And Now the Second Chapter
Hello, everyone, just to let you know, I thought that the first chapter was a bit too fast-paced, so this one is going to be throttled back quite a bit. If It's too jarring of a transition for you guys, I could probably expand the previous chapter to make it more consistant.
This story is pretty much just me trying to prove to myself that I can actually write something passable before I write out some story ideas I've been planning for a long time.
This may be my first story, but I want it to be a good one. Criticism is severely welcome. I want to be doing my best here.
Today was supposed to be Redheart's day off.
Redheart sighed. 'This had to happen on a Saturday,' she thought, 'Now I have to work today, on a Sunday. The one day I have off this week.'
She rubbed the bridge of her snout, wondering exactly why all these crazy things always happen in Ponyville of all the places in Equestria.
Letting out another yet longer sigh, Redheart muttered to herself, "No point in complaining about things I can't change, I guess. I have ponies to tend to." She made a mental note to later check how many vacation days she has saved up.
The hallway Redheart was walking down was one of the longer ones in the building. It was a pristine white, obviously kept tediously clean by the staff and, occasionally, herself. The ponies at Ponyville General Hospital and Clinic took great pride in their work ethic. A patient in their care was taken excellent care of. Personally, Redheart thought they were the best caregivers in the country, second to the hospitals in Canterlot of course.
Redheart stopped outside the door of the newest patient that was brought to them. Although this colt was a real doozy of a patient.
As she pushed open the door and shut it behind her, Redheart eyed the not-so-empty hospital bed warily. This pony was a true medical anomaly; his two horns being only his most notable point of discussion. Trotting over to the foot of the bed, she picked up the clipboard hanging there, it detailed the many strange peculiarities this strange colt had.
Redheart stepped over to the side of the bed to look at the colt as if to double check the already proven points on the clipboard. The colt had an ash grey coat of fur and a two-toned mane of two different oranges. The mane itself was a rare sight; the way it grew, the shorter hair is a dark hue of orange and the longer hairs tapering into a lighter hue of orange, was shockingly similar to the Wonderbolt captain Spitfire's mane. It was cut short somewhat roughly then combed over to his right before the tips waved up in some attempt to be classy yet remained casual.
Scanning over the papers again, she decided to check the one thing that all the staff had been avoiding talking about. The one thing that spooked even the hardened doctors that served here for years. The colt's teeth.
Redheart tentatively moved her hoof toward the colt's mouth to carefully pull back his cheek, seeing his very large pointed teeth. Canines weren't uncommon for ponies, usually only on pegasi and those of pegasus descent, but these were much larger than anything a pegasus would have. These were not fangs mind you, they were not long like a theastral's fangs, and did not extend out of the mouth. This colt's canines, both the upper and lower sets, were simply long enough to interlock with each other, as to allow the mouth to close, and were thick enough to make a subtle yet noticeable bump show through on his skin.
Redheart could only guess what they could be used for.
The colt snorted in his sleep, causing the mare to squeak as she jumped back in fear. Redheart leaned away from the child, wondering if he was about to pounce on her and bite her leg off for interrupting his sleep. Seeing that the colt just kept snoozing, she realized what she was doing.
She let out a nervous chuckle, "He, he. What am I doing? It's just a little colt. Nothing scary at all." Redheart cleared her throat and stood back up, having fallen in her attempt to get away from him.
She stood next to his bed once again determined to check the last two things of note, and then leave.
The colt had a cutie mark despite his young age. It was a simple mark; it was a picture of a silver coin mid-flip as it turned in the air, being followed by a broken line that showed its arcing path. Perhaps his talent was coin tricks?
The mare glanced at the clipboard. There was only one thing left on it that she cared to check. She turned her attention to his head.
She stared at his two curved spiraling horns; they shouldn't be physically possible, not naturally at least. They resembled a bull's horns with their placement, yet spiraled like a unicorn's, although in opposite directions.
The mare staff of the hospital gossiped quite a lot about the colt's horns. They speculated in many ways exactly how he had become this way, some wondered if it was a rare birth defect, others thought they were because of more sinister reasons, mainly black magic.
Redheart didn't try speculating as to the horns reason to exist, though. She had found that in her line of work, a nurse should never assume anything she didn't know for sure, else she somehow harms the patient she was trying to help.
Although, she did agree with one thing the staff had said. This colt looked like some kind of demon, and he scared her.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders decided that going into the Everfree forest without an adult would be a bad idea from now on.
"And just what were ya thinking!" Apple Jack admonished. "Y'all would have died!" Apple Jack couldn't understand why her sister Apple Bloom and her friends kept getting into trouble. Sure, cleaning off the tree sap, leaves, and sticks that attached themselves to them every once in a while was annoying, but it meant they weren't doing something dangerous enough to warrant more than a warning. This time, however, was different. "You could have been eaten by a Timberwolf!"
"Absolutely right, Applejack, the three of you put yourselves in unnecessary danger that almost cost you your lives." said Rarity, "The three of you should have come to us if there was really a risk some poor pony could be hurt. Instead, you put both that colt's and your own lives at risk." Rarity, despite appearing angry at her sister's foolishness, was horrified at what could have been. After all, if something happened to Sweetie, what would she have to tell their parents? The thought hurt her very soul.
Rainbow Dash was standing behind the other two mares and occasionally added her own two bits of disapproval. The truth is that she didn't quite know what to say. She didn't have any experience as a sister, being an only child. She did consider Scootaloo to be sort of an honorary sister though, so she tried to admonish her by playing off Rarity and Apple Jack. Rainbow Dash didn't want her only sister getting hurt, even if they weren't actually sisters.
The three fillies lowered their heads in shame and let out a collective, "We're sorry." They knew it was all true, and there was no point arguing with their sisters, especially when the older mares were so angry. It would just be a losing battle.
Applejack sat on haunches rubbing her temples. She was sure that her sister and her friends didn't mean to get in these situations, but she seriously questioned if the universe itself worked with the three to give her such a headache.
"Fine, I forgive ya, Apple Bloom," Applejack said, "But you're still grounded, same for the rest of ya."
Their noisy groans of complaint were halted by Rarity, "Agreed, again, Applejack. You three have caused enough trouble for one week." She spoke to Sweetie Belle with a frown, "Sweetie Belle, It's time to go home."
"But what about that colt! We still don't know if he's okay." Sweetie protested.
"I'm goin' ta see him at the hospital later today. Don't you worry none." Applejack said. "Now, get! You too, Apple Bloom, get on home."
Rainbow Dash took this as her cue to take Scootaloo home. "Don't worry, I'll make sure Scoots gets back home safely," she said.
"Good," Applejack nodded, "Now I'm goin' ta see how that colt is doing over at the hospital. See ya tomorrow." She left with a wave.
Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo started walking down the path that leads to Scootaloo's home. The dirt road had slowly flattened over time due to Scootaloo's use of her scooter. Flowers were scattered here and there on either side of the road. they were common during the summer months.
"You scared me, kid." Rainbow Dash said, her gaze not leaving the road ahead. Scootaloo looked up toward Rainbow, not expecting to hear that. "What you did didn't scare me. The fact that I wasn't there to help is what scared me." Rainbow looked into Scootaloo's eyes with her own pleading eyes, "Please, don't do that ever again."
Scootaloo puffed out her chest and said with a determined look, "I promise I'll never do anything like that again, Rainbow Dash."
Rainbow Dash smiled and pat Scootaloo's shoulder. "I'd appreciate that."
Applejack arrived at the Ponyville's General Hospital and Clinic much faster than she hoped. It was probably an hour till noon based on the Suns' position. It's not as if she had anything against the colt. It was quite the contrary. He's the one that saved her sister after all. It was just that, well, he gave her the heeby-jeebies.
She walked through the front doors to see the main lobby, clean as always. That isn't what she came to see though, and the mare at the reception desk knew that too. "Third floor, room C13," the mare told Applejack, Applejack thanked her, then walked to the stairs.
The walk up the stairs was uneventful, but despite that, Applejack's mind kept busy. She questioned what exactly she was going to say when the colt woke up. Would she thank him for saving her sister, or ask him why he was out there to begin with? Would she even be able to say anything to him? With his terrifying looks alone, she could barely stand close to him and he was asleep at the time.
Emerging on the third floor, Applejacks thoughts were interrupted by voices quietly echoing down the hallway, coming from an open door. Room C13.
Applejack trotted up to the door quietly and was about to knock on the doorframe to politely indicate that she was there. That is until a very loud, angry male voice yelled.
"They forgot my ax!?"
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- The Cowardly Christian · 3.5k words · 124 15 · 5.5k views
- Flowjam · 71k words · 211 23 · 8.2k views
- Pax Americana · 1.6k words · 64 4 · 1.5k views
- Chemtest · 17k words · 348 92 · 5.8k views
- Killercraft · 1.4k words · 12 3 · 466 views
- Neutral Boy · 4.8k words · 101 6 · 3.2k views
- Gravestone · 42k words · 144 39 · 7k views
- Crystonian · 3.1k words · 44 3 · 1.7k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.327 seconds
Total duration
1,003 users online
1,218,407 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Make Applejack’s name one word is the only error I caught.
Otherwise this was a good breather chapter and a good way to show other ponies reacting to our unusual colt.
9136253
Thanks, I fixed it.
Much better pacing wise. Makes this alot more enjoyable to read. Really looking forward to more now.
Uh... Did AJ ask her for directions? Or is that nurse a psychic-type Pokemon?
9136517
Psychic-type.
It's a small town, and the medical staff obviously know why he's in their care, and they know who brought him in.
9136552
Ah, okay, thank you. It just wasn't explained clearly in the story.
I bet it’s staffed by snobs.
*in a smart ass tone* Just go find Colgate!
Definitely liked the pace better in this chapter and I liked how they were astonished by the colt’s appearance.
How often are you going to update this story? I just wanted to know, so I knew when to check for the chapters.
9137431
Colgate... Hmm. New possibilities have been opened up.
9137973
Not sure, I'm making this up as I go along. Not that I'm writing then forgetting the past, I'm logging everything.
I write in chunks, so the next one should be coming out this week. Some time.
9138032
Yay!
Hmm...I am intrigued.
No criticism necessary. This is well done. Very well done.
Not only do you get a well deserved thumbs up, but I will be keeping an eye on this one.
The Monk
Of course he gets upset about the loss of his axe. it's the only thing he kept from home, after all.
Also, I can't decide of this is Two-Face or not. Clarify?
9160209
No, it's not Two-Face, he's an original character. Sadly, I don't feel as if I could even write that man in a believable way.
9160448
Ah, no probLlamas here, then. Glad it's not that kind of story, as you don't seem like the kind of writer who could really pull that off.
9160448
More please is more like two faces for me but if not still ok for me
9198175
Ah, okay, that makes sense. I don't think I'd fit into that society though... Specially if that meant girls would think I couldn't fight.
Nice first start, I hope you will keep on writing it, noting much to say at the moment, as it still looks generic at the moment, at until you have the main plot of the story appear. I think they could wonder his his brimstone horns are that of a goat. Still keep up the good work.
Also if you are ever interested I often do cover art on Fim and I am available for commissions, so PM me is you want to know more and the link to my DA gallery is in the link bellow.
https://www.deviantart.com/amalgamzaku
more!!
pleas?
Well here's to hoping more chapters come out soon.
9255325
There will be... I'm just too good at procrastinating.
9261017
Shatp
9247269
https://m.Well i think they might be on the sides of his head like this ( ps don't watch the video i just needed the thumb nail )
or they are on the top of his head like this https://www.deviantart.com/alphawolfrkn/art/Bicorn-PERSONA-5-Speedpaint-702178431
9261017
To be honest, the fact I procrastinate and yet STILL get my work done is enough motivation for me to continuing procrastinating.
Pretty interesting story so far, i'm curious to see where this leads. I'm also curious when in the MLP timeline this starts.
It's dead đź’€ jim
Plz
What would you call a Unicorn with two horns?
Twonicorn sounds dumb. Maybe something along the lines of Bicorn or Duocorn would work.
"Bicorns" are a thing and are depicted differently in media and mythologies, sometimes they are more bull-like and sometimes their horns are goat-like, but that doesn't stop you from using the word yourself.