Bedridden
Rotten Core's eyes fluttered open. He was nearly blinded by the fluorescent lights that shined overhead. He blinked several times for his vision to adjust to the brightness. Once he was fully conscious, he assessed his situation. It was total silence in the room, other than the faint hum of the lights.
He looks down to see he was laying in a bed, hooked up to wires. It didn't take long for him to put two and two together, "I'm in the hospital, but how? Why?"
He heard a door open. He looked up to see a paper white mare with a short pastel pink mane and flowing pink tail. Her hat matched her cutie mark, a red cross with a pinkish square behind it. He immediately recognized her, "Nurse Redheart?"
"Hello, Rotten Core. Somepony found you knocked out on the ground, we brought you in here to check on you," she replied.
"How bad off am I now?" he asked.
"Well, it's not good. While you were out, we took a look at your medical records. The MRI from Canterlot came in, we saw you were, well, t-terminal," she hated that word, all medical professionals did.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Cirrhosis and bile duct cancer. They told me a month and that was two weeks ago," Rotten Core replied.
Nurse Redheart shook her head sympathetically, "It was a rough estimate, he was in the right ballpark. The cirrhosis has begun to really dig into that liver though, it's rapid fire now. It's more like one week, at best."
Rotten Core stared, bewildered by what she had just said, "Only one week? I figured it would be two!"
"I know, I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I really wish it was the other way around. More accurately, I wish you weren't dealing with this at all. Why didn't you tell anypony you weren't feeling well?" Nurse Redheart raised an eyebrow.
"I felt fine. I found out terrible news, then I started feeling depressed and I left Sugar Cube Corner to head back to Sweet Apple Acres. I blacked out and I don't remember what happened after that," Rotten Core replied.
"Well, Applejack found you, her and her brother brought you in. They're out in the waiting room," Nurse Redheart confirmed Rotten Core's suspicion.
"I figured it was her, she's been worried sick about me this whole time, I can't say that I blame her. If the tables were turned, I'd be just as worried. I can't imagine what's going through her mind right now," Rotten Core sighed, his pale blue eyes piercing Nurse Redheart's like needles.
Nurse Redheart broke eye contact, "I can let them in if you'd like."
Rotten Core nodded, "That'd be great, Nurse."
"I'll go get them," Nurse Redheart exited through the open door, closing it behind her.
She came back moments later, Applejack and Big Macintosh behind her.
"Hey, RC. Are you doing okay?" Applejack asked.
He shook his head, "Seven days."
Applejack looked confused, "What do you mean?"
Rotten Core repeated, "Seven days. That's my most recent prognosis."
"A week? I thought you said you had two left," her eyes widened.
"I thought it was two, I figured it was four weeks, since four weeks were in a month. Nurse Redheart told me I got a week left," he explained.
Applejack turned away from her cousin, facing the wall. She snapped and angrily kicked a rolling cart with medical tools on it, knocking it over. The cart hit the floor with a loud bang and the scalpels and other utensils clattered on the floor. Nurse Redheart turned to face them. She was studying the MRI again.
"Why'd you have to go and do that for? Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep this hospital clean? Now I have to wash every single tool you just knocked onto the floor. You better pick every Luna damned one of them up. Do that again and I'll have you both escorted out of here, do you understand me?" her eyes were as venomous as her words.
"Yes, Nurse Redheart," Applejack was fighting back tears at this point. It was bad enough her cousin's time was cut in half, but now she was being fussed at.
Big Mac lifted the cart and Applejack sat all the tools back onto it.
"Thank you, now plant it like you grew from it," Nurse Redheart pointed at two chairs in the corner of the room. The siblings obliged and sat down.
Rotten Core couldn't help but shake his head at the spectacle that was unfolding in front of him, "Y'know, I'm kinda dying here. I feel like the tools are the least of your worries."
Nurse Redheart gave him a cold look, "I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want dirty tools used on me. Ain't no telling what diseases are on that floor that could be put into your body. It could kill you even quicker. I doubt you want that to happen."
"The sooner the better, I'm tired. Tired of dying, tired of fighting, tired of living, tired of seeing the sad looks on everypony's faces. I just want to be gone, so they can forget about me and move on to bigger and better things. I'm not that important. I never was and I never will be. The fact that they are even in the same room as me right now says more about them than it does about me. This is the Apple Family for you. We care about our own, they even see the best in the worst of us. That speaks volumes, doesn't it?" Rotten Core rambled.
"Deal with it when the time comes, I absolutely refuse to pull the plug. Do you have any idea how much trouble I'd get myself and this Hospital into if I did that?'' Nurse Redheart stared in disbelief.
"I never told you to do that. Besides, I don't even think pulling the plug would be enough to do it yet. I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I honestly hate being stuck in a bed too, I don't wanna die here. I wanna die being surrounded by my family. Is there a Hospice unit here?" Rotten Core was growing restless.
"I'm sure there is, I never really had anypony request it," Nurse Redheart said.
"Could you be a dear and find out for me? I'd greatly appreciate it," Rotten Core smiled good-naturedly.
"I'll see what I can do. I can't really promise you anything though," Nurse Redheart replied.
"Well, just do the best you can. If I'm stuck to rot in this room, I'll rot in this room. I'm dead either way, so I reckon it won't make much of a difference," Rotten Core extended the olive branch.
"Alright, well, I'll be back then," Nurse Redheart left the room.
"I can't stand her. She acts nice to you at simple checkups, but as soon as something major happens, she turns into a complete flankhole," Applejack sighed.
"You had no business knocking over her tool kit. I know you're upset. I love y'all both, I really do, but that was unnecessary. I do appreciate y'all getting me here though. I'd rather have 7 days than 7 hours, minutes, or seconds," Rotten Core said.
"We'll always have your back, RC. Apples to the core, remember?" Applejack smiled.
"Absolutely, how could I forget?" Rotten Core chuckled.
"That's what makes you special, RC. No matter how bad you were, you never forgot your roots. You never forgot where you came from. More importantly, you saw the error of your ways, you reformed, that takes guts. You're fighting for your life right now. Your will is stronger than mine will ever be, you might even be stronger than Big Mac," Applejack chuckled.
Big Mac shrugged and added a sympathetic, "Eeyup."
"You always were the gentle giant. You're a riddle wrapped in an enigma though, I hope you know that. I always had trouble getting a read on you," Rotten Core chuckled.
Applejack nudged her brother, attempting to encourage him to speak more.
"Well, it's just that I focus so much on my work at the Orchard that I always keep my responses short. It ain't helped me none, I still have trouble talking to everypony. It's to the point where I just stay quiet and let the good times roll. Truth be told, I feel like you and me are in the same boat, Rotten Core. I'm such a quiet and reserved stallion that when my time comes to leave this world, nopony will notice except our family," Big Mac looked over at her sister.
Applejack gave an approving nod, "Ain't nopony gonna forget you, Big Mac. You're larger than life."
Big Mac chuckled, "Eeyup, I reckon so."
"I disagree with what you said though. Everypony's gonna miss you, because you've never done them wrong. I've done nothing but worry the wits out of everypony since I entered this world. I came in a nuisance, I'm going out a nuisance," Rotten Core sighed.
"Horseapples, anypony who still hates you are as blind as they are stupid," Applejack replied.
"Regardless, I'll die before anypony will get to know the new and improved Rotten Core," he shot back.
"Well, you ain't gotta worry about what they think. You're with your family, we'll always love you no matter what," Applejack laughed.
"I love y'all too. I'm sorry I didn't see you as much. I still felt guilty for all the headache I put y'all through," Rotten Core's eyes were fixed on the blank wall to his left. He hated that he got a room with no windows.
"I don't know why you worry so much about the past. I told you I had forgiven you," Applejack shook her head.
"I know you did, but I have this bad habit of beating myself every time I make a mistake, I feel like my constant worrying sped up the clock," Rotten Core sighed.
"I wouldn't be surprised if it did. You seem to be the living embodiment of Murphy's Law," Applejack joked, giving a sympathetic smile.
Rotten Core couldn't help but laugh. The laughing caused a sharp pain in his side which turned into a retching cough, the coughing became increasingly worse until he started dry heaving. He frantically looked for a metal pan or a wastebasket. Big Mac saw one little wastebasket next to the desk Nurse Redheart was standing at. He quickly brought it over to Rotten Core.
Rotten tried to hold back the vomit, but a metallic taste filled his mouth. It scared him into letting it flow. He began to profusely vomit what appeared to be blood into this wastebasket. He was beginning to hyperventilate.
Applejack opened the door and yelled down the hallway, "SOMEPONY HELP, HE'S VOMITING BLOOD AND CAN'T BREATHE!"
Nurse Redheart heard her yelling and took off in full gallop down to the end of the hallway where Rotten Core's room was. She wasted no time getting the oxygen tank hooked up and flowing into his snout. His breathing slowed and he eventually fainted from fatigue. It was much easier for him to breathe with the mask on.
"This doesn't bode well at all. I need to run some tests," Nurse Redheart took a sample of the blood from the wastebasket and ran a test. After it went through the system, she returned with her results.
"It's worse than I thought. The cirrhosis caused by the bile duct cancer has also caused cystic fibrosis in his lungs. This is way too much for his immune system to handle. It's possible that it could overwhelm his body and cause it to shut down. If his liver fails, he will die, there's no doubt about it. Y'all go home, I'll do what I can to help him," Nurse Redheart explained.
Applejack and Big Mac obliged and turned to leave. They were too stunned to protest.
"Take good care of him, Nurse," Applejack pleaded.
"I'll try," she promised.
End of Chapter 12!
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fights back tears
The ponies on the train Rotten? The ones you got to know,? They might disagree with that statement.
9267798
I guess he was too busy self-loathing to remember them lol.
9267896
Sadly yeah... Think I've found the perfect song (Non-Lazytown related) for this story. If I leave here tomorrow, will you remember me...?
9267936
FREEBIRD!
9268002
Hey, it works. There's a reason nowadays Skynyrd, whenever they play it live, show candles with the names of fallen bandmates above them on a screen behind them.
9268214
That's wild.
9268806
More like very, very sweet and just a little bit of a tearjerker for long-time fans when you realize just how many members they've lost over the years. They're down to only one or two original members nowadays, out of a seven member band and over 50+ years of touring.
9268818
Skynyrd will always be one of my favorite bands. Simple Man is basically my theme song for life.
9268823
Yeah, though for me and I know this is heresy I actually prefer Shinedown's version of the song better. (Still, Travelin' Man, my personal favorite Skynyrd song as it fits them to a T, not Free Bird or Sweet Home)
9268837
They overplayed Sweet Home. I hate it now.
9268852
I don't mind it, but yeah, I agree it's overplayed. Same thing with AC/DC's Back in Black along with a certain Joan Jett song.
9268860
Yeah, for real.
Is this accurate to Stefan’s symptoms in the days before he left this world?
9268945
Unfortunately, pretty damn close.
9268960
Damn. I praise the story for accuracy, and simultaneously want to hit nature in the sack.
9268971
I appreciate that, man. Much love.
You just wanted a comment.
What pops out to me immediately as a red flag is that you have a huge number of chapters here for what seems like a very small concept, and I'm wondering if that was your first mistake.
Reading this first bit of dialogue, I immediately notice a problem.
These are both so redundant, I bet you could write them with half the words. Of course she is pushing her hat back so it doesn't block her vision, of course Twilight overheard her and was curious because otherwise why would she be saying what she said. In general, you should avoid saying anything that doesn't need to be said in the sentences accompanying a quote. The whole story goes on like this, from what I've skimmed, though you do get a bit better in the later chapters.
Speaking of the later chapters, I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but this story seems to drag on, as is the worry I was noting with the fact that the concept is very simple for this many chapters. They go through his Antics, he apologizes, and then we find out he has cancer. That's the first chapter, the rest are just him dying of cancer, in this slow process, that seems to cover it at a rate of a day per chapter. I don't know if that's you not knowing what you're doing, or absolutely brilliant, because it makes me feel like, if I were to read this one chapter a day, I would understand what it was like to watch someone slowly die of cancer like that. Just skimming this gave me a dark Moment of clarity in which I realized that people who are diagnosed with terminal cancer, as the actor who played Robbie Rotten was, basically have to go on for days and days knowing they are dying. There's something powerful in that, but I'm not sure how well you pulled it off.
I say that, because you seem to have a lot of drama here, but some of it falls flat. I'm not sure you understand how to write characters realistically, though you are not the worst I've seen, and as I said, your prose has much to be practiced on.
If this is a work you are writing for practice, it's good practice, because I can tell that you're improving. I'm just going to say, however, if you wanted this to be an emotional gem, the long form of it requires a very skilled drama writer to do it justice, and I think someday you will be there, but I don't think you're there yet.
Overall, I don't want to discourage you. Clearly people like this, and clearly it is not a bad story, nor have you really botched it. It's a unique idea too, because people don't usually write stories about characters who are dying and some mundane way like that, and honestly, it touched me emotionally to think of that actor through this. All I'm saying is that it was an ambitious thing to take on, and you didn't have the skill you needes to begin with at the outset.
Great job though, most people don't write this much in their entire lives, and you've surpassed many of them in your ability to form coherent sentences. Keep writing, and I'm sure you'll get better with time.
9269139
Constructive criticism, everypony. This is how you do it right.
9269139
Thank you! I haven't written anything like this before. I was simply paying homage to Stefan Karl Stefansson, because LazyTown was an integral part of my childhood growing up. I had grown attached to the Sportacus-Robbie Rotten rivalry. It was like a cartoony, kid-friendly Batman and Joker duo.
I wasn't really trying to drag it on, I decided to keep it short chapters so people can keep their place and know where they left off. I know they got the bookmark thing, but it helps me stay organized too.
Thanks so much for the honest review, that's what I was looking for!
9269152
Why thank you, I do try to help new writers learn to make things we'll all enjoy in the future.
9269156
Glad to help! I saw that you added something to the "I just want a comment" group, and you'd been leaving nice comments on The Mare in White, so I figured I'd return the favor.
9269262
It means a lot. I'm surprised your story didn't get any attention. It was way better than mine.
9269270
Honestly, the lack of attention on that has made me realize just how much it matters what time of day and what day of the week you post chapters at, and it especially matters when you are adding things to groups. I guess I'm going to have to walk away from this one as a learning experience, that I wrote a very well-received story, but didn't get that much attention due to the circumstances of publishing.
It's a bit like that thing with Warner Brothers animated movies, where Cats Don't Dance, Iron Giant, and Titan AE are considered to be these great works by virtually everyone who sees them, but failed miserably at the box office because they just weren't marketed correctly. I'm just glad it happened to me on a fan fiction instead of something that mattered outside of personal enthusiasm.
9269279
That is true, it appears we've both learned from this.
A huge part of childhoods around the country. He will always be Number One in our hearts.
#youwillalwaysbenumberone
9270396
images7.memedroid.com/images/UPLOADED625/596a1282c699d.jpeg
9270897
Wait. That title reminds me of an episode of SpongeBob
9268971
Same.
9272314
9272433
That was the plan.