Epilogue: Step i' Time on Your Face
Tempest Poppins
by Present Perfect
Epilogue: Step i' Time on Your Face
The city: Baltimare. A more wretched hive of scum and villainy you'll only find long ago, in a galaxy far, far away.
Downtown, the streets are filled with traffic. Ponies walk the sidewalks, heads down, knowing better than to make eye contact with any of their neighbors, lest they invite trouble. The buildings around them rise into a sky mottled grey with smoke from dockside factories. The buildings, designed by famed architect Art Deco on one of his even more famous cocaine benders, reach for the clouds like grasping claws.
From the Red Admiral Theater, smack-dab in the middle of Fillydelphia Street, pours an unending stream of new ponies into this milieu, to the dismay of all and sundry. In the midst of this equine river is a little family: mother, father, son. Middle-class, wearing long coats, in a hurry.
The father herds them toward a cab, but a pony in a black business suit hops in, ignoring his protestations. In a heartbeat, the cab is gone. He swears under his breath and tries to hail another cab, but they dash by, heedless, even as he steps into the road.
His son holds a map of the city in his magic, nose buried within. As the family meanders down the sidewalk, he protests: they're going the wrong way. His father chastises him for making them look like tourists. This is exactly why they don't go downtown more often, the mother grouses. A streetwalker approaches them, and as the father hastily guides his oblivious son away, they move from the dim and gloomy streets to the dark and dangerous alleys.
The father insists he knows where they are.
The alley is sparsely populated; only shabby itinerants and pairs of shady ne'er-do-wells spend any amount of time there. The father refuses a vagrant who asks for just a couple of bits. Just a couple, dude. Are you deaf?
The vagrant sits back down on his pallet of refuse.
The father rounds the corner and is knocked cold with a sap.
Two stallions bare down on mother and son. She can only gape in mute horror as they brandish knives.
"Do the kid a favor," quips the one who hit her husband, pushing the knife toward her face. "Don't scream!"
He takes her purse. His associate riffles through the unconscious father's pockets. They flee together into the night.
She screams.
On a rooftop nearby, a black shape watches.
Later, on a different roof, the two crooks count their ill-gotten gains: a pouch with bits, the mare's pearl necklace, her purse.
"Hey, not bad!" crows the lead crook, holding up a plastic rectangle in his magic. "Equestrian Express card! Don't leave home without it." The other thug smirks, and they share a laugh.
It's short-lived.
"Hey, let's beat it, dude," says the weedier crook. "I don't like it up here."
"What are you, scared o' heights?"
The weedy crook shakes his head. "I dunno, man, after what happened to Chocolate Gob..."
His associate waves a knife casually at his face. "Hey look, dude, Chocolate Gob got ripped and took a walk off a roof, huh?" He shrugs. "No big loss."
"That ain't what I heard at all." The weedy stallion begins to shake. His voice dips low, as though what he is about to say might summon dark forces down upon them both.
"I heard that the Shadow got 'im."
The other crook snorts. "The Shadow? Aw, dude, gimme a break, will ya?"
"Five stories, straight down." His shaking intensifies. "There was no blood in the body!"
"No shit, it's all over the pavement."
Behind the thugs, a shape drops down into the mist. It wears a wide-brimmed hat and holds an umbrella. The crooks do not see it.
The nervous one stands. "I'm gettin' outta here, dude," he declares, having successfully rattled himself. The collar of his coat is snatched in the other's magic.
"Hey, shut up, dude, listen to me." He pulls his cowardly accomplice close. "There ain't. No. Shadow."
The second stallion licks his lips, unable to face the accusation in his associate's eyes. "Yeah, well, you shouldn'ta turned the knife on that kid, dude." His protestations are as shaky as he is. "You shouldn'ta turned the knife--"
"Hey!" The unicorn tosses his companion to the ground and holds up the bit purse, jingling it. "You want your cut of this money or not? Now shut up. Shut. Up!"
He shuts up.
There is a long, silent moment wherein the thugs collectively realize they are not alone. They look up. The shadowy figure stands over them. Her umbrella snaps open. The crooks scrabble at the rooftop gravel, breaking into a run.
The figure with the umbrella glides down to their level. They turn and launch their knives in a spray of magic; both hit home, and the figure staggers and falls over backward. The two stallions share a look, an unspoken hope that maybe, just maybe, they have killed the Shadow, though neither is willing to voice the idea. They inch backward.
The shadowed figure rises from the mist like a vampire from its coffin. It looses a blast of lightning at the skinny thug, tossing him through a nearby wooden service door. He is down for the count.
The other stallion makes a run for it, but is tripped up by the end of the umbrella. The parrot cane head squawks in satisfaction.
The stallion struggles as the umbrella drags him through the gravel, but to no avail. He is lifted to his hooves, moved to the edge of the roof, and held up by two powerful hooves as his back legs dangle over the pavement two stories below.
"Don't kill me, dude!" he shrieks, voice breaking. "Don't kill me!"
"I'm not going to kill you," growls the shadowy mare. "I want you to do me a favor." Her breathing is slow and steady, compared to his, which is shallow, fevered. "I want you to tell all your friends about me."
The command breaks the criminal's mind. All he can do is cry, "What are you?"
The mare yanks his face right up to her own.
She shouts, "I'm Tempest Poppins, y'all!"
"Is he cool?" the thug mumbles, fainting in Tempest's grip.
She headbutts him for good measure.
"Yeah," she says, letting him slide from her grasp to land in the dumpster below. "He's cool."
The End
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This was a very well written and very good read! Funny at times and gritty and surreal in others ( the Hearths Warming chapter was a tough one for me, but wow was it good!) but very nice to see Fizzle Pop in her element. I could imagine her at the tea party, being just as kind and proper as she was stern and violent in the others.
Nice story. We need a hero like Tempest in these troubled times.
Now, excuse me...I have a letter to write!
Batman and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.
For some reason, this story makes me want to read about Maud and Tempest having a fisticuffs match.
This was lovely.
I have no idea how this is a thing, but now that it's happened I can't imagine it not being a thing.
No "Let's Go Fly a Kite"?
Is this inspired from Emily Blunt appearing as Mary Poppins later this year? Good job!
I think Fizzle Poppins is a better name joke, but this idea sounds awesome.
This is amazing.
"Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned to not mess with Tempest Poppins, because she will wreck your shit."
...and you realise that you literally just burned your letter and nothing happens. XD
"I'm Tempest Poppins y'all!"
9133971
we haev winnar! :D
9133972
I should make them friends in The Princess's Captain. :D Though that risks friend overlap with Starlight. Can't have that! :B
9134036
Couldn't come up with a good pun for it. :B
9134257
Hey, Spike sets letters on fire all the time. :V
Oh Good lord, this was a riot to read... Masterful work.
9134482
But that's plot-convenience magic fire. Although honestly I like the idea of Twilight writing hundreds of Letters to Celestia and she NEVER gets any of them. Ha ha ha!
"Dear Princess Celestia, are you getting any of the letters I'm having my slave dragon burn?"
*Checks Feature Box*
Oh I wonder if anything here will catch my attention today.
*Spots this story*
Wait what?
*Reads the first chapter title*
Okay...what? I don't even. This is either going to be amazing or terrible.
*Starts reading*
I could not find any good material that could fit a batman x GotG2 ref for Tempest, but this was a fun ride.
9134842
I am still not entirely sure if it counts as amazing or terrible....
But I was grinning the entire time, so have an upvote regardless.
A fantastic, fun story. Still a bit disappointed that Tempest Shadow never beat up Dick Van Dyke.
Truly the hero foals everywhere need.
And the beating in Kettle Corn's chapter was savage.
9134974
Maybe that's in the sequel. Or in the director's cut. At worst you can write fanfiction about it.
Tempest Poppins is a mix of Mrs. Beakley from the new Ducktales and Tinkergaloot from Ren and Stimpy. A perfect ratio of caring and kick-ass-ery.
I also approve of any mention of the 1989 Batman. Michael Keaton is the OTB.
This was a hilarious read, my only regret is that there is no more to read.
On your faces, step in time!
On your faces, step in time!
Teaching you a lesson, paying for your crime,
On your faces, step in time!
And that's a wrap! More Tempest silliness is always a good thing.
Well. Guess I have to do THIS now.
9135329
Um, yes... that's rather the point of said confusion. Was she being beaten into submissiveness or did they fuck like, well, animals?
I don't know how I could state it any more bluntly. Having to explain what was supposed to sound funny ha ha now just sounds crass and bland. Well that's a kill joy moment.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9135057
You get me. ;_;
9135519
Magic finds a way. Usually
9135346
Yeah, that made it in despite my best efforts.
An awkward, awful, shoehorned in "HEY LOOK, GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY REFERENCE, READ IT AND LAUGH" moment.
A few of those scattered through this.
I really hate crack/shitpost fics.9135811
It worked though.
Awesome. Just... awesome.
9135817
Because people are stupid and laugh when the [APPLAUSE] sign lights up.
A wonderful collection of the adventures of Fizzlepoppins Marytwist. Thank you for it.
9133972
Equestria wouldn't survive,
9134036
No, that's Starlight.
9135914
What tune is that set to? I can't recall a song like that from Mary Poppins.
9136015
i think thats the chorus from supercalifragilistecachesmealidocious.
um didididilli
um dillie
9135517
You're going to have to be more specific.
9136049
Oh. Derp. Thanks.
Your Michael Keaton Batman referencing has done something to my heart.
Oh,
What? You don't speak Equish?
This was liberating for my laughter. Haven't injured my ribs like that in a long time, months, maybe over a year. My wife prolly thinks I've lost it... well, more than normal. Thank you for this.
I personally thought this was delightful, especially Supercalifragilisticexpiyouaredeadnow.
Win
9135517
Don't piss them off. Beware the quiet ones. Etc.
9134482
Puns are easiest when a "Mature" rating is used. It simplifies everything.
That was the best Batman movie. Screw your, Christopher Nolan!
This was delightful. Want more.
(Also before anyone flames me Christopher Nolan is an exceptional film maker and his Batman movies are very good. But the old Tim Burton one was insane.)
This is amazing
It's funny because Batman was based on an already existing hero named "The Shadow", who (in my opinion) was more awesome.
Sorry not sorry!
I heartily approve of this new role for Fp Bt.
We need more hella flexin'.
And tea parties.
And hella flexin' at tea parties.
9138394
Personally, I kinda liked Batman Returns and really liked Mask of the Phantasm. But that's just me.
9220849
Yeah, I can definitely see why it's shortened to just a Q.
:D
9220686
Oh, let's re-write a song!
Feel free to sing along!
Let's rewrite a song,
And sing it proudly!
Sing! Let us share the joy!
Aren't I a clever boy?
I'm glad you liked my songs!