• Member Since 8th Aug, 2018
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

RDfan27


I am a big fan of Rainbow dash, and she is my favorite pony. I am also a big fan of the CMC. Most of my stories will revolve at least mainly around these ponies.

T

The CMC love to hang out, solve Cutie Mark problems, and have sleepovers, but the other Crusaders start to notice that they know much less about Scootaloo than they had originally thought. When an event happens that shocks everypony in Ponyville, The CMC are taken on an adventure that digs up parts of Scootaloo's past that even she didn't know about.

***

*Massive thanks to my proofreader Mister Doggo. Wouldn’t be able to make this story what it is without him!

Chapters (34)
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Comments ( 208 )

I think Fluttershy can relate slightly. Remember that she, too, had been teased for not being all that great with her wings (unless she was around the animals; then it's as if she were a Wonderbolt).

You do realize the scootaloo lives with her aunts.

9186020
Well, I know she does live somewhere in the actual show, but I have never actually seen her Aunts. But if we had her living normally, how do you make a story out of that? Should I mark this as alternate universe because of that?

9186020
You also realize this is fimfiction. Of course this should have had an alternate universe tag.

9186437
Yes. There should be an alternate universe tag on this now that its confirmed that she lives with her aunts

Ok. I will add one. Thanks, and sorry about that.

I think you should continue the story, it’s off to a good start. My only suggestion would be to remember where to put your “?’s” since they seem to get left out a lot.

9188540
Oops, sorry about that. I don’t have a proofreader right now, and when I start typing,I just get completely lost in the story. I’ll try to go back and fix it when I get a chance.

The CMC were in Scootaloo's house in "Flight To The Finish", I believe.

So Applejack and Rarity have little sisters, and Rainbow Dash adopted Scootaloo as parent to foal. The next chapter ought to be fun.

Comment posted by Orion Star deleted Sep 24th, 2018

Wouldn't make a bad real episode.

9189364
I’m still waiting on that too. I know it ain’t happening, but that’s why we have Fimfiction.

9189082 Not to mention she has two Aunts revealed in one of the books

Comment posted by PrincessSunsetShimmer deleted Sep 29th, 2018

"Stop that right now. This is not your fault. It was me who decided to not tell you, and I've had a lot of practice hiding my feelings, so don't you dare even start to blame yourselves. I won't allow it," Scootalloo said determinedly. "I'm really sorry girls. Are we still friends girls?"

I’m thinking of memes for some reason...
Also

"My parents don't want me!" Scootaloo shouted, catching her idol off guard. "A-and neither does anypony else. All I c-can think about is how much of a d-disappointment I am to my parents, a-and t-to you." Scootaloo was bawling her eyes out by this point, her head buried in her hooves, and barely able to get words out through her crying.

In the actual story the “All I” and “c-can” are on completely different lines:derpytongue2:

The flower was gone without a trace.

And so was Scootaloo.

Aw f***, I cant believe you’ve done this

9203516
Thank my proofreader for that ending. The way I originally wrote it wasn’t anywhere near as suspenseful, but he helped me rewrite it to fix it. Just wait til next chapter. The suspense gets real.

9203548
I think I figured out the plot twist and if I’m correct I will find you.

9203568
Spoiler alert, Scotaloo doesn’t die... or does she? :pinkiecrazy:

“We almost lost her once. I'm not losing her again!" Sweetie shouted and ran forward towards where the flower had been.Applebloom leapt forward in front of her friend, holding her back with a hoof.

Been.Applebloom.exe has stopped working


Edit: Is fixed now :trollestia:

9216742
Ran out of tags. It only lets you add 3 tags of a certain kind. I had to choose 3. I might consider changing them around though if you think it’s necessary.

"Huh," Applebloom said, "Well, have you checked the clubhouse yet? I was about to run out there and check when you all showed up."

Don’t you mean applejack?

9217129
Yes, thanks for catching that. I fixed it.

OCD ACTIVATE!

"She's gone!" Sweetie said, a nervous squeak in her voice. "No, no, no, no, no, no!" Sweetie cried. "W-where did she go? She...she was right here!” Sweetie Belle started hyperventilating, while Applebloom, although equally as worried, tried to calm her down.

That ... needs a space after it!

"Scootaloo..." she whispered sadly as it all came flooding back to her in a torrent of emotions. She dropped her head defeat when there was no answer.

Should be ‘She dropped her head in defeat’

Applebloom stopped as she looked at the last pair. A magenta blanket, and an orange pillow. Applebloom sighed sadly. Realizing that those would not be of any use tonight. However, for some reason, found herself laying out the blanket and pillow anyway.

Did you mean for a comma instead of a period after ‘tonight’?

Rainbow gulped. Twilight walked over to the two fillies. "Girls," Twilight started calmly, although she was afraid of what she was about to hear. "I need you to tell me everything that happened last night.

The end “ is missing.

I think I’m done now... maybe :pinkiecrazy:

9234066
Thanks. Should be fixed to your liking now.

"She what!" Applejack yelled at her sister. "How did she just disappear? That makes no sense."

‘She what!’ Should also have a question mark.

Ok I’ll read the rest now.

Another good chapter, am looking forward to reading more and seeing what has became of dear little scootaloo...this is turning into quite the interesting story, keep it up!

-frost

Rainbow Dash gulped. "There it is. Time to tell the others we found the flower."

When I read this it got my gears turning then I had a sudden idea.

Reaction to said idea

9241129
Glad you enjoyed! :scootangel: Trust me, there’s more where that came from. I really have to thank my proofreader though, because, thanks to an idea of his, this story is going to be a whole lot more interesting than I first planned.

Yknow I feel like I’ve been punched in the feels.
Hard.

Repeatedly

Are we looking at Trap Parents?

9252354
Don’t worry... you’ve only got like 10% of the feels yet. Can’t wait to hit you even harder in the feels! Enjoy!

9252377
I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you mean by trap parents?

9252898
You’ll just have to wait and see...

Apple Bloom is two words. Why isn't there a sad tag?

9262643
Ran outa space for tags. I used the ones I felt were fitting for where the story is going, although I am thinking about changing it, at least for now.

Throws chair across room

No!

Breaks keyboard

NO!

Slams monitor onto floor

NOOOOO!!!

Picks up desk and throws it out window

Why...

Crawls into fetal position

Why would you do this...


Eyes pop open and realizes what just happened

OH SH-

There is no believable way that Scootaloo was asleep for three days without explanation. Maybe if she got really hurt or was overly exhausted, but otherwise? No way.

I suggest changing it to one day, which is still really long but way more believable. Rainbow Dash can still pass out and Scootaloo can be shocked by the amount of time she spent asleep. If you do decide to stick with three days of sleep then you should both explain it and show it. Show the characters spending those three days worrying and fretting over whether she'll make it or not while berating themselves for not knowing Scootaloo's situation.

You don't have to make this change, it's simply my opinion and advice. just know that when I read that she had been asleep for three days I was taken out of the story.

9266741
Thank you for pointing this out. When I wrote this, I wanted to really emphasize the point of how much Dash cares for Scootaloo, trying to stay up all that time for her. I also have improved in my writing since I wrote this, and it gets better later on. I am personally not that happy with the first chapter either, but if I went back to change it, it would be hard to do while keeping the rest of the story the same. Thank you for pointing this out though, and I will change it to at least two days. I want to keep the emphasis on Dash’s care for Scootaloo.

“Morn—” Scootaloo was cut off as she tripped over her own hooves. Her vision went spinning out of control as she tumbled down the stairs like a rag doll. She heard a sickening crack, followed by a sharp pain in her left front leg as it made contact with the edge of a step. Not a moment later, her head made contact with another step just below that, sending her mind fading into blackness as she came to rest in a limp heap at the bottom of the stairs.

Look falling down the stairs hurts but, did you just kill her?

Also it’s odd because I was reading this part at the top of my basement stairs. Safe I to say I didn’t walk down them very fast.

“Aww, Dashie,” Fluttershy cooed, draping a wing over the mare’s back and causing her to blush. “Don’t worry. We’ll find Scootaloo as soon as we can, but you know we need to be well rested to find her. Also, we probably won’t find her in the dark.”

TOP TIER SH-SH-SH-SHIPPINGGGGGGGG

I’m sorry but I had to make it at least a little lighthearted.

Applejack smirked at Rainbow Dash, who shot a glare back at her, before turning back to Fluttershy and sighing. “I know Flutters, I’m just worried. With all that’s happened to her lately, I just…” Dash let out a pained sigh and dropped her head.

Even AJ knows it? I commend you good sir

She quickly took a look around to make sure that all of the others already had their eyes closed. Once she was satisfied that they wouldn’t notice, she slowly unfurled her wing, and laid it over the freezing mare’s back.

Fluttershy cooed in delight and shuffled her way closer to Rainbow Dash. She helped her along with a wing, pulling her in close to her side. Fluttershy slowly opened her eyes and lifted her head to look up at her best friend, a warm and loving smile on her face.

So the romance tag was added for Flutter-Dash? At first I wasn’t sure but now you’re milking it dry.

9283918
1. No she’s not dead. Sorry if I spoiled that, but I didn’t want you thinking she’s dead... yet
2. Yes the romance tag was added for Flutterdash, more will be revealed on this ship soon. I didn’t want to make it too obvious at first, but there’s only so long that you can leave hints to a ship without it becoming too much.

So where were Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle during all this? Did I completely miss them, or were they just never written in?

9296658
They were still sleeping at the time. Their sisters wake them up before they leave. I forgot to write this in at the end when they were leaving. Thank you for pointing this out, it has been fixed.

Rainbow Dash was the first one to break the silence after a while when the realization of what she was seeing finally dawned on her. “Oh buck.”

Pretty sure Scootaloo was in a coffin alsoooooooooooo

"What! Of course, you were! You were probably the best big sister you could ever be to that little filly. I don't see why you would ever think otherwise." Fluttershy was getting very concerned now. Did something happen to Scootalloo? Why did Rainbow wonder if she was a good sister to her or not? Everypony who saw them knew that.

Scootalloo
Scootalloo
Scootaloo

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