I looked out a window in the back and saw a giant mountain split down the middle perfectly like someone took a huge knife and sliced the mountain like someone would butter, I hopped off the train before it could pass the mountain, and started walking.
You should put pov shifts, because it is a bit confusing.
I was in a large yellow room with a large flat pink guy who was on the walls, Prismo the wish master, he spoke and sounded just like he did in the show. "What can I do for ya?"
Hmmm, this story irs great and all. But something has been bothering me
As for the Griffin Empire as it was now called, it was booming, the trenches around the empire's borders where manned with M2 heavy machine gun nests and griffin troops wearing desert military uniforms armed with Tommy guns and 1911 pistols, and the griffins armed with STV-40's where the snipers of the army, and most had a scope attachment on them to help with shooting targets, then there where the griffins who where armed with the M249 SAW's, they where the heavy's of the griffin army, a portable heavy machine gun that could be carried into battle, and the empire's new flag was a white fanged human skull with horns like mine and glowing toxic green eyes with a black background.
At this paragraph we (well, me at least) can't tell that is the lich king talking untill the sublined part. It looks like celestia talking. Thats it basically
WW2 aesthetics is nice and all but wouldn't it be more effective to use modern warfare tech. Like tracer rounds, rail guns, aircraft carriers, A10s, JDAM, CRAM, anti material rifles. Or yknow, not follow the Hague and Geneva convention and use AT mines, chemical warfare, napalm, flamethrowers and fragmentation bullets
so................................................................................litch king eyy sweeet
me I'm all for Gary Stu's I just love op superpowered protags that's why I miss don't underestimate me cause it had the most likable Gary Stu's
i noticed no stories about the adventure time lich king so i fixed it
Alright. I'm starting to like this. I hope this story won't be short or anything. I would love to read more of these.
9173257
oh? perhaps we should message on discord, ill send ya my discord and you can talk to me about the story ^W^
I dislike this, but I'm still going to read it in case my opinion changes.
9173826
you confuse me lol
9173879
At the present moment I do not like this story, but I can see it has potential so I will keep an eye on it.
You should put pov shifts, because it is a bit confusing.
No nain nyat ei
Wrong!
It is pink guy!
darth vulcan... don't you dare to think that we didn't recognise the reference. a good one but we're gonna search for more. maybe a bit of navarone.
9415852
that was a reference to my fav story
Hmmm, this story irs great and all. But something has been bothering me
At this paragraph we (well, me at least) can't tell that is the lich king talking untill the sublined part. It looks like celestia talking.
Thats it basically
10226264
lol
WW2 aesthetics is nice and all but wouldn't it be more effective to use modern warfare tech. Like tracer rounds, rail guns, aircraft carriers, A10s, JDAM, CRAM, anti material rifles. Or yknow, not follow the Hague and Geneva convention and use AT mines, chemical warfare, napalm, flamethrowers and fragmentation bullets
10557550
He was probably a history nut and doesn't know what those are.
You should specify when you change pov