• Member Since 6th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen Yesterday

BikerPon3


Architect of Old Kingdom Artifacts.

Comments ( 164 )

What does RGRE mean? I've seen it used in other places before.

9140123
Reverse Gender Roles Equestria.

9140123
Reverse Gender Role Equestria. There’s a group that should explain it a bit better.

Would be cool if this one and J'adore maybe cross paths at one point?

Heh, this could actually end here and be a pretty good story. The banter between the characters was great.
But seriously, please keep going...

I would very much like to see this fic continued my good writer. It seems to be a charming morsel so far.

Huh. How about that. Alot better than some RGRE I have read where it is basically bang everything with a heartbeat from the start of ch.1 .

Ooooo! I was looking forward to the eventual story! So glad the muse bit you! I do so love WELL DONE reverse gender roles Equestria. And this promises to be an excellent example of the genre! Thanks for writing it!

Look nice and interesting, Somnambula is a character who also need a lot of human love.

I dunno what RGRE stands for, but I like what I've read so far. Just hope it doesn't interfere too much with all the other stuff you're writing.

9140368
Reverse Gender Role Equestria I believe.

IS this gonna run Side-by-Side with J'adore update wise?

Otherwise I am loving this and I am glad you decided to make this more then a one shot! I can't wait for more!

I am so tracking this!! Good idea!!

Just one request: impreg please!!

This is good. I have liked and faved it. I can not wait till the next chapter. Whenever you get done with it that is.

Do you ever not know you need something until you have it? THIS, is one of those things. Looking forward to more!:rainbowkiss:

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Thanks! That's totally what I was going for. :twistnerd:


9140168
That would mess up the plans I have for J'adore quite a bit. Sorry, I can't make it happen. :fluttershbad:


9140185

Heh, this could actually end here and be a pretty good story.

*Changes tag to 'complete'* :trollestia:


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Thanks for the kind words! :rainbowkiss:


9140440
I'll try and keep both fics updated fairly regularly, providing writer's block doesn't strike. :unsuresweetie:


9140447

Just one request: impreg please!!

:rainbowlaugh: We'll see.


9140475
Next one is currently at 1.5k as of this comment. :rainbowwild:


9140511
Aww, thanks! It's nice to get a comment from a fellow smut writer. :twistnerd:

That was quick. You've got more done in a week than I've done in three months lol. But for real, not a bad start.
(Bare in mind I usually don't read stories with a sex tag but since I follow you, I ignore my rule as I read anyone I follow to be nice).

I look forward to seeing more of this.

Glopaz sounds like something from rick and morty

9140298
Preferably in the form of a human penis.

Okay, I'll show myself the door... :twilightsheepish:

9140578

You've got more done in a week than I've done in three months lol.

It's also more than I've done in three years. And much better quality, to boot.

9140578
I think all of my stories have the 'sex' tag... :rainbowlaugh:

Wow... I guess that makes me a horse pervert...


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:raritywink:


9140648

Glopaz sounds like something from rick and morty

It's actually from the show.

9140739
I'm about halfway done writing another. :twistnerd:


9140747

It's also more than I've done in three years. And much better quality, to boot.

Well, maybe if you stopped procrastinating! And don't give me that quality crap. You can horseword as good as anyone if you put your mind to it. :flutterrage:

9140747
Then you know what you must do.

You have caught my interest.
:trollestia:
Do carry on.

9140747 Pretty much yea.


9140774 Then it's a good thing I follow you or it'd be a 50 shades of nope on that. Nevertheless, it's a good start. Hopefully I'll get off my but and post stuff(well, that and once I get a good editor anyways:facehoof:)

9140774
We are all dirty horse perverts. Save the shame for the shower.:raritywink:

Also, go you for shooting to the top of the box! :pinkiesmile: *Blows broken party favour.* Damn thing!

I love the reverse gender roles stories

Very nice start, I know you mentioned you might do this at some point.

I’m still wanting more Felix and Jack, though!

A good start indeed. I look forward to reading more.

Congrats on topping the feature box!
Good to see this cute little Egyptian in the spotlight :yay:

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Yeah, I have no idea how it's still at the top. I thought it'd have been long gone by now. :rainbowlaugh:


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Yeah, I really need to finish the latest Slipstream chapter. I just have so many active projects now. :twilightsheepish:


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:yay:


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Yeah, I'll admit the chapter is kinda shorter than what I'd usually write, but that's the best place I could put the split. Don't worry, she's definitely in the second chapter. She even has speaking lines and everything. :twistnerd:

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Good, her speaking is immensely important.

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Is she gonna "m'Lord" Jake with a tip of her nemes? :rainbowlaugh:

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I'm actually working on a separate fic where she doesn't say anything at all. But in that one, she's a seven foot stone statue. :raritywink:


9142344
After a few drinks, maybe? :rainbowlaugh: I'm still trying to figure out her characterisation.


9140903
I totally missed your comment yesterday. I'm sure I've read some of your horse words before. :moustache:


9142639
Don't you edit that Herding Instincts fic? You should know what RGRE is already. :rainbowlaugh:

9142659
Read my horsewords? :pinkiegasp: you poor soul!
jk jk, keep up the good work!

9142659
She gets lots of belly rubs from a human and beats up a worthless prince in that one.

Good start. Always like to see some quality RGRE.

Niceee..... cant wait for more

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Yeah, I edit for Herding Instincts. However, I have no idea what RGRE is. This is the first time I've seen the term.

Really Gay Rectal Extraction
Renegade Groupie Reaming Extravaganza
Republican Governor Racketeering Exposed
Righteous God Respecting Elements
RetroGrade Rifle Emissions
Red Garnets Rarely Entice
Railway Goods Revenue Exemption
Really Good Roasted Eels
Rain Gusts Ruin Event
Rhubarb Guava Radish Eggplant

Matrix reference at start. Was it intentional or accidental?

9143175 It stands for "Reversed Gender Roles Equestria".

Basically, masculinity and femininity are flipped, and males are all of the sudden the wilting flowers of the world that the strong females must protect. (Even though actual gender roles don't work that way outside of crazy religious cult communes so it's not exactly a "reverse", but I digress.)

I'll have to read this shortly, will be fun to see your take on RGRE, and it's nice to see plenty of people reading about a newer character! Lots to be intrigued about here, I'll comment again when I've given it a go!

Just gonna leave a few comments below, and a general overview of my thoughts at the end! Apologies if any of it comes across as harsh or if I've been a little presumptuous in criticising/praising, but I hope there's something helpful here!


It was something that happened a lot in this place. Mares in general seemed to be convinced that stallions were dainty, fragile little souls that were best kept in a ‘safe’ environment at all times.

I understand that you're introducing an RGRE universe, and that a lot of readers aren't exactly familiar with that, but this is very telly. Try to introduce elements like this organically where possible, show how Spoiled interacts with the stallions, show how other mares do, and how Jake's pulled into it. Make his reactions clear, allow them to reveal his character and provide worldbuilding simultaneously. Expository sentences like the above break my immersion—to someone in the know, it's like being told 'this RGRE fic, which is labeled in the description as an RGRE fic, is in fact an RGRE fic.' In fact, it's the same with the contrast between how Derpy treats them and how other mares do, too. Show it first and we're not expecting it, we go 'oh, that's different' instead of already being fully prepared.

...Pony Fountain, the distinct curve and pursed lips of her snoot clearly visible even from a distance.

Nice imagery here, good character introduction, and 'Pony Fountain' gets a good laugh out of me. See, things like this allow you to inject comedy into a story without having to rely on your authorial voice, meaning you can keep the prose relatively serious whilst still providing something humorous. Good stuff!

Even when questioned, she’d just simply say she was being marely. No amount of pointing out she was getting soaked, or offering to cover her with his jacket could get her to stop, either.

This is a nice detail. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'd love to see it actually happening.

Despite her head only reaching just above his abdomen

Lewd. Well done for getting that in early, my guy.

he kind of looked like a pufferfish that had just received an angry hug from a stingray.

Hee.

“Yeah. Great,” Jake replied, his smile staying put.

his smile staying put.

staying put

Hi.

Would it be considered masculism?

In case you're curious, the word is actually 'meninism'. The concept... makes me a little sad.

Jake raised an eyebrow at the stallion. “You should try it sometime.”

Mares like Spoiled weren’t really that common, something Jake was wholly grateful for. But if more stallions had an actual backbone when talking to them, their efforts to sustain this ridiculous subservient-male society could be lessened considerably.

Who would have thought he’d have turned into the male equivalent of a freakin’ feminist? The thought brought a smile to his face. Would it be considered masculism? Was that even a thing here?

“Heh, maybe I will,” Thunderlane said, swooping down to grab a muzzleful of streamers.

Careful with this. Notice how there are two entire paragraphs of character thought before Thunderlane's reply? Well, by the time I actually got to Thunderlane's reply, I'd forgotten what Jake said. When it comes to dialogue sections, prose shouldn't be the focus of attention. If you consistently break up flowing conversation with multiple paragraphs, I'll start focussing less on what comes between the speech and just view it as filler, especially considering that the prose itself is meant to be less visible during dialogue. Just some food for thought.

His panting savior tried to pull up, but ended up face planting into his chest instead, hooves and wings lying limp for what must have been at least a good three seconds after the fall.

“Holy s-shit. I totally almost fucking died!” A full-bodied tremor wracked Jake’s nervous system, making his voice twice as loud as it usually was. Sights, sounds, smells… everything seemed to be amplified a thousandfold.

The pegasus—a light scarlet-coated mare—was still draped over him like a comfort blanket. She pushed herself up on her forehooves, eyes still spinning a bit, and Jake went deathly still in an instant. Holy mother of Tirek.

The Pillar of Hope had just saved his life.

Awh, this is lovely. Especially the last line, there's a very strong presence to it that's mirrored by its simplicity. This chapter's pretty engaging, overall. Jake is fun, but perhaps a little undefined (which is fine, this is early days!), you've managed to keep the plot progressing smoothly and introduced a good portion of the world's dynamics, and you brought Somnambula on screen in arguably the best way possible. (Also, that entire scene was just cute as shit.)

I'm definitely going to be reading more of this. If you'd like some more in-depth comments in future feel free to ask, as I don't want to impose too much with my advice, but please do continue this, it's good stuff!

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Alright, I'll bite. :twistnerd:

I understand that you're introducing an RGRE universe, and that a lot of readers aren't exactly familiar with that, but this is very telly

Yup. That was indeed the intention. As you pointed out, a lot of people on this site haven't a clue what RGRE means. You need only take a gander at a few of the previous comments to see that. (Really Gay Rectal Extraction in particular made me smile) I know I'm practically blaspheming the golden rule of writing, but I find a little bit of exposition can go a long way if used sparingly. There'll be plenty of showing later on in the fic—don't you worry about that.

Even when questioned, she’d just simply say she was being marely. No amount of pointing out she was getting soaked, or offering to cover her with his jacket could get her to stop, either.

This is a nice detail. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'd love to see it actually happening.

And you will. As I said, not everything has to be shown. This is just Jake reminiscing, a little introductory detail. In fact, this whole chapter was intended to be an introduction to the concept for people who haven't heard of it.

'Pony Fountain' gets a good laugh out of me

I legit thought that's what everyone called it. :rainbowlaugh:

Despite her head only reaching just above his abdomen

Lewd. Well done for getting that in early, my guy.

I like to reference the size differential between the dude and the ponies. Makes things clearer with things eventually get do lewd. :rainbowwild:

staying put

Hi.

Heh, oh yeah. I'd like to say this was intentional, but it was actually a last minute edit. :rainbowlaugh:

In case you're curious, the word is actually 'meninism'. The concept... makes me a little sad.

Huh, I didn't know this. I guess you learn something new everyday, eh?

Careful with this. Notice how there are two entire paragraphs of character thought before Thunderlane's reply? Well, by the time I actually got to Thunderlane's reply, I'd forgotten what Jake said.

I'll give you that one. Re-read something multiple times in quick succession, and you miss a few things. It's an easy fix. Nice catch. :moustache:

Awh, this is lovely. Especially the last line, there's a very strong presence to it that's mirrored by its simplicity. This chapter's pretty engaging, overall.

Glad you liked it. :twilightsmile:

Jake is fun, but perhaps a little undefined (which is fine, this is early days!)

I tend to avoid giving the main character an in-depth description, as most of the stories I write are intended to be reader-inserts. (I also go for the 'generic name', as opposed to 'Anon' to keep things less green and question mark-y) I know I could probably just stick to using second person, but I like to mix up the POV of the main character I'm writing from time to time. (Although, admittedly, not in the same story. :trollestia:)

Hehe... Sorry, couldn't resist :-P

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to leave review-style comment. It's nice to get feedback from a fellow smut writer. :rainbowkiss:

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