Fallout Equestria: Home Sweet Home

by Comrade Bagel Muffin

One Night Stands Aren't Guaranteed (edited)

The second Cal opened the door, the smell of gun oil hit the three of us like a brick wall. It wasn't bad, it was just... pungent. The second thing that hit us was the cold air of about twelve fans. I sighed with content, my mane blowing back. Cal's short mane was blowing back too, which quickly got annoying. As soon as he walked into the house and shut the door I hopped off his back. The sudden shift of weight caused him to stumble. He recovered pretty quickly though.

I stood in front of the closest fan and just let it blow in my face. "How the heck did you get these things to work? I don't think Winnie is the kind of guy that would take power from the city to keep fans in his house."

"Pa? No, that's not like Pa. I figured out how to convert the charge from spark packs and use them to recharge spark batteries." He walked over to a small corner fridge and grabbed a slightly less than room temperature bottle of whiskey and two almost-chilled shot glasses. He put them on a table in the corner. I pouted that I had to leave the fan and join him over there. Sure, there were three fans blowing at the table, but I couldn't put my face directly in front of any of them. I grabbed the closest chair and moved it next to Cal's.

"So, wait. You can charge batteries with spark cells, meaning you could potentially power this whole town with the right supplies, and instead of doing that he put you on guard duty?" I scratched my head. You know, whatever Cal's cologne was, it was going really well with the smell of gun oil. That or I'd already gotten used to the smell. Oh, fuck.

"Yeah, pa said working with batteries wasn't going to help me get any hair on my face. So he put me on guard duty. I still never got any facial hair though." I giggled and put my hoof on his cheek and rubbed it around a bit.

"It feels like you've got plenty of hair on your face."

"Jou know whut I mean, Atum." He laughed a bit as I continued to squish his cheek and move my hoof around. "Ah never gut a beard luke my pa's.

"Eh, you don't need one. I don't think gluing a raccoon to your face is going to make you more attractive." He blushed, and quickly took his shot. My continued mooshing of his face made it kind of a feat, but it was kind of funny to watch. I grabbed my glass and chugged it down just as quick, sacrilege as it is. "I'm surprised how well you can drink your stuff down." I said, grabbing the whiskey bottle and refilling our shot glasses. Cool whiskey was a hell of a lot better than warm beer.

"Wull my pa said drunking would put hair un muh face." We both laughed at how funny he sounded. Or at least I did, maybe he was just ticklish.

"Well I'm not complaining, I was afraid that this was going to be a bit of a bummer date. But you're pretty fun to talk to when you're drunk. Bit of confidence and you'll be drowning in mares. Or stallions, take your pick. I guess you wouldn't be picking? They're... I'm rambling now." I shut myself up with my drink. Cal's was already gone. When'd he drink his? I was getting to that point where I was too queasy to drink quickly. I turned the bottle around, and my eyes went wide for a second when I read '110 proof'. No wonder it hit me like a fucking brick.

"Actually Ah, jus havfe un eye on one mare. Ah don't really cure much about any ov the others," he said with a blush.

"Really? That's good! You should ask her out! Just, when you do, try and enunciate your words. You sound like you've got a hoof in your mouth." I didn't even realize that I was still rubbing his cheek into his mouth. He bopped my nose lightly. I took my hoof away from his cheek and swatted his hoof away.

"Better?" He asked with a playful smile now that my hoof wasn't pushing in half his face.

"Much better. Now, you need to ask this mare out." I tapped his nose and leaned against the table, and gazed up into his dreamy eyes. Oh no. There's the beer goggles kicking in. I briefly entertained the idea that he might be talking about me, and in my drunken kinda horny state my heart fluttered with excitement at the prospect. Really?

"I did." He answered, pouring us both another shot. My stomach sank.

"And what did she say?"

"Well, she said yes." I sighed. Typical, eh? At least I could drown my unexpected sorrows in unexpectedly strong drink. Why was I lusting after this dork? I mean, I guess there's a touch of the puppydog eyes about him."When's your date?" I asked.

"Today, right now."

"What! You're standing up your marefriend to take shots with me. What the fuck, man, I thought you said this was the mare of your dreams. Get out there and get her!"

"The mare is you, silly." He laughed and booped my nose, slightly off-centre. The alcohol was clearly having an effect on his aim. My face probably went from its usual orange to tomato-red in two seconds flat. He laughed and took his shot. I looked briefly at the bottle, then at him, then at the bottle, then shrugged, grabbed him by the ears and kissed him. He smelled and tasted like alcohol, gun oil, and something else that I couldn't quite place. It was a nice blend. At least, at the time I thought so. I quickly took control, my tongue went straight into his mouth. I wrapped my hooves around his head. It took him several seconds before he got into the kiss. His hooves went up and down my side. When I came up for air, both our faces were a mess. I quickly wiped my mouth. His face was glowing red.

"How's the date going?" I giggled like a drunk at how hard he was blushing.

"Amazing." I couldn't help but giggle.

I smirked and felt my heart twist as I thought of where to take this. "How do you feel about terrible, awful, no-good ideas?" My hoof ran down his chest to his stomach, and didn't stop. Hello, sailor. "Go wash up. You're gonna need it. I'll be in your room," I whispered before giving him a peck on the cheek. He gulped, then grabbed the bottle and chugged what was left of it.

"I sh-share a room with P-Pa... he was always w-worried after Ma vanished."

"Is he in there now?" Cal shook his head. "Then, I'll be there while you freshen up. Or I'll ride this bike somewhere else." He practically jumped out of his chair. I stifled a laugh before stumbling my way to his room. I found a tape deck in the corner. Music does define the man. After sifting through the holotapes, I was sorely disappointed. Country, all of them. Every last fucking one was Country. This had better be Winchester's collection. Shit. I snuck one of my own tapes into the changer and left it on quietly so he wouldn't necessarily notice, then went over and flopped on the bed. It was Cal's pillow – I could tell from the smell. This was oddly nice. It wasn't so late that I was liable to fall asleep on him, and I could indulge in rolling around in boyfriend smell. Oh fuck, was I thinking about him like that? Already? Shit. Shit balls fuck.

Two songs later, he still hadn't emerged, so reluctantly, I got up and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Y'alright in there, mate? You fall in?"

"I'm... I'm okay!"

I pushed the door. It wasn't locked. He squealed and covered himself with his hooves. He was wearing a shower cap and operating some goofy crank-powered shower thing. Bless. I smirked and looked at his attempt to preserve his modesty.

"You do know what I'm about to do to you?" Speechless, he looked down, then blushed. "You've not done this before, have you?" He shook his head. I sighed, and chuckled. "Take that thing off and get over here, will you? Bed's getting cold." He followed me back to his room, and lay down beside me."Finally." I rolled on top of and kissed him this time he didn't waist anytime wrapping his hooves around me. My wings were already stiff and out. His hooves brushed my wings softly. I moaned, and was impressed. The ponies that had the guts to touch my wings were never gentle. And the stallions that I've laid with before that would actually have been gentle had the brains and lacked the guts to touch them. Normally I would have bucked his head off his neck. But right now I was to busy bucking in the other way, and fuck this was still the foreplay.

"Your amazing." He panted after I broke the kiss.

Now, after teasing you with the digression about my teenage sex life earlier, I'd like to think I have a bit more dignity these days, so I'm not going to give you any of the hot and juicy bits. He was shockingly competent, though. I wasn't expecting that kind of endurance from a tech dork who does a lot of sitting, but maybe I was just very tired. Still though it was easily in my top ten. maybe top five.

"There's no way that you're a virgin." I snuggled up to him, for the first time all day feeling completely content.

"What's a virgin?" he asked in a sleepy voice. He pulled me close to him and nuzzled my cheek.

"Holy fuck, you are a virgin." I smiled, before looking over my shoulder and kissing him. "Or at least, you were. Or far too drunk for this." I wiggled up against him and pulled the covers over the two of us. I'd have to ask him when he was sober. He felt so nice. "So that thing that you were talking about back at the bar. What were you talking about?"

"I'm making you a gun." He put his hooves around me and held me close. "It's in the first drawer on the table you put your shades on." He pulled me closer and kissed me one last time before falling asleep. After a performance like that, I really couldn't blame him. I quickly joined him.

"What's going on here?!" Okay, so, falling asleep cuddling Cal is amazing. Waking up to Winchester yelling at the two of us, not so much. Especially since I had a raging hangover, and from the way that Cal was acting, I think he was paying the piper too.

"Relax, I was just deflowering your son, and we've both got splitting headaches, so please try and keep it down, okay Winnie?" I kissed Cal on the forehead, and as an olive branch, offered Winchester a wink and the most winning smile I could muster in my state.

Moments later, me, Cal and Nevada were out in the street on our arses, having my jacket and glasses and his helmet pelted at us. I guess ol' Chester wasn't best pleased. Cal walked next to me as the three of us made our way out of Isotope City. "So, did I accidentally get you kicked out of the house?" I asked as we walked along the road toward the base. I took a pull from my water jug, then gave it to him. He took a few sips.

"N-n-no I-I j-just think he n-n-needs to calm, calm down. A-a-a bit." He gave it back to me.

"Well that's good, because there's not a lot of space on the couch I'm sleeping on right now." He just shyly nodded. "We'd have to cuddle really close to fit." I gave him a playful smirk. He stopped dead in his track his whole face was red. "What's wrong? C'mon." I looked behind me. He looked like the same puppy of a stallion that I met when I first arrived at Isotope City. "Oh, you're getting embarrassed now? After what we just did?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"I-I-I-I'm s-s-sorry?"

"Don't be sorry, just come on." Nevada barked from somewhere up ahead of the two of us. We continued under the stars in the cool desert night.

"A-a-Atom, c-c-may I-I. Uh..."

"Spit it out." He gulped.

"Can I give you a good night kiss?" I burst out laughing, then immediately stopped myself.

"That's it? Doofus. Just do it already."

"A-a-a-are you sure?" He asked fumbling around.

"Come on, man, I'm wait-" His kiss cut me off. I leaned into him. For a few seconds, the world melted away, then came back with perfect clarity.

"I-I-I'll see you l-later." He asked. I'm not what you'd call romantic, but this flustered, sweaty, stammering boy seeing me home in the moonlight has me tempted.

"Yeah." I answered with the stupidest spazziest grin.

***

I sat there on the couch, my hooves resting on the bump that had been growing for the past three months. Cal sat quietly beside me. Rainbow Code, my big goof of a brother, kept trying to say something and failing, like I was a delinquent teenager who'd just come back with a tattoo, and he was trying to be understanding and supportive but still deeply concerned. I mean, I was a delinquent teen back in the day, but cripes, man, I thought we were over this. . Ivy Bells, his wife, was having to work to keep from giggling uncontrollably. And her mum was here too, like, she was just around at the time.

"So you and Caliber...?" Ivy asked, barely able to contain herself.

"Yep." I answered her flatly. I went to explain further, but all I managed was a gesticulation of the hooves that was kind of like an expanded shrug.

"Now that there is a foal in your future, what path shall you take??" Babylon asked.

"W-wh-what? I-I-I don't kn-know. I-I mean I'd like."

"It's fine Cal. I was planning on giving it a trial run. I was a fucked up filly. I want my foals to have it better. That means they're going to have both parents." I grabbed Cal's hoof. He squeaked.

"That's nice, but are you..." Rainbow cringed and huffed. "Are you able to handle this? Is he?" He looked at Cal like he was some injured mouse I'd left on the back door. "Really? Are you sure about this."

"It's not like I wanted this!" Cal's ears flopped back, and he cowered a bit on the couch. I grabbed my pillow on the couch and threw it at Rainbow Code. He flailed. "Look what you fucking made me do. You jerk." I let Cal go and nuzzled him. "I mean, you're a good stallion. A little unpolished but nothing I can't fix with some positive reinforcement. I'm sure that you'd be a great dad, it's just I wasn't really planning on settling down. Y'know?"

"Positive re-re-reinforcement?" He gulped.

"Do you want a kiss?"

"Wh-wh-what?"

"Do you want a kiss, yes or no?"

"Y-y-ye-"

"Yes or no?"

"Yes." I kissed him it was a nice long kiss. I pulled away gently pulling his bottom lip a little.

"See? Positive reinforcement." I smiled at his dazed cute smile. He was like little puppy getting its first treat. Rainbow Code huffed and left the room. Ivy sighed.

"He'll come around. I'm sure he's happy for you. He's just... concerned."

"When is he not?"

She looked over a pair of imaginary glasses at me. "I'm sure you know about the family disease better than I do."

"Disease? I mean, I was nine when they buggered off, so they didn't exactly stop to give me medic history."

"This might take a while." Ivy said with a sigh.

Comments

[master_derek118]

Okay this is rather cute. Fuck me this story is really good at emulating Hoers's style of writing. That and these dorks are being cute. Good stuff.

[Comrade Bagel Muffin]

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Merci beaucoup