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1: Leap of Faith2,559 words
2: Code 4092,735 words
3: Hitchin a Ride1,555 words

1: Leap of Faith

Author's Note:

Because I need *another* uncompleted story on my account...

I was working on The Whittler, honest! And then I got talking with Snakeskin Ducttape, about some of our zany fic ideas, and something stirred in me to just go with this old idea I had, which was originally inspired by my shenanigans when I'd be playing GTA4 online back in the day.

I was Awesome Police, fighting crime with a shotgun and as many police cars as I could manage to blow up.

Also, Sergeant Reckless is actually based upon the real horse, which has had quite a few images of her ponified (which are adorable). I'm currently reading her biography book, so I figured why not include her?

All of my broken english speech for her is directly inspired by watching M*A*S*H, so if you have a problem with it, meh.

The year was 1978. The place, a generic city in a generic state in the best country there was. Drugs were everywhere, bad guys were doing bad guy things, and the police were trying their hardest to not try that hard, but still look busy with stuff like beating up school children or giving out parking tickets to grandma.

However, one fateful day, a magical storm happened, creating a portal through time and space, sending a lone officer with his trusty squad car to another world in another time.

That place, was Equestria, inhabited by small technicolored ponies who farted rainbows and slapped bad guys with friendship. It was a place in desperate need of a new hero, one who took the law into his own hands (not hooves because he wasn’t a pony), but not edgy and secretive like a vigilante.

Now, the year was 4125 AC (After Cake, because once Celestia had some the world was never the same again. Flanks like a brick house.) and they were in Canterlot, Equestria, a place not as great as the other place, but still pretty good. Instead of drugs it was baked goods. Instead of the mob it was “The Mane Six and that other purple one.”

His name was Mister Officer, Awesome Police, keeper of the law, even if he didn’t know any Equestrian laws or barely any of his own. He was here now, in Canterlot, doing the un-noticed work and good deeds this fair city needed. Even with a mark on their butts, one could never be so sure about a pony.

“How about him?” a mare asked.

“Yes, especially him,” Mister Officer said, glaring at the smiling flower cutie mark on a stallion who could have been mistaken for a flaming homosexual.

“But Sir! Swinging barn doors are okay number one here in Equestria!”

“How do you know what I was thinking?” he asked.

“You doing mono-lodging again.”

“I apologize,” he apologized. Lifting up his binoculars, Mister Officer began surveying the ponies around the bank once more. “When one’s in the heat of the moment, it’s very important to monologue one’s thoughts to his deputy.”

“Is okay. I likes your voice. Very soothing, so wow.”

His deputy returned her focus back outside. The mare, young for a police pony, went by the name Sergeant Reckless, a brown earth pony with white socks and stripe starting between her eyes, and going down her muzzle. She was Mister Officer’s deputy, sworn to his side in the vein attempts to stomp out evil and uphold the laws.

Unfortunately, she knew as few Equestrian laws as he did. She was from South Porea, and her ~~English~~ Equestrian wasn’t all that good.

Suddenly, from inside the bank, an alarm was tripped, causing ponies all over to look curiously. Four heavily armed stallions, wearing masks, burst from the glass doors and ran for a parked stage coach. They were carrying bags of what looked to be gold bits, considering they were spilling them out on the street.

“Oh oh! Mister Officer! Look!” Reckless began pointing, bouncing on her seat, at the stallions, two of them hitching up to the front.

“Yes, yes, I see it. Now we just wait.”

Reckless blinked. “Um, wait what for?”

Suddenly, there was a rainbow blur, stopping just over the bank.

“THERE!” Mister Officer flipped the switch on his dash, lighting up his strobe lights and siren.

Turning the ignition, the ‘78 Dodge Monaco roared to life, and dropping the shift lever he pressed the accelerator to the floor. The rear wheels struggled to grab traction in the grass of the park, but once it dug up the grass and hit hard dirt the vehicle took off towards the bank from behind their hiding bush.

The rainbow haired pegasus, meanwhile, was already flying after the stagecoach, catching up far quicker than any normal pegasus had any right to.

To his right, Reckless was clopping her hooves together in excitement. “Yay, we grab bad ponies!”

“Deputy! Take the mic and tell her to pull over and land on the ground, now!”

Reckless fumbled with the small plastic mic, then brought it to her muzzle to speak.

“HELLO, BAD PONIES. WE ARE GOOD PONIES. STOP PLEASE NOW, OR WE MAKE YOU SORRY FOR BAD THINGS.” “How was that?”

Mister Officer gave her a thumbs up, swerving to miss another pony drawn taxi. “Good, now tell her to stop.”

Reckless looked at the pegasus, dive bombing the stagecoach in an attempt to stop it. “But, she tries to stop also. So we stop her stop bad ponies?”

“Yes.”

Reckless shrugged, picking up the mic again. “ALSO GAY PEGASUS, PLEASE STOP YOUR STOPPING SO THAT WE CAN STOP BAD PONIES BECAUSE WE ARE GOOD PONIES. PULL TO GROUND AND STOP OVER.”

At her mention, Rainbow Dash stopped mid-dive bomb to look at the patrol car catching up.

“Hey! I’m not-” she swerved to miss a flying net.

Mister Officer was half hanging out his open drivers window, a net catapult over his left shoulder, while Reckless attempted to steer the vehicle with hooves.

He grabbed the microphone, adjusting his sunglasses as he calmly spoke, dipping his head to miss a street lamp. “YOU HAVE EVADED ME LONG ENOUGH, RAINBOW TRAIL. YOU’VE EXCEEDED THE SPEED LIMIT ONE TIME TOO MANY. NOW PREPARE TO BE DETAINED. AND FINED. AND RECEIVE TWO POINTS ON YOUR FLYERS LICENSE.”

“I don't have a flying license!” Rainbow shouted back, missing another net.

“That fiend.” Mister Officer squeezed the mic in his hand, nearly breaking it.

“Officer! No more nets!” Reckless called from inside.

“Curses.” He tossed the catapult behind him, causing a milk wagon to swerve out of the way and topple over.

“Spilled milk!” Reckless called out, pointing behind them.

“Justice cries for no one, including spilled milk.”

“So wise, Mister Officer.”

“Yes, I am,” he said, while proceeding to drive onto the sidewalk, avoiding a crowded intersection.

Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, struggled to relocate the bank robbers coach, having lost it when dealing with that crazy police officer. They were nearing the edge of the Canterlot plateau, where it was a sudden drop all the way down to the base of Mount Canterhorn.

Suddenly, she saw them, heading for one of the air boat ports.

“Oh no you don’t!” Rainbow put on more speed, her rainbow trail weaving around other pegasi and street lights.

Behind her, she could still hear the siren, but no visual on the vehicle gave the mare a pause for breath. She quickly saw the bank robbers exiting the coach, unhitching the other two, and throwing the bags onto a small dingy of a airboat.

“Gotcha,” Rainbow went into a steep dive, aiming for them.

----------

“Wow, that was close!” Robber pony number One said, tossing the last bag into the vessel.

“You said it, One.” Robber pony number Three agreed.

“I’m just glad we lost that pegasus,” Robber pony number Two said.

“And that other thing wailing and yelling in a thick Porean accent.” Robber pony number Four kicked the stagecoach away, making it somepony else’s problem.

The four turned to board their ship, when a blue pegasus wi- no fuck it, Rainbow Dash, landed between them and their ship.

“Where do you four think you’re going?”

“Oh holy crap, you said we lost her!” Three said to Two.

“I thought we did!” Two squealed like a filly, bumping into Four.

“Yeah, and once the guard realize what’s happened and come, you’ll all be in trouble!”

The four stallions were shaking, then One stopped. “Wait, when you say ‘the guard realize’, did… did you not tell the guard you were following us?”

Rainbow blinked, confusion on her face. Then, realization clicked in.

“Oh, horse apples.”

“I’ll get the rope~” Two song-danced, making a lasso and catching Rainbow before she could fly off.

Within minutes, Rainbow was bound and gagged, and loaded up with their bags of money. Undoing the rope on the dock cleat, they pushed away and began floating from Canterlot.

“Wow, One, that must have been the easiest robbery we’ve had yet,” Four said, giving Rainbow a noogie.

Suddenly, the group heard music, ushering their baby to come back, and turned back to the dock just in time to see a black and white horseless carriage make a drive by of the dock edge. A long metal tube stuck out the window, and at the musical cue it let out a loud-

BLAM!

The five ponies looked up at the collapsing balloon, now peppered with buckshot, and began panicking as they started to tilt to the side, and fall down very fast.

Rainbow managed to take off her gag. “Hey, untie me and I’ll help!”

“That sounds like a bad idea!” One shouted as they fell.

“It’s our only idea!” Four shouted, struggling to cut the mare free as Two clung to him, screaming like a little filly.

“Hah! Suckers!” Rainbow shot up into the air with a burst of speed.

“Dang it!” One shouted, watching as the ground came closer and closer and closer until-

----------

Rainbow watched as the airship crashed into the ground, splinters of wood flying everywhere and golden bits exploding out like blooming flowers.

“That was awesome. Now to go get some royal guards and-”

“Baby come back!”

Rainbow looked towards the dock in horror, watching the police cruiser launch itself off a ramp, aiming right for her. She was so dumbfounded, she failed to realize the driver was sticking halfway out the vehicle, until he grabbed her and pulled her in.

“Who the buck are you?” Rainbow asked.

“I’m Officer. Mister Officer, Awesome Police,” Mister Officer said, sunglasses causing a lense flare. “Deputy Sergeant Reckless, remember the button I told you never to press?”

The brown mare nodded.

“Press it.”

Reckless opened the glove box, and removed the plastic lense off the big red button that said “Do Not Press! p.s. That means you, Mister!” and pressed the button.

----------

From the airboat wreckage, One, Two, Three, and Four all crawled out, a little battered and bruised, but not dead.

“Wow, we’re not dead!” Two cheered.

Four nodded, but looked around at the mess. “Yes, but look! All our bits are scattered everywhere.”

One, the most alert pony, scrambled to his hooves. “So what? We’re alive, we need to run before-”

Suddenly, and slowly, a 4500 pound vehicle landed on top of him, shoving him into the wet mud with a squish. Not a “dead pony” kind of squish, but a “embarrassingly trapped under a car” squish, his head sticking out from under the front bumper.

The other three stallions looked on in horror, as two individuals stepped out of the patrol car, the tall bipedal holding a pump action shotgun. Behind them a parachute fell, the tension on the string freed, allowing the trunk to close. The blue pegasus was hoof cuffed, and sitting in the back.

The three looked at each other, then dropped to the ground with forehooves up. “WE SURRENDER!”

Mister Officer took off his shades, grinning with a toothpick in his mouth.

“We do good?” Reckless asked.

“Of course, we always do good.”

----------

“What in the buck were you doing?” Captain Meanie Pants shouted, the scene behind him complete chaos of guards, police ponies, bit coins and wood chunks.

“Our civic duty.”

“Your-what? Mister Officer, that’s the biggest load of horse doodie I’ve ever heard, and I should know.”

Reckless perked up at that. “You was raised in barn like Reckless, Captain-san?”

“NO!”

“Oh.” Reckless’ ears went flat.

“I cannot believe one pony, one monkey, and two tons of steel could cause so much trouble. You caused panic on the streets, overturned a milk cart, took out three taxi’s, crashed a airboat and for what?”

“A spee-”

“A SPEEDING TICKET! Ignoring the robbery in progress, you went after not just any pegasus, oh noooo, but one of the Elements of Harmony, Loyalty herself! Who is close friends with Princess Twilight Sparkle, and acquaintances with the other princesses, and top it all off she’s a Wonderbolt, which means she was actually doing her job in chasing down criminals!

“And you want to give her a speeding ticket?”

Mister Officer nodded his head, hands on his hips in a dramatic pose. “Of course. It’s the law.”

“THE LAW?” Meanie shouted, his police cap going askew.

“She has been recorded going at least double the allowed areal speed limit fifteen times, doing aerobatics twelve, twice of those times over public parks, and top it all off she’s evaded arrest every time!”

Reckless produced from her breast pocket a notebook, which Captain Meanie Pants took in his magical aura. He flipped through the pages, grumbling as he went over the charges, the witness testimonies, and complaints by some Canterlot ponies. If there was one thing Mister Officer was, excluding insane, he was thorough.

With a defeated sigh, Captain Meanie Pants hoofed back the notepad to Reckless “Fine, book her.”

“WHAT?” Rainbow shouted, still hoof cuffed.

“Sorry, but honestly I’ve got bigger issues to deal with, like a bank robbery. You can sort all this out with a judge,” the captain said, trotting away.

“Finally… your time has come. Deputy, my notebook.” Mister Officer approached the mare.

“You’re not a sheriff!” Meanie shouted off in the distance, promptly ignored.

“Rainbow Trail-”

“Dash.”

“-you are here by fined the penalty of five bits for every speeding charge, amounting to a total of seventy five bits. Twelve aerobatic charges under the one thousand foot ceiling allowance at three bits per charge, with an additional four bits for the two times over the park, coming to forty four bits. Lastly, evading arrest twenty two times, a night in jail for each evasion, so that’s twenty two days in the Canterlot Dungeons.”

Mister Officer tore off his copy of the ticket, placing it in Rainbow’s open mouth.

“Cuff her, Reckless.”

Silence.

“Um, Mister Officer, she is already cuff.”

“Excellent job, deputy,” he patted the mare on her head, giving her a Snickers bar, which she proceeded to eat, wrapper and all, in one bite.

Mister Officer grabbed the blue pegasus, throwing her into the back of the squad car and slammed the door closed. He then got into his drivers seat, with Reckless sitting beside him, and began to drive off.

“Mister Officer, how we go back up?”

----------

“So he put you on a leash, tying you to his mirror, then he made you make a road out of clouds, got a unicorn to cast a cloud walking spell on his tires, and drove you back up here, and threw you in my dungeon?”

Rainbow nodded, still cuffed and sitting in a dingy, grimy, cold damp cell under Celestia’s castle.

Princess Celestia let out a long, tired sigh. Princess Luna struggled to hide a grin behind her hoof. Princess Twilight looked like she wanted to murder some~~pony~~human.

“When I find him…” Twilight mumbled.

“Now Twilight, relax, I’m sure we can settle things.” Celestia smiled.

From behind them, they heard a match being lit, drawing their attention. Sitting at a desk, cast faintly in light by oil lamp, was none other than Mister Officer, Awesome Police, with his deputy Sergeant Reckless.

“Hallo.” Reckless waved.

Celestia and Luna waved back, Twilight passed out from a burst blood vessel.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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