A Siren lives in a small cove near the sea. Several soldiers and a crew of a sunken ship have fallen victim to her.
Your Queen requests that you end this threat as soon as possible.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 6th Nov, 2016
- offline last seen Last Wednesday
Rose Quill
Author of the Homecoming series, occasional contributor to Bodyguard!AU, and food aficionado.
Rose Quill
Joined 6th Nov, 2016 ·
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Sunset as a Siren, and Aria as a Mage?
Nice concept, I like it.
Have a Fave, and an Upvote.
9156222
For now.
...I want more of this setting. This is interesting.
Why aren't there any character tags?
9156507
Spoils the surprise.
This was an interesting mixed bag for me.
I really liked the setting! The whole AU, the medieval vibe, the picturesque cove. And I thought switching it around so Sunset was the siren and Aria the hero was new and interesting.
However, I didn't think the story then did very much with that? The characterisation for them didn't go much deeper than the cosmetics of names and colourings, so I don't think the story would have been very different at all if Sunset were the mage and Aria the siren. There wasn't much in the narration that made me think it was Aria we were seeing through the eyes of, other than the name reveal.
The plot felt rather contrived, too - the queen entrusted Aria with the mission to the point that attacking her was attacking the queen herself, yet also trusted her so little that soldiers were sent out in case her judgement wavered. Presumably an enemy as slippery as a siren wouldn't exactly be Aria's first assignment, so she's proven herself to the queen before. Yet there wasn't much thought of how saving Sunset would be betraying her allegiances (or that Aria had the authority to decide for herself, since the presence of the knights suggests otherwise), or of how unjust it was to have issued a death sentence for a matter so easily explained with Sunset's answer, condemning an innocent. Even after the explanation, Aria, who has been trusted to carry out the sentence, doesn't think about going back to explain the truth of the matter to the queen.
The line near the end about the queen's lack of mercy seems to imply she's a bit of a tyrant, but the rest of Aria's perspective doesn't do anything to suggest that. There's no fear of the queen's reprisals if she's discovered to have helped Sunset. Why is Aria's suggestion to deceive with the protectorate idea, rather than to try to find the truth of the matter? I could understand if she's never questioned if what she's doing was right before, but this didn't really suggest the emotional turmoil of realising she might have been wrong. She's a little mistrustful of the fae, but nothing that isn't quickly sorted out with a few minutes of conversation.
So I like the setting, and I think some good tales could be told in it. I really don't like the idea of writing with the expectation of writing sequels if it does well - I think you should pour everything into a story, and only worry about a follow up afterwards. But in this instance, perhaps this isn't the story the setting needs?
Interesting premise, can become considerably more, but I've got to agree the soldiers had considerably flimsy excuses... Unless they weren't being honest about them.
Either way, there's room for a sequel. I'd like for it to have a Romance tag though, for I'm a dirty, dirty unrepenting shipper
Sorry, this didn’t do much for me.
There’s a fair bit to like here--the worldbuilding was worked in really smoothly, with some nice touches that were definite enough to not be confusing but open enough to be intriguing.
But, if I’m being honest, that’s kinda all there was to it for me. I’d second what the comment above mine said about the narrator--while she’s consistent and feels basically like a real person, I was honestly baffled that her name was Aria because it just didn’t seem like it fit her. Felt more like the name had been tacked on so that she wasn’t an OC.
This part, though:
This part sounds interesting. I might not mind if you decided to expand on that part, because it sounds like it could be cool.
But, in the end, I’m just really ambivalent. The setting is one that I might not mind seeing filled in a bit more, but the story and characters, not quite as much.
Well now I'm going to have to re-read so I can read all of her lines in Aria's voice.
Interesting.
I was not expecting this to be continued, I thought it was a one-shot originally?
9482544
Ideas popped up.
9482561
I'm glad they did!
9482561
Don't you just love it when your characters refuse to shut up in your head? When the world you created keeps living, even when you try to leave it behind?
Well now. This is a fascinating reversal. I look forward to seeing what else you do with this world.
9829462
I have some interesting ideas. I hope they continue to entertain.
The lack of genre and character tags was considerably off-putting, but I'm glad I checked this out and hope to see more.
10053278
I fixed that. When this first went up I hadn’t planned on a second chapter and the surprise reveal was a feature. And they need a fantasy tag, like, yesterday.
And I think I can fill another chapter or three before I put this one to bed.
10053721
MLP is a fantasy franchise and EqG is basically magical girl-esque stuff, so I think that would be a bit of a hard case to make. I really want to see more when it comes, though.
This is a really good story, hoping to see the next chapter soon.