• Member Since 22nd Sep, 2018
  • offline last seen Yesterday

The Mountaineer Brony


Has not yet seen the Gen 5 movie--no spoilers!

T
Source

After a chance encounter with a bat species she's never seen before, Fluttershy gets bitten, and strange things start to happen. All normal food tastes foul to her, and instead, she thirsts for blood. As she slowly becomes more animalistic, her instincts heighten, and suddenly the feelings towards Rainbow Dash she'd been suppressing slowly begin to manifest. After a failed attempt to seduce her in order to feed, Rainbow Dash becomes committed to helping Fluttershy get well again while keeping her friend's dark affliction a secret.

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 44 )

Blood-sucking Fluttershy? You have my interest.

Well-written, with no detected tense or actor mistakes. There was a few punctuation mistakes (I'd suggest boning up on punctuation around quotes), but not so much as would cause any distress to a reader. Some good word choice, and the start of a nice story. Passing this on to a few friends to look at, and will have my discord bot track it.

Write on!

Does anyone know th artist of the cover???

A nice continuation. The "doesn't realize they're a vampire" trope is wonderfully shown.

There were a few structural errors this time.

"Aww, where ya goin', Fluttershy?" She asked, a look of disappointment beginning to creep in. "We've still got 1,256 more cakes to go!" "I'm sorry, Pinkie," said Fluttershy "but I think I'll have to take a rain check on the rest."

You did this a few times. It is a hard rule of informal writing that each paragraph gets its own actor, and they should never double up.

Looking forward to more!

i think fluttershy is the best pony XDEXDEEDDEXRD

I thought the P alliteration was perfect.

shouldn't being exposed to the sun incinerate fluttershy or is she not fully vampire yet

9218341
She's not quite there yet, she'll become more vampiric with time.

9218341

9218546
Vampires also don't have reflections, but in MLP's case, during that time she was a bat from those Vampire Fruit Bats, she still had a reflection. There can be a few differences.

9218703
The main reason vampires in old stories don't have reflections is because mirrors used to be made with silver, a material known to be harmful to vampires and werewolves (hence the title of the chapter, lol). Modern mirrors are no longer made with silver, so if they're very far along with mirror-making technology, she could still see herself.

9219339
I thought they don't appear in ANY reflection, not just mirrors. (Reflection in water.) They also don't appear in films or cameras to my knowledge.

9219598
In addition to old mirrors being partially silver, the lack of a reflection originated with Bram Stoker. Dracula is a genre-defining vampire, of course, but the vampire (wampyr) itself is much older.
https://scifi.stackexchange.com/questions/38466/what-is-the-origin-of-stokers-idea-that-vampires-reflections-cannot-be-seen

9220525
9219598 The silver in mirrors idea could be taken to early films, too. Silver nitrate and silver halide have been used extensively in camera film and cinema film, and could account for the lack of photographic image.

9220525
some stories also have the lacking shadows, i don't know if that was old drac too or not that came with that one.
the idea i think was reflection and shadow were generated by the soul, which the vampire, undead abomination that it is, lacks.

also thats alot of red tags ofr a t rated story...

this is a cute little romance so far i think

Pretty good story thus far.
I hope to see it continued sometime soon.

SWEET CELESTIA'S MARE HEAT, WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

LOL Wot? Yea ok, I might have to use this somewhere...

Good chapter. Kinda ... rough there.

How is Fluttershy supposed to feed?
Rainbow Dash of course..
Just a little bite here... and a little nibble there..

Oh my gosh... I was not prepared for that fang pulling scene. As someone who absolutely despises dentist appointments, that REALLY made me cringe. Huge mistake reading this chapter just before bed.

And yet, I really wish Rainbow Dash had a more defined reaction to the scene that she had witnessed. All we got was just her outburst and then rushing to Fluttershy's side. I would've imagined that after she embraced Fluttershy, she would look down at the floor, witnessing all the blood covered fangs and pliers, shriveling at the sight and being very uncomfortable just thinking about what kind of torture Fluttershy just induced on herself. It would also strengthen her reasons for wanting to comfort Fluttershy even more. (Or give her nightmare fuel like me!)

9277730
I have succeeded in my mission!:yay:

Also, you do have a fair point there. I probably could've done more with RD's reaction had I thought about it; it was late last night as I finished this up and I was eager for bed.
Would anyone object to me going back through and editing/inserting a few things?

9277730
Same here, I hope we can read that in the next chapter, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMNNN

9278552

Would anyone object to me going back through and editing/inserting a few things?

I say go for it.

I put this one aside for a while. The description intrigued me, but something about it triggered me as unlabeled clop. I have been fooled before. So when I finally decided to check it out I was waiting for it. But no, once you've introduced amateur self dentistry into the mix, it is definitely a serious story that should be taken seriously. Great job so far.

Huh I love this story so far! :pinkiehappy:
I have my own ideas for a story (Idk if they are good or not) and I'm kinda now thinking about making a vampire story. 9/10 ao far and I'm kinda new to reading fanfics so I doubt this means much. Have a nice day!

9308133
Hey, I'm just happy to have feedback at all. I'm glad you enjoy it!

The first thing I thought of when I saw the title was the Geometry dash level BloodLust... :rainbowlaugh:

>9189395
Whoever disliked that comment must be burned orion star. Now.

9186689
Though there's not a "Vampire" tag per se, there is a "Bat Pony" tag.

Pinkie Pie is Pleasantly Potent for Perfect P alliterations.

Fluttershy is best vampire.

9219598
"A tale gets taller with each telling." It's basically a phrase that means that stories evolve with time, starting with a more realistic idea and evolving into the more fantastical. The thing about reflections started with silver mirrors. The "silver" aspect was eventually forgotten and left with reflections of any sort.

can Rainbow Dash help her find a solution before it's too late?

Nah.

The end.:trollestia:

9928465
I appreciate your enthusiasm, but unfortunately, it might be a while. I fully intend on finishing this story, but seeing as it was my first, it was also my least well-planned. So, I'll just have to see where things go. :twilightblush:

“That is not dead which can eternal lie, And with strange aeons even death may die.”
-H. Pony Lovecart

Adorable little bit of SoL. Nice work!

A good solid chapter update. Nice to see your back after all that time.
The story as a whole has held together well in the re read and it leaves me looking forward to more.

When’s the next chapter?

I hope this story will be continued

Im so happy to see an update here:yay:

"Huh, that's strange..." Dash said to herself as she counted the nests. "There are eight nest boxes but only seven chickens..."

Oh, f***

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