Tales of Interest!

by Pascoite

The End of Modesty

“The cows are on strike,” Applejack said as she leaned against the side of her throne. “Can’t say as I blame ’em. But the Farmers’ Union don’t care much for my opinion, and if I don’t go along with it, they’ll put me outta business. So there we are.”

“Hm,” Twilight replied. “That is a predicament.” Her voice echoed through the vacant chamber as she organized another stack of books for the library.

Applejack waved a hoof toward the window and tried to find a target for her frown. “No dairy products, but that ain’t the half of it.”

What else? Twilight could think of a couple things, but she hadn’t really considered the matter before, and of course Applejack was an expert. “I guess you don’t have much use for your hayfields in the meantime.”

“I can’t hire ’em out to eat grass, not to mention my own fields ain’t gettin’ mowed, ’less I wanna pay somepony or do it myself. Surplus o’ feed, like you said.” Applejack tapped one forehoof against the other with each new item added to the list. “Plus…”

Applejack’s face darkened, and she looked away. “Well, to be blunt, it’s affectin’ all my other crops, too.”

“Really?” Twilight answered, her forehead wrinkling. “How’s that?”

“’Cause of…” Applejack turned even further away. “Um… well, fertilizer.”

“Oh…” True. But it hadn’t even been that long since—no need to beat around the bush. Applejack was as practical a mare as they came. She’d understand, if she hadn’t already thought of it first. “You know we’ve only had outhouses for the last couple hundred years. We used to just gather our own—” just say it, Twilight “—dung.”

Still directed at the window, Applejack’s eyes instantly widened, but she smiled faintly, and her cheeks reddened.

“I mean, it’s efficient, and it just makes sense. Especially for somepony like you, if you’re out in the fields anyway, you might as well…”

Before her eyes, Applejack practically transformed. She stood a little taller, her smile softened, and she squared her shoulders. She even turned back to look Twilight in the eye. “Glad to see you can be pragmatic about these things. To tell you the truth, while I’m plowin’, it often ain’t worth makin’ a trek all the way back to the house. Just let it drop right there in the furrows. Go to waste otherwise.”

“No pun intended,” Twilight said with a chuckle, and Applejack snorted as she held a hoof to her nose.

“Plus it’s just natural. Instinctive-like, right?” Applejack nudged her hat’s brim up a little.

All Twilight could do was nod, though she did rock up on the tips of her hooves. “We have these instincts for a reason, of course. It’d spread apple seeds around the orchards, too.” She took a step back from her friend, and her grin widened. “I’m impressed that you can be so objective about this. Frankly, it’s good ecological policy anyway, regardless of whatever political and economical turmoil motivates it.”

And there came Applejack’s blush again. “Shucks, I wouldn’t say it all grand like that. Just makes business sense, that’s all.”

“I’d like to discuss phasing this in as part of Ponyville’s agricultural policy. I’ll credit you, of course, and I’ll have to start little by little with ponies who I think will be receptive.” Who, though? Sounded like a good excuse to make a list!

---

“Hi!” Twilight said as she swung open her bedroom door. “I didn’t expect you today, Fluttershy. What brings you by?”

“Rarity couldn’t make our spa appointment tomorrow, so I wanted to see if I should cancel or if you could go in her place.” Even for that simple a request, she hid her face.

“Um…” Council meeting, lunch with Pinkie… “Yeah, I have time this afternoon. I’d love to join you!”

“Thank you, Twilight!” Fluttershy’s gaze flicked up to the clock. “Oh! Is it that time already?” Her eyes went unfocused, and she stared at the wall. Soon, a cluster of fibrous nuggets lay scattered on the floor.

Twilight peered around her friend. “Spike,” she called with a smirk, “cleanup on aisle poo.” She glanced at the floor again. “Better bring a bucket!”

He trudged over and glared at them. “You know toilets are canon, right?”

“We discussed this. Look, if it’s that big an issue, leave it, and I’ll get it later.” She wouldn’t have expected this much resistance from him.

“Never mind,” he grumbled. “Progress, my ass.”

Twilight beamed. “That’s the spirit!”

Comments

[nemryn]

He trudged over and glared at them. “You know toilets are canon, right?”

Well, outhouses are, anyway. And what is an outhouse, after all, but a big, communal bucket?

[Themaskedferret]

I'm amused by the idea that Fluttershy keeps an internal clock for her bowel movements.

[PresentPerfect]

oh god this one XD

[Admiral Biscuit]

I ...
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/10/23/748786__safe_equestria+girls_rainbow+rocks_spoiler-colon-rainbow+rocks_sonata+dusk_joke_thousand+yard+stare_blue+screen+of+death.png
what?

[Admiral Biscuit]

5510673
Terlets are also canon.
orig09.deviantart.net/9ab6/f/2014/026/5/f/bon_bons_bathroom_by_admiral_biscuit-d73w2ox.png

[Godslittleprincess]

No words.