Broken Wings, Broken Spirits

by Darkblaze15

Chapter 3: Rock Bottom

It’s official. Now I know what it feels like to hit rock bottom.

I’d been thinking about that ever since the last time my parents came to visit. It had been roughly a week ago, during one of their bi-nightly visits; I couldn’t figure it out at the time, but they had seemed a bit more distant than before, snapping at one another whenever they got the chance. The nurses had moved me to the rehab wing of Ponyville General only a week before then, and Mom and Dad seemed perfectly fine even before that. Ever since it happened, I’d been wondering what could make them so angry at one another, until one day when…

“Hey John!” the voice of Sparrow Flight came from the other side of my door, interrupting my thoughts, “Time to clean your bandages!” He opened the door lightly, as if he thought I was still sleeping in the middle of the day. No, I’d been sitting straight up in my bed, staring at my reflection in the mirror for pretty much the entire day so far.

“How are you doing today?” he asked for what seemed like the millionth time since my admittance into this facility.

“Fine, I guess,” I responded melancholy as he prepared to remove my old bandages.

“The nurses tell me that you’ve rarely left your room since you came here,” he stated, carefully and gently unwrapping the gauze from my wing stubs, “I’m sure you’re still in pain from what happened, but I think it would do you some good to go outside, get some fresh air, get those blood cells pumping!” he said enthusiastically while I continued to sit there, not saying a word in response.

He sighed, pulling out a fresh roll of gauze from his neck pack, “Well, would you please consider it? Can you do that for me, John?” he adds with a hint of concern for my well-being.

Not wanting to seem rude, but still wallowing over my condition, I nod slowly on his behalf. He seemed to take that as confirmation either way, “That’s the spirit! I might be back later tonight to check up on you before I leave, or I’ll have Charlotte do it. See you around!” With that, he departed, leaving me in my dark thoughts.

For a few minutes after he’d left, I stayed sitting up on my bed, looking down at my hooves broodingly. I didn’t blame the doctor for what had happened, of course, but that still did little to help me get over the fact that I would never be able to fly again. It honestly felt like I lost a part of my soul with the loss of my wings, that a hole has opened up within me and I’d never get it back. I’d heard of other pegasi from ages ago that had lost a wing or both, but not one of those stories featured a pony as young as I was. They had all had a chance to live for most of their lives in the skies; I’d only gotten a little taste of my potential compared to them.

The more I thought about my future as a flightless pegasus, the less excited I acted towards life and those around me. Jacob would visit me almost every day, looking for different ways to cheer me up, but I would often push his suggestions away and continue to stare blankly at the world around me. According to this imaginary schedule, he should’ve come in to visit today, but it was late afternoon and there was still no sign of him anywhere. I don’t blame him, though; I mean, who’d want to hang out with somepony who acted as dull and depressed as I felt now?

As I trudged over to the mirror to gaze upon my misfortunes yet again, I remind myself of something Riley confided in me during his last visit. Something rather troubling about our parents ever since the accident. He had said that they were fighting and yelling at each other more back home, often over my predicament. The last time they were here together, it was close to my bedtime, but I had snuck out to listen to exactly what they were saying about me:

“…Don’t worry, he can’t hear us. Now, what exactly are you suggesting we do?” Dad asked exasperatedly.

“Well, it’s obvious we can’t stay in Cloudsdale anymore,” Mom said, “We should move down here.”

“And why exactly can’t we stay?” he asked, temper rising slightly.

“Have you seen our son lately?” she said, raising her voice, “He can’t fly! How will he get up to school? How can we make our house pegasi-proof? What do you think the teasing will be like?”

“Well, there has to be a better way to get around this than picking up everything we had and dumping it down here,” he said, “Do you have any idea how long we’ve worked to make a living for ourselves up there?! We’d have to start all over agin!”

“Well, what else do you suggest?!” Mom exclaimed, in tears at this point, “I am NOT leaving my son down here while we sit up there and…and…” she suddenly broke down completely and put her head in her hooves, crying over a week’s worth of stress and tension out of her system. Dad hesitated for a moment before wrapping his hooves around her sobbing form.

“Listen, things seem to work themselves out somehow,” he said, “Let’s just take everything in stride and see what happens from here on out, okay?” She nodded through her sobs as I rushed back to my bed as quietly as I could.

Thinking back to that argument now, I realized that what scared me the most wasn’t just the prospect of moving. Although I’d lived in Cloudsdale most all of my life and moving would prove difficult, especially in my current state, I wasn’t all that close to anypony at school, other than Jacob, who would visit me regardless of where I lived. No, what scared me the most was that my parents were fighting over me, and if they kept at it, they might’ve eventually broken up. If I ended up being the cause of their divorce, then I’d probably never pull out of this funk I was in. I knew of plenty of foals at school who lost one or both parents either to divorce or death, and after seeing how sullen and somber they looked, I had no desire to become one of them.

While these thoughts circled and somersaulted in my head, I trudged back to the bed, pulled my broken self over the edge, and crawled under the covers, prepared to never come back out ever again.