• Member Since 10th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

yellowbastion


"You know, in a fictional world containing talking animals, where friendship is literally magic, it would be safe to assume that anything is possible." -me

T

You are Anonymous and you're in the hospital. There was an incident and it was all Twilight's fault. In order to make it up to you, she wants to use magic to help set everything right. Lucky you!


My first published story.
Rated "Teen" for sexually suggestive themes, crass language, and profanity.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 13 )

Discord becomes board

"Just stay calm, Anon. Ya'll just lie back, now. Sometime these things just happen." Applejack said while she gently pushed you back down.

Comma, not a period, at the end of the dialogue. Otherwise, Applejack said while she gently pushed you back down. is a sentence fragment.

Worst princess, Celestia, had commissioned Twilight Sparkle, second worse princess

second breakefast

I might suggest that you use some kind of word processor for spellcheck instead of just writing directly into FIMFiction.

9162505
I believe using "worse" here, while it may not read well, is technically correct: http://www.softschools.com/difference/worse_vs_worst/323/

The others have been fixed. Thanks!

9162511

Except that it doesn't matter, because the idiom "second-worst" (with the hyphen, because it's a compound adjective) has an identity of its own which would remain intact even if the usage of the words it derives from shifted beneath it. (I find that, if you're unsure, a good way to check these sorts of things is to google both candidates in quotes and see which one is being actively used by people who write English professionally.)

That said, deriving it from its source words does still make sense. "second-worst" is to "worst" as "second-best" is to "best". It means "next in line for the position of 'worst'" in the same way that "second-best" means "next in line for the position of 'best'". (Or, to put it another way, "second-worst" means "second-place winner for the title of 'worst'".)

9164504
...oh ..kay?
I'll just choose a different word then.

I find it curious that this one word is giving me trouble and not any of the poor jokes, name calling, memes, or references.

9164668

To be honest, I haven't read the story yet. I just noticed the issue while scrolling through the comments to get a second opinion on whether I should read it after seeing such an un-flattering rating.

That said, it's important to get your grammar and spelling right in a purely written forum. To quote something from the ancient days of the Internet:

Q: I cant spell worth a dam. I hope your going too tell me what to do?

A: Don't worry about how your articles look. Remember it's the message that counts, not the way it's presented. Ignore the fact that sloppy spelling in a purely written forum sends out the same silent messages that soiled clothing would when addressing an audience.

-- Brad Templeton, _Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette_

(And, by "the ancient days of the Internet", I mean that the Google Groups Usenet archive shows it as having been around since before October 24th, 1988... and since that's the "last updated" date, I'm assuming that means it was circulating in un-archived regions of Usenet prior to that date.)

9164685
Fair enough. Not everyone loves Applejack, I guess. Or dick jokes
The story is exactly 1,234 words and the read time is about 4 minutes.

Unlike everyone else, the minor grammar errors didn't bother me. i thought it was funny.

But Twilight was dead-set on returning everything to its "original size", which, when directly compared to a pony stallion's wedding tackle, your manhood was no longer to-scale with the rest of your body. Twilight Sparkle, the alicorn of magic and Princess of Friendship, was creating a spell to give you a bigger dick and you just shut your stupid mouth for once and tried not to grin like an idiot.

yeah and use that said enhanced stick to nail Apple Jack!:rainbowlaugh:

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That ending is hilarious though!

This can only end in delicious khoas

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