i wanna shine brighter than the sun in the sky.
This story is a sequel to Origin: Rainbows
Since the time of the founding of Ponyville, the Apple Family's apples are the best in Equestria. But, do you know, how do their apples stay blood red all the time? Minuette finds out, but does she live to tell the tale?
Inspiration from Wattpad.
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I just have to ask, is this based off something that already was made? Like cupcakes and the Rainbow story?
If it is Original then it is an interesting concept, though could work far better as a horror mystery, than just a gore story.
Idk why so many horror tales decide to just jump into the gore, I guess for shock value.
A rule of thumb for classic horror, the less seen, the more scary it can be.
Be it simply not showing as much, or shrouding the main horror in Mystery works just as well.
This is an interesting concept, if not just a retread of something else. But for the lie of me, I can't recall anything done with apples.
Now though interesting concept, this story has a Pacing that is just far too quick. We jump from scene to scene so quickly, if you want to write horror then know if it will be a one shot, to limit scene cuts. Make it closed off and dark, such as cupcakes having what two scene cuts? The cough, did it right....just one scene.
Now if it is a multi chapter deal, then sure scene cut away.
The romance thing came out of nowhere, might have had some impact if the story was longer.
Very rushed in style, and imo took a shortcut with the gore.
Not saying this is bad, just a bit wonky.
I've been following your writings with interest, I think you have a great chance to make awesome fics! Just need a bit of polish, if you need help writing Original horror, not Re-do's of others work. Then let me know, I'd be happy to help you hone your craft if interested.
Keep on pushing ahead!
9157603
Ok, thanks very much for the suggestions. The fourth time only doing murder, so if the techniques aren't very good, sorry.
9160743
Don't worry no one is good at murdering till you do it at least nine times.
9161397
Got it.
Fluttershy or Rarity? Who's next?
9272371
Rarity. I love gory stuff. The whole series will be nine books.
9273963
I love me some gore as well! Will Rarity's contain a surplus? What other 3 ponies are you doing, because the elements of harmony will be taken care of?
I just wonder what the Apple would look and taste like after being dipped in dragon blood