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Fallout Equestria: To Ashes

Phoenix Feather has lost everything she loves, at the hands of one of her closest confidants. Now she must track down the betrayer across Equestria, and in so doing, she may just save her homeland from ultimate destruction, or cause its downfall.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 2 )

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Doomande

Doomande #1 · Sep 25th, 2018 · 1 · ·

The first comment is mine, mine I say!

nyxOs

nyxOs #2 · Oct 7th, 2018 · 1 · ·

Hey, I came here from the Facebook Writer's Group~

Spelling and grammar were very solid, and your prose is quite good as well! The weakest part of the passage you've published, I feel, is indeed its brevity. We know nothing about these characters and very little about the setting, and so opening with someone mourning over the loss of a friend has no weight to it. I would highly suggest that you consider beginning the story earlier so we can learn more about who these members of the cast are, their histories, and their personalities.

I really hope that you keep on writing, and if you feel you need help, please don't hesitate to ask! There are many groups on here and Discord that can help you with story ideas and editing