Foundational Learning
“Alrighty then,” Discord said, pleased with the phone’s buzzing in his stomach. “Let’s see Starlight handle that. Now, whose class is next on the agenda to disrupt?” He looked at his schedule. “Hmm. Professor… Maud Pie. These puns are absolutely terrible, and not in the way puns are supposed to be terrible.” He rolled up the schedule and ate it. “I should probably stop giving exposition aloud.”
Word of his antics in Trixie’s class seemed to be spreading. Good, good. It was only a matter of time before it filtered all the way to Starlight. In the meantime, what was the best way to continue his chicanery for the upcoming class? Five minutes seemed to be unfashionably late. Once sufficient time had passed, Discord found the room and kicked open the door. “Salutations, fellow fellows!” he bellowed, stuffing so much fake sugar into his voice it almost turned into cotton candy. “I insincerely apologize for being delayed by lateness, but-”
“Boulder doesn’t like it when students are late,” said Maud tonelessly from her desk. “There’s an empty seat in the back.”
Discord recognized Maud; she was the one who’d heckled him at the Grand Galloping Gala all those seasons ago. As if that wasn’t enough, the nerve. Acting like she was teaching him and he had to listen. Well, the fun couldn’t start until class did, so Discord hitched up his tail and strode to the designated seating area. He sat down, thinking he’d start small. He immediately and loudly pulled out a magazine and-
Boulder tore clean through the magazine, ripping it to shreds, and somehow managed to knock the air from Discord’s lungs. He toppled over, slammed his head against the wall, and fell to the ground. He looked up, only to find everybody staring at him and Maud looming over him. “Boulder doesn’t like it when you read in class,” she said, holding out the pebble that had hit him. Boulder sat disapprovingly on Maud’s hoof.
“Excuse me?” Discord said, attempting to salvage what was left of his dignity. If someone else found it, maritime law meant they were entitled to money. “I was just catching up on-”
Maud held out Boulder again. “Boulder doesn’t like it when you read in class.” Boulder sat accusingly on Maud’s hoof. Without waiting for a response, Maud turned and walked back to her desk. “Rocks are the very foundation of the earth,” she started droning, “just like friendships are the foundation of harmony…”
Discord was already smirking to himself as he climbed back into his chair. (Why was he even going through all these motions of being a student, anyway?) So she liked rocks, did she? Too easy. It was like she was trying to give him an easy target. Discord surreptitiously raised his fing-
Boulder smashed into his wrist hard enough to shatter his hand. Bits and pieces of his fingers scattered around his desk. He hid a yelp behind a bitten tongue, shook the stump of his wrist, and glared at Maud. She looked back at him and pointed at the blackboard. Boulder doesn’t like it when you perform chaos magic in class. (Her writing speed must’ve been incredible.) Everyone else in the room turned around to stare at him.
Discord snorted and picked up Boulder with his good hand. “Well, you’re not the slightest bit of fun, aren’t you?” he whispered to him.
Boulder sat angrily on Discord’s palm.
“Oh, please, it’s nothing personal, I’m just getting to Starlight through them.”
Boulder sat suspiciously on Discord’s palm.
“I… I suppose I haven’t,” Discord admitted, “b-but- Shutup.” He snapped his fingers and Boulder was back on Maud’s desk. Maud stared at him for half a second, then went back to rambling about rocks. Boulder sat alertly on the desk. Discord seized the moment and recovered his fingers.
As the class went on, it was like Maud had an anti-Discord sixth sense. Whenever he would prepare to try something, she would look at him. She’d look and look and look until he stopped thinking about whatever he was thinking about. All the while, Boulder sat observingly on her desk. He even tried to leave, but that piercing look pinned him in place to the point that he had trouble getting back to his chair. Next class, he was not going to be a student. Nope.
Eventually, Maud put a metal box on her desk, pulled on protective rubber boots, and opened it up. For a second, Discord thought something interesting might happen, but then Maud pulled out a chunky black stone. She had no variation, did she?
“This is medusite,” said Maud. “It’s a highly lithogenic mineral and necessary for rock farms. It’s often consumed by cockatrices and basilisks due to its potency. Now, I need a volunteer for this next demonstration.”
Almost every manipulation appendage in the room went up. Not Discord, though, nooooooooo. If he was going to be a student, he was going to be a certain kind of student: disruptive, slacking, and the one who made it very clear that the teacher shouldn’t call on th-
“Thanks for volunteering, Discord,” said Maud.
It took a moment for his name to register. Discord pushed up the brim of his cap and cocked an eyebrow (chk-chk). “I’m sorry, are you using some form of ‘volunteer’ that I haven’t heard of yet? Perhaps your dictionary is a bit outdated. See, when I think of ‘volunteer’, I think of-”
“Boulder doesn’t like it when students bring the class to a halt.”
Discord immediately teleported to the front of the room (it seemed safer). “If you insist. Pray tell, what frivolities have you in store for today?”
Maud held out the black stone. “Hold this.”
“Very well,” he said, plucking it from Maud’s hooves, “I shall-” He stopped right there; he was too stoned to say anything more.
Maud wiggled the medusite out of Discord’s frozen grip and put it back in its box. “As a lithogenic material, medusite turns to stone any organic matter it comes into contact with.” Maud pulled the boots off her hooves. “It happens suddenly, without warning. Friendships can end the same way, suddenly turning brittle without warning.”
Not for the first time, Discord wondered just why being turned to stone cut out his powers. It was so silly. What kind of spirit of chaos was he, able to be hoodwinked and held captive that easily? Maybe captivity was a talent of Maud’s; she certainly had a captive audience all of a sudden.
“Now, if a friendship truly isn’t working out,” said Maud, “you may need to end it. Depending on the type of friendship, there are many ways to break it off, just like there are many ways to destroy a rock. This-” She tapped Discord. “-is limestone. It’s a common building material. One could destroy it with this.” She reached behind her desk and pulled out a sledgehammer.
Discord began squirming inside. Of all the teachers Starlight could’ve picked, why did she pick the one associated with rocks? The entire class cringed away from Maud as she swung the hammer experimentally.
“However, it’s a very messy method of destruction,” said Maud. She tossed the hammer away. “In most circumstances, you want something cleaner. Something that doesn’t leave behind a lot of baggage. Fortunately, this is limestone, and limestone is soluble. So…” Maud trotted out into the hallway and pulled in a large tub of water (where was she getting all this? That certainly hadn’t been in the hallway when he’d arrived). “This is much more controlled. If you submerge limestone in water, it’ll dissolve.” She glanced up at the statue, and Discord had the distinct impression she was looking him in the eye. “Slowly. And it leaves nothing behind.”
If he’d had any lungs, Discord would’ve sobbed. The rest of the class was deathly silent.
“Or you can just stop talking to them. Sometimes, the only reason a friendship is staying together at all is because you’re struggling to keep it together, and if you simply leave it alone, it’ll fade on its own.” Maud dragged Discord to the back corner and stood him up. She looked at him for a moment, then turned him around so he faced the corner.
For the rest of the period, Discord was stuck standing in the corner, like some misbehaving foal. Pfah. He was a misbehaving draconequus, thankyouverymuch. Discord stewed and stewed and stewed and wished he could soup instead. Maud kept droning and UAVing on, her voice as flat as salt plains. And to make everything even worse, Discord’s nose itched. Why did everything bad have to happen to him? (Except for the bad things he made happen to other people, at least.)
About a minute after the bell rang, the stone abruptly receded from Discord’s body. He overbalanced and hit his nose on the wall. When he turned around, rubbing it, Maud was standing there, staring up at him. “Was preparing all that really necessary?” he scowled.
“We heard about what you did to Trixie,” said Maud, tucking a glowing rock into a pocket, “and for a spirit of chaos, you’re very predictable. Boulder wants to follow you around and keep you in line, but he and I have another class to teach. You’re welcome for letting you out.”
Oh ho ho. So that was how this was going to be. First that bit at the Grand Galloping Gala a while back, and now this. Well then. This little pony was lucky Starlight was his target; he’d have to make do with a warning. “Hear me,” he rumbled, drawing himself up to his full height, “you may have had your fun today. But I won’t let this stand by, and one day…” He gave his best villain smile, ignoring that part of him that said that it should be out of practice by now. “One day, I’ll show you my definition of ‘fun’.” He chuckled deeply. Thunder rumbled in the distance and plants wilted outside.
Maud blinked expressionlessly at him. “That’s nice. Don’t you have another innocent class to antagonize?”
Discord glowered at Maud. Maud stared at Discord. Discord glowered at Maud. Maud stared at Discord, except when she blinked. Why why why did one of the teachers happen to be the person who was, against all odds, unimpressed by him? Finally, Discord snorted and turned his back on her. “Very well. But don’t think I’ll forget-”
Boulder hit him in the back of the head like a bullet train. “Boulder doesn’t like it when you waste your time.”
Poof. And Discord was gone.
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Very nicely done.. surprised Discord didn't get a clue with Mauds last name PIE. Maybe she's related to someone else with that last name
Okay, this is great :D I'm glad I held onto it. I love how you gave her a smattering of Pinkie's power as well. Boulder is quite powerful, and it's only right he has an equally-as-powerful ally!
This was good. I really wish we saw how Maud taught her class and how Discord interrupted it.
A great successor to Boulder for You. I got a kick out of this, and not just because of Best Pony.
Maud 1
Discord 0
I love Boulder's very expressive way of sitting on things
Maud is terrifying. I love her so much.
"UAV"?
im thinking of TOM....you know rarity's rock and maud's Boulder to teach dissy some manners as well.....
9190584
UAV (Unmanned Aerial Vehicle) = drone -> UAVing = droning.
I was hoping someone would do something with Discord and Maud's class.
What's impressive and disturbing is how well you did Boulder. He shows personality, but it's hard to tell if it's Maud's typical behavior combined with Discord anthropomorphizing the rock. It's like you can't say he's actually alive, but can't entirely be sure that he's actually a typical rock either.
Maud deserves more hugs for this
Awesome story, pal!
Boulder is completely OP in this, and I'm okay with that
If Boulder the rock fused with Gummy the baby alligator, would the resulting fusion create the most powerful Cragodile in the universe?
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CONTINUE MAKING STORIES ABOUT MAUD AND BOULDER THEY ARE MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE
I love the fact that Boulder is sentient, kind of like Plank from Ed, Edd n' Eddy. I've never seen a rock "sit angrily" upon something, but now I'm afraid to.
This was hilarious and Discord really shouldn't underestimate Pinkie's older sister Maud.
I am a bit jealous of Mudbriar. Maud is so cool and badass and funny.
This was a lovely little romp. Really enjoyed it. And of course Maud would be the one to defeat Discord; she does have the power of stone.
Incidentally, you're not the only one who associated stone with being the opposite of chaos. I remember reading a book where the hero was trying to stop the Austrian Empire from resurrecting an eldritch stone creature that was like the opposite of Discord; it created a predestined future without chaos merely by being awake.
9190856
That's one of the coolest things I've ever heard. What's the title?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Oh my gosh, that was rich!!!! I laughed so hard!!! And when Discord got stuck in the corner...oh gosh. I came dangerously close to falling out of my chair. Lol. I laughed so hard I was bawling.
This was absolutely well written!! Great job!!!
Maud is one of the last mares I would mess with.
I can see Pinkie inviting Discord to a reconcilitory tea party at this rate.
Discord gets there to find Pinkie.
And Maud, Boulder, Plank, Mr Tulip, and Apple Newton.
Damn, Maud ain't playing. Mess with her friend or her sister and she will make you pay, at least psychologically.
I recognized Boulder's style of "communication" in this story before I realized you're also the author of "Boulder For You." Have a fave, and please write more stories with Maud and Boulder.
Eeyup. Headcanon accepted.
9191017
I felt the same, man that was good.
9191483
I want to say something to you about your story, but then I'd feel like a stalker at this rate.
...
But look at that, I've already insinuated that this has something to do with your story. Whoops.
P.S. How's the mob control going?
P.S.S. I can assure you, I am not stalking you.
9191818
Literally tears in my eyes I'm laughing so hard. This is uncanny how often we bump into each other.
I mean, feel free to comment on the story. The mob is temporarily not hunting me, so I can actually read it.
Bravo, good fellow, Bravo! Deadpan humor can work, in the right hooves. Yours are.
... Right. So here's why this fanfiction doesn't work for me.
In this very same episode, this happened to Discord-
derpicdn.net/img/2018/8/6/1799982/full.gif
-and all that did was make him into a bigger troll. But in this story, he gets hit with a rock... and that's somehow enough to kowtow him into submission? That's just... dumb. And not really something I'd expect Maude or Boulder to be doing with their talents.
When Maude tells Discord "You're the most basic of jokes," the joke landed, not because Discord was being an ass and she told him flat out, but because him being an ass served as the perfect set up for the punchline she used.
{Discord: Knock knock!
[beat]
Discord: You're supposed to say 'Who's there?'! This is the most basic of jokes!
[thud, splat]
Maud Pie: [deadpan] You're the most basic of jokes.
Pinkie Pie: Good one, Maud! [giggles]}
Likewise, this fanfiction could've worked, not because Maude beat him over the head with metaphors and using one of the most random pieces of headcanon I've ever heard (I somehow doubt that basic petrification is on the same level as petrification due to the Elements of Harmony), but because she maneuvers her way through Discord's eccentricities as a means of teaching the class properly.
But that's just my opinion.
Serious Maud is best Maud. Also scary. I approve.
Discord vs Maud... seriously, why has the show not done this? There is so much lost potential!
Her Maud-sense was off the charts and Discord was powerless against her. Loved your story. It brought smiles and laughter to my day.
She grew up with Pinkie, Discord. You didn't stand a chance.
9191934
Ah, but you forget something important here.
Maud is a comically unflappable stoic deadpan snarker. The closest thing in a toon environment to an Absolute Mundane. Her presence cancels out Discord's antics by being in proximity to him. Her personality is almost custom designed from the ground up to be Anti-Discord. As Discord, being a troll, is someone who's out to get emotional responses from people, you defeat him by using anti-troll practice. And to defeat a troll, you simply don't rise to their antics. And that's how Maud responded. Discord STARTS to try anything, she shuts him down on the spot.
Well, Boulder shuts him down, she just comments on Boulder's feelings.
Also, Boulder doesn't like your complaint. Boulder is sitting menacingly over there.
9190942
*The Stress of Her Regard* by Tim Powers. Disney based the fourth *Pirates of the Caribbean* movie on one of his earlier books.
9192342
They have, briefly. At the Gala, it's probably one of the most stone cold burns in the series.
9192893
Yeah, but the key word there is unflappable. Throwing rocks at people and turning them to stone seems like what a fairly "flapped" person would do, in my opinion. If the means to get Discord to stop being an ass is denying him an emotional response, I can't really agree that that's how Maude did it in this story, because she gave him emotional (though more physical) responses before he even got the chance to pull anything off (and then she petrified him when he didn't even do or plan anything).
These two sentences conflict with each other, though. If she shuts him down on the spot, then she's rising to his antics. If she's not rising to his antics, she can't shut him down on the spot.
Sounds a bit like an emotional response to me.
THIS is why I love Maud! She is just AMAZING!! <3
9193131
Not entirely true.
See, shutting down isn't necessarily rising to a troll's attempt. Especially the way Maud executes. She doesn't display emotion, which is what the troll is after. She IS taking action. But taking action against the Troll isn't what the Troll is... trolling for. It's the emotional response. The impotent yelling and snarling that shows they got under your skin.
EXAMPLE: If I poke you constantly and you scream obscenities at me but do nothing, I win. However, if I poke you, and you Batman Suckerpunch me the second I make contact without looking, you not only wreck me, but you don't give me the desired emotional response I was after. Just a bloody nose.
Trolling is a mind game fishing for a specific form of reaction. By not giving that reaction, the 'victim' wins. Discord was hoping to disrupt class and throw the instructor off her game in order to make Starlight look bad. He not only failed to throw Maud off her game, she out-maneuvered him at his own game and used him as an unsuspecting teaching aid.
9193294
I could be wrong... but the fact that I would have needed to assault you in order to stop you from performing an undesirable action belies the fact that what you did affects me on such a fundamental level, that such an attack is required, thus validating your trolling efforts from the start.
In other words, you wanted to get my goat, got a ram instead, but you still have an animal from the Caprinae subfamily at the end of the day.
Except she didn't beat him at his own game. She beat him with a rock. Repeatedly. And then she forcefully volunteered him to touch a rock that can petrify him (that he somehow doesn't know about or has any way of countering against "because fanfiction") when he wasn't even doing anything, and used it as a basis for a friendship lesson that had nothing to do with what he was doing. And he was also afraid of being broken or dissolved, for... some reason.
It just seems lazy.
9193336
That still misses the point. The entire point of trolling is to acquire specific emotional responses. Usually unmasked anger. I don't need to be angry to respond with action like a sucker punch. In fact, I may respond with a sucker punch because I know that response will be effective.
As for Maud, Discord was not 'doing nothing' and Maud was well aware of that fact. His presence in that class was 'doing things', even those things were 'plotting' and 'biding'. Remember. It's a school. He's not on the class rosters. Just because he's got the power to go anywhere and do nearly anything he wants, doesn't automatically mean his antics will automatically change how things will work, and who belongs where. Maud had him pegged the moment he came in the door.
Meanwhile, Discord had completely miscalculated Maud, expecting her to be an easy mark. Instead, she was already a move ahead of him the moment he went for the 'disruptive student' antics. Then she used how thrown off his game HE was at that point to petrify him, then stick him in a corner like a bad student being put in time-out. Punishing him in an ironic manner fitting his act.
One could say that Discord...
Was Schooled.
9193402
Or a physical response. If a person tells you to delete your account or they'll tell your friends and family about the sort of stories you make, and you delete your account to prevent that from happening, that's doing exactly what the troll wants.
It wasn't banning the idiots who harassed me and my friend that originally had the story adopted, or responding to the idiot who pretended to be me and insulted the fans I had with the fake story they had, it was ignoring them like the worthless piles of nothing they were.
Likewise, punching you after poking me would just lead to me getting suspended for assaulting you.
This is exactly what I'm talking about, though. She didn't school Discord in "Make Friends, but Keep Discord" because he 'plotted' and 'bid', it was because he actually did shit. Throwing rocks at him because he was about to do something or encasing him in plot armor cement because he was planning to be disruptive is lazy and a complete waste of everyone's time.
What does that have to do with anything? If that were the problem, then she would have just turned him away at the door and let that be the end of the story.
Except he didn't have the chance to be a disruptive student. It's the equivalent of throwing the kid's backpack out the third story window before they even have the chance to bust out the spitballs; what's entertaining about that?
Why would "being thrown off his game" change anything? If he's got an arbitrary weakness to petrification, it stands to reason that, as a Spirit of Chaos that's lived a fairly long time, he'd either know about the rock beforehand, or he'd have some way of circumventing it.
If he can remove his soul from his body to avoid being banished from a school (and even that was just a ploy to fuck with Starlight), I'm pretty sure he can get around being turned to stone.
Teachers don't punish their students by sending them to the corner, that's what parents do to their children.
It is neither clever nor ironic, no matter how many ducks you have to show for it.
9193522
No, that's Blackmail. Which is a criminal offense. Which is above and beyond trolling.
9193994
Huh, no kidding.
9191832
Yeah, it is surprising how often we meet. Must mean that we have similar taste in fanfiction; while I think that's a good thing for me, the other way around is questionable.
P.S. Good luck with the Mob. I support your amazing work.