This story was written by my friend and I. Sadly, this friend has left the fandom and I have no way of contacting her or have any way to possibly giving her credit, seeing as the only account I had her on was my amino account.
I miss you Minkie -.-
This is not a sequel to the original Rainbow Factory, this is just my take on basically how this all went down...
This story is about the CMC and how when one of them perishes, and the other 3 feel the pain....
Source to my original posts:
http://aminoapps.com/p/kztw2a
http://aminoapps.com/p/7ou94d
Chapters (3)
I’m really confused
Confused about what?
I have some suggestions for you:
1. Go back and capitalize things like names and places. Also, be sure to capitalize words like “I” since words like those always need capitalization.
2. Allow your characters to breathe. By that, I mean the pacing in this story is a little too fast. The dialogue sounds as if the characters are almost out of breath and pieces of this story feel out of place. Be sure to place commas where they are needed.
3. You shouldn’t need to use *s or underlinings (unless the underlining is for something like a book title). In most novels, thoughts are usually emphasized by italics. Also, instead of using stage directions, simply tell the readers what is going on (and add a bit more detail as well).
Honestly, I think this story has potential, it just needs a little work. Good luck with this story and any others you plan to write!
👍
that is what is wrong
buttonmush
the rest is great
i'm sorry but
this was very confusing and like explosionmare suggested
can you make them breathe
they go a little to fast