• Published 21st Sep 2018
  • 1,422 Views, 37 Comments

Spike's Adventures with Deed Poll - Seer



After finally learning his humiliating true dragon surname, Spike is desperate to have it changed. To do so he must wrangle with his greatest foe to date; the Equestrian civil court system.

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Princess Interlude: Revisionist History

"So Princess, when coming up with surnames dragons actually combine those of each parent!" Professor Cinder Dawn was an earth pony so bookish it bordered on parody. Celestia listened to him politely, not bothering to interrupt to let him know she was already aware of literally everything he was saying.

"Me and my group had a look at this particular dragon, the one belonging to your student is he not?"

"Spike doesn't belong to anyone Cinder," the almost imperceptible narrowing of the Princess' eyes would have been as blatant and threatening to any experienced Canterlot socialite as the rozzers booting down your door at three in the morning shouting 'where's the ganja son?!'. An experienced Canterlot socialite Cinder Dawn was not, though even he was able to pick on the cooling of her tone.

"Erm... of course Princess, forgive me. Too much time spent in academia can dull one to the intricacies of social interaction," he offered with a nervous laugh. She regarded him over her cup of tea for a second. He was an earnest sort, and while his implication of Spike being property was incredibly insulting she could tell he meant no serious harm. For this, she favoured him with a breezy laugh and wave of her forehoof.

"Court can very much have the same effect. Please continue, professor."

"Yes! Well my group and I believe we may have worked out what the most likely surname for this particular drake, given what we know about the ages and heritages of each parent." He took out a piece of paper from his file and slid it across the table to Celestia, who was only saved from rolling her eyes by centuries of diplomatic experience. They were a dramatic lot, academics. This was not a scene from a James Bond film, he could have very easily just told her the information rather than dressing it up in some ridiculous conspiratorial poncho.

Celestia took the paper and read it with a neutral expression. It was certainly not what she would have thought. The princess had held enough summits with the dragons in her life to have obtained an enviable level of insight into their customs, and she had very much been betting on Spike's surname being 'Zargle'. She looked up at Cinder Dawn, a professor of dragonic sociology in his early thirties.

She was nothing if not good at recognising genius, which this beige stallion clearly had in spades. He yawned loudly without covering his mouth and Celestia wondered if all the genius was in the place his manners were supposed to be. It hardly mattered anyway, he was the expert and if this is what he said Spike's full name was, she supposed he was probably right. In any case, Celestia thought it was a much more interesting name than 'Spike Zargle'.

"Thank you for your help professor," she excused herself from the table and, after a forced farewell than neither pony particularly desired or enjoyed, Celestia was headed back to her personal chambers.

"Snowbird," she began, addressing her steward who had fallen in step with the princess the second she left the tea chamber, "Could you please write down the following information, it's for quite an important letter..."


"And then we got to have a meeting with Duke and Duchess Chromium, I forgot how satisfying it is to pacify another insufferable noble family demanding more tax relief!" Princess Luna's eyes were fiery and her hooves gesticulated wildly as she recalled her day, she had always been the better storyteller of the two. Dreamwalking was something the younger alicorn could do while asleep, so she was starting to take on more responsibilities during the day.

"...and you should have seen their faces. Honestly, being demonised as a creature of irredeemable blackness and sin over this last millennia has really given me an edge in negotiations!" Celestia couldn't tell whether her sister had either just made an incredibly dark joke or revealed some concerning hidden bitterness. Luna's toothy, wide-eyed grin gave no clues, so Celestia elected to simply glaze over the pressing issue like all great leaders did.

"I had a pretty interesting meeting myself today," Celestia began, taking dainty bites of a sandwich that was probably stuffed to the brim with caviar or gold leaf or some other insufferable bourgeois slop, "Professor Dawn from The University of Canterlot."

"A professor? He sounds like a bore, what ever could you have wanted with him?" Luna laughed.

"Well, I thought it was high-time Spike learned about his dragon heritage. Cinder is a professor of dragonic sociology and was counselling me on what his surname would be."

"Oh yes I remember you talking about this last week," Luna replied, gesturing for a nearby waiter to refill her mug of mead or whatever cliched middle-age throwback beverage she favoured this week, "He is always so friendly whenever we visit Ponyville. What is the whelp's true name?"

"Spike Sparkleboi,"

"A fine name for a dragon methinks," Celestia was about to interject that 'methinks' had been out-of-date even before the nightmare moon incident before Luna carried on regardless, "Still though, given what you told me the names of his parents were, I was betting on 'Zargle'. At least, that was what methought."

"Okay you've really gotta stop saying... wait, you thought it was going to be what?"

"Zargle, combining the start of 'Zargboi' and the end of 'Sparkle'."

"That's what I thought too!" Celestia exclaimed, "Maybe we should get a second opinion? I mean 'Zargle' seems so much more likely, don't you think..." she trailed off as her eyes met her younger sister's. She was being given a look that was uncomfortably close to... scolding?

"Celly, what was it you told me was the single most important development in the Equestrian monarchy during my absence?"

"Erm," Celestia couldn't help suddenly feeling very much on the spot, "That we are the servants of Equestria more than the rulers, and that our subjects need to be able to govern themselves as much as possible."

"Exactly! We are no longer rulers who command and order, sweet sister. We must remain humble, modest and servile!" Luna bellowed while gesturing for one of their paid servants to put more taxpayer-bought food on the golden plate in front of her, before she began to eat it with an honest to god actual silver spoon, "What if your second opinion agrees with Professor Dawn? Would we need a third? A fourth?"

Celestia's cheeks burned furiously as her sister admonished her. She peered down at her food, deeply ashamed of her previous outburst.

"You're right Luna, of course you're right. I suppose status can still sometimes get the better of me. Of course we should trust the professor, he's the expert after all." she looked up to see the younger princess giving her a reassuring smile.

"It happens to the best of us sister. What is important is that we trust our subjects, as you taught me to. I also think we must do our best to support young Spike Sparkleboi in this new stage of his life."

"I wholeheartedly agree," Celestia began, considering whether attacking the glorious cake to her left was worth enduring another ten months of scandal and rumour courtesy of Canterlot's multiple amoral tabloids, "You understand being in a society where few ponies understand you better than anyone Luna, how do you think we could best support him?"

"CBR, Celestia, CBR," Luna said smugly, only clarifying once it became clear her sister's confused stare wasn't a joke, "Constant badgering reassurance."


"It's meeee!" Luna's exuberant cry heralded her arrival as she booted the double doors to Celestia's office with both hind-hooves. Each one lurched violently around its hinge before embedding themselves in the adjoining walls causing thousands of bits worth of structural damage and destroying several irreplaceable pieces of priceless art. The sun princess regarded the display with a neutral expression and waved away her apologetic looking personal guard.

"Ah Luna, nice to see you. I'm sorry but I already sent the letter to Spike. In the future if you wish to be around for such occasions I really must counsel that you take punctuality more seriously."

"A thousands pardons Celly, I thought of something quite pressing to do and had to miss our engagement. I do think you'll be pleased enough to forgive me though!" with an obsidian flare of magic Luna summoned a small piece of laminated paper and presented it to her sister. Celestia took it and squinted at it, Luna rolled her eyes. This continued silently for a solid two minutes until any meagre amount of comedy in the situation had been thoroughly exhausted.

"Look, you're nearly ten thousand years old. Just wear the reading glasses it's nothing to be ashamed of,"

"I don't need reading glasses Luna," Celestia seethed through gritted teeth, "Now what restaurant is this menu from?"

"It's young Sparkleboi's hatching certificate!" Luna shouted, seizing the document and waving it in Celestia's face, "I had it updated to include his new full name."

"Wow Luna, that's a wonderful idea, I bet Spike will be delighted! But however did you manage this?"

"Oh I have my ways. Let's just say I had help from a 'good friend'." the younger alicorn chuckled fondly as she reminisced about repeatedly punching the filing cabinet that housed the document in the royal archives until its lock came off, followed by screaming at the high archivist in her royal Canterlot voice until the mare broke down in tears and agreed to amend the certificate presumably under fear for her life.

Celestia's horn flared with sunlight and the document was sent on it's way. No doubt Spike would receive it any moment and be absolutely thrilled! She half-listened to Luna excitedly chattering away while she thought of all the things that bore Spike's old name. Surely the more things they amended, the more support it would show?

"Say Luna, what is your schedule looking like today?"


"Let me see, let me see!" Luna hopped up and down impatiently while Celestia added her message to the Polaroid. Her tongue was stuck out as she concentrated on forming the elegant script. Calligraphy was not something that came naturally to the princess. Unfortunately, a few hundred years ago she'd tried to pick it up as a hobby and by the time she'd realised she hated nearly everything about it everyone had gotten far too used to her writing in the stupid, needlessly-complex manner. This was the reason all of her correspondence had to be dictated.

Still, she'd sometimes dust off the old dip pen if the circumstances were special enough, and today was unquestionably special enough. Celestia finished her message and gave it a fond look through the embarrassing milk bottle reading glasses Luna had forced her to wear.

"Celly let me seeeeee!" Luna's keening cut through her thoughts. The younger alicorn was generally considered to be the more serious and austere of their diarchy by Equestria's subjects. How surprised they would have been to hear how readily she fell into her little sister role the second they had any privacy. Celestia levitated the picture over to Luna, who giggled as she stared at it.

"Do you think he'll like it?" she asked excitedly.

"I'm sure he will Lulu. Dragons are a race that sincerely value their heritage as you know. I'm sure all of this support has absolutely delighted him!"

"That's probably why he seems to be pointedly ignoring every single bit of correspondence we send along," the moon princess offered.

"Oh undoubtedly sister, I have no doubt that the reason for Spike's not-at-all-troubling silence is that he's taking the day to reflect on this milestone."

"I agree wholeheartedly Celly, but remember that he is Spike Sparkleboi now,"

"Oh of course Luna, thank you for reminding me. We need to remember to support Spike's growth as best we can, and obviously this means referring to him by his full name at every available opportunity." The two princesses nodded sagely at this.

A flair of Celestia's horn sent the photograph along, and she took a moment to imagine how elated Spike would be when he saw that more and more of his friends were happy about, and fully aware of, his new surname.

"So, we've done his hatching certificate, the sign on the door of his room here in the castle, all of the stained glass windows and his google plus profile. What else is there now Lulu?"

"Well," Luna began, peering at a long piece of parchment and wearing a pair of clear-glass eyeglasses that only served to offer patronising solidarity to her bespectacled sister, "We still have his passport and the voter register of course. His bank account could be tricky but if we play the whole 'we are literally your sovereign rulers' card then there shouldn't be any trouble."

"Great! I'm glad I cancelled that Gryphon summit today, this is definitely a better use of our time." Celestia chuckled, recalling how her insistence of 'negotiations schmegotiations' did absolutely nothing to reassure a frazzled Snowbird. The two Princesses took a few moments to delineate tasks to maximise efficiency.

"Okay Luna, if you finish off amending all these, I'll contact his friends to make arrangements for the party in Ponyville!"

"You can count on me!" the moon princess exclaimed proudly. With that, they were both off to ensure Spike had all the support anyone could hope for. What a great deed they were doing!