• Member Since 18th Sep, 2016
  • offline last seen July 7th

Liquid Savage


A guy who writes about fat horse, among other things. If that's not your thing, no one's stopping you from looking someplace else.

T
Source

Even the most famous supermodel in Equestria needs some time off, and Fleur de Lis is that supermodel. She takes a vacation to recharge her batteries, but what happens when her sweet tooth rears its head?


A little entry for a contest in a Discord server. Haven't written Fleur yet so I had some fun with this one.
Enjoy!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

Such a good story.

Fleur held the can in her magic, and used it to crack it open with a tss of fizz. She felt an excitement well up inside. Soda was one of the many things banned from her life by her dietitian, a twig of a unicorn named Slimmin' Trim. She was sure that wasn't her real name, but it may as well have been; the miserable old mule always went on about how evil food was. "Sugar is the spawn of Tartarus! I'd rather have Cutie Pox than carbs! Ponies were made to eat fruits and vegetables, and that's how it will be!" and other such things she'd always yell like a drill sergeant while shoving salads in Fleur's face. And she didn't take kindly to Fleur's giggling at her pure outrage when she'd put on a few pounds after that Hearth's Warming fiasco. Fleur had no idea a pony's face could scowl that hard. But here she was, holding an almost literal forbidden fruit in front of her. She felt so naughty and giddy, like a filly sneaking a cookie from the jar when her parents weren't around. She missed those days. She took a sip, and her eyes widened at the carbonation tingling her mouth, as well as the blast of orange on her taste buds. She was taken aback by the sensation. No wonder Slimmin' Trim was so grumpy all the time, if she was denying herself something as good as this! Fleur leaned her head back and chugged the orangeade. A cold drink sounded like a good start to her little summer vacation.

This text needs to be formatted with a proper endline/paragraph character. The highlight is for me to comment that fruits are high in sugar, and I think it'd be more appropriate for the dietician to suggest grasses instead. Not grains, because their carbs can also be fattening... Also, somewhere above the quoted text is the word "conceited" where you should have "conceded".

9164073
Thanks much :rainbowkiss:

9164216
The formatting is pretty janky on this site admittedly. And think of it as the dietitian being a know-nothing-know-it-all
But thanks for the critique :yay:

Very well written and enjoyable. Also, love Pinkie's breaking the fourth wall. Don't question it, it's Pinkie Pie.

9694782
She just does that, it's fine don't even worry about it

Thanks! :yay:

Login or register to comment