionally used cursed materials. Or perhaps it's a deliberate Achilles' Heel -- it's meant to steadily kill the user, to prevent it being held for too long by any one pony... but the craftspeople each weaken that "curse", so that it merely winds up being a corrupting influence. (The dangers of farming out work without clear specs! :-)
Also, the ending feels really weak, because Celestia selling such a powerful artifact as-is to the pawnbroker is incredibly dangerous. It would be better for the Amulet to be hidden and/or split up, in a manner Celestia herself doesn't know about to prevent her from reassembling it. And then by accident it winds up in the pawnbroker's hands, but Celestia, even if she hears about it, doesn't want to draw attention to it, and merely quietly keeps tabs on its whereabouts.
Just some suggestions, which you're free to take or leave. Overall, this is well done. Nice job!
A blue-white mare named Enchanted Evening, a red stallion named Staggershock (who's concerned about his creation rebounding on Equestria,) and a blue mare named Phantasmal Image.
You know, you could've asked me to read this one. I'd have happily done so with references like those.
And yes, avacite can be volatile, especially when exposed to cryptolithic geomancy.
Very cool origin story. The corruptive element was a curious omission, though I do like the idea of unforeseen interactions between the components causing the problem. That or Celestia should've asked Pernicious Deed to provide the unicorn component for the sake of color balance.
Thank you for this.